by Shealy James
Melanie gave me a hug and pushed me out of her car. We had talked for a couple of hours, and she left me with a lot of insight and a little advice. She was a good friend; I could recognize that now. At the end of the day, I was glad that I shared my madness with her.
But once her car was gone, it was time to face the crazy that I had been avoiding for so long.
“Rea?” His rough voice gave away the tension he was feeling.
I grabbed his hand and kept walking right into the house. I wordlessly led him to my room and closed the door before I stripped off my clothes, leaving myself bare to him. It was always easy to reveal myself this way, but tonight, I planned to take it a step further. I gently grabbed the hem of his shirt and glanced up at him, asking for silent permission. A barely-there nod was all he gave before I was lifting his shirt over his head with his help. I made quick work of his belt and pants before we were crawling into my bed.
I curled around him, and he held me loosely, letting me take the lead. He was always sensitive to my needs, and I never appreciated that about him as much as I did right then.
“I’m sorry about tonight,” I started.
His fingertips trailed my spine, offering some comfort, but this time it was his words that I needed the most. “Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what’s going on. Talk to me, Rea.”
That was the push I needed to bare my soul to him.
“I’m afraid.” The words sounded so simple, but the confession felt heavy. I let the words hang in the air like a thundercloud, and Brock patiently waited for me to continue. “I think I’m afraid of being happy.”
His fingers continued their steady rhythm up and down my back, but still he said nothing.
“I’m afraid it won’t last.”
He said nothing.
“I mean, what will I do if you decide to leave me too? What if you don’t choose me?”
Still nothing.
“I thought you were the only one for me, but then you slept with Candace Wood and—”
“What?” he interrupted and scooted from beneath me so he could look at me. “I never slept with Candace.”
“Yes, you did. At Ivy’s graduation party.”
“Uhh…no, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. I saw you.”
“You saw me having sex with Candace?”
“No, I—”
“Because it would be impossible, considering I have never had sex with her. Believe me, she tried, but I haven’t so much as kissed her. She was pathetic and desperate, and I always knew how you felt about her.”
“But you went into the bedroom with her?”
“And I put her to bed. She was drunk and out of control, and Ivy asked me to handle it. She never told you? All this time you thought I had slept with her?”
“Yes!”
“Reagan.” He frowned. “Why didn’t you just ask me?”
“And say what? ‘Hey, Brock! You hit that last night?’ How, pray tell, did you expect me to ask you if you had screwed the girl I had zero tolerance for?”
“You find a way, Reagan,” he snapped. Brock was angry with me, and I didn’t like that feeling at all. Funnily enough, I used to thrive on it because it meant he was paying attention to me. Now, I wanted to do anything to make him happy. “You were the only girl I wanted. You were the one who wouldn’t define us. As far as I was concerned, you were my girlfriend, my everything, but that wasn’t what you wanted. You made that perfectly clear. I would have waited forever for you. Even then.”
“Oh, Brock…” I didn’t know what to say. It appeared that I could have indeed prevented years of heartbreak with a simple question. We lay there silently, with only the sounds of our memories running to keep us company. I remembered everything, but now I wondered if maybe I had misread everything. How could I have been so wrong?
“I still would,” he said, breaking the silence.
“What?”
“Wait forever for you.”
My eyes met his, and in an instant I knew he was telling the truth. I knew he had always chosen me even when I hadn’t chosen myself. He let me have my space, gave me exactly what I acted like I wanted. I was the one who wasn’t honest. I was the one who was lost. I was the one with regrets. My fear of being hurt by Brock was completely unfounded. I should have been afraid of being hurt by myself, by my foolish actions, by my own fear.
“Do I need to keep waiting, Rea?”
I didn’t have to think twice. “No, Brock. I’m yours. I’ve been yours for a lifetime.”
His lips took mine, and our bodies molded like only familiar ones do. The touch, the kiss, the moment—it all felt unending. It was as if submitting to him was a freedom within itself. Giving myself over to Brock was the best choice I had ever made, and it was anything but a decision. It was an instinct, a feeling, a reaction. It was pure. It was everything.
When his lips traveled down my body, I felt him everywhere. When his hands slid up my side, I felt him inside of me, and when he was finally inside of me, the world around me disappeared. I floated. I saw stars. It was all there…or wasn’t. I didn’t even know. All my attention was consumed with the way he was making me feel.
Later that night, when I fell asleep, I felt lighter than I had before. I felt free. I slept dreamlessly wrapped in his arms. I knew everything was going to be perfect, but that feeling wasn’t meant to last.
***
The next morning, the two of us headed to the kitchen only to find my brother and Zoe waiting on us. Meyer was already at school, and breakfast was cleared from the table. There was a reason they were waiting, and I didn’t want them to ruin my bliss with bad news or whatever was on their minds.
I stopped Brock and dragged him back in the hallway. “Let’s go out to breakfast.”
“Babe, they’re not the firing squad. They wanted us to be together.”
I had a feeling that had nothing to do with why they were sitting there looking so sullen, and if I wasn’t mistaken, quite concerned.
“What’s going on you two?” Brock greeted as he dragged me along. He pulled out a chair for me next to my brother and guided me into it like a child. He then proceeded to dig around in the fridge, looking for something to cook. He was entirely too comfortable in our house, but I had to admit, I kind of liked it.
“We have some news, Reagan,” Jordan started. His tone distracted me from watching Brock do his thing with the eggs.
“You decided to dye your hair to hide the gray?” I asked to deflect the attention from my walk of sort-of-shame as much as to avoid the news that was putting that worried look on my brother’s face.
“I’m not going gray,” he retorted without any emotion.
“You finally decided to try out spray tanning?”
He rolled his eyes. “Absolutely not. You done?”
“Ooh! I know. You’re going to get that weird mole on your back checked out. I swear it changed shape and size right before my very eyes.
“Now, you’re done. My turn. I have good news.”
“Oh?” I tried to ask casually, but I had somehow lost my cool factor overnight.
“Well, a couple of things actually,” Zoe added.
“Lay ‘em on me. All at once. No good news bad news crap. Just spit it out.”
“I asked Zoe to marry me,” Jordan said quickly and then rushed even more through the next part. “She said yes. We’re getting married soon because she’s going to legally adopt Meyer. Oh, and Dad and my mom are moving to town to be closer to Meyer.”
Maybe laying it on me all at once wasn’t such a great idea.
“What’s that now?”
“We’re getting married.”
“Yeah, got that part. Congratulations. I’m so happy for you,” I said blandly.
“Zoe is going to legally adopt Meyer.”
I paused for only a moment. I had been expecting this even though Jordan and I hadn’t really discussed it. “Okay, well, I’ll still be her aunt, so I accept this. She needs a mom, a
nd we all know that I’m kind of a terrible adult, so I’ll just be the one who gets her drunk and teaches her about boys.”
“You don’t know anything about boys,” Zoe reminded me, but I held up my palm to stop her as the rest of my brother’s words settled into my brain.
“Uh-uh. Wait a second. The last one…repeat the last one.”
“Babe,” Brock called out, but I ignored him.
“Don’t freak out, Reagan. He’s trying to do the right thing.”
And those were the words that had me exploding out of my chair. “The right thing? When has that man ever chosen the ‘right thing’? You are setting her up for disappointment. He should not be here, Jordan. I don’t want him around. I let him visit over the past few weeks because I assumed it was temporary, but now I’m putting my foot down.”
The room went dead silent. I felt Brock and Zoe’s eyes flick between my brother and me. My eyes tightened as my glare became fiercer. He knew the moment my mind was made up. I saw the way my expression and stance resonated with him, and I saw his eyes widen in surprise the moment before I leapt into action.
He jumped from my chair as I raced around the table. Jordan was fast, but I was faster. He made it through the kitchen to the front door. In the second it took him to throw the door open, I was on him, tackling him from behind. Together, we tumbled out the front door onto the porch. The impact gave him enough time to scramble down the stairs, but he couldn’t run from me. If kickboxing had taught me anything, I was quick on my feet. Agility was my gift, and my six-foot something brother was no competition. In less than a minute, I took him down in the middle of the yard.
I was able to maneuver him into a chokehold while he clawed and scratched my arms like a girl. I wrapped my legs around him like I learned in the two Krav Maga classes I took last year when I almost gave up kick boxing. It worked like a charm. He tapped out in no time.
“Really, Reagan? You’re acting like a child,” he complained as he twisted and turned in my grip, which never lessened.
“No! I’m protecting a child.”
“Get over it!” Jordan shouted. “It was over twenty years ago. You have had plenty of time to recover from him leaving you. What the hell is so wrong with you that you can’t move on from anything?”
My grip dropped immediately. Was that what he really thought of me?
“Jordan!” Zoe squealed right as Brock stepped closer and roared, “That’s enough!”
“What?” Jordan argued back as he quickly scooted away from my now limp body. “We’re all thinking it. Hell, even Reagan knows this has gone on long enough. If we continue to coddle her, she will continue to act like a child. I don’t want my daughter to miss out on a relationship with the only grandfather she has because of a mistake he made twenty years ago. He’s not the same person.”
We all fell into an uncomfortable silence until I finally stood, wiped the leaves from my pants, and said, “When you know what it feels like to lose a parent, only to find out years later that he left you to be with his other family, you call me.” I turned to Brock. “I’ll see you later.”
“Rea,” he tried to stop me, but I needed a moment to gather myself.
“I’m okay,” I told him. “I just need some time to think.” And it was the truth. I needed to think because for the first time, I felt more than simply hurt by my father. What Jordan had said was true. Was I truly protecting Meyer or was keeping my father away as a personal vendetta? I wasn’t sure I knew anymore.
And if I could let everything go and accept Brock, and I mean truly let myself finally fall, why couldn’t I let my father back into my life?
My mind was whirling as I pulled out on the road. It was the kind of day that was perfect for staying inside, gray and misty. The almost-rain dampened my windshield as I drove further along. It was enough to block my vision but not enough to keep the windshield wipers on. I automatically switched them on and off as I considered everything that was said that morning.
I was driving along familiar roads, but I didn’t notice anything around me. My body was on autopilot while my mind was somewhere else. It was why I didn’t see the truck in my lane until it was too late. I didn’t register my body reacting until my car was swerving off the road.
The crunch of the ground beneath my tires was painfully familiar.
The glass shattering made the same sickening sound.
The scraping of metal on trees.
The scream that tore from my throat as I lost control.
The speed at which the car slid down the embankment.
The trees slapping what was left of the car.
The air bags exploding around me when the car slammed into the final tree.
I was sure there was nothing left of my car when I reached the bottom.
Once it registered I was no longer moving, I took stock of myself. Arms. Legs. Body. Face. Not a scratch on me. My seatbelt had held me firm. The only damage was the burn from the air bags, and even those were relatively minor compared to the last time.
As I twisted and turned in my seat, expecting to find a painful injury that I hadn’t yet recognized, I heard someone shout, “Miss? Miss, are you all right?”
It was only then that I glanced outside of the car. My windshield and passenger side window had shattered, but everything else was relatively unharmed.
I had to say it out loud. “You’re okay. Everyone’s okay. She wasn’t in the car. You’re safe, Reagan,” I told myself.
“Miss!” A man was pulling my door open. “Are you all right?”
I glanced up to see what had to be the truck driver standing next to me. “Yes. I…yes, I think I’m fine.”
“I’m so sorry, Miss. I didn’t see you. I guess I took the turn too fast…I don’t know. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s…” I wasn’t sure what to say, but it seemed that he needed comforting more than I did. “It’s fine,” I finally said. “I’m fine.”
“You sure? I could call an ambulance. I’ve already called the police. Do you want me to call anyone else?”
I looked over at the passenger seat and saw my cell phone was still sitting there on top of my purse. My phone hadn’t even budged from its place. The last time, my phone was unrecognizable when it was thrown around the car and shattered.
“Miss?”
“Uh…no. I’ll call someone. It’s okay. Maybe you could go up to the top of the hill and meet the police. I’m going to need a tow truck.”
“Yes, ma’am. Good idea, and again, I’m so very sorry about this. I’m glad you’re all right.”
He rushed away, and I watched him climb the hill, slipping a little on the damp ground. I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed from my car to take stock of the damage. As I assessed the dented bumper, broken lights, and scratched paint job, I considered whom I should call. If this had happened a month ago, it would have been a no-brainer. Jordan would already be in the car on his way to me, but now, he wasn’t the person I needed right then. I needed Brock.
The realization hit me hard. I needed him. I needed his arms around me. I needed him to make me feel safe again, and most importantly, there was no one whose comfort I wanted more right then.
I made the call, and it was exactly how I imagined it would be.
“Rea,” he answered. “You okay? Your brother was out of line—”
“Brock,” I interrupted with a wail as I finally broke.
“Babe? What’s wrong? Where are you?”
Then the dam broke. The tears came, and I couldn’t have stopped them with any amount of will power. “I was in an accident,” I sobbed.
“Where are you? Just tell me where you are, and I’ll be there, Rea.”
And he was. He showed up just as the police were arriving. As soon as his car was stopped, he was jumping out of it looking for me. He didn’t even close his door. I was sitting back in my car, waiting at the bottom of the hill for the police. The second his eyes met mine, I jumped out of the car and started toward him. He ca
me bounding down the hill and scooped me up as soon as he reached me.
“Are you hurt?” he asked as he held me against him.
“No. I’m fine. Just scared more than anything.”
“I bet.” He set me down so he could look at me, then held my face tenderly between his big hands when he asked, “What happened?”
“I wasn’t paying attention, I guess. The truck crossed the line, and I swerved to avoid him. I over-corrected.”
“Rea.” He sighed and pulled me to him again. “I’m just glad you’re okay. I could kill your brother for messing with you this morning.”
“No, no. He was right. It’s definitely time to get over it. He’s been coming around for Meyer. And while he had a million chances to correct his mistake while I was growing up, I can’t keep Meyer from potentially having a bigger family because I’m hurt.”
“Where is all of this coming from? Did the accident scare you that much?” he asked suspiciously.
“No, it’s what I was thinking when I looked up and saw the truck. The only thing I was afraid of was not getting to tell someone.”
“Yeah?”
“Well, that and flying down this hill at warp speed scared the shit out of me. Life’s too short to live in the past.”
“Yes, it is,” he agreed and pulled me to him for a kiss that I would never forget.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Three Months Later
“So, you’re closing the store?”
“Yes, ma’am, Mrs. Hilsman. It’s just not self-sustainable anymore.”
“What are you going to do, Reagan? Are you getting married?”
“No. I plan to find a job.”
“Doing what?”
“Well, my friend’s fiancé writes books. As a favor, I edited her most recent one, and it was well received. Maybe I’ll do that.”
“That sounds like bull.”
I laughed. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“You know, my grandson is still single. If you’re looking for a husband, he might be just the guy for you.”
“No ma’am. I have a boyfriend, and he is everything I ever wanted.”