“I’m glad.”
“And you? You look different yourself.”
“I live in a smallish town, not in the town itself, actually. I rent a house on a farm on the outskirts. I garden, sit in the sun and sometimes I help out in the local pub. And sometimes I play the organ in church on Sundays.”
Brenda put her cup down and shook her head. “Doesn’t all the excitement get too much for you sometimes?”
Ellie laughed. “And I run and do Tai Chi.”
“That’s what I call living on the edge. I can understand that you had to get away and come and visit us.”
“Actually, it’s a good life. You should come and see for yourself. It’s wonderfully quiet. You can hear yourself think.”
Brenda raised her finger and tapped her forehead. “And that’s the clincher. Why would I want to hear what’s going on up here? I declared it a danger zone a long time ago and I’m not about to start messing with it now.” She sipped her coffee. “Thinking is overrated. It can drive you crazy. Remember that.”
Ellie laughed.
“What’s up with you?” Brenda asked. “For someone who gets all that fresh air, exercise and rest, your eyes are too clouded.”
Ellie wondered again how someone with such a limited education could have so much savvy while she, with her Master’s degree in psychology, often found it difficult to understand herself.
“How clued up are you?”
Brenda shook her head. “I don’t have time for games, or being coy. Ask what you want to ask. If I know, I’ll tell you.”
“The problem is, I don’t know what I want to ask. I’m trawling with a very big net.”
“I thought you weren’t working at the moment.”
“There are problems. That’s why I’m back.”
“Does it have anything to do with your last case?”
Ellie nodded. It was ironic that Brenda and Happy were the two people she trusted most. “I can’t give you the details, because I don’t know them myself, but Clara Veldman disappeared on Friday night and it’s thought she may have been kidnapped.”
“Were the two of you still in contact?”
“No. But apparently she’s been looking for me recently.”
“Do you know why?”
“No, but I’m a cop and I don’t believe in coincidence.”
“What does your friend Happy say?”
“He’s the one who told me. It’s been confirmed by someone in the police, but I don’t know who I can still trust there. It seems Williams is refusing to report the case. His own people are looking for Clara. How reliable they are I can’t imagine.”
“Want to know what I think?”
Ellie waited.
“Go back to your small town and plant potatoes and do your Tai-whatsit. Don’t mess around with a dog that’s bitten you before. You didn’t have the whole picture the first time, but this time you have no excuse. It would just be plain stupid.”
“She’s a young girl who didn’t ask to be born into that family.”
Brenda sat back. “Listen, I think it’s very nice of you to want to help her. There are very few people around today who care for others, but we’re not talking about a girl with a few problems. This is major shit. There’s no other name for it.”
Ellie was silent for a while. “That’s just one half of the story. The other half is that Allegretti has also been missing since Sunday night and the man who works in his house has been shot.”
Brenda threw her hands in the air. “I rest my case. If I were you I’d waste no time getting back to my potatoes and onions. Why would you want to stick your head into a hornet’s nest?”
“Maybe I’m naive, maybe I’m arrogant to think I know her, but when I lived with Allegretti I got a few glimpses of a very young girl who’s not as confident and sophisticated as she pretends to be. I feel sorry for her.”
“I’ll see what I can find out, but I don’t promise anything.”
“I understand.” Ellie hesitated. “Please be careful what you say to whom.”
“I know a girl … she’s Russian, but she’s quite nice. I passed a few of my former clients on to her. She still hangs out with the others sometimes. I’ll find out if she’s heard anything.”
“You can’t tell her why you want to know.”
Brenda got up and looked at Ellie with raised eyebrows. “Is something written on my forehead that I don’t know about?”
“Sorry, I’m a bit rusty.”
They said goodbye and Ellie smiled when Brenda offered to pay for the coffee. “It was in your time and on your computer that I did the secretarial course, after all.”
Back at the house, Ellie stood in front of the whiteboards. She picked up a black marker and began to write.
Somehow it felt like yesterday that she and Clive had stood in front of a whiteboard like this. The names on it were the same. Nothing seemed to have changed, yet everything had. She wished she could say she felt smarter, more prepared, but it wouldn’t be true. On the contrary, she seemed to be drawing the lines more tentatively. There were so many variables. All the faces had acquired two sides, which meant a lot of faces to keep in mind. No wonder it was called the underworld.
She suddenly missed her house on the hill. Not that the town didn’t also have its dark side – every town did; but the light was more visible there. She had never imagined a place where her mind and spirit could feel lighter and brighter. Yet she didn’t know if she could ever separate herself completely from this world. Perhaps the genes of her forefathers were calling her. Sometimes she thought she might have walked away had her father still been alive. But now this was a place where they came together. In her mind’s eye she saw his empty shoes and though she could never fill them, she would never find peace if she didn’t try.
She picked up her phone and began to type a WhatsApp message: Can I see you tomorrow?
Minutes later the answer came. Yes. Let me know where and when. I have a meeting at 08:00.
Mugg & Bean in Cavendish at 10?
See you there.
She read the message and hoped it was only the long day that made her feel sorry for him.
She was in bed when a message came through from Nick.
I need someone for admin.
Ellie replied at once. I know someone.
Someone we can trust?
Ellie felt like laughing.
You have serious trust issues. Yes, I’d trust her with my life.
Ask her to come in tomorrow so we can talk.
Okay.
Ellie watched as her message was delivered and saw him start another message. But after a while he went offline. Maybe the message had been for someone else.
She thought about the few bits of information she had managed to find about him in the past. Some of it was confidential and not even she could access it. What she knew was too little to form an opinion. The fact that he’d been married and divorced twice might say something about him, but she didn’t know what. Perhaps it said more about the women he kept choosing.
When she’d switched off the bedside lamp she lay for a while with her phone in her hand. She missed having someone to talk to. Nights like these made her realise how few people she had who were close to her. People you could call or message just before midnight, and not because you had anything special to say. It was the thought that someone out there knew about you. Very few people knew about her.
She had Melissa, but it was hard these days. Melissa’s days were filled with the children’s activities and she went to bed early. What made it even harder was that she didn’t want to burden Melissa with the harsh realities of her life. Raising kids in a place where you are bombarded on a daily basis with horrors like murder and rape was hard enough. You didn’t want to hear it echo in your friend’s voice in the middle of the night. Parents had the right to feel they could protect their kids, or they would never stop looking over their shoulders.
After a while she sent Brenda a message.<
br />
I need you for a job. Are you available?
Ellie had dozed off when the phone beeped.
Yes.
Can you be in Milnerton tomorrow at noon? Ellie gave the address.
Yes. Don’t you have better things to do at this time of night?
Ellie laughed out loud.
Not all of us are as lucky as you.
Some of us don’t want to be lucky.
She read the words a few times before she replied.
Maybe some of us just don’t know how to be lucky.
You know what your problem is – you think too much. Let it go. Just be. It’s very simple. But maybe it’s a whitey thing. Maybe you’re born like that. With all the thoughts and shit in your heads.
Thanks for the advice. Tell me what I owe you.
Let’s call it quits. But from now on you start paying for my pearls of wisdom. See you tomorrow.
Ellie put the phone on the bedside table and closed her eyes. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach seemed to have diminished a little.
Nick watched Nols wrap the presents. There was a rugby ball, two sets of Lego, a computer game and goodness knows what else. On the coffee table lay three presents already wrapped.
“I wanted to buy them bikes but Riana says they already have bikes.”
“They’ll be very happy to get all these presents.”
“I missed a lot of birthdays and Christmases.”
“How did it go with you and Riana?”
Nols bit off a length of adhesive tape, stuck the long edges of the paper together and began to fold the corners. “Under the circumstances, quite well. The closer it gets to your release the more you start dreaming about the reunions. I don’t know if it’s ever really the way you imagined it.” He looked up. “She’s got someone else.”
Nick nodded. “I heard.”
“She says he’s good to her and the kids.” He bit off another piece of tape and secured the corners. “I asked her if I hadn’t been good to them. She said she didn’t mean it like that; she just didn’t want me to worry about them. What do you think? No matter what she says, it sounds like a motion of no confidence.”
“I don’t think you should see it like that. You both know you were good to them. I always envied you. You seemed to have hit the jackpot.”
“If it was a jackpot, the payoff was crap.”
“Can I make us some tea or coffee?”
Nols shook his head. “You know, for a while I was convinced you betrayed me because you were after Riana.”
“What?”
“She’s a good-looking woman and the two of you have always been close.”
“Fuck, Nols, she was like a sister to me. She listened to all my girlfriend problems. Gave me advice. There was never anything more.”
“Never? Not even at the beginning, when you were both in Joburg?” Nols looked up, met Nick’s gaze squarely.
“Not even then.”
“Would you have told me?”
Nick ran his hand over his face. “I don’t know; I suppose it depends on a lot of things, but, believe me, there was never anything.”
Nols looked up again. “Are your hands still clean?”
“Regarding?”
“We both know how easy it is and how blurred the line can become. Have you never crossed that line?”
“If you’re asking if I’ve ever taken money or made dockets disappear, the answer is no.”
Nols smiled. “If only it was that black or white. We both know there are so many opportunities, so many grey areas. When you’re young, no one tells you just how fucking blurred that line can get.”
Nick looked at his watch. He couldn’t keep his eyes open and yawned behind his hand.
“Sorry, I know you came back in the early hours and here I am, talking shit. Go to bed. I promise, tomorrow night we’ll go out for a bite and talk about better things.”
“It’s a deal,” Nick said.
Lying in bed, he couldn’t get his brain to switch off. He thought about Riana and himself, that grey area. Things might have turned out differently if he hadn’t gone abroad. He knew he’d seen something in her eyes a few times. A longing, a hankering. Sometimes her hand had rested on his arm a moment too long. A casual touch when they passed each other. Like the money and dockets Nols had mentioned, he didn’t know why he hadn’t crossed that line. He wondered whether you were saved from yourself sometimes. If so, he should probably thank someone or something. The guardian angels his mother had always spoken about? Or are your guardian angels only there when you’re little? Do you take that job over yourself at some point?
CHAPTER 15
Albert was waiting for Ellie at the Mugg & Bean at Cavendish Square. He got up when she approached. He was wearing a light blue shirt that made his eyes look even bluer.
“Have I told you how good you look?” he asked when they sat facing each other.
“Yes, you have. But that’s not why I’m here.”
“So the dream I had about you last night won’t come true?”
She was tempted to ask him if his new girlfriend had been next to him when he’d had the dream, but decided the less they talked about personal matters the better.
“I want you to tell Williams I’ll help him look for Clara.”
“Are you serious?”
Ellie shrugged. “I don’t think Williams will go to the police. Which means they’re going to be looking for her themselves. I think I could help them. And to tell the truth, I feel responsible for her.”
“I feel like kissing you. Thanks, babes. You’re a lifesaver. Things are difficult at the moment. No one trusts anyone.” After a moment he asked: “Does Barnard know?”
The waiter came and they both ordered coffee. When he’d left, Ellie said: “Not yet, but I’ll have to tell him sometime. How else will I explain my enquiries?”
“You know he’ll be pissed off.”
“I don’t work for him. If he thinks about it, he’ll realise it could benefit us all.”
“What about Zondi and Ahmed?”
“I’ll think of something. You just keep quiet. Don’t speak to Clive. Do what you have to do and leave me to do things the way I see fit.”
He scratched his head. The waiter brought the coffee and he added sugar. “I’m prepared to go to Williams right now, but you can’t get cold feet halfway through, you know?”
“I won’t,” she assured him.
“What do you want from Williams?”
“Access to Clara’s laptop, and cellphone, if there’s one somewhere. I want to talk to her friends and family. And to him and his wife. Clara’s mother. Her brothers, if possible. The guys who were looking after her that night. Somewhere in that mix there will be clues and perhaps answers, and if I search long enough and hard enough, I’ll find them.”
“Let me see what I can arrange.” He reached out and touched her hand. “Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me too soon. Let’s find her first.” She pulled back her hand and picked up her cup.
“Where will you stay? Have your tenants left?”
“I’ve booked into a guesthouse.”
“You know I’ve got room.”
“That’s not what I’ve heard.”
He smiled. “Don’t listen to rumours. You know people like to gossip.”
“I’m happy for you if you’ve found someone.”
He smiled again. “It’s not going to happen overnight. And we’re not going to have that conversation now. But we will have it sometime in the future.”
When their cups were empty, he picked up his car keys. “I’ll talk to Williams and let you know.”
“Albert, I need any information that might be connected to her disappearance. It means I need to know what’s happening in Williams’s life and his business. Which he won’t tell me.”
He sat back in his seat. “I can’t allow that kind of information to be made public.”
“I understand. And I don’t blame you
for thinking the risk is too great. But you must understand that I need everything I can get, or I might as well leave it. I can’t raise expectations and end up looking like a fool. In that case, it’s better if his own people do the job.”
“Babes, you know I trust you, but I don’t trust anyone else. I know you and Barnard come a long way but there’s no love lost between the two of us any more. He’ll do anything to screw me.”
Ellie picked up her handbag. “I understand.”
When she drove away she didn’t look in her rearview mirror. It wasn’t as if she had never told a lie before. In this job you soon learnt that the truth came in many guises. You manipulated a witness with a word or phrase barely on the right side of the truth. You kept the bosses happy about progress in a case by choosing words that could have more than one meaning. But in her personal life she didn’t lie. It had always seemed like a slippery slope. A voice tried to remind her that she and Albert no longer had a personal life. Yet there was a bitter taste in her mouth. He trusted her.
She had just stopped in Milnerton when Brenda arrived. She was dressed in jeans again and the smart leather jacket. On her head was a beret which she removed as she came into the house.
“Thanks for coming.”
Brenda shrugged and studied her surroundings.
Ellie took her through to the living room and offered her something to drink. Brenda shook her head.
“You already know about Clara and Allegretti’s disappearance. We’re investigating both cases, though nothing was officially reported to the police. It’s important that we work as quickly and as quietly as possible. We need someone to do the admin and see that everything is filed. We can’t afford for anything to get lost. You understand the context of what’s going on here. I don’t have to explain it to you. Are you up for it?”
Brenda looked around the room. She got up and went to stand at the sliding door that led to the garden. Then she came back and sat down again.
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