But I recognize him. Of course I do, after my first stint in the dark. That was when the suppressed memory—the real memory—of my fall came back.
I remember it clearly. It comes to me now. Paul’s face, appearing in the gap above my head and blotting out the sun. That blasted crow. Paul, extending his arm, reaching for me beneath the earth. The words that come from his mouth:
“Give me your hand, child!”
Comparing the face I remember to the one I see before me now fills me with immeasurable dread. The underlying features are the same. He has the same wide jaw. The big, black eyes. The prominent forehead.
But the vis vitae, that critical life force that grants a person his personality… all of that has changed.
He has deep circles under his eyes. His cheeks are hollow. Gaunt. The skin beneath his eyes is slack, like he lost too much weight too fast. His complexion is ghostly white. He looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in years.
The one thing I always remembered about Paul was that he was a big man. He had shoulders like a lumberjack, and a hearty laugh that could fill an entire room.
But this man… this version of Paul that I see before me… possesses none of those things. His eyes are empty and joyless. His girth is gone. He looks worse than a shell of the man I remember. He looks like a distant shadow. A specter. A wraith.
It’s all too much for me. A wave of dizziness hits, and I sag against Stonehart like an ice cream cone left too long in the sun.
Paul’s dim eyes focus on Stonehart. He blinks, as if in disbelief. And then his face lights up in pure joy.
He scrambles to his feet, suddenly full of energy, suddenly full of life. “Doctor Telfair,” he exclaims. “It’s you. It’s really you!”
“Yes, Paul,” Stonehart says gently. “It’s really me.”
“But… but how?” Paul stutters. “Why? I thought, after all these years, that you’d forgotten about me.”
“No,” Stonehart says. “I don’t forget my friends, and I keep my promises. You must forgive me if my visits have been less frequent than I envisioned. I’ve been occupied.”
“O-of course,” Paul says. “I know you’re a very important man. Why should you make time for little old me? But, truly…” he stops in front of Stonehart, staring at him with all kinds of adoration, “…it’s an honor to see you again, sir.”
“Please,” Stonehart says. “You don’t need to be so formal. We’re all friends here, aren’t we?”
“And you brought a companion,” Paul says. His eyes dart to me. But, they never make it all the way to my face. He looks back at Stonehart before I can blink. “A beautiful woman, sir. I haven’t had the pleasure of a lady’s company in a very, very long time."
He reaches up and smooths his frazzled hair. “I’m… I’m afraid I don’t know exactly how to act,” he confides.
“Why Paul,” Stonehart says, smiling wide, “you should relax. My guest and I came here to see you. Invite us to have a seat. Perhaps a cup of tea?”
“Oh, certainly, certainly,” Paul mumbles, making an awkward bow. He licks his lips, clears his throat, and speaks in an oratory way. “Would you please sit with me? I’ve just put the kettle on. We will have hot tea in a minute.”
He blinks, snapping out of the trance, and looks at Stonehart in the way an eager boy might at his father when he’s searching for approval.
“How did I do?” he asks, his voice returning to normal.
“Very well,” Stonehart says. “I am pleased. And my guest and I will both graciously accept your kind offer.”
Paul smiles and bows his head. He sweeps his hand low in an obsequious way, showing us our path.
By now, I’ve had enough time to recover. I take stock of the tiny room. There is the bed on which we found Paul. A small window is set in the opposite wall. It does not look like it can be opened. There’s a single armchair, bolted to the floor. A small bookshelf, reaching only halfway to the ceiling, stands beside a reading lamp, which is also secured. There is a desk with a neat collection of notebooks on top, along with a wheeled office chair of dark leather.
That’s it. There’s nothing more. I spy some expendable drawers peeking out from beneath the bed, which I take store some of Paul’s belongings.
But the kettle? It’s nowhere to be found. I don’t even see an outlet other than the one for the lamp.
Paul directs us to his bed. I sit down with Stonehart in a daze, then watch, stunned, scared, and silent, as Paul starts preparing three invisible cups of invisible tea using an invisible tea kettle.
He brings the first cup to Stonehart, cradling it in his hands as if it were as precious as a newborn babe. Stonehart indulges the illusion, playing along so far to even bring the cup to his lips and pretend to take a sip.
“This is very good tea,” he murmurs. Paul glances over his shoulder and smiles at the praise. Then, he carries the next cup to me.
My stomach is in knots. Time slows to a standstill as he hands it over. He keeps his eyes down. “Careful now,” he murmurs. “It’s very hot.”
I say something barely intelligible as I accept. Both my hands are shaking. My nerves are shot.
I know why things felt off in the common room. And I know, now, why Stonehart gave me the warning he did before we entered.
We are not simply in some gated community. We are in a mental institution.
What happened to Paul? How did he end up here? And, most important of all: what does he have to do with Stonehart?
I’m not ashamed to admit that, at this moment, I am more afraid than I have ever been in my life. Being trapped in the dark, even the first time, when I had no idea of the identity of my captor, does not compare.
It’s a different, more menacing type of fear that consumes me now. The way Paul responds to Stonehart, the title he gives him, the way Stonehart sprang this on me, the way he lured me here with promises of a public dinner and all that bullshit about trust…
Obviously it means something. Just like my captivity means something. Stonehart and I have a shared past. But, it’s one that only he knows.
That is what scares me most. I’ve now seen the extent to which Stonehart will go to to get what he wants. He chose me for a reason, and I’m certain that that reason is going to be revealed very soon.
The reason is not what I’m worried about. Stonehart’s intentions are. I see Paul before me, a ghost from my past, downtrodden, subservient, mentally damaged, and it makes me wonder…
Am I next?
“Go on, Lilly.” Stonehart’s voice pulls me from my dark contemplations. “Take the tea. Paul brews one mean cup.”
On hearing my name, Paul goes shock-still. I hear him draw a sharp intake of breath.
“Lilly…” he says, frozen in spot. “Did you just say… Lilly?”
My eyes dart from Paul to Stonehart. The man beside me has a look of utter triumph on his face.
“That’s right, Paul,” he confirms. His hand tightens on my knee. “I did. She is the guest I brought for you today.”
“Not…” Paul’s hands are at his sides. They’re shaking harder than mine did when he handed me the imaginary tea cup. “Lilly… Ryder?”
He remembers me, I think.
“Yes,” Stonehart says. “The one and the same.”
I can feel him reveling in this moment.
“I promised you that you would see her when I left you here. Do you remember?”
“I—I do,” Paul stutters. He turns to us. His eyes hover on me for a moment before going straight to Stonehart. “Of course I do. Remember? Hah!” he laughs. “I think about it every day. I think of her every single day. But I… I never expected such a gift. Such a magnificent gift. Th-thank you. Thank you, Doctor Telfair, sir!”
The excitement is palpable in Paul’s entire demeanor. He’s practically shaking with joy. But why? Why is he so happy to see me?
And if he is, how come he still hasn’t met my eyes once?
“I keep all my promises, Paul,
” Stonehart says calmly. “No matter the type of people I make them to.”
Paul flinches at that. There is some sort of hidden dynamic between the two men that terrifies me. Being in this small room, with Paul, with Stonehart, terrifies me. But I am caught, just like a butterfly in a net.
Paul looks up at Stonehart again. Nervously, his eyes dart to me. My heart is beating so hard I’m afraid it’ll rip free from my chest. Paul takes one step forward, cautious, in my direction. Then he adds one more.
“Nuh-uh,” Stonehart says. He taps the side of his neck, just beneath his ear. “Careful now.”
Paul stops immediately and turns a pasty white. Even whiter than before. His eyes fill with terror as he looks at Stonehart. Unconsciously, his hands move to his own neck.
He swallows, and turns the turtleneck of his sweater down in one anxious motion.
That’s when I see it. Beneath his sweater, I see…
A thin, black, seamless piece of plastic. Just like mine.
I gasp. My mind spins. I feel faint.
Paul has a collar, too. I am not the first person Stonehart has done this to.
If Stonehart notices my reaction, he gives no indication of it. He simply continues speaking, perfectly in control, as if this was the most normal encounter in the world.
“Did you know today is Christmas Day, Paul?” Stonehart asks. “Have they told you that, in here? Do you keep track of time?”
“Christmas Day,” Paul repeats, his words deathly hollow. “Yes. Yes, of course I do.”
“It’s customary to exchange gifts on such occasions,” Stonehart says. “Do you have something prepared for me?”
“I—yes, yes. I do. I have just the thing.” He turns back on us and hurries to his desk. He pulls open the top drawer and rummages through it, muttering to himself and shaking his head the entire time. He shuts it with a bang and attacks the one underneath.
The noises he’s making intensify, getting louder, becoming angrier, until suddenly, with absolutely no warning, they cut off. He exhales a long, contented sigh of relief, and cradles something closely in his arms. Then he stands up straight and turns around.
“Now, don’t laugh,” he says. He looks only at Stonehart. His words are only for Stonehart. After the casual warning, it’s like I don’t exist to him anymore. “I made it especially for you. I had a feeling I’d be seeing you soon.” He chuckles. “And my premonitions always come true.”
Except, Paul isn’t holding anything. His arms are empty. He approaches Stonehart, only a tiny bit wary, and hands him the imaginary gift.
“Hmm,” Stonehart says. “Forgive me for asking, Paul, but I’m not quite sure what this is.”
Paul looks absolutely scandalized. “It’s a Christmas sweater,” he says defensively. “Don’t you see the patterns? I sewed them on the front just for you.”
“Ah,” Stonehart smiles. “I’m sorry. I must have had it inside out.”
“Well. See that you don’t when you put it on, you silly goose, you!” Paul giggles. The horrible feeling in my stomach is just continuing to grow. Paul is broken. He is utterly, completely broken.
“Try it on, please,” Paul urges. “I want to see what it looks like on you.”
“Very well.” Stonehart stands. “Lilly, will you hold my jacket for me?” He begins to unbutton the front. “I would hate for my tuxedo to get wrinkled.”
I glare at him, hatred filling every single cell of my body. Stonehart is responsible for Paul’s condition. I am certain of it.
“No,” I say, defiant and angry. “I refuse to be part of this charade any longer. Not until you tell me what’s going on!”
Stonehart hisses a curse. Paul’s eyes go wide. And then, the most incredible thing happens.
Paul collapses to the floor and starts to cry.
Stonehart grabs my elbow and yanks me up. His grip is tight enough to bruise. I try to squirm free, but he’s so much stronger that I am. His eyes burn with fury.
He marches us to the door, stepping wide around Paul. He brings his wrist near the magnetic strip. The embedded entry scanner reads his biometric NFC chip and the mechanism works to open the door.
He thrusts it open and shoves me through. Before closing the door, he turns back to Paul and growls, “Compose yourself.”
We’re alone in the hallway when Stonehart turns to face me. He looks furious. Beyond livid. This is worse than I saw him when he found the dove.
He opens his mouth to speak—or likely, yell—then closes it again. He takes a breath. In through his nose, out through his mouth.
And that’s all it takes for him to regain his composure. His eyes are still alight, but his words are icy cold.
“Did you not see,” he says to me, “how delicate Paul’s condition is?”
“Did you do it?” I erupt at him. I don’t have his degree of self-control, or the years of experience honing my emotions. All I know is that mine are raging like wildfire. “Did you do that to him? Is he like that because of you?”
Stonehart at least has the decency to look shocked. Only for a brief moment, and barely enough for any but the most discerning observer to notice, but he does react to my accusation. Maybe there is a trace of humanity left under his masks, after all.
“No, Lilly,” he scoffs. “Whatever power you attribute to me, you let your imagination carry too far. I cannot do that to a man.”
Liar! I want to scream. I just know Stonehart is responsible. It’s a knowledge that comes from deep in my bones, from the very depths of my soul.
Instead, I turn the table on him. “Why did you bring me here?” I demand. “Why did Paul react that way when you told him my name? Why is he afraid to look at me?”
“Certain habits have been ingrained very thoroughly in our mutual friend,” Stonehart explains levelly. “Respect and obedience are two of them. That is why he will not look at you without my express permission. As for his reaction? I was hoping he could tell you himself. Now, who knows how long it will take for him to recover.”
Stonehart’s eyes bore into me. He’s challenging me to a fight. I know he does not want me to be meek, not when it’s so clear how riled up I am.
“So what?” I snap. “You didn’t warn me. You gave no indication of how you wanted me to behave. For all your planning, Jeremy, it looks like this time things backfired on you.”
A thin smile touches his lips. “Is that what you think? That I would let a little hurdle like this derail what I came here for? No, Lilly. We will achieve everything I intend with Paul tonight. Your little outburst in the room, however, will delay us. We might miss dinner.”
“Oh, so that’s still on the table?” I bark. “I have a hard time believing your greatest concern is missing a single meal. In fact, I don’t even think you had a dinner planned. You just told me so to make me lower my guard, so that I would be caught completely unaware when you brought me here, instead.” I glare at him. “That’s the way of things, isn’t it, Jeremy? I’m not blind or deaf. Nor am I stupid. I know how much these little mental games mean to you. You revel in the thrill of controlling, of manipulating others. Regular human interactions are a foreign concept to you. I know enough to know that you couldn’t have built Stonehart Industries into the behemoth it is today were you just an ordinary man.”
My heart is racing. Blood is pounding in my ears. My entire body is tight and tense with a mixture of adrenaline, anger, defiance, and… courage.
Courage is what allows me to speak my mind like this. Seeing Paul in there, seeing the miserable creature he has become has brought all my resolve back to the surface. I will challenge Stonehart. I will engage. I will make him see that, if he wanted a passive victim for his cruelty, he chose the wrong damn girl.
The only way I know to affect him is to make him see that, too. To reveal his actions, his own character to him, without a softening lens. To make him consider everything he’s done from the perspective of somebody else.
“And you’re not ordinary, Jeremy,�
�� I accuse, venom lacing every word. “You are a monster. A sociopath. It should be you in that fucking room—” One hand flies out to stab a finger at the doorway. “—not Paul.”
Stonehart, for what it’s worth, faces my tirade without a glimmer of emotion marring his face. His poker mask is back, and that makes him impossible to read.
I glare at him, waiting for him to say something. Waiting for him to respond. Waiting to find out what my punishment will be for so clearly stepping out of line.
“So,” he says after an endless, long, tense moment. “Finally, it seems you appreciate some of the finer qualities in me.” One corner of his lips twitches up in a crooked smile. “I was wondering how much longer that would take.”
My jaw drops. There is no explosion. No violent reaction. I just assaulted Stonehart with the most poisonous words that would come to me, and his response is to be… amused?
“What—"
He lifts a finger. Only one, but the simplicity of that motion speaks louder than words. I cut off.
“Don’t press your luck,” he warns. “I want you to take a silent minute to compose yourself. Then we can risk going back in there. And Lilly? Tread carefully. Wait until we’re outside before speaking your mind again.”
I narrow my eyes at him. What’s he hinting at?
“I’m not going back,” I say, crossing my arms. “I—”
“Two.” Stonehart’s voice is soft and slices through my protest like a frosted blade. He lifts a second finger. “I’ve been very generous with you, Lilly-flower. As proof of my new intentions. But if you think of testing my desires a third time tonight… the result will be very unpleasant. For us both. I don’t want to backtrack with you again. I hate wasting my time.”
He takes a large, menacing step toward me. I feel like I should run, but my feet are rooted to the spot.
Without warning, his hand juts out and grabs my hair. He jerks me into him, puts his other hand on my ass, and kisses me.
I try to break away, but he has an iron grip. His kiss is harsh, uncompromising, and heated.
Uncovering You 5: Confessions Page 7