He took a deep breath and used it to shore up the pain that rocked through him. He mustn’t be greedy, mustn’t wish for more than he had. Lucy had given him this precious child and he had to accept that it might be too much to hope that she could ever give him her trust.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘THIS little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home…’
Lucy smiled when she saw Izzy start to wriggle in delight. The nursery rhyme was one of her daughter’s favourites and she could see the little girl’s excitement rising as Connor came to the last line.
‘And this little piggy went wee-wee-wee all the way home!’
He tickled Izzy’s bare feet, sending her into a paroxysm of laughter. Lucy quickly put out her hand and steadied her when she threatened to topple over.
‘Careful, darling,’ she said, placing another cushion behind her daughter’s back.
They were sitting on the floor, surrounded by a heap of toys. They had played at least a dozen games of peekaboo then built a tower out of plastic blocks, which Izzy had promptly knocked down. Connor had been patience itself as he had played with her and despite herself Lucy had been impressed. However, a few hours spent playing games didn’t prove that he would be a good father, did it?
‘I think it’s time this little lady had her tea.’ She stood up and picked Izzy up off the floor, shaking her head when the little girl began to grizzle. It was time to bring Connor’s visit to an end before she got too carried away. ‘No, you can play again tomorrow, darling. It’s time for your tea now.’
‘Do you want me to clear up these toys while you feed her?’ Connor offered, standing up as well.
‘No, it’s fine. I’ll do them later when she’s in bed.’ Lucy quickly stepped aside. It had been fine while they had been devoting all their attention to Izzy, but all of a sudden she felt very aware of his maleness as he stood there, towering over her.
‘In other words I’m dismissed?’ He laughed when she didn’t reply. ‘It’s OK, Lucy. I’m not going to outstay my welcome, if that’s what worries you. I have to call at the shops and buy some groceries on my way home. I meant to go after I’d been to see Alan Johnson but I completely forgot.’
‘Alan seemed much better on Friday so what’s gone wrong now?’ she asked quickly. There was no point letting the situation deteriorate into another argument when it would only upset Izzy. Far better to stick to a topic that wouldn’t cause them any problems.
‘I don’t think there is anything actually wrong with him. You do get the odd fluctuation in temperature during the recovery period, but I just wanted to make absolutely certain there was nothing else brewing.’
‘I understand. Alan’s a great kid and he’s been really brave, too. It’s such a shame that he gets so few visitors. Nobody came to see him on Thursday or Friday.’
‘I know.’ His tone was grim as he led the way from the room. ‘I got onto the manager of the care home but she was very offhand. She told me they were short-staffed and couldn’t spare anyone to visit him.’
‘That’s really awful. You’d think that someone would have made the effort to see Alan even if they had to do it in their free time.’
‘It’s the old story, I’m afraid—people will only do what they’re paid for.’
‘Is that partly why you called in to see him yourself?’ she asked, recalling what he’d told her about his own childhood. Even now she found it hard to believe that his mother had abandoned him like that. She couldn’t bear to imagine the kind of childhood he must have had, knowing that his own mother hadn’t cared about him. It was no wonder that he was so determined to be part of Izzy’s life, and her heart ached at the thought.
‘I wanted to check how he was,’ he said, firmly repudiating the suggestion.
‘Of course,’ she murmured, even though she didn’t believe it had been his only reason. However, telling him that she understood why he’d wanted to see the boy could be a mistake when she needed to maintain a certain distance between them. It would be far too easy to find herself involved in his affairs.
It was a worrying thought and she quickly opened the front door. ‘Thanks for playing with Izzy. I could tell how much she enjoyed it.’
‘It was my pleasure, wasn’t it, sweetheart?’ He bent and kissed Izzy on the cheek then looked at Lucy. ‘I know this hasn’t been easy for you, and I really appreciate you letting me spend this time with her today. I’d like to do it again next weekend, if that’s OK with you?’
‘I don’t think I have much choice, do I?’ she said tartly, and he sighed.
‘I know you aren’t exactly thrilled about this situation, but the least we can do is to try and behave in a civilised manner. It’s going to put a huge strain on both of us if we’re at loggerheads for the next eighteen years.’
‘Always assuming your interest in Izzy lasts that long,’ she shot back because she didn’t appreciate having him lecture her.
He shook his head. ‘I don’t know how many more times I need to tell you this, but I’m in this for the long haul so get used to the idea, Lucy. You and Izzy are going to see a lot of me from now on.’
He turned and strode down the path before she could say anything and she sighed. He seemed so sure that his interest in Izzy would last that it made her wonder why she doubted him. Was she allowing her past experiences to colour her judgement too much, perhaps?
She knew it was true, and it was upsetting to think that she was being unfair to him. After all, Connor had never misled her about his intentions. She’d always known that he would leave her so what right did she have to use that fact against him now? Maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt and accept that he meant what he said this time, too.
She stepped out of the door to call him back then swung round when she heard someone shouting. There was a man running up the path from the river and she could see that he was very agitated. Connor must have heard him shouting because he hurried over to him. Lucy watched as they had a brief conversation before the man raced back down the path.
‘What’s happened?’ she demanded as Connor came hurrying across the road.
‘There’s a rowing boat adrift on the river with some kids in it. Can you phone the emergency services and tell them what’s happened? I’m going to see what I can do to help.’
‘Of course!’
Lucy ran back inside and dialled 999. Once she was sure that help was on its way, she strapped Izzy into her buggy and headed for the river. The boat had run aground on one of the small islands in the middle of the channel. Its bow appeared to be stuck in the mud but the stern was swinging wildly to and fro in the current. She could see several children in the boat and her heart sank when she realised the danger they were in.
‘We need to get them out of there as quickly as possible,’ Connor said grimly, coming over to her. ‘They won’t stand a chance if that boat is swept downriver.’
‘The emergency services will be here soon,’ she assured him.
‘It will take at least ten minutes for them to get here and that could be too long. We need to get a line out to them so we can secure the boat and stop it being carried away.’
‘There’s a lifebelt station further down the river bank,’ she told him, pointing in the right direction. ‘Would that be any use?’
‘It might be.’
He turned to the man who had raised the alarm and explained what they needed to do. The man immediately set off down the path to fetch the lifebelt. More people had arrived now and Connor nodded when someone asked him if the authorities had been contacted.
‘They’re on their way so can one of you go back up to the road and wait for them? We can’t afford to waste any time once they get here.’
One of the women hurried up the path. The man had returned with the lifebelt and he handed it straight to Connor. Everyone seemed to take it for granted that he was in charge, although Lucy wasn’t surprised. He was always so sure of himself that he inspired confidence in
others.
Had it been his upbringing that had made him so self-assured? she found herself wondering. From what he had told her, he’d had nobody to turn to when he’d been growing up so he had learned to rely on himself. It had given him an inner strength which other people recognised. However, the downside was that he really didn’t need anyone else. The only time that might change was if he fell in love, and it was upsetting to think that it might have happened already if those rumours about him and Dee were true.
‘This is never going to work! Those kids are too scared to let go of the boat long enough to catch the lifebelt.’
Connor found it hard to contain his frustration. Despite all their efforts, they still hadn’t managed to get a line to the children and the situation was becoming critical. The bow of the boat was gradually working loose from the mud and it wouldn’t be long before it was swept away. He knew that he couldn’t run the risk of that happening and came to a swift decision.
‘I’m going to swim out to the boat and tie it on to one of those trees,’ he announced, turning to the group that had gathered on the riverbank. ‘With a bit of luck I should be able to get the children onto the island and keep them there until help arrives, but I’m going to need some volunteers to help me.’
Several of the men immediately stepped forward. Connor gathered them together and explained what he wanted them to do. ‘You’ll need to form a chain with each man holding onto the man in front of him. The first man in the chain will have to tie the end of the rope around his waist and act as the anchor.’
Once he was sure everyone understand what they were doing, he took off his shoes and stripped off his sweatshirt, shivering as a blast of rain hit his bare chest. It looked as though they were in for another downpour, he thought grimly, then glanced round when Lucy appeared at his side.
‘Shouldn’t you wait until the emergency services get here?’
‘I don’t think we can afford to wait,’ he told her, trying to ignore the feeling of warmth that flowed through him when he saw the worry in her eyes. ‘If that boat comes adrift, those kids will be swept away, and I don’t rate their chances very highly, do you?’
‘No…’
She gave a little shudder, although whether it stemmed from fear for the children’s safety or for his he had no idea and didn’t dwell on it. He needed to keep a clear head at that moment and not allow his thoughts to get cluttered up by any other issues.
He left her standing on the bank and made his way to the edge of the water. One of the men helped him into the lifebelt then they all took up their positions. Connor could feel the current tugging at his legs as soon as he entered the water. He only managed a couple of steps before he was swept off his feet but he was prepared for that and didn’t try to fight it.
He struck out towards the centre of the river, letting the current carry him towards the boat. He was a strong swimmer but even with the lifebelt for added buoyancy, he had difficulty making any headway and only just managed to grab hold of the stern before the current swept him away. There were four children in the boat and they were terrified. He had to shout to make himself heard above the sound of their screams.
‘Sit down! Nobody is to stand up in case you tip the boat over. I’m going to tie it to those trees then we’ll get you onto the island.’
Clinging onto the side of the boat, he managed to drag himself to the bow and scrambled through the mud onto the island. He then had to unfasten the rope from the lifebelt and tie it to a cleat. He had just finished securing the boat to a tree when it floated free of the mud and he heard the children scream in terror as it began to swing wildly around in the current.
‘Sit down!’ he yelled when he saw one little girl standing up. The boat lurched again as the current twisted it around and the next second she tumbled over the side into the water.
Connor didn’t hesitate as he jumped back into the river and swam towards her. The current had carried her several yards away from the boat and he had to call on his last reserves of strength to reach her before she was sucked under the water. He managed to grab hold of her arm and hauled her back to the surface, but he didn’t have the strength to swim back to the island. Water swirled into his face as he struggled to keep them both afloat and he coughed as he swallowed a mouthful. There was a sudden roaring sound close by and the next moment a dinghy appeared alongside him.
Connor grabbed hold of the lifebelt that one of the crew tossed to him and hung on while they were towed to the bank where willing hands helped them out of the water. He lay on the grass for a moment, sucking in great breaths of air, then forced himself to his feet. Lucy was kneeling beside the girl and he hurried over to her.
‘How is she?’
‘She’s not breathing and I can’t find a pulse.’
‘We need to resuscitate her. Can you do the breathing while I do the compressions?’
Connor knelt down as Lucy positioned herself by the child’s head. He waited while she checked the girl’s airway for any obstructions then performed four sharp inflations and checked her pulse again. She shook her head. ‘Still no pulse.’
‘Right.’
He placed his right hand on the child’s chest and pressed down gently five times. As soon as he stopped, Lucy performed another single inflation. The technique for resuscitating a child was slightly different to that used for an adult—the ventilations and compressions needed to be done slightly faster and with less pressure—but both he and Lucy had performed the technique many times before and they soon found the right rhythm. When the girl suddenly started coughing, he grinned at her.
‘That’s what I call a result. We make a great team, don’t we, Lucy?’
‘So it appears.’ Lucy did her best not to let him see how that comment had made her feel, but it had touched a very raw nerve.
She looked up in relief when one of the rescue crew came to tell them that the ambulances had arrived. The paramedics appeared a few minutes later and she helped them load the child onto a stretcher. One of the paramedics popped an oxygen mask over the girl’s face then wrapped her in a thermal blanket to help ward off hypothermia. The river water was very cold even in the height of summer and the child’s core body temperature would have fallen dramatically during her immersion. Lucy frowned as she glanced over at Connor, who was giving a statement to the police, because his body temperature would have dropped as well.
‘Can you let me have one of those blankets?’ she asked the paramedic. The rest of the children had been brought ashore now and the crew of the second ambulance were dealing with them. Her part in the proceedings seemed to be over so, after thanking one of the bystanders for watching Izzy for her, she made her way over to Connor.
‘You’d better put this round you,’ she said, handing him the blanket.
‘Thanks.’ He draped it round his shoulders and shuddered. ‘You’re going to the top of my Christmas card list for thinking of this.’
Lucy looked away when he smiled at her. It would be stupid to imagine that it meant anything. Connor had had his chance to make her a permanent part of his life and he hadn’t taken it. She doubted if he was about to change his mind—not that she wanted him to, of course!
Her face filled with colour and she turned to hurry up the path. Connor followed her, pausing several times while people congratulated him. Each time he shrugged off their praise but she knew they were right to commend him. He had risked his life to save those children and he deserved every credit for his bravery.
She stopped when they reached the road, knowing that she should say something, too. ‘You were very brave to do what you did.’
‘I think it was more a case of instinct taking over.’
‘There was more to it than that,’ she said firmly. ‘You risked your life for those children, and that takes real courage.’
‘I wouldn’t go that far but thanks anyway. I appreciate it, especially as we aren’t exactly on the best of terms.’
‘Maybe I have been a lit
tle hard on you,’ she conceded. ‘It’s just that I can’t help worrying about Izzy.’
‘I know. And I understand how you feel, Lucy, really I do.’
He touched her lightly on the cheek and she shivered when she felt the coldness of his fingers against her skin. She stepped back, anxious not to prolong the contact. While she was willing to admit that she might have been a little unreasonable, that was as far as she was prepared to go. She certainly wouldn’t risk falling under his spell again.
‘You need to get out of those wet clothes,’ she said, hurriedly changing the subject. There was no danger of her falling under Connor’s spell a second time, she assured herself. She had learned her lesson the hard way and even though she still loved him, she wasn’t stupid enough to risk having her heart broken again.
‘I also need to wash away the smell of that mud. It absolutely stinks!’
Lucy summoned a smile as he sniffed his arm in disgust. The only way to deal with this situation was by trying to behave as naturally as possible around him. ‘Stop complaining. Some people pay a fortune for mud baths and you just had one for free.’
‘Well, I certainly wouldn’t pay good money to end up smelling like something that has been festering at the bottom of a gym bag!’
‘Do you want to come back to the flat and have a shower?’ she suggested because it was what she would have done for anyone in the circumstances.
‘Thanks. It’s really tempting but I need to check how our patient is doing. Although she appears to have recovered pretty well, she isn’t out of the woods yet. If water has passed from her lungs into her blood, it could cause a problem. Plus the lining of her lungs might have been damaged so I’d like to run some tests.’
A Baby of His Own Page 8