“They’ve been great to me and my kids,” I said, wishing I could hide how uncomfortable talk of Brenden made me.
Jim nodded, his expression as friendly as ever. “Babs really likes your kids. He’s been telling me about Tuck for a week.”
Wasn’t it five o’clock yet? With each minute that ticked by, my agitation grew by leaps and bounds. I’d never had a job where people talked about their families—and definitely not where anyone talked about my kids. It felt intrusive, too familiar. I wanted to keep my kids to myself, where I could protect them as much as possible from all the evils of the world, even though I knew better than anyone that I’d never be able to fully protect them.
I’d already failed at that.
“Tuck likes him, too,” I finally said. Tuck liked everyone he met, but he’d really taken a shine to Jamie. I was torn between wanting to find good male role models for him and wanting to insulate the three of us as best I could.
“Good, good,” Jim replied. “Next Saturday, when the team has a few days off before the Christmas home stand, we’re holding our annual holiday party. The team’s owner, Mr. Engels, caters a big meal, and we all bring our families—kids, too. Babs’s parents are coming in with all his brothers since his birthday is the same week. It’s mandatory for the team.”
Did that mean it was mandatory for me, too?
He answered my question before I could ask. “I know it’s not much notice and you have a lot going on, but I hope you’ll come and bring Maddie and Tuck. It’s one of the rare chances you’ll have to meet Mr. Engels. He isn’t around much—prefers to stick with his business affairs up in Calgary and leave the running of the team to the people he’s put in place. Anyway, it’d be good for your kids to get to know some of the other kids.”
“I’ll think about it,” I hedged. Letting them be around other kids didn’t seem so bad, but I hated the thought of them being around so many adults I didn’t know. I’d only met a handful of the people in the organization today. Not enough for me to feel comfortable around them.
Brenden came around the corner down the hall before I had to avoid answering any more questions about my kids, thank goodness. He had on jeans and a tight-fitting, long-sleeved brown T-shirt…the same dark brown as his eyes.
That shirt hugged all his muscles, stretching tautly over them and reminding me how strong he was, how it felt when he lifted me in his arms and held me close to his chest. I shivered.
He smiled when he saw me, which made my heart stutter. He ought to be scowling. It would be easier to keep a healthy distance from him if he looked angry. Damn it, why was he smiling at me, and why was I reacting like this? I couldn’t afford to react to him like my teenaged self would have. Look at all the trouble that had earned me with Jason.
I guess my jaw must have dropped because Jim craned his head around and saw Brenden coming our way.
“Perfect timing,” Jim said. “Shut everything down, and I’ll see you in the morning.” Then he stood up and went back into his office, nodding in Brenden’s direction as he left.
“Good night, Mr. Sutter,” I somehow croaked out.
He laughed. “It’s Jim!”
I turned off my computer and reached into the bottom drawer of my desk for my purse. By the time I did that, Brenden was standing beside me.
“Ready to go?” He was still smiling. It was the sort of smile you’d expect to see on the red carpet for the Oscars, some glamorous godlike actor decked out in a crazy-expensive designer tuxedo and posing for the cameras. But the only one around to see his smile was me. There were no cameras here. No paparazzi.
My pulse had turned to a series of flutters trickling through my veins, erratic and charged and thoroughly distracting.
I really wished he were scowling at me. His scowls made it easier for me to remind myself I shouldn’t trust him. His smiles made me uncomfortable, but in a decisively unacceptable, needy way.
“Yes, I’m ready,” I forced myself to say, trying not to let my frustrations with myself show. I pushed my chair back and stood, pulling my purse strap over my shoulder. But before I could stand up, he inched behind my desk and picked me up.
It was dangerous, allowing myself to enjoy the sensation, but I couldn’t seem to stop it from taking over me. He had one arm tucked under my knees and the other beneath my back, and he held me so close that I could smell the musk of his cologne and the light, minty scent on his breath.
He felt so sturdy and strong like that, and it made me want to trust him. I allowed myself to drape one arm around his shoulders, not because I needed it for support but because it felt nice.
“How was your first day?” he asked. He started walking, holding me in a way that felt like we belonged just like this.
“Exhausting.” I immediately wished I could take my answer back, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why. It just seemed weird to be telling him the truth. I ought to tell him something like, It was fine, and nothing more—the kinds of answers Maddie’s counselor encouraged her to give me when she didn’t want to talk. I needed to create some distance between us because he was getting too close for my comfort.
He turned the corner and made his way down the stairs, drawing me closer in a protective manner. “Tomorrow will be better.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, but I didn’t argue with him. That would only lead me to telling him more truths about my day, about my life. I wanted to keep some things to myself. Most things, actually.
He went out the door into the parking garage, never missing a step. “Dana and Zee—my sister and my best friend—they invited me and Babs over for dinner tonight. A couple of the other guys will be there too, with their families. I thought maybe you would want to come.”
Obviously, he wasn’t going to give up on getting me to go out with him. Going to dinner with him, even if I could bring my kids and there would be other people around, other kids…it just felt too close to a date.
I didn’t want to lead him on or give him hope that there could ever be something between us. “I don’t think that’s a good—”
“You’ve had a long day,” he interrupted. “You already said you were exhausted. This will mean you won’t have to cook or clean up or anything like that. You can just relax.”
I didn’t think it would be possible for me to relax with my kids surrounded by so many strangers. “But it’s a school night.”
“We won’t be out late. If Maddie and Tuck have homework, they can bring it with them.”
It was becoming abundantly clear that he’d already spent some time thinking through what my objections would be and formulating rebuttals for them. “I don’t know if I want to spend so much time with you,” I finally said, once again being far more honest with him than I’d intended to be.
He stopped beside his SUV and clicked the button on his remote to unlock the doors. When he opened the passenger door and set me down on the seat, his hand lingered against my hip like it had yesterday morning before we left for breakfast. His hands were big and as strong as the rest of him, making me feel inconsequential in comparison.
His eyes met mine, as intense as ever, like when he was glaring at me. But this wasn’t a glare. This was a look that made me question whether any of those glares I thought he had given me before had truly been glares, or if they were more like this sexy, needy, studious sort of look.
“I do know that I want to spend more time with you. Come to dinner.”
It might have been because the flutters running through my veins had intensified. Or maybe it was because I couldn’t seem to catch a solid breath. Whatever the reason, I whispered, “Okay.”
He leaned down, his lips meeting mine for just the briefest of moments that brought my heartbeat to a standstill. They were soft, unlike everything else about him, and they brushed over mine in an excruciating tease of more. All too soon, he pulled away and shut the door.
I melted into my seat.
Relatively little time passed before I was sit
ting at Eric Zellinger’s dining room table with two knockout brunettes—Laura Weber and Sara Thomas—and a leggy blonde—Brenden’s sister, Dana Campbell. I felt as out of place as possible.
How had I let Brenden talk me into coming here with him? I didn’t belong with these women. I had no business spending time with the guys on the hockey team. I ought to be at home with my kids, making sure they ate their vegetables and brushed their teeth and went to bed on time.
Instead, they were playing with Jamie and David and Laura Weber’s much-older kids, and I was left to feel unbearably uncomfortable about the entire situation. All the while, I could feel Brenden’s eyes on me, too. Constant. Heated. Like he wanted to kiss me again.
The scary thing was… I wanted him to kiss me again, too. But I couldn’t afford to think like that. All of this would be a heck of a lot easier if he’d just back off and leave me and my kids to our solitude.
Laura reached for the bottle of red wine in the middle of the table and refilled her glass. She held the bottle up with a questioning expression, and Dana instantly covered her glass with her hand in a protective manner. All three of them laughed, and Sara held her glass out for more. Laura poured and then looked to me.
I shook my head.
Laura narrowed her eyes, studying me, but she set the bottle down again. “So…we have Dana fairly well settled with Zee now, even if he hasn’t officially asked her to marry him yet. It looks like Soupy’s made his choice.”
She waggled her eyebrows at me. Oh God. Once I put two and two together, I realized she meant that he and I were a couple.
“No, we’re not—”
“Now we just need to find a man for Sara,” she said over me before I could fully contradict her. “Any of the new guys on the team this season catch your eye?”
“Oh, no, you don’t.” Sara took a drink from her glass, laughing as she did. “Not again.”
“Why not? Jensen’s hot.” Laura didn’t even attempt to hide her wily smile. “Maybe a little on the young side for you, but age isn’t everything. Or there’s Vladimir Burkov and his sexy Russian accent.”
Dana leaned her chin on her hand, one elbow propped on the table. “If Jensen’s too young, then Burkov is way too young. What is he—twenty-one?”
“It doesn’t matter how old they are,” Sara said. “Daddy would kill me if I even thought about dating one of his players.”
Her father was the team’s coach, Scotty Thomas. I’d met him briefly today. He had been in a hurry to talk to Jim, right in the midst of everything going on with the trade. All that had registered with me was that Scotty Thomas didn’t look like the sort of man whose bad side I’d want to be on for any reason. If he wouldn’t like his daughter dating one of his players, it was probably best if she steered clear—both for her own sake and that of whatever player she might choose. I gave a little sound of agreement, but I still didn’t feel like I had any business saying anything.
“See?” Sara said as she nodded in my direction. “Rachel agrees with me.”
“What your father doesn’t know won’t hurt you,” Laura said.
Dana nearly snorted in laughter. “Is that what you tell Katie?”
Katie was Laura’s oldest daughter. Or maybe the youngest. I couldn’t keep it all straight after the day I’d had.
Laura sipped from her glass again. “I haven’t yet, but that’s a good idea. It might save her a lot of frustration. Dave’s determined to keep her under lock and key until she’s forty or so.”
The other two raised their brows, almost simultaneously.
“What?” Laura said. “Fathers are entirely too overprotective of their daughters.” She met my eyes, raised her chin a bit. “Am I right, Rachel, or am I right?”
She couldn’t be more wrong. I gave a little smile, but I knew it wasn’t at all convincing.
A victorious expression took over her features, making her even more beautiful than she already was. “Clearly, she agrees with me.”
“Clearly,” Sara put in, “you’ve had too much wine.”
“There’s no such thing as too much wine.”
“You know I’ll never be able to agree with you on that one,” Dana said on a laugh. “But…” Her voice turned mischievous, and she sent a wicked grin in Sara’s direction. “What about Nicky Ericsson?”
“No goaltender quirks for me, thanks,” Sara quipped.
All of this combined to make me very, very thankful that they thought I was involved with Brenden. The last thing I wanted was a group of women trying to set me up with some hockey player. Good thing she’d cut me off before I could really deny what she’d assumed.
The kids were getting a little too loud in the living room, so I turned to shush the two that belonged to me. I barely turned around in time.
One of Laura’s kids—the boy—was tickling Tuck. Tuck’s giggles were uncontrollable; he was having the time of his life.
But that wasn’t what made my heart stop, what had me getting up from the table and rushing into the living room where the kids were.
Tuck was fine.
It was Maddie that had me panicked because Jamie was reaching for her like he was going to do the exact same thing to my little girl.
Maddie wouldn’t giggle. She wouldn’t enjoy it. She would just retreat further into her shell, and I’d lose her more completely and more permanently than I already had.
I snatched her up off the floor before Jamie could touch her. “All right,” I said, trying to sound a lot calmer and more collected than I really was. “How about y’all play something a little less rambunctious?”
Maddie’s eyes caught onto mine. Scared? Or maybe just sad. It was hard to be sure anymore. She nodded her head like a wise, little old lady. “Yes, Mommy.” I barely heard her voice over the furious pumping of my heartbeat.
“Yeah, good idea,” Jamie said. He smiled at me like he didn’t realize he’d done anything wrong. And really, how should he know he’d done something wrong? Or at least was about to. He couldn’t have. “Zee’s got some board games over here,” he said. “I bet I can find something we can all play.”
Without another glance at me, he headed to a cabinet in the corner of the room.
“I’d better help,” the oldest girl, Katie, said. She stood up and winced, but the pained look on her face faded so soon I thought I’d imagined it. I wasn’t imagining the bags under her eyes, though. She smiled at me and Maddie. “There’s no telling what Babs will come back with, otherwise.”
When they were both gone, I set Maddie back on the floor. “Is everything okay?” I asked quietly, so no one else would hear. “You’re not scared? No one touched you?”
She gave me a sage look. “I’m fine, Mommy.” That would have to do for now. Later, when we were alone, I’d try to get her to talk. Not in front of all these strangers, though.
I sat down in a recliner near where all the kids were gathered, hoping to slow the frantic pace of my pulse.
I still wasn’t used to seeing Dana acting comfortable in a social setting, even though it had been nearly a year since she’d shown up in Portland and asked Zee to help her learn to touch and be touched. Hell, I still wasn’t entirely sure I liked the fact that he was touching her. Although if I had to let anyone do it, I guess I was glad it was him.
She had been raped by some guys in college, and it had completely fucked with her mind, like it would with anyone who’d been through something like that. After it happened, she couldn’t even stand the slightest bit of contact with a man, couldn’t handle flirtation—nothing at all where men were concerned. Any little thing could trigger a panic attack, so she’d spent seven years of her life in almost total isolation from the male species.
But right now, Zee had both his hands on her waist, pulling her toward him from behind, and she seemed fine. No, she was better than fine—she was glowing.
Because of that, I couldn’t hate him for touching her.
I was sitting on a barstool by the kitchen island and
nursing a beer with Webs at my side. David Weber was a veteran on the team, a forty-year-old winger who brought more leadership than skill to the table these days, but he could still find a way to score when it mattered. My stool was at the end, so I had a good view into the living room where everyone else was. Webs’s wife and kids were here—including his teenaged daughter Katie, who was nursing a serious crush on Babs—and Sara Thomas, the coach’s daughter who, like Webs’s wife Laura, had become one of Dana’s best friends.
I was pretty sure the case of puppy love between Babs and Katie was mutual, but I didn’t want to get involved. They could sort out their own love lives. I was having enough of a problem dealing with my own.
Not that I was in love with Rachel Shaw. At least not yet. How could I be in love with a woman who didn’t trust me enough to even talk to me? I was definitely in like with her, though. How else could I explain kissing her like I had? Or continually thinking about kissing her again?
At the moment, she was sitting on a recliner in the living room, watching all the kids play in the middle of the living room floor. Babs and Katie had organized all of Katie’s younger siblings along with Maddie and Tuck, and they were playing Monopoly in teams. Babs had been smart enough to pair the younger kids up with someone older, so they could be more evenly matched. He was playing with Tuck, Katie was with Maddie, and Luke and Dani Weber made the third pair.
The kids were fine. There was no reason for Rachel to watch their every move from only about a foot away; no reason she shouldn’t be sitting a few feet further from the kids drinking wine with Laura and Sara; no reason she couldn’t be in the kitchen with the rest of us while Zee and Dana cooked; no reason she couldn’t just let the kids be kids.
Hell, Babs didn’t need to play with the kids, either, but it came naturally to him. Not only that, but I figured he wanted to hang out with Katie, and playing games with the kids made it easy for him to do that without having to face Webs’s wrath.
I shouldn’t have let it bother me, how Rachel was separating herself and not spending time getting to know the people in my life, but it did. It bothered me a hell of a lot more than it ought to.
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