by T. K. Chapin
“Fine! I’ll leave! I don’t need you anyway!” Pausing, he lifted his gaze and shook his head. “I knew you were never a true friend, James.”
“You don’t need a friend. You need a Savior, and the only one who can fill those shoes died on a cross for you.”
He shooed a hand through the air as I turned my head and went back to Charlie’s truck.
Shaking my head as I drove away, I was delighted by the sense of peace that had come over me more with each passing second. I anticipated feeling a sense of dread and worry over disowning my friend, but that wasn’t there. Instead, it was a supernatural peace. I supposed it was God, in His own way, letting me know I did the right thing.
Pulling back into the church parking lot, I parked Charlie’s truck and thanked God for everything.
Chapter 36 - Faith
A COLORFUL ARRAY OF LIGHTS zig-zagged across the sanctuary and on the screaming youth-filled crowd. The chairs in the sanctuary were all removed, and it was standing room only. The current band on stage played song after song with absolute perfection. Pacing in circles behind stage, I prayed continuously for the strength and courage as my moment drew near. “Lord, I need You really big-time right now. I’m so terrified to go out there. I don’t know if I can do it. Maybe this isn’t Your will in my life? I shouldn’t be so scared. Should I?”
The side door leading to the back area I was in opened.
It was James.
My pacing stopped. I was glad to see him.
“Hey.” He came up to me, clasping my hands in both of his.
“Hi. I was wondering where you were.”
“I’m here now, and that’s what matters. You look scared.”
Pulling in my lip, I nodded. My eyes welled instantly. “I am. I can’t do this.”
His hands came up, touching both of my arms and bringing a measure of comfort to my troubled heart. James’s eyes glanced over my shoulder at the stage. Then, they returned to me. “Faith. You’re right. You can’t.”
“What?”
“You need God and you have Him. He has blessed you with an amazing gift. It’s time to share that with the world. Stop focusing on you and focus on God.”
Reality set in with his words as they filtered down through me.
“Being scared is good. It means you’re doing something outside your comfort zone, and that’s when God can really do some work. Think about Moses when that sea was to his back and that Egyptian army was closing in. You think he was scared?”
I nodded confidently. “You’re right.”
“And Faith? I’m scared right now as well. I just told Alex he had to move out. That’s where I’ve been. Will he go back to spiraling? Possibly. What will he do for a place to stay since Joe probably won’t let him back there? I don’t have a clue, but I know God is in control. I have to trust in Him, and you do too.”
“Thank you so much, James. You’re right about everything. It’s God who is going out on that stage. I just need to get out of the way.”
“That’s right. And I know we don’t want long-distance, but I think we can make it work with God on our side.”
My heart melted at his desire to keep an us. Closing the distance between us, I hugged him and kept my arms wrapped around his shoulders. A moment passed and we released from our embrace. Hearing the band finish their last song, my heart skipped a beat. My performance was only moments away.
James pulled me in close to him and kissed me.
Letting out a sigh of relief as his kiss brought my anxiety down a notch, I smiled at him. “You should join me for one song on stage.”
Shaking his head, he laughed lightly and took a step back. “I couldn’t. It’s your big moment, not mine.”
“Please? Our voices are perfect together. You know that as much as I do. It’d be a blessing to the kids out there. Just one song. Come on. Let’s do Reckless Love and then you can be done. Think about all those youth out there who know who you are, James, all of those who are struggling. It’d be a testimony.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Okay, you convinced me.”
“Okay!” Seeing one of the sound techs, I grabbed him. “Hey. Tell them not to play anything for the first song. James is playing the piano.”
“You got it.” He removed his walkie and walked away as he sent word about our duet.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” James commented as he peered out toward the crowd in the sanctuary. Touching his forehead, he took a deep breath. He glanced in my direction. “You’re lucky I like you.”
I grinned, coming closer. “It’ll be great.”
Chapter 37 - James
FOCUSING ON THE PIANO IN front of me, I played the keys to the song that held a part of my heart as the woman who held the other half sang. Her voice carried through the air like an angel as the beam of white light rested atop her blonde hair. As she started in on the chorus for the second time around, she crossed the stage over to me, her hand resting on my shoulder. I smiled up at her as I played, and she brought the microphone to my mouth as she leaned over and we sang together.
The audience erupted with cheering as we sang together.
After the song ended, I rose from the piano bench and hugged Faith, the crowd hollering only feet away from us.
Exiting to the right of the stage, I was surprised to see Charlie standing there, clapping.
“That was great, James. Listen, can we chat for a minute?”
“Sure.”
I followed Charlie out to the foyer and down the hallway to his office. Once inside, he opened a desk drawer and pulled out an old tarnished pocket watch. Holding it in his hands, he flipped it over and smoothed a thumb over the brass surface.
“What is that? Something of my dad’s?” I leaned to one side, trying to get a better look at the watch. “I don’t recognize it.”
He shook his head. Handing it across his desk to me, he peered into my eyes. “It was my dad’s watch. An old brass train pocket watch. Take a look at the inside.”
Opening it, I read the inscription opposite of the clock. Etched into the metal was a Bible verse. Faded from time but still legible, it read, As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
“That’s a nice Bible verse.”
Nodding, he took the pocket watch back into his hands and placed it into the drawer. “I thought I had lost it a few weeks ago, and I just found it minutes before your performance on stage with Faith. I’ve read that verse a million times over the years, both on the watch and in my Bible. But it struck me in a new way tonight. God forgives and puts the past away, James. I was convicted that I need to do the same with you. I came out there to find you and saw you up there singing with Faith and . . .” He paused, shaking his head. “I saw Freddy in the audience. A kid who I know lost his mother to drugs just last year. He had his hands up in the air and was praising God as tears ran down his cheeks. That right there, that’s the beauty of God’s love. He wraps His arms around us and loves us, comforts us, tends to us.”
My heart welled with joy.
Charlie continued. “The point is . . . it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, James. I knew that before, but I felt it for the first time tonight. I want you to go ahead and preach. I promise this time that I won’t take it away. I realize if I disqualify you for making a mistake, I’d have to disqualify myself and everyone else in this church and just board up the doors and windows. This church is a place for the sick, the sinners, a place for those who need the great Physician Jesus Christ. It’s why God sent His Son to earth, for the people who realize they need Him. Not for the righteous.”
Overwhelmed in the moment and all that Charlie was saying, I rubbed my neck. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
He came around from behind the desk and shook his head. “Say you’ll forgive me, James. Say you’ll go ahead and preach. You know, I think sometimes we, and when I say we, I mean me, can get so caught up with the perfectness of the outsid
e that we forget that everyone is a sinner at heart. Everyone is in need of forgiveness and everyone needs a Savior, and that Savior is Jesus.”
I hugged him.
“Thanks, Charlie. And of course I forgive you, brother. It means a lot to me to hear you say all this.”
Releasing from our embrace, Charlie raised an eyebrow. “So, you’ll do it? You’ll preach next Wednesday? If you do well, I will make you my associate pastor.”
“Yes. I’ll do it.”
Chapter 38 - Faith
JAMES INVITED ME OVER FOR dinner the following Wednesday. Also in attendance would be an old co-worker of his from the furniture store he had reconnected with a couple of days ago, his sisters, and their families. I was nervous about meeting his family, but he assured me the only one I had to be careful with was Bethany. She had a tendency of being a little over-the-top at moments.
After work at the gift ship that afternoon, I made the trip from Colville down to Diamond Lake and dropped off my suitcases at the inn before heading to James’s house.
Parking my car in his driveway behind his siblings’ vehicles, I pulled the visor down and checked my hair and makeup. I wanted to make a good first impression with his sisters and family.
I got out and walked past his car he had finally gotten out of the shop yesterday. It was an expensive lesson to learn not to let drug addicts drive your vehicle, but one I think he had learned a lot through.
As I came up the cement path toward the house, he pushed open the screen door and stepped out onto the porch. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. He was wearing a blue and black flannel long-sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a nice pair of dark blue jeans. He leaned against the wood post and smiled at me as I approached the steps.
He crossed his arms. “Hey there, sunshine. I wondered when you’d come out again.”
Smiling, I came to the base of the porch steps and peered up at him. Twirling a curl in my finger, I tilted my head. “I don’t like going days without seeing you, James.”
Slowly walking down the steps, he came right up to me and let his hands find their place on both sides of my hips. “I don’t like it either.”
Kissing me, he made all the pain of not seeing him over the days melt away into oblivion. Suddenly, I was okay again.
Stopping our kissing, I placed a hand gently on his chest. “I have good news on that front.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t freak out, but I’m moving into the inn with Serenah and Charlie and their daughter.”
He took a step back. “What? What about your job?”
“Charlie offered me a position on the worship team at the church. The pay isn’t much, but it’s a step in the right direction for my music. I need to be closer to Spokane for my career anyway. Your being just down the road is merely a perk.”
He laughed. “Only a perk.”
Coming closer, James tilted his head and we kissed. His lips were the closest to heaven I believed was possible on earth.
“Uncle James!” a little boy exclaimed from the other side of the screen door behind us. “Mom said dinner is ready so you better get inside!”
We both laughed and he took me by the hand. Weaving his fingers between mine, he led me into the house. As we entered, I could smell the aroma of some sort of meat lingering in the air.
“Mmm . . . what is that?”
“Prime rib,” a woman stated as she entered the living room. She approached me and stuck out a hand. “My name is Bethany. I’m James’s sister.”
“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard so many good things about you.”
She laughed and glanced at her brother. “Yeah, right.”
We continued into the kitchen and James went around the room. “That’s Mark, the one that gave me my dad’s car, and that’s Owen and Grace. They live in that fixed-up house I showed you on the lake.”
“Hi. I’m Faith.”
Grace said, “Faith and Grace in one room. I think God’s trying to say something.”
We all laughed.
Bethany pulled the prime rib out from the oven and set it on the hot pads on top of the counter.
“Time to eat.”
Chapter 39 - James
WITH ALL THE CHILDREN ROUNDED up, we stood around the dining room table and locked hands. We bowed our heads, and I led the prayer.
“Lord, thank You. You are so good to us, to me. I don’t deserve Your goodness, Your love, Your faithfulness, and yet You willingly bless and give, time and time again. As You know, I’m about to preach from Your precious and holy Word this evening to the congregation at Church on the Lake. I pray that You help me get out of the way. I pray that Your will be done ultimately in the lives and hearts of the people who show up tonight. Bless this food to our bodies we are about to partake in. And bless the cook who has prepared this meal. We love You, Jesus. Amen.”
My gaze found Faith as I lifted my head, and it brought a smile to my face as we all took our seats. She was a support system I could rely on, who understood my faith and my walk with God. Something I never had with Heather, something I wouldn’t have with any woman who wasn’t seeking God. She understood my deepest desires, and I had no idea how important that was to me until I met her. While I still had a lot to learn about Faith, I knew our shared relationship with God connected us on a deeper level than an entire lifetime would ever be able to do. I knew in my heart that she would be my wife someday, and we’d have children and a life and maybe even a small dog, depending on how she felt about them.
“Have you heard from Alex?” Faith asked, then promptly took a bite of her prime rib.
I wiped my mouth of my bite, then set the napkin down in my lap as I nodded. “I did, but it wasn’t pleasant. He showed up here strung out and looking for his backpack he had left here when he had moved out.”
Her voice softened. “I’m sorry, James.”
I shook my head. “I’ll keep praying for the guy. Alex might be gone, but he taught me something very important. He taught me that only God can save people. It’s only by His grace and people’s willingness that people are able to find true salvation through Jesus. It’s a sobering and sorrowful thought to realize how little control we really have over other people. It doesn’t matter how much we love them, give to them, or show them the goodness of God. It’s ultimately up to each person to accept or reject God. No matter how badly we want it.”
There was a brief silence, only the sound of forks hitting plates and the kids playing around on the floor as Bethany got after them about eating.
Faith turned to me and leaned into my ear. “I love who you are, James.”
My heart warmed with a deep comfort in my soul. She didn’t tell me she loved me, but who I was, and that was an important difference to me. We were far too early in our relationship to have any sort of ‘love’ between us, but we had learned a lot about each other, especially her about me. She learned of some of the darkest and worst aspects to my humanity, and yet she still loved who I was. Smiling, I leaned into her ear.
“I love who you are too, Faith.”
Chapter 40 - Faith
TAKING A SEAT WITH BOTH of James’s sisters, Bethany and Grace, I turned to Bethany as she touched my arm.
“What if it doesn’t work out between you and James? How is being on the worship team here going to work out?” Leaning past me, she looked at her sister, Grace. “Am I the only one thinking that?”
Embarrassed, I lowered my head, but Grace jumped in to my defense.
“How dare you, Beth. You know God is big and He has a plan through this. And if it doesn’t work out, so what? Life will go on. My goodness. You’d do well to learn to keep some things inside your head instead of letting them out.” Turning to me immediately, Grace gently touched my arm. “I know you two will work out. Don’t worry about it.”
“Thank you.”
Beth leaned in a moment later. “I’m sorry. I just worry about him, you know?”
I nodded. “I un
derstand, and honestly, I thought of it too. But we both love God, and if we don’t work out, I think God would still be first and we’d have a working relationship at church. That’s it.” I shrugged, trying not to let doubts hold on to me.
The piano began to play, and a hush fell across the sanctuary as people took their seats. The worship leader led us in a few songs, and then James took to the pulpit. Fumbling with his notes a little, he took a big, deep breath in and let out a sigh.
“Little nervous to be up here, as you’re probably aware. Let’s pray, and then we’ll get started.” He bowed his head, then prayed.
“Our God, You are the one and only true God. I pray that You help me get out of the way and let this message be from You. I don’t deserve to be up here. I don’t deserve salvation either, or anything from You, for that matter. It’s all by Your grace. Your beautiful and sweet grace that we all are here tonight. I pray Your Word and truth do the speaking tonight, not me. We pray these things in Your precious and holy name, Jesus. Amen.”
Opening his eyes, he opened his Bible, and his shaky tone left him and was replaced with confidence as he started. “Turn with me to James, chapter four. I know it’s ironic that my name is James and the message takes place in the book of James.” He peered up at the congregation with a grin. “Yes, that was on purpose.”
The sound of laughter mingled with the sound of the pages turning in the congregation’s Bibles.
“James 4:1-3, ‘What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.’
“My first point I’ll touch on tonight is one every single person in this room can relate to. Even Pastor Charlie and me.” James’s eyes glanced to Charlie, who was sitting in the front row with Serenah by his side.