by T. K. Chapin
“You let him drive your car?”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I knew Charlie wouldn’t understand any of this even if I tried to explain it. With a firm and absolute voice, I responded. “Yes. Don’t worry about what’s going on with Alex. I promise, I have it under control. I just want you to pray for him. Maybe that’s why God wanted you to call me, so you could pray for Alex.”
Then he surprised me. “If you say so. I trust you, and I will pray. By the way, it’s absolutely great if you want to join us for game night tonight. It’s at seven o’clock.”
I wasn’t super excited to spend time with Charlie because his tone told me he was far too worried about Alex, but I couldn’t turn down the chance to see Faith outside of the church. “Awesome, thank you. I’ll see you then.”
Hanging up with Charlie, I went back into the kitchen. Alex was already deep into his plate of food. Pausing, he peered up at me.
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
“No need to apologize. Eat up.”
My prayer that morning was full of hope and joy as I looked to the future for my friend. He had a long road ahead of him, and it’d be difficult, but with the help of God, he would be able to taste and see how good God can be when he allowed God an active role in his life.
Chapter 21 - Faith
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF STAYING AT the Inn at the Lake, I took my Bible down to the dock on the lake to do my daily Bible reading. As I opened up the Scriptures to the book of Galatians, I was reminded of God’s faithfulness as I saw both sides of the Bible’s pages filled with various highlighter marks and notes along the margins. God had been with me and helping me for so many years of my life. Bowing my head, I prayed over the day ahead and especially for the evening.
Lifting my gaze, I spotted an eagle gliding across the top of the lake. The bird’s wings were spread out. The motion of the eagle looked effortless, flawlessly executed like a well-rehearsed ballerina pirouetting across stage. God’s beauty was overwhelming in that moment as I watched one of his creations executing His will as He had purposed it to do so. I couldn’t help but see the parallel between the eagle and how I felt every time I took to His Word, took to prayer, and took to the stage to sing.
“Hey, sorry to interrupt.” Serenah’s words came from behind me on the dock.
Turning my head, I glanced up at her as she came the rest of the way up to me.
“It’s okay. What’s up?”
“Do you like spaghetti? I was thinking of doing that for dinner. It’s made with homemade noodles, so I need to get some thawed out if we go that route.”
“Yeah. Sounds delicious. I haven’t had homemade spaghetti in years.”
“Great.” Serenah surveyed the lake. “So much of His beauty can be seen out here.”
“Yes. So tranquil.”
“I’ve been here for a long time, and I still look out the windows in the morning in awe of His greatness. I can’t wait to see what the new heavens and earth will look like.”
I nodded in agreement. “If this is a fallen world and has so much beauty and depth, I can’t imagine what He has in store for us on the other side of eternity.”
“I’m sure it’s glorious. It’s amazing how our lives can get us so distracted from His beautiful creation that is all around us. We go through heartache and pain and brokenness in this life, but His beauty is usually only a window or a car drive away.”
“I was distracted very painfully one time.” I flashed a glance at the inn and then looked back out at the lake. “That guy, Victor, who called was my fiancé. He ripped my heart out after taking something special away from me.”
Serenah bent down and put her arm around me. Rubbing my arm, she patted my shoulder. “I’ve been there, honey. I married a bad man before Charlie. He did things you don’t even want to know, but guess what? God worked the bad into good. He’s always working. He doesn’t sleep or take breaks. He is so good to us.”
“I had no idea you were married before.”
“Yep. But none of that stuff in the past matters anymore. It’s about life now. Anyway, enjoy your reading. I’ll leave you be.”
“Okay. Thanks for the talk. See you later.”
Serenah left the dock and headed up the steps to the inn.
I turned back to my open Bible and began to read in Galatians.
Coming into the fifth chapter a short while later, I came to one of my favorite passages. At the time of first highlighting it, I had gone so far as to highlight the passage with a strawberry-scented highlighter. The smell was long gone, but the memory of that day hadn’t faded. I could even still smell the highlighter in my mind as I read over the verses that I had clung to after my heartbreaking breakup with Victor. I had never felt so lost. The verses from God’s Word had spoken new life into my crumbling heart.
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
Galatians 5:24-25
I remembered in that moment that I truly only belonged to Christ. Not Victor, not to my parents, not to any person, but to Christ. My desires were misaligned and focused on myself, not God. I clung to my identity I had found in being with Victor, not realizing I wasn’t meant to walk in stride with Victor, but with Christ. I was a child of God. I regained my identity in Jesus that day. I knew I had to walk with the Spirit of God in order to live by the Spirit daily. I had to put off the old fleshly desires of having a boyfriend, of getting married, or anything else, and put God first and foremost. And from that moment on, I made a conscious choice to walk by faith and not by my flesh each new day God granted to me.
Wiping a stray tear as I was overtaken with thankfulness for God always being with me, even when I wasn’t walking in the Spirit, I lifted my eyes to the lake in front of me. God had a lot of love for not only me, but for all people. Even though I didn’t understand the depth of His love, I knew it was all around me. Praising God, I lifted my voice and sang an old favorite hymn, In Christ Alone. After singing, I thanked Him for always being by my side, through the dark times and the good, through the valleys and atop the mountains. I thanked Him for always being the one constant in my life.
Chapter 22 - James
LATER THAT DAY, I GAVE Alex a ride to the police station to go talk to Brody. Leaving him there, I headed over to the park to go for a walk. As I journeyed beneath the towering pine trees, I spotted my sister Bethany and her kids over at the playground. Warmth radiated across my chest at their sight. I hadn’t seen her or the kids in quite some time. Crossing the grass over to her, I tapped her shoulder.
She turned her head, then jumped up from the bench and hugged me.
“James! It’s so good to see you! It’s been months.”
“I know! It’s been a while since I’ve seen you outside of church. How are Mark and the kids?”
We sat down on the bench as we talked.
“Good. Just been busy living, you know?” Her eyes went to the playground equipment and to Easton. “These kids are growing up too quickly.”
“Speaking of, how was Elly’s visit from college?”
“It was so nice having her at home again. She’s loving it down there in Florida. She loves the sunshine and even talked about living down there once she gets done, which Mark and I aren’t exactly thrilled about, but you know how kids are.”
“Is she healthy? Like . . . everything is okay?”
“Yeah. It’s like it never happened. And James, it’s amazing to see how much she appreciates her second chance in life. She tells me all the time on the phone how much she wishes she could thank the donor.”
“Wow. That’s awesome to hear. It feels like yesterday, we were just a couple of kids. Doesn’t it?”
She nodded. Looking over at me, she surveyed me from head to toe. “How are you doing? You look happy. Staying out of trouble?”
I laughed. “Of course, and I am happy! Work is going good, and
I met a girl.” I spoke a little quieter at the last part, a grin spreading across my face as I saw my sister’s face transform into shock.
“What? You met a girl?” She slapped my leg. “Who is she?”
“Her name is Faith. We’re not together or anything, but I think we might be heading that direction.”
Bethany tilted her head. “Oh, James, I’m so happy for you. I was worried that after Heather, with working your night job, you might never meet anyone.”
“Nothing is official right now, but yeah, I think she’s pretty neat.”
Her eyes widened as she peered beyond my shoulder. Her eyebrows furrowed. “What’s he doing here?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Alex walking toward us. “I gave him a ride to take care of some stuff. He’s getting clean, Beth. It’s a good thing.”
“What? You’re hanging out with him?” She became furious. Through her teeth, she said, “James! You can’t hang out with that guy!”
I held a hand up. “I love you, Sis, but please don’t start. I know you mean well, but you can’t tell me what’s right and wrong in my life. He’s an old friend and he just needed a little help to get clean. That’s what I did, and that’s what I’ll do.”
“James . . .” Fear lit in her eyes. She didn’t understand, just like Charlie didn’t, but my sister had a way with being a bit more vocal about it.
I stood up. “Don’t worry, Sis. I’m okay. Please tell Mark I said ‘hi.’ Love you.”
Turning, I headed over to Alex and stopped his steps toward my sister.
Approaching him, I grabbed his arm and turned him in a different direction so we could leave.
“What’s going on? Isn’t that Bethany? I want to say ‘hi’ to her.”
“Trust me, you don’t. Let’s go.”
“Okay . . .”
As we walked, I asked him about the visit with Brody. “How’d it go?”
“I told him he could search my property if he wanted to, and he believed me. The good news is he said he wouldn’t turn me in about the drugs since I was getting clean. He even wished me luck.”
“Nice!” I patted his back as I continued. “See? Everything worked out when you did the right thing.”
“Yeah, I guess it did work out. Huh?”
“Yep.”
Heading back to the car, we got in and drove to Spokane to an outpatient drug rehab clinic. I had found the place online, and they were able to get him started right away on a treatment program. He’d be able to start his first round of medications to help with withdrawal symptoms and increase his chance for success. I was proud of Alex for choosing to do the right thing so easily. Praising God for His ability to break through to Alex, I was bursting with joyfulness even though people like Charlie and Bethany couldn’t see the good in it all.
Chapter 23 - Faith
ANTICIPATING JAMES’S ARRIVAL AT THE inn that evening, I made sure to look as cute as possible. I spent the afternoon trying on at least a half-dozen blouses, with a cardigan, without a cardigan, with a jacket, without one. I was beside myself trying to get the perfect look. It wasn’t until an hour ago that I finally realized I was overthinking it and just settled on a simple pair of jeans and a white hooded sweatshirt.
I fidgeted with the corner of a hand towel in the kitchen as I stared up at the clock, and Serenah suddenly placed her hands atop of mine.
“Relax. Everything is going to be fine.”
Letting myself breathe, I sighed and set the towel down on the counter. “I know. I don’t know why I get so nervous. I just want everything to go perfectly and for him to like me.”
Lightly letting out a laugh, she shook her head. “He wouldn’t be coming over if he didn’t like you, Faith.”
“What if he comes and then decides he doesn’t like me, though?” Touching my forehead, I continued, my voice airy. “What am I saying? Am I in high school again?”
Serenah touched the corner of my shoulder. “Just relax and let Jesus take the wheel in your life on this matter. Focus on having fun tonight.”
I smiled at her. “You’re right. I need to let Jesus take over and stop stressing. Thank you for the reminder.”
The doorbell rang.
My eyes widened.
“It’s Jessica and Kirk,” Charlie said, leaning in the doorway of the kitchen with a grin. He thought it was funny how nervous I was about hanging out with James. He wasn’t mean about it or anything like that, but he just didn’t understand it and found it humorous. Serenah left with Charlie to go greet their guests. I took a moment alone to breathe deeply.
Hearing them approaching through the foyer and into the living room, I escaped to the bathroom right off the kitchen.
Getting inside, I shut the door slowly, then turned and peered at my reflection in the mirror.
“You can do this. It’s not a big deal. It’s some dinner, some games, and light conversation. No biggie. You’ve been a human being most of your life. Well, actually, all your life. He’s just a guy.”
Pausing, I looked at myself more.
“You’re stalling. Go.”
Finding the courage to leave the bathroom, I crossed the kitchen floor and headed into the living room to join everybody. I expected to see Kirk and his wife, but I didn’t expect to see James.
My heart suddenly started to pound in my ears.
“Hi.”
He stood up and shook my hand. “Hi.”
“Wow,” Charlie said, breaking the brief few seconds of silence that had followed. “You two must have some pretty gripping conversations down at the church in the middle of the night to be able to talk like that.”
Serenah playfully smacked him. “Charlie! Leave them alone. Come help me set the table for dinner.”
They got up and left into the kitchen.
Turning my attention to Kirk’s wife, I stuck out a hand. “You must be Jessica?”
“Yes, hello. So nice to finally meet you!”
We shook hands. Kirk joined her side and we shook hands.
“And you must be the youth group leader? The cookie monster? Kirk.”
“That’s me! I do love cookies.” We laughed, and he continued. “I heard you have one amazing voice.”
“Oh, Serenah and Charlie are just being nice.”
He tilted his head toward James. “It was James who was just raving about you a few moments ago.”
I smiled over at James.
Kirk put his arm around Jessica’s shoulders. “Let’s go see if Charlie and Serenah need some help in the kitchen.”
As they left the room, James and I both started to speak at the same time.
He raised both of his hands. “Sorry, go ahead.”
“I was just going to say thank you for coming.”
“You’re welcome.” Things still felt a little bit awkward between us, then he broke it away. “I thought about you all day.”
Relief washed over me as I heard him say it. I relaxed. Taking a step closer to him, I nodded. “I’ve been thinking about you too.”
We journeyed through the living room and out onto the deck through the open French doors. The sun was going down across the treetops, cascading reds, yellows, and even hints of orange. It was breathtaking and beautiful to see.
Placing his hands on the railing as he peered out toward the still waters, he said, “I need to tell you about something.”
Stepping up to his side, I looked at him. “Sounds serious.”
Slowly nodding, he turned to me. “It is, but it’s not fair to you if you don’t know. I have to be honest and upfront with you about my past. I’ve been thinking about it ever since last night when I was vague in the car about it.”
“Okay. I like honesty. But If I’m honest with you, I’m a little scared.”
He explained everything to me. His past relationship with Heather, his dropping out of seminary, his drug use, and his parents’ passing. I was quiet through it all, listening as I heard not only his story, but his redemption after his d
ad passed away and how he had returned to the faith. My heart didn’t judge him a measure for what he had done in the past. It couldn’t. God had already forgiven him, and James had already taken the correct steps to get back into a right relationship with God.
My heart was bursting with love, not for James, but for the Lord.
Chapter 24 - James
SHE TOOK A STEP CLOSER to me and gently brought one of her hands up to the side of my face, letting the skin on the top of her hand graze my cheek. Her blue eyes sparkled, and I saw no condemnation present in them, but love.
Her voice was soft as she spoke. “Oh, James . . . God has brought you through a difficult time. He loves us so much, doesn’t He?”
“Yes, He really does.” I shook my head as I stepped back. “I don’t deserve his goodness. Most of my pain was self-inflicted.”
Shaking her head, she came closer to me. “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past. God’s forgiven you, and He chose to love you and die for you, even knowing you would do all that. There’s not a thing in this world you can do to change the way God feels about you, James. That’s the gospel truth.”
God knew I needed those words and brought Faith into my life to deliver them. It took everything in me not to break down in tears. She now knew some of my darkest moments in this life, and yet here she was, still here, still standing right next to me. It spoke volumes of her character, and I knew right then that I never wanted to lose her.
“Hey, James.” Her hand touched my arm. “Since we’re sharing things, I have something I need to tell you.”
“What? You have a boyfriend, don’t you? I knew a girl like you couldn’t be single. What was I thinking?”
She laughed. “No, it’s not that. Listen. I was engaged to a guy named Victor a while back, and he recently started trying to get ahold of me.”
My guard went up. “Do you feel something for him?”