by Scott Blum
It was me.
CHAPTER NINE
I didn’t remember driving back to Ashland, but I must have, because the next thing I recalled was waking up on the floor of my apartment. I was still fully clothed with my shoes on, and evidently I’d tried to make a bed on the living-room floor out of sofa cushions and blankets. I had no idea why I hadn’t made it to the bedroom, but I was probably in quite a state, since two of the lamps were knocked over and the coffee table was propped up against the wall on its side.
My abdomen was still in severe pain, and I felt completely drained and had a throbbing headache. I slowly began to remember what happened in Yreka, and when the terrifying memories returned, I knew that I needed some serious help. I considered going to the hospital, but I wasn’t sure how to explain to the doctors what had happened. In fact, I wasn’t sure how to explain to myself what had happened. I finally decided that Robert was my best bet, and I hoped I could find him at the Co-op, because I knew I didn’t have the energy to make it to his tipi.
As I staggered outside, I noticed Martika’s car parked at an angle on the sidewalk, with the backside jutting into the street. Underneath the bumper were two trash cans that had emptied their contents all over the sidewalk. I knew the car should be moved and the garbage picked up, but I barely had enough energy to walk. And with my head swimming like it was, I knew I wasn’t in any state to drive. So I stumbled down the hill to the Co-op, and as soon as I approached, Robert ran up to me.
“What happened to you?” he asked with genuine concern that I’d never heard from him before.
“The swing set . . .” I said in a shaky voice. “My stomach hurts.”
“I bet it hurts—you have a huge black cloud around your torso. We should go to your apartment now; you’re in need of some serious healing.”
He slung Puppy Don over his shoulder like a bag of rice and with his hand on the small of my back, guided me up the hill. As we neared my apartment, he saw Martika’s car parked on the sidewalk and shook his head compassionately.
“I should have given you some protection,” he said as I unlocked my door. “I didn’t think they would be after you so quickly.”
“Who is after me?”
“We’ll talk about that later. Why don’t you grab a pillow and some blankets and join me in the backyard. This will be much easier in nature.”
I found some extra bedding and met Robert outside. He had just finished moving the cedar picnic table under the large madrone tree.
“Lie down on the table, faceup, and close your eyes,” he said as he took the bedding and folded it to create a makeshift bed on top of the picnic table. “We need to get to work.”
Robert put one hand on my abdomen and the other on my forehead and began to breathe deeply. He moved his hands to different parts of my body and inhaled through his nose and exhaled loudly out of his mouth. Then he began mumbling in a barely discernible voice.
“Uh-huh. Yes, I know. Yes. Oh, I see. You’ll be okay. You can be open without being vulnerable. Uh-huh. Okay. There. I understand.”
He then put his thumb and forefinger on either side of my arm and firmly squeezed toward my hand while abruptly pulling on my fingers as if he was extracting tar out of each one.
I opened my eyes and saw seven dragonflies flying in triangles over my head. I could almost touch them with my nose as they appeared to canvass the space immediately above me. There was also a single bright blue dragonfly that was hovering about a foot above the triangle, apparently supervising the procession.
“Fairy spirits,” I said feebly.
“Yes, you’re lucky. They’re helping a lot today.”
As soon as Robert had finished with all ten fingers, he moved to my legs and did the same with my toes. As he did so, a warm sensation flowed through my limbs, and I could feel the color return to my face. Once he finished, the pain in my stomach began to throb with even more intensity.
“My stomach,” I said.
“Shhh . . . I know . . . I’m going to work on your stomach next.”
He slowly moved his hands up the sides of my torso and rested both of them on my lower abdomen. He started to breathe even more deeply than before. As he exhaled, he started coughing uncontrollably but kept his hands on me. After his third breathing and coughing fit, there was a huge rush of energy that filled my entire torso, starting with my abdomen and flooding into my heart and up my spine. I felt whole again, as if I’d just woken from the dead. I opened my eyes and could see Robert bent over with tears streaming down his face.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, making no effort to hide his tears.
“What happened?”
“You were bitten.”
“Bitten?” I was confused. “By what?”
He continued as if he hadn’t heard the question: “. . . and after you were bitten, they attached an energy cord to your abdomen. That’s why you were drained. They were literally sucking the energy right out of you.”
“Who did this to me?” I was starting to get angry. “And why would they do that?”
“Because you are getting too powerful.”
“Who did this to me?” I was getting very annoyed that he wouldn’t answer me. “Robert, tell me who did this to me!”
“There are two modes of thought about this type of thing. The most popular view is that it is never acknowledged under any circumstances, and most spiritual people will even go as far as denying it exists.”
“What exists? Robert, stop talking in circles and tell me what happened to me!”
“Evil,” he said as he looked to the ground. “Evil,” he repeated after a long pause. “Many healers believe that if you acknowledge evil, then you give it more power. But sometimes, not knowing it exists is more dangerous than ignoring it. It’s a dilemma I’ve faced for many years, and although many elders say to avoid giving it any power at all costs, in your case you need to know so you can protect yourself.”
My head was spinning, “What does evil have to do with me?”
“It wants to stop you, and unfortunately, I don’t think this will be the last time it will try.”
“Stop me from what?”
“From bringing more light into the world. You are destined to be a great healer, and you’ve attracted the attention of evil. Right now you don’t have all of your tools, so at this point in time you’re the most vulnerable. If it can stop you now, then you will never be a threat.”
“But why did it happen in Yreka? In the park?”
“Actually, Yreka contains many negative energy portals. It’s between Mount Ashland and Mount Shasta, which are two powerful positive energy vortexes. In fact, Shasta is one of the most powerful vortexes in all of North America.”
“But why would there be so much negative energy in between two positive places?”
“Because the dark follows the light. It’s like a moth to a flame: it can’t get too close or it will disappear, but it can’t keep itself from being attracted. All spiritual leaders have a constant struggle with negative forces, and when someone is transitioning to an enlightened soul, that’s when they are most vulnerable.”
“Why didn’t you warn me?”
“I didn’t think . . .” His words trailed off. “. . . Yes, I should have warned you, and I’m sorry.”
“But why did it happen? Why was it so important for me to go to Yreka?”
“You were drawn there because your soul is starting to communicate on multiple levels, and you are quickly opening up to other dimensions.”
“What does that mean?” I was more confused than ever.
“It means you are now opening up to the spirit world; and you can see, hear, and—in this case—feel energy on a soul level, in addition to your physical reality. Most people’s senses have been trained to focus on only what’s happening in the physical world, but you’re quickly overcoming those arbitrary limitations.”
“So does that mean I went to Yreka because I was finally able to hear the spirit world calli
ng?”
“Yes, that’s part of it. But now you need to learn to protect yourself until you can discern light from dark energy.”
“And how do I do that?”
“You’ll need to find a teacher who can train you about these things, but in the meantime you should be careful, and be wary of being called to the spirit world while you’re still vulnerable.”
“Can’t you teach me?”
“No,” he chuckled. “I’m in the physical world for the time being. You need to find a teacher you can trust who’s already in the spirit world.”
“And how will I know who I can trust?”
“Listen to your heart—you will know. And if you’re not sure, then the answer is probably no. We can talk about this more later, but I’m going to the store to get some supplies to finish today’s healing—I’ll be right back.”
After he left, I went inside my apartment. I opened the refrigerator to pour myself a glass of water and found the car keys sitting inside on the butter tray. Shaking my head and letting out a long sigh, I decided to move the car to a more respectable parking place and return the garbage to the crushed bins.
While I was picking up the trash, I reflected on what Robert had said. I didn’t want to go back to Yreka, that was for sure. And I definitely didn’t want to risk finding myself in such a terrifying situation again. But on some level I felt that there was something in the spirit world that was part of my destiny. Although I knew I needed to recover from what had happened in Yreka, I felt that whatever it was had permanently changed me and there was no going back.
About twenty minutes later, Robert let himself inside my apartment carrying a small paper bag. “I’m going to make you a healing bath,” he said. I followed him as he went into my bathroom and turned on the tap. “I cut a rather large energy cord that was attached to you, and you now have a big hole in your abdomen where it was. This bath of sea salt and cider vinegar will help you heal.”
The entire apartment filled with the pungent smell of vinegar, and after a few minutes, he turned off the tap and gestured for me to get in the tub.
“I want you to soak for twenty minutes and then crawl in your bed and rest for the remainder of the day. I’ll stop by and check on you tomorrow, but I think you’re going to be okay.”
He let himself out of my apartment, and I submerged myself in the pungent bath. I soaked for his prescribed twenty minutes and began to feel much better. Worn-out but better. I was definitely upset with Robert for not warning me about what might be after me, but I also felt blessed that I had someone guiding me through these experiences.
I wasn’t sure what was in store for me, but I felt that I was on the edge of something very significant. It was as if my life was becoming bigger than myself, and I was about to bear responsibilities that were of great consequence. However, I was worried: if a simple swing set could do what it did to me, how would I have the strength to be of service to anyone else? I tried to garner the trust that the universe wasn’t going to give me anything I couldn’t handle, and resolved to stay as grounded as possible during what was turning out to be an unforgettable journey.
CHAPTER TEN
The next morning the telephone woke me up and Martika was on the other end.
“Hi, Scott. How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you. Did Robert tell you what happened in Yreka?”
“Yes, he did. I’m sorry you had to go through that. But it’s sort of a rite of passage, as they say.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“It just means you’re on the right path.”
“That’s what Robert says.”
“He’s a great teacher. I’ve known him for many lifetimes.”
“Do you believe in evil?” I was still coming to terms with what had happened in Yreka.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I know Robert has very strong opinions about such things, but my experience has shown me that negative energy can usually be reversed with healing.”
“So being mean is just a sickness?”
“I guess you could say that,” she laughed. “I’m not saying there isn’t dark energy, but I’ve seen some pretty horrific souls heal and become harmless once their core issues have been dealt with.”
I hadn’t told Robert about the face I’d seen on the drunk driver, but I felt I really needed to share what had happened. I told Martika all I could remember and asked her what she thought.
“When you saw your face on the drunk driver, what did you feel?” she asked after a long silence.
“I don’t know—I passed out.”
“What do you feel about it now?”
“Anger. I don’t know. Guilt?”
“Guilt is a step in the right direction. That means you’re starting to be able to identify with him on some level. Many people try to come to terms with their own shadow, but the ultimate goal is to come to terms with humanity’s shadow. That’s where the big healing is done.”
“What do you mean by ‘shadow’?” I felt like I should probably already know what Martika was talking about, but she made me feel comfortable about asking questions that Robert would find annoying.
“Within everyone is both our dark side and our light side. We can’t be fully integrated and balanced without accepting that both are important aspects of being human. People who ignore or try to hide their dark side from themselves or others become quite depressed, or in some cases, much worse. When their darkness finally bubbles up to the surface after it can no longer be contained, some very extreme things can happen.”
“Like when people yell at you for no reason?”
“Yes, that—and unfortunately, much, much worse.”
I let my mind reflect on the nightly news, and I wondered how many tragedies could be averted if people weren’t trying to subvert their shadows.
“And the gift you’ve been given,” Martika continued, “is to realize that humanity has a collective light side and a collective shadow side that we are all a part of. We are all connected, and you were shown a literal example of this. Yes, your love of Cheryl is a given. But you are also the drunk driver who killed her. And so am I. We are all love, and we are all hate. We are one, with all of our colors.”
“That’s a bit hard to take.” I was attempting to be as diplomatic as possible while trying to distinguish between my feelings of anger and confusion. There was no way I could imagine taking responsibility for being the drunk driver that took Cheryl away from me.
“Yes, it is hard to take, Scott. I’m sorry you had to learn this with such a painful lesson. Truly, my heart goes out to you.”
“So you’re saying that everyone is inherently good?” I asked with a sense of indignation that was difficult to hide. “That seems at odds with Robert’s view.”
“That’s true,” she laughed, “we don’t agree on everything. And Robert does have more experience than I do with these types of things, so do follow his advice and be wary. But also remember to look for the good in everyone, no matter how hard it is to find. Because when you can help someone heal, you are helping everyone heal.”
“We are all connected.”
“Yes, we are.” She paused. “I’m sorry to change the subject, but a friend of mine needs to use the car tomorrow . . .”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll bring it right over.”
“I don’t need it until tonight. And if you’re up for it, I’m having a small gathering—you could bring the car over tonight and meet some new people.”
“That sounds fantastic . . . I’ll be there.”
Martika gave me the details, and I began to get ready to reenter the world for the first time since my Yrekan vision quest.
I arrived ten minutes early to Martika’s stately country house after putting some gas into her car, and was surprised to find that her party was already in full swing. She answered the door wearing a hand-painted blue and white silk dress and a large white flower in her hair.
“You look good,” Mart
ika said as she gave me a big hug. “Are you fully recovered?”
“I think so—thanks for asking.” Martika always seemed to have the right thing to say.
The inside of the house was decorated with an unusual blend of contemporary and countryfarmhouse sensibilities. The floors looked like the original hardwood planks that had the charm and history of many years of living. And the original wood finishings were accented with dramatic contemporary and Asian-inspired artwork that filled the walls. In the entryway, an imposing creamcolored Buddha greeted the guests. There was something mysterious about the large collage, and as I neared it to get a better look, I was shocked by what I saw.
“Is this made of cigarettes?”
“Yes,” Martika said. “A local artist unrolls used cigarettes he gathers from bars around town and collages them to make the most amazing pieces.”
“Do you smoke?” I was finding it difficult to resolve the disparity between Martika’s image and a wall full of used cigarettes. As I looked closer, I recoiled in disgust when I realized that Buddha’s crimson mouth was composed of lipstick-stained papers.
“Oh, heavens no. But this piece repulses me so much that I just had to have it. And I promised myself I would hang it in a prominent place until I am able to accept it completely and fully. I guess I’m sort of addicted to healing. I’m immediately drawn to anything that makes me uncomfortable because I know there’s something underneath that I need to work on.”