Serena nodded, silently praying she wasn’t handing Will an excuse to give up on her, on them. “I think it’s a combination of the physical aspect and the strong emotions that are elicited because of it. When you kiss me, I can’t seem to rein in my thoughts or emotions, and I think it’s that…loss of control that allows the voices back in.”
Will was silent for a moment. “I know how I would solve the problem, but it would be very time consuming and require complete dedication from both us.”
Serena’s lip twitched. She had a pretty good idea what his solution entailed. Even so, she couldn’t keep herself from asking. “What did you have in mind?”
“It’s simple really. If the voices only come after I kiss you, then the only logical solution is to never stop.”
***
As solutions went, Will thought it was quite ingenious. He’d kissed her then, and she responded in that same sweet inexperienced way she had the night before. Unfortunately, his experiment went awry only a few minutes later when Rufus let out a few short woofs to remind them he was outside and waiting to be fed breakfast. Blushing, Serena made her way to the door to let him in. Will would have loved to draw her back in his arms and continue where they’d left off, but their conversation had left little enough time for breakfast as it was.
Serena was an amazing woman; a fact that was driven home every time he watched her move as effortlessly around the house as a sighted person would. He liked to watch her graceful movements, and especially enjoyed the way her hands followed the lines of whatever object she was holding, memorizing its shape and texture. And he liked the game they sometimes played at mealtimes when Serena tried to guess the ingredients of a dish he’d made, based solely on smell and taste. Of course, she had turned it around on him a few times and made him give it a try but he’d failed miserably.
Will liked the life they were slowly carving out together, but he also worried it would all come tumbling down if he pushed her too hard or too fast. It was a good sign that she trusted him enough to tell him about the voices, and that he’d been able to pull Serena out of her somber mood. But there was only so much he could do to help her mend the emotional scars and he wasn’t altogether confident he had the ammunition to do it with. What if he did more harm than good? What if bringing those memories to the surface only made her retreat back into herself? Should he risk it? Did he even have the right to?
Will closed the book he’d been studying from and stacked it on top of the others. The medical library had been mercifully devoid of chattering first year students who hadn’t yet realized it wasn’t junior college. He’d gotten a lot of studying done and with the weekend ahead of him, he was confident he would be ready for the exams on Monday. And since Serena wouldn’t be home for another hour, Will had time to pay Rose a visit. If anyone had some insight as to how he could help Serena, it would be Rose.
***
“It’s about time you showed your handsome face,” Rose lightly chastised as Will followed her into the kitchen and plopped down at the table.
He took the cup of coffee she offered him with a smile. Rose always had a pot of coffee brewing no matter what time of day or night he stopped by. She probably went through ten coffee makers a year and supported a good portion of the jobs in the cocoa bean industry. It was a wonder she got any sleep at all. Judging by the dark circles under her eyes, she’d had at least a couple of rough nights.
“You look like hell,” Will told her.
Rose sat down on the opposite side of the table, shooting a few eye daggers at him over the rim of her cup before taking a sip. “I got a call from Leslie yesterday.”
Will knew Rose and Serena’s mother didn’t always get along, especially where Serena was concerned. Leslie Cross had been less than thrilled to learn he was moving in with her daughter but he thought she’d finally accepted it. Rose’s worried frown told him otherwise.
“You’re losing sleep for no reason,” Will assured her. “Serena has a mind of her own, whether Mrs. Cross believes it or not, and she’s not going to be persuaded to make me move out.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that. McKinley has been talking to her. She’s gotten Leslie so worked up, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a moving van waiting outside the house when you got home.”
Will tried to shrug it off. “What could McKinley possibly have told her to warrant that kind of reaction?”
“McKinley has her convinced that Serena will go off the deep end if she remembers everything that happened that night. And now Leslie is threatening to tell Serena’s dad about it unless I evict you.”
“I haven’t seen Mr. Cross in years, but as I recall, he was always a lot more level headed and reasonable than Serena’s mother.”
“True,” Rose nodded thoughtfully, “but Tony took the attack on Serena pretty hard. He blames himself for overruling Leslie’s objections when Serena begged them to let her go to the party that night. Trust me, Tony isn’t reasonable where Serena’s welfare is concerned, not anymore.”
Tony Cross was built like a linebacker, and though Will highly doubted the man would try to use physical force to remove him from the house, he didn’t relish putting it to the test. He wasn’t afraid of Serena’s father but he did respect him, and even if he didn’t, Will wouldn’t put Serena in the position of having to choose between him and her family. He didn’t want to leave, but what choice did he have?
“So I’m being evicted, is that what you’re saying?”
“Yep. And I’ll expect you to be out as soon as your lease is up.”
“I see.” Will grinned at the woman sitting across from him. “How much time did you buy me with this fictitious lease?”
“I tried for four months but Leslie went ballistic so I promised I would speak to you and see if I could get to agree to move out by the end of the month.”
“That only gives me two weeks. It’s not enough, Rose. She’s just starting to open up to me…”
Rose held up her hand. “I said I would try to get you to agree. I also told her that if you didn’t have any place to go, the move would have to wait until I had an opening in another rental.”
“She was okay with that?”
“Not really, but I didn’t give her any other options. I’ll stretch it out as long as I can, but if you can’t prove your being there is helping Serena, Leslie is going get Tony involved and then you will have to leave. I know this may be a little hard to believe right now, but she is grateful for what you did for Serena that night. She just doesn’t want to see Serena get hurt.”
“Do you think it would make a difference if I told them how I felt about Serena?”
Rose was shaking her head before he even finished his sentence. “Not a good idea, Will. How do you think McKinley would react to that? No, I think it’s best we keep that a secret for now.”
“You’re probably right,” he agreed, albeit reluctantly. “After this weekend, it might not matter if McKinley knows anyway. I’m going to tell Serena everything tonight, so she may just order me out of the house herself.”
“There’s no need to rush into anything, Will. I’m sure I can hold Leslie off for at least a few weeks.”
“My decision to tell Serena doesn’t have anything to do with her parents. We talked for awhile last night and I think it’s important that she hear it from me before she gets the convoluted version from McKinley. If it goes the way I hope it will, Serena will see that I’m coming clean because I want her to know she can trust me.”
Rose stared into her coffee cup, looking as drained as he felt. “Are you worried she’ll be upset when she finds out you went after the boys who attacked her?”
“How would you take it, Rose?” Will absently rubbed at his chest, only vaguely aware of the dull ache that was slowly spider webbing its way through his heart. “If I hadn’t taken things into my own hands and let the police handle it, or at least waited until I had a chance to calm down…”
“Would you have calmed down?
I was at the hospital, Will, remember? I saw the look in your eyes when the doctor confirmed Serena had been sexually assaulted, and I knew…” she stopped and swallowed down the last of her coffee before lifting her eyes to his. “I knew you were going after them, and I knew I should have stopped you and made you tell the police who they were, but I didn’t. Those boys wouldn’t have spent more than one night in jail before their parents bailed them out,” she said with a snort of disgust. “The only punishment they were ever going to get was from you.”
“You don’t know that,” Will shook his head ruefully. “It’s my fault they got off scot free. Do you honestly think Serena will forgive me for ruining any chance the Prosecutor had of taking the case to trial?”
“Yes, I do. But only if you tell her the whole truth.”
“That’s what I planned on doing,” he said stiffly, both hurt and offended by what she was inferring.
The worry lines on Rose’s face deepened as she fiddled with the empty coffee cup, and when she finally spoke, there was a sadness in her voice that made his own throat constrict.
“Unfortunately, you can’t tell Serena the whole truth because you don’t know it.”
Will’s brows drew together. “What do you mean I don’t know it?”
“Let me get us both a fresh cup of coffee and I’ll tell you.” She took both cups and refilled them, then took her place opposite him once more. “I always had high hopes you would wait for Serena to grow up and that you would both fall madly in love with each other. I saw the way she blossomed whenever you were around, and I knew you would be good for her. I’m very fond of you, Will, and if there was any way around it, I would let you live in blissful ignorance for the rest of your life. But I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you or Serena. I don’t know; maybe I should have told you before now, or maybe I should just keep quiet about it and…”
“Out with it, Rose,” he growled. The gnawing certainty that he wasn’t going to like what she had to say made him edgy, but he didn’t apologize for his harsh tone, and Rose seemed to understand.
“All right, but you have to promise to hear me out before you say anything. Then you can decide if you want to tell Serena or if you would rather have me do it.”
Will wasn’t sure he wanted to hear any of it, not when she was making it sound so ominous, but what choice did he have? Rose was right. If he was going to help Serena exorcize her demons, he had to know what he was up against.
***
Serena put the last of the papers she needed to grade over the weekend into her briefcase and snapped it shut. The day had been painfully long, just as she’d suspected it would be, but now that it was time to go home she was starting to feel a little apprehensive. Oh, she knew Will wouldn’t deliberately do anything to hurt her, but opening old wounds was going to be painful no matter how gentle he was about it.
She’d thought about it a lot last night; about how much easier it would be if she left the memories buried in her mind where they couldn’t hurt her. But somewhere between Will’s good-night kiss and the time she fell asleep, Serena realized the fear of those memories resurfacing was doing just as much damage as the memories themselves.
Granted, she didn’t recall much about that night but that was because she’d been running scared ever since and it just hadn’t caught up with her yet. But it would, and the consequences could be devastating unless she stopped running right now and faced them down. Maybe all she’d needed was someone who believed she could do it, someone she could trust to be there for her if she stopped believing in herself. A soft smile curved her lips. Will.
“Looks like someone had a good day,” a familiar voice sounded from the classroom doorway. “Or is there some other reason for that secretive smile you’re wearing?”
Heat crept up Serena’s neck. She wasn’t about to admit who was responsible for making her smile, or just how flustered she was by the question. She opened the side drawer of her desk and pretended to search for something, keeping her head turned away from the doorway in an attempt to hide the furious blush that was scalding her cheeks. Pulling out a file of papers she’d graded the week before, Serena opened her briefcase and stuffed them inside before replying in what she hoped was a convincingly irritable voice.
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s not nice to sneak up on a blind person? You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you,” McKinley said with an exasperated sigh. “Besides, isn’t super dog supposed to warn you when someone is approaching?”
“He’s not here. I loaned Rufus out last hour for a special course the school is offering to the parents this quarter. Someone should be bringing him back shortly. So what brings you here?”
“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you so I thought I would drop by and take you to dinner.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, but I already have plans for tonight. Maybe we could get together one night next week?”
“Can’t you cancel your plans? I have something important to talk to you about and I really don’t think…”
“Sorry for the interruption, Miss Cross,” one of Serena’s students apologized. “Mr. Thompson asked me to bring Rufus back to you.”
Serena thanked the girl, taking advantage of the opportunity to grab her briefcase and head for the door. She hoped McKinley would take the hint and agree to meet next week, but she should have known her sister wouldn’t give up that easily.
“It can’t wait,” McKinley persisted as soon as they were alone again. “If you won’t have dinner with me then at least let me drive you home. We can stop somewhere for a glass of wine and talk. I promise it won’t take long, and I’ll have you back at your house in plenty of time to get ready for your dinner date.”
Serena hesitated. She wanted to take a shower and put on something nice for Will before he got home, but she supposed being thirty minutes late wouldn’t strap her for time as long as she didn’t linger in the shower.
“All right,” she said, “but you had better talk fast because half an hour is all I can spare.”
“No problem," McKinley replied. "That’s all the time I’ll need.”
Chapter 9
Rufus wasn’t any happier about being in the bar McKinley had brought them to than Serena was. She sensed his restlessness, or maybe he was picking up on her own rattled nerves and reacting to it. She’d foolishly assumed they were going to a restaurant and hadn’t realized it was a bar until after McKinley led her to the table. The moment she sat down, she’d been aware of the overpowering smell of alcohol, the most repugnant being the sickening stench of beer.
It was too early for there to be much of a crowd, and she highly doubted McKinley frequented anything but high class drinking establishments. Even so, she could feel the panic bubbling up inside her because hole-in-the-wall dives weren’t the only places predators used for their hunting grounds. She told herself she was safe here. She had McKinley sitting right across the table and Rufus by her side, but the low drone of male voices that surrounded her shattered any rationality she was clinging to.
“I can’t…stay long,” she stammered.
“Stop being such a worry wart. I’ll tell you everything as soon as the…ah, here she is. Two glasses of chardonnay,” McKinley told the waitress then turned back to Serena. “I know I was being a little pushy about talking to you today but I discovered some things recently that are very…disturbing and I felt you had a right to know.”
Distracted by the sounds and smells going on around her, Serena only caught the last few words. “Right to know?”
“About Will.”
That got her attention. “Will?”
“Look, Serena, I don’t want to upset you, but I was talking to Mom about your situation with Will and…”
“Situation,” Serena repeated. “By that, I assume you mean our living arrangements?”
“Mom is really uptight about it, and after what she told me, I really can’t blame her. Here’s our wine.�
�� McKinley was silent for a moment, dragging out the dramatic pause as long as possible. “It’s about Will and…well, his strange behavior that night. He’s the one who found you, did he tell you that?”
“Technically, no.” Serena shivered despite how warm it was in the bar. “I remembered…bits and pieces, and Will helped filled in the gaps.”
“I’m sure he did.”
McKinley’s caustic tone set off all kinds of alarms. Serena pressed her lips together, refusing to do what her sister so clearly expected of her; ask what she meant by that remark then wait on tenterhooks while McKinley pretended to battle her conscious before springing whatever earth shattering news she had. She reached for her glass of wine, knowing McKinley would have positioned it directly in front of her, and curled her fingers around the glass stem. All right, she would play the game, but she wasn’t going to be the spineless jellyfish McKinley believed her to be.
Blind Faith Page 12