Serena's brows drew together, a small frown beginning to form. “Plotting what?”
Will couldn’t help laughing. “Thank God you don’t have any illusions about your devious sister. I was afraid I was going to have a hard time convincing you.”
“No, I’m well aware of McKinley’s innate talent for stirring up trouble. So what is it you think she’s up to?”
“I’m not sure, but she wants me out of here bad enough to stage that little performance in the living room for your benefit.”
“My benefit?”
“Apparently, Rose told McKinley how well you and I were getting along and that she thought my being here was good for you. McKinley disagrees. She thinks it will stir up bad memories and for some reason she doesn’t want you to remember anything about that night. That’s why she made sure you were close enough to hear her coming on to me while she dredged up the story about the one and only time she kissed me.”
“But I’ve never talked to her about you, Will. How could she possibly know how upset I would be?”
“So you were upset,” he called her out.
“Well, I…I was just…that’s not the point. What reason would McKinley have for doing that?”
Will chose his words carefully, determined to get her to admit she felt something for him. “She wants me out of here. The easiest way to accomplish that is to destroy our relationship by making you believe you can’t trust me.”
Serena was silent for a moment and though her face remained expressionless, it was obvious to Will she was struggling to keep it that way. She’d been through an emotional wringer tonight and he probably shouldn’t be pushing her like this, but not knowing how soon or how hard McKinley would hit next made him anxious to get things out in the open.
“So you set McKinley straight…about us, I mean,” Serena said, with just the slightest tell-tale quiver to her voice.
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Not yet, but just so we’re both on the same page…exactly what should I tell her?”
Color flamed in her cheeks. “The truth, of course. We’re just good friends and there is no…romantic interest in each other.”
“There’s just one problem with that, Serena. It wouldn’t exactly be the truth, would it?”
***
Serena just sat there while the blush in her cheeks grew decidedly warmer. She was mortified Will had figured out how she felt about him and would have loved nothing more at that moment than to have the earth open up and swallow her whole. Painfully aware that he was waiting for her to say something, she scoured her mind for a reply that wouldn’t embarrass them both. In desperation, she latched onto a small version of the truth and prayed he would believe her.
“Okay, I admit I have a little bit of hero worship left over from high school, but even if I had told McKinley that, which I didn’t, she still wouldn’t believe you and I were more than friends so you don’t have to worry about that. No, if she’s trying to cause a rift between you and me it’s because she hopes you’ll be so desperate for a place to live you will move in with her.”
Will shuddered at the idea of shacking up with that barracuda. “I can think of a million other places I would stay rather than with McKinley, including one of the benches in the city park. And just for the record, I’m not buying into that hero worship crap.” He leaned towards her, his voice softening. “Serena, it wouldn’t take her two seconds to figure out your feelings run deeper than just friendship once she saw the two of us together.”
Oh God, was she really that transparent? She didn’t know what to say. Obviously there was no use in denying it, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit it either. The silence seemed to stretch on forever until Will reached out and gently pried her fingers from the blanket she’d been clutching and brought her hand to his lips. Warmth seeped into her heart and spread like wildfire when he feathered light kisses across her knuckles then turned her hand over and pressed his lips into her palm.
“Will…”
“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered.
“I’m…not. Will, I…I don’t understand. I thought you and McKinley…”
“There is nothing between McKinley and me and there never will be. You still don’t get it, do you?” He took her hand and brought it to his chest. “What do you feel, Serena?”
“Your heart,” she squeezed out, “it…it’s racing.”
“Because of you. It happens every time I’m around you, every time I hear you laugh or see you smile or when you let me hold your hand when we go for walks.”
She wanted to believe him, and for a few fleeting moments she allowed herself to bask in the warm, tingling sensation that coursed through her veins before reality reared its ugly head. Even if he was sincere about how he felt, it couldn’t last. He was a good man, and Serena felt confident her blindness would never be viewed as a burden. It wasn’t her physical imperfections that would eventually destroy any romantic relationship that developed, but the mental ones.
Yes, she had fantasized about kissing Will, but never anything more intimate than that. And if she couldn’t even bring herself to imagine making love to him, how could she keep from falling to pieces if she actually did it? Already her insides were quivering, and though it wasn’t exactly fear that was twisting her stomach into knots, it was close enough to make her draw her hand away from him.
“I’m sorry, Will. I don’t think I can do this.”
“Do what, Serena, have feelings for me? It’s too late for that and we both know it.”
“No, I…I didn’t mean that…”
“Then you admit there’s something more than friendship between us?”
“Yes, but…”
“You’re afraid, I understand that, but it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Falling in love can be a pretty scary thing, but if you let fear hold you back, you will never know the joy of sharing your life with someone who cares about you…someone like me.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is, or at least it could be if you would only stop fighting your own feelings.”
“How can I do that, Will? You’re asking me to jump into the deep end knowing I can’t swim.”
“There’s risk involved in everything we do but it doesn’t keep us from grabbing at every chance for happiness we can. And I’m not asking you to jump into the deep end, Serena; I’m asking you to take my hand and wade into the water with me. I’m asking you to trust me.”
Serena’s chest tightened. She had trusted him until she overheard McKinley talking about how good they were together, and even though she agreed with Will that her sister was up to something, it didn’t explain why he’d spent the entire evening with McKinley. The thought of them together…no, she wouldn’t allow herself to go there. It was too painful, and with everything else that had happened tonight, Serena didn’t think she was emotionally equipped to handle it. But she couldn’t let it go either. Because she wanted to trust him, wanted to believe that he had chosen to be with her even after McKinley made it clear she was his for the taking.
“I don’t know what to say, Will. If you really do have feelings for me, why didn’t you tell McKinley? Why go out with her tonight and make a date for Saturday if you aren’t interested in her?” Serena heard him sigh and tried to brace herself, certain she wasn’t going to like what he told her.
“I didn’t tell her when she was here because I didn’t want to give her ammunition. And I didn’t go out with her tonight. I said some things to McKinley that she didn’t like and she stomped out of here. I didn’t leave until after I was sure she was gone. I’m sorry, Serena. It never even occurred to me that with both of us gone you would naturally assume we left together.”
Suspicion began to nibble at the edges of nerves that were already frayed. “How could you have planned a date for Saturday if you weren’t with her tonight?”
“She called me on my cell, and the only reason I agreed to go out with her was to buy som
e time so I could figure out her game plan.”
“You gave her your number,” Serena said dully. That didn’t sound like the actions of a man who wanted to avoid having anything to do with McKinley.
“I did not give her my number,” Will denied with vehemence. “She got it when she was storing her number into my phone."
"You...you asked for her number?" A violent tremor surged through her when she realized how stupid she’d been to fall for his lies. “You’re just like all the other men McKinley has wrapped around her finger,” she accused.
“It’s not like that,” Will snapped, then immediately softened his tone. “Please…just let me explain how it happened.”
Serena shook her head. She’d heard enough. “Go away, Will. I’m tired and want to go to sleep now.”
“I know what you’re doing, Serena, but it’s not going to work. You’re deliberately jumping to the wrong conclusions and refusing to hear me out because you’re afraid to believe it’s you I want to be with and not McKinley. Well, I’m not going to let you push me away, and I’m not going to leave this room until you listen to what I have to say.”
Serena didn’t know what shocked her more; that he’d been so disturbingly accurate in what he said about her behavior, or that he refused to leave her room. She considered ordering him out but didn’t have the heart to hurt him that way, which only proved she didn’t believe the things she’d accused him of any more than he did. Serena realized something else too; getting into a relationship with Will scared her, but she was even more afraid of losing him.
“All right, I’ll listen,” she relented, “but only because you won’t go away until I do.”
***
The knots in his stomach began to unravel the moment Serena agreed to listen to him. Not that he’d given her much of a choice, but he didn’t dare leave her with so many unanswered questions for fear she would draw her own conclusions and shut him out completely. He didn’t hesitate to launch into an explanation of how he’d run into McKinley at Rose’s house and how she managed to get his phone number and rope him into a date. Serena listened intently, and though she was obviously puzzled by some of the things he told her, she remained silent until he was done.
Serena was thoughtful for a moment. “I guess I can understand your reasons for not wanting to rile McKinley until you know what little scheme she’s cooking up, but I’m still confused about a couple of other things. Like…why you went to Rose’s house in the first place, and if McKinley had just finished telling her the two of you were…an item, what made Rose think she needed to lie for you? And in case you didn’t notice, Rose is a horrible liar so I would be surprised if McKinley was fooled.”
Will grimaced. “I don’t think I was very convincing either, but McKinley was so preoccupied with mauling me at the time, I don’t think she noticed. Rose knew McKinley lied about me, and when it became obvious I needed rescuing, she made up that story about the roof needing repairs.”
A smile played on Serena’s lips. “Rose always did see right through McKinley, and nothing tickles her more than letting McKinley know she isn’t as clever as she thinks she is.”
“Then I guess I’m lucky to have Rose’s help.”
“Is that why you went there, to ask for her advice about McKinley?”
This was it, the moment Will had both anticipated and dreaded since he’d first approached Rose and told her how he felt about Serena. He’d played this out in his mind a million times, knew every word he was going to say, had considered every possible response and how he would parry it. Now, looking at Serena and knowing what he was about to say could destroy her trust forever, the speech he’d so carefully planned seemed too contrived, too emotionless, when nothing could be farther from the truth. His emotions where running so high right now he was surprised Serena couldn’t hear the whir as they charged up and threatened to overload.
“No, that’s not why I went to see Rose,” his voice was thick, uneven, and Serena picked up on it immediately.
“What is it, Will?” Her hand inched across the bed and found his. “Tell me…please.”
“I…have a confession to make. A few of them, actually.” His throat constricted but the warmth of her slender hand in his gave him the courage to go on. “It wasn’t a coincidence, this house becoming available at the same time you made the decision to try living on your own. And Rose convincing you it was a good idea to take in a housemate just as I was looking for a place to live was no coincidence either.”
Serena was visibly shaken but she didn’t try to pull her hand away from his. Will watched her closely as she absorbed what he’d said, the lines on her forehead gradually smoothing out as comprehension set in. She didn’t respond right away, and there wasn’t anything about her outward appearance to indicate what she was feeling, but when Rufus got up and flopped his head over the side of the mattress, Will knew Serena’s emotions were just as turbulent as his were.
“I didn’t lie,” he said softly. “I had planned on moving out of the place I was in for months but hadn’t been able to find the time to look around. Rose knew I wasn’t happy about where I was living but none of her rentals were available at the time. Then about a year ago, she asked me to stop by and told me about this house and how she was having it remodeled to accommodate your needs.”
Serena’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you telling me Rose started remodeling this place five months before she and I even discussed my moving in here?”
“She was concerned your family had become so overprotective you would never be able to function on your own if she didn’t get you out of there. Rose was sure you would take her up on her offer and promised to present the idea of having me as a housemate after you had time to adjust to living on your own.”
“I don’t think I’m getting the big picture,” Serena said. “I understand why Rose wanted me to move here, but why hide the fact she’d already had it remodeled? Why did she offer to rent the upper half to you before she knew I would agree to move in, and why were you willing to wait indefinitely if you were so anxious to get out of the situation you were in?”
“She was afraid you would balk at moving in if you didn’t think it was your own idea. And she came to me because…” Will stopped abruptly. He had to get this right, and blurting it out wasn’t the way to go. “Serena, the truth is, I have been in regular contact with Rose since graduating from high school. You see, once Anthony and Sawyer went off to college, there weren’t very many opportunities to get together, which meant I didn’t have anyone who could tell me how you were doing.”
Serena’s voice was incredulous. “You kept in touch with Rose because of me?”
“I had to know that you were okay. And once I explained to Rose how I felt about you, she was happy to do it.”
“Will…what are saying?”
“I’m saying the feelings I have for you didn’t develop over the past six weeks since I moved in. They started a long time ago. I didn’t realize it until that night in the cave when I picked you up and held you. Seeing you like that, seeing how they’d hurt you…it damn near killed me, Serena.”
“But you never came to see me,” she said in a tremulous voice. “You just…disappeared from my life.”
“I didn’t want to, Serena, you have to believe that. You needed time to heal, time to grow up and conquer some of the fears that kept you from leaving the security of your parent’s house. So I waited.”
“For seven years? Why? Why would you do that when you had no idea if I would ever feel the same way for you?”
“I’m not sure I can explain it. Logically, I knew it was a huge gamble. I told myself it was insane to hang onto a dream for so long when there was every possibility you would never see me as anything but a friend. Then I’d remember the way you used to look at me and how it made me feel when I was able to coax a smile out of you, and any doubts I had would disappear.”
Will was fully aware he was rambling but couldn’t seem to stop himself. As long
as he kept talking, he could control the gnawing fear that Serena would order him out of her room, or worse, out of her life. He knew he wouldn’t remember half of what he was saying, but every word came straight from his heart. It wasn’t until he noticed the shimmer of tears in Serena’s eyes that he realized he’d thrown too much at her at one time.
“Serena, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”
“No, don’t apologize. I’m glad you told me, but I…I don’t want to talk anymore.”
Will’s heart plummeted. “You’re right. It’s late and I’ve given you a lot think about. I didn’t mean to unload everything all at once. It’s just that I’ve held it in for so long and…well, I didn't want to let another day go by without telling you.”
"I've got to be honest with you, Will, I'm scared. I'm trying not to be but I can't help it."
Blind Faith Page 9