‘Helen, will you calm down and tell me why you’re so angry.’
‘Crystal Graves,’ she said pointedly.
‘What about her?’ His voice sounded guarded now.
‘Oh, don’t pretend with me, Leon. I know you’ve been seeing her.’
‘I happen to be working with her,’ he said dryly.
‘When I said you’d been seeing her I didn’t mean workwise. News like that travels, Leon, it was in the newspapers today.’
‘I can’t discuss this with you over the telephone, I want to talk to you properly. Can I come over?’
‘You—you’re here, in London?’
‘At my apartment,’ he confirmed. ‘I flew in half an hour ago.’
No wonder he had sounded so near! ‘But I thought you were away for two or three weeks?’ She despised herself for her curiosity, she should just have rung off and refused to answer any more of his calls.
‘We can talk about that when I get there. Give me fifteen minutes.’
‘Oh, but—’ He had rung off!
She glared indignantly at the telephone, as if it was that inanimate object’s fault she was so angry. Fifteen minutes he had said, fifteen minutes during which she would have to dress and find some way of drying her hair.
She was just towelling it dry when the doorbell rang ten minutes later. It was bad enough that he should be here at all, but that he should be early…! She wrapped the towel around her damp hair, running her hands down her denim-clad legs. If Leon was expecting her to be all dressed up for him he was sadly mistaken; her denims and shirt were hardly feminine, let alone attractive.
The doorbell rang again, and she wrenched the door open to see Leon standing on the doorstep, a tanned Leon who obviously hadn’t spent all the last week working. His hair was very blond, his tawny eyes appraising as he looked down at her. Helen pushed the door open further for him to enter, turning back into the lounge without saying a word.
‘You got dressed.’ He sounded disappointed, following her into the room.
‘Of course I did,’ she said abruptly. ‘Now, what are you doing here?’
‘What a greeting!’ he taunted. ‘I’m here to see you.’
‘That’s obvious,’ Helen said dryly, indicating herself as the only other person in the room.
‘I meant here in England.’ His eyes were narrowed now, assessing.
Her mouth curled back in contempt. ‘Don’t try to tell me you flew all the way back from America just to see me.’
‘That’s exactly what I have done. I managed to get a flight very early this morning and I have another one going back early tomorrow morning. That way I should get back before they start filming tomorrow.’
Helen frowned. ‘Is this true?’
‘Yes,’ he nodded.
‘But—but why?’
‘I had to see you,’ he bit out harshly.
‘Couldn’t you have just telephoned? It would have been much easier, and much less tiring.’
‘I didn’t want to talk to you on the telephone, I wanted to see you.’
’And miss being with Crystal Graves?’ she taunted.
Leon was pacing the room, very warm and vital in brown fitted shirt and trousers, the shirt partly unbuttoned down his chest. ‘My being seen with Crystal was pure publicity for the film,’ he told her tersely, impatiently.
Helen turned away. ‘I don’t believe you.’ Even if he was just confirming Jenny’s suspicions.
Leon came to stand in front of her, his body heat and the tangy smell of his aftershave very potent to the senses. He wrenched her chin round. ‘Crystal was just publicity.’ He paused. ‘But there have been a couple of other women who haven’t been. I’ll admit that I wanted to forget you, that I didn’t want to be involved with you, and in an effort to do that I’ve dated a couple of women in the States this past week. And do you know what they did for me? Absolutely nothing,’ he said disgustedly, shaking his head as he himself couldn’t believe it. ‘Oh, I took them to bed,’ he admitted harshly. ‘I wanted to lose myself in them, wanted their bodies to be the ones that I wanted. But they weren’t. They weren’t!’
Helen put her hands over her ears. ‘I don’t want to hear any more!’
‘Well, you’re damn well going to!’ he told her fiercely, pulling her hands down to her sides. ‘Because whether you want me or not you’ve got me. I’m tied to you by the most basic feelings possible, I want you until I shake with the emotion. So whatever your problem is we’ve got to work it out, for my sanity as well as yours.’
Helen swallowed hard, frightened by the anger he displayed. ‘You know I can’t. You know I—’
‘I know it all, don’t I, Helen?’ he rasped. ‘But I have to possess you—I have to! You’re like a fire in my blood. Those other women were a purely, physical response, mechanical if you like, but it was you I wanted all the time I was with them.’
She shook her head, her eyes wide with fright. ‘But I can’t! I can’t even let you touch me.’
His mouth was grim. ‘I know that, damn you! The only thing that’s keeping me sane is knowing that I’m no exception, you hate all men.’
‘Oh, I don’t hate you,’ she instantly denied, colouring as she realised the enormity of her declaration. ‘I don’t hate you,’ she repeated dully.
‘Thank God for that!’ It was a heartfelt sigh of relief. ‘The fact that you don’t dislike me makes it all the easier for me to say what I want to say. Helen, when I get back from the States I want you to come and live with me.’
‘You want me to what?’ she gasped.
His tawny eyes met her violet ones unflinchingly. ‘I want you to come and live with me,’ he stated calmly.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘YOU’RE mad! You have to be to even suggest such a thing.’
Leon ran an agitated hand through the thick swathe of fair hair that persisted in falling across his forehead. ‘I’m not mad, Helen, just frustrated. And I do mean it about you coming to live with me.’
‘But why?’ She blushed at the stupidity of such a question. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean why, I meant—’
Leon gave a harsh laugh. ‘No, it must be obvious why.’
‘Yes,’ she admitted huskily. ‘I mean, why, when there can be no point to it?’
‘But there is a point to it, Helen. You have an aversion to me, an aversion I quite understand,’ he added gently. ‘And I really mean that. What West did to you was cruel and unfeeling. I want to try and help you get over it.’
‘By asking me to live with you?’ she squeaked.
‘It isn’t as stupid as it sounds. You’ve said you don’t want to be seen with me because it could rake up the past with the press. If you were living with me no one would know we were seeing each other.’
‘Rather drastic, I would have thought.’
‘But effective.’
‘And what would Max think of that?’ she asked dryly, her brain racing. Leon had to be insane to even suggest this! And he admitted he was insane, insane with wanting her. He had even flown back from America for a day just to see her. Somehow she found this knowledge exhilarating.
‘Damn Max!’ he dismissed impatiently. ‘Living with me, seeing me all the time in normal day-to-day living, you just might get used to having me around, to seeing a man in your life, to just get over your fear of me.’
‘Do you think that’s likely?’ she derided.
‘I don’t know, do I! But I’m willing to give it a try. At least that way I would be able to see you. You would be there in the morning across the breakfast table from me, there waiting for me when I get in from work. The familiarity might help you—I’m certainly hoping so.’
Helen shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t work.’
‘You don’t know that!’ Leon turned on her angrily. ‘Surely it’s worth a try?’
She frowned her indecision. ‘I—I don’t know. It seems a strange idea to me.’
‘Can you think of a better one?’ he demanded harshl
y. ‘Well, can you?’
‘Forget we ever met?’ she said hopefully.
Leon took hold of her shoulders and shook her hard, his eyes blazing. ‘I don’t want to forget it, I can’t forget it! I promised you the last time I saw you that I wouldn’t make love to you until you asked me to, and I still won’t, but I have to have you near me. I just want to be with you,’ he groaned. ‘Is that too much to ask?’
Helen sighed her unease at the idea. ‘But what would I tell people? What would I tell Jenny?’
‘You tell Jenny the truth—she’ll understand, I’m sure of it. As for other people, the whole point of it would be that no one else would know. It would take the pressure off you, make it easier for you to relate to me.’
‘I don’t want to relate to you,’ she denied desperately.
His fingers bit painfully into the tender flesh of her arms. ‘Can you honestly say that’s still true? Do you enjoy being only half alive?’ he demanded.
‘I—’
‘Because that’s all you are, Helen,’ he insisted. ‘And while I’m wanting you like this, while I’m needing you so badly, I’m only half alive too. It may take weeks, months, but one day I would like to feel your naked body against mine, as eager for me as I am for you.’
Her face was scarlet. ‘Oh, Leon,’ she groaned, ‘you have no right to ask this of me.’
‘All I’m asking is that you give me a chance, that step by step we help you get over Mike West and what he did to you.’
‘By letting you make love to me,’ she said bitterly.
‘Not at first, and only when you want me to.’
‘But I may never want you to.’
‘That’s a risk I have to take,’ he rasped. ‘A risk I’m willing to take. The point is, are you?’
Helen moved away from him, wringing her hands together. ‘I don’t know. I—I can’t think.’ Not when he was so close to her, influencing her just by his presence here.
‘You don’t have to decide right now. I’ll be away another couple of weeks, you have until then to make your choice.’
‘Choice?’
‘Of living or dying.’
She flushed. ‘And in the meantime you’ll continue to see other women,’ she taunted to hide her hurt.
‘No, I won’t,’ he denied grimly. ‘What would be the use? They wouldn’t mean anything to me and I would only be using them. Until this last week I’ve always prided myself on the fact that I’ve never taken a woman just for the sake of it, that I’ve never slept with a woman I couldn’t happily spend the next day with. But twice in the last week I’ve woken up disgusted with myself, eager only to get away from the woman lying beside me. Not a pretty picture, is it?’ he said bitterly.
‘No,’ she agreed softly.
‘So you can see that by coming to live with me you’ll be doing me a favour. I didn’t enjoy resorting to those depths.’
’But won’t the fact that I’m living with you—won’t that make it more difficult for you?’ Helen asked uncomfortably, her face red. ‘I mean, I may only have that—one experience, but I’m not exactly stupid about the responses of a man’s body.’
‘I know exactly what you meant,’ Leon said with a sigh. ‘And I don’t suppose your close proximity will do much for my peace of mind. But I would rather be with you than away from you. Can you understand that?’
She shook her head. ‘Not really, and I just can’t see myself calmly moving in with you.’
‘If you don’t,’ he warned, ‘I’ll haunt this place. I can’t seem to stay away from you. And if I do that the press are bound to pick it up sooner or later.’
Her face paled. ‘I couldn’t bear that!’
‘I know it.’
‘But won’t they know I’m at your apartment?’
‘Why should they? If I choose to spend more time at home than usual it’s no one’s business but my own. I’ve given it a lot of thought, Helen, and I just can’t come up with any other solution. The fact that I’ve flown back today should tell you how desperate I am,’ he added almost pleadingly.
He did look very strained, she had to admit, and thinner too if she wasn’t mistaken. She frowned at him. ‘Have you lost weight?’ she asked. The strong angles of his face appeared to be more prominent.
‘Maybe a few pounds,’ he dismissed impatiently.
‘Because of me?’
He shrugged. ‘I haven’t felt much like eating, sleeping either for that matter. The director isn’t very pleased with you, I look vastly different now from when we started filming.’
‘You didn’t tell him about me?’ Helen asked worriedly.
‘No,’ he gave a mocking smile, ‘I didn’t need to. He told me to take the woman who was bothering me and get her out of my system.’
‘How did he know it was a woman bothering you?’
His smile deepened into humour. ‘What other explanation could there be?’
‘Are all men this physical?’ Helen asked crossly.
‘As me?’
‘And your director.’
‘I think so,’ he answered thoughtfully. ‘You make me feel very physical, Helen.’
She looked away. ‘I’m just not sure, Leon. I’m not even sure I want to be involved with you.’
His mouth tightened, the lines of strain deepening around his eyes. ‘For God’s sake give me a chance, give me a chance to show you how good it can be.’
‘I need to think,’ she muttered.
‘You have the next two weeks to do that. Talk it over with Jenny if it will help, although I have a feeling I know what she’ll say. She’s as concerned for you as I am. I’ll leave you alone while you do your thinking, I won’t put any pressure on you at all. If you do decide to move in then just be there in time for dinner when I get home two weeks from today. If you aren’t there I’ll know you’ve decided to stay locked away in your shell where you can’t be hurt.’
‘It isn’t that, Leon,’ she protested pleadingly. ‘I just—’
‘Forget I said that,’ he interrupted harshly. ‘I’ve said I won’t pressurise you, and I won’t. It’s being alone with you like this that’s doing it. Let’s go out. We could visit my parents.’
‘Your—your parents?’ she echoed, unable to hide her surprise.
Leon laughed at her expression. ‘I do have parents, Helen. I have a couple of sisters too, both of them younger than me, both of them married.’
‘Do they have any. children?’
‘A girl each, they’re both two, born within a month of each other.’
‘I suppose your mother is waiting for you to get married and provide her with a grandson,’ she said woodenly.
‘She may be,’ he agreed tautly. ‘But I’m not likely to do that when I have this thing about you, now am I?’
Helen recoiled as if he had hit her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she choked.
Leon sighed, running a hand through the thickness of his hair. ‘No, I’m the one who should be apologising. It’s just—oh God, it’s hell looking at you and knowing I can’t have you!’
‘You see, Leon, you see what it would be like,’ she said.
‘No! No, it wouldn’t be like that, I swear it. It’s just the uncertainty, the not knowing whether you’re going to agree. Let’s get out of here,’ he said restlessly. ‘Let’s go and see my parents.’
‘But won’t they—won’t they think it odd if I visit with you?’ Her violet eyes were troubled. ‘Won’t they think there’s something between us, something serious, I mean?’
‘Instead of just my lust?’ he taunted. ‘No, they won’t think that. You’ll enjoy it, Helen. They live on the edge of the New Forest. All the new foals are about this time of year, and my mother encourages them at every opportunity.’
‘Well…I would like to see the foals.’
Leon grinned. ‘I won’t tell them that was your only inducement!’ His humour deepened at her consternation. ‘Don’t worry, if I told my mother you would have a friend for life. She loves it
down there. They moved there five years ago when my father retired.’
‘What work did he used to do?’
‘He owned a law firm.’
‘Shouldn’t you have carried on the family business?’ asked Helen.
’Instead of becoming a disreputable actor?’ he smiled. ‘My father’s description, not mine. He was deeply shocked when I decided to take up acting as a profession. To him it isn’t work, it’s just grown-ups playing games. I suppose in a way he’s right, but I enjoy my work. I’m just not the type to sit behind a desk or in a courtroom all day. Dad sold the firm when he retired and now he and my mother are enjoying life for the first time in years, relaxing, travelling, just enjoying being with each other.’
‘They sound nice,’ Helen said wistfully.
‘I think so. What about your own parents?’
‘They were killed six years ago, Jenny’s parents too. It was Christmas, they’d all been out to a party together, although my father made sure he wasn’t over the limit for driving—he never was. But he might just as well have got drunk and enjoyed himself. A young boy, stoned out of his mind, drove through the crash barrier on the motorway and hit them head-on. They didn’t stand a chance. Jenny’s mother lived for two days after the accident and then she died too. I suppose that it’s because of the tragedy we shared so young that Jenny and I have always been close.’
‘Apparently you weren’t close enough two years ago for her to stop you making the biggest mistake of your life,’ said Leon. ‘Why didn’t she stop you?’
‘She was away on a business trip with Brent at the time. I was going to surprise her with it when she got home. I certainly did that,’ she said bitterly. ‘She hadn’t been home two hours when I arrived at the flat in a state of hysteria.’
‘Some homecoming,’ he said dryly.
‘Yes.’
Leon looked at his watch. ‘If we leave now we can be at my parents’ in time for lunch.’ He changed the subject on to something less painful for her.
‘You give them a ring while I change.’
’You really will come with me?’
‘As long as you’re sure they’ll accept that we’re only friends.’
‘Oh, I couldn’t ask them to accept that,’ he teased. ‘I don’t have female friends. Besides, they’ll only have to see the way I look at you to know I want you as more than a friend.’
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