Her mom gave a sympathetic nod when Ellie rambled on about the painkillers and the doctor and lying down.
“Have a good trip. Let me know when you get back and we’ll go for coffee.”
“As soon as we’re back I want you all to have dinner with us one Sunday,” Janus said, pressing her to his chest. “I promise I’ll take good care of your mom.”
Ellie nodded and felt her eyes filling with tears.
Outside the hall she stretched her arms over her head and took a few deep breaths.
Melissa linked an arm through hers and together they walked to the car.
She leaned her head against the window and did not speak until they stopped at Melissa’s house, where she glanced at her watch.
“I suppose I should phone for my lift.”
“Let’s have a drink first. If you don’t decompress right now, you’re going to have a heart attack.”
A light shower was falling. They say it’s a good sign if it rains on your wedding day, Ellie thought.
In the cosy living room Melissa produced a bottle of Antonie’s best whisky and an ice bucket. She poured them each a stiff drink.
Ellie raised her glass. “Sláinte.” She downed her drink and held the glass out to Melissa. “Keep ’em coming.”
Melissa refilled the glass and Ellie downed her second drink. After her third one, Melissa held up her hand. “Sweetie, you can finish the bottle for all I care, but you’re going to hate me tomorrow. And it won’t change anything.”
“Please don’t lecture me today.”
“Just a small one. I know you feel she betrayed your dad, but you don’t know what their marriage was really like. If this dude makes her happy, so be it. Would you prefer it if she drank? If he’s prepared to take her on, wish him luck and thank him.”
“I don’t want to thank anyone today. The least she could have done was to come with me to visit him today. Say a proper goodbye. Come to think of it, I wonder if she’s ever been there.”
“She said goodbye to him a long time ago. You’re the one who hasn’t.”
“What are you saying? That I’m putting it off? Was I also supposed to forget him in a day?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. You can take as long as you need. I’m just saying, it’s over for her.”
Ellie looked at the bottle of whisky on the coffee table. She had tried a different drink at night, but it wasn’t the same. When the sun went down and she poured the amber liquid over a few ice cubes, she imagined the two of them meeting somewhere, and for a short while the world didn’t seem such a dark place.
CHAPTER 20
“Aah, Colonel Malherbe,” Ellie said when Nick came to pick her up. “The man of many faces.”
He stood at the door and his eyes went from her to Melissa, who shook her head and smiled.
“It’s been a long day.”
Nick nodded and took Ellie’s arm. He said goodbye to Melissa, opened the door of the bakkie for Ellie and fastened her seatbelt before he got in himself.
“I take it it was a good wedding,” he said as he pulled away.
“Lovely. I got two sisters and a brother into the bargain. Lucky me.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“What did you do today, aside from missing me?”
“I dropped by the yacht basin, but as I suspected, Enzio is definitely not on his yacht. And I saw Gabriella. Your boyfriend got wind of the shooting at Allegretti’s house and now he’s looking for Allegretti. He wanted Gabriella to tell him where he is.”
“Who’s my boyfriend?”
“How many do you have?”
“Not a single one, as far as I know.”
“Well, then I apologise. Greyling went to see Gabriella.”
“And?”
He looked at her. “Are you going to remember what I’m telling you tomorrow? I don’t want to waste my breath.”
“You think I can’t work after a few whiskies? You’re wrong. It’s like mother’s milk to me. I’m sharper than ever.”
“If you’re so sharp, I’m sure you know what happened, and where we can find Allegretti and Clara.”
“I said sharp, not clairvoyant. Give me a day or two.” When he didn’t react, she said: “Why did you lie to Melissa? I never told you about her.”
“I’m sure you did.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my memory.”
Nick told her how he went to her house and saw Melissa in the photos. “I took one with me and found out who she was. I wanted to know who the important people in your life are.”
“You’re a swine.”
“I’m sure your file on me is thicker than mine on you.”
“You followed me one evening,” she said, ignoring his words.
“What?”
“A long time ago. You followed me one evening.”
Nick smiled. He told her about the night he was outside her house. “I was sure you were in the bath. Then there was a sudden change of plan. What the hell did you have to go and buy so urgently?”
Ellie laughed. “Clive called to say Zondi wanted to see me. Soon after I left he noticed someone was following me, so I bought a packet of tampons at the convenience store and went back home.”
“If the police had pulled me over that night they would have put me away for a very long time. I was totally wasted after babysitting Enzio all day, trying to find out what he and Visser were up to. You owe me for that night.”
She leaned her head against the window. “And you barged into my room with a loaded pistol and kidnapped me.”
“I never kidnapped you.”
“I didn’t tell you to follow me or to watch my house.”
“Maybe we should continue this conversation another day. When we’re both sober.”
“We can continue any day, but the answers will be the same.” She turned towards him in her seat. “Do you have relatives?”
“I’d have thought by this time you’d know all there is to know about me.”
“I know you were married twice and there don’t seem to be any kids, but that’s all I know. Families are weird. It’s supposed to be like a densely woven, durable cloth of blood and genes. Every thread the right tension, every colour in perfect harmony. Hell, what could be stronger than blood and genes? But every family seems to come with a built-in flaw. Often it just takes one loose thread for the whole thing to unravel.”
“Do you have that durable cloth you mentioned?”
She looked at him. “Does it look like it to you?”
“People are different. Some people look happy but in the inner sanctum there’s weeping and gnashing of teeth. Others don’t look particularly happy, but they’re fine.”
“Are your parents still alive?”
“No. They both died a long time ago. I have a brother and we get along well. We don’t see each other all that often but when we do, we enjoy each other’s company.”
“I don’t have any brothers or sisters.”
“Do you miss it?”
“You can’t miss something you never had. I think I miss the idea of someone who’s in the same boat.” She groaned when they went through a pothole. “Ow! My ribs!”
“I think your expectations of siblings are too high. I know families where the children don’t agree on anything.”
“Hmm … I know families like that as well, but I would have had a good sibling.”
“What about your friend?”
“Yes, poor Melissa, she’s been my surrogate sister all these years.” Ellie looked at her watch. “Can I buy you a drink, or do you have plans for this Saturday night?”
“Depends on whether you’ll be able to work tomorrow if you have anything more to drink.”
“A piece of cake. It’s the first drop that destroys you, there’s no harm at all in the last.” She exaggerated her dad’s accent and he smiled. What she neglected to say was that she couldn’t face returning to a strange house where there were whiteboards with names and crisscross lines wai
ting for her. Lines that would seem like a crow’s nest tonight. She needed to feel normal for a while. Whatever that might mean. She wanted to sit somewhere where people were talking about ordinary things. Where friends made one another laugh and couples ate from each other’s plates.
“You know Cape Town.”
“Let’s go to the Fireman’s Arms. Do you know it?” When he shook his head, she said: “I’ll tell you how to get there.”
Nick found parking and they walked with their heads lowered against the soft rain.
At the entrance was a sign that read Helping ugly people have sex since 1864.
Ellie saw Nick smile.
It was noisy inside and she was glad they had come. She craved the noise people made when they were happy. They found a table in a corner. They both ordered beer.
She raised her glass when it was put down in front of them. “Sláinte.”
He raised his. “To loving marriages and happy families.”
“If that’s the best you can do, you’re one of the worst dates I’ve ever had.”
“Greyling.”
She lowered her glass. “What about Greyling?”
“Why isn’t he here with you tonight?”
“We’re not going to talk about him now. I brought you along for light entertainment and small talk. If I wanted to be serious, I would have come alone.”
“Do I look like light entertainment and small talk? And you couldn’t have come on your own. You don’t have wheels.”
“Have you never heard of Uber?”
“I told you not to leave paperwork and records of your movements. Tell me about Greyling.”
“And I told you the two of us are history. Why do you always think I’m lying?”
“It’s not what the grapevine says.”
“I don’t care what the grapevine says.”
“Barnard is worried about the two of you.”
“Clive has a wife and kids. He worries about everything.”
“And you and Barnard?”
“What about us?”
“Has there ever been anything between you?”
“You must be joking.”
“Why do you pretend that it’s out of the question?”
“He’s married.”
“Millions of people will tell you that it didn’t stop them.”
“I’m not one of them. Anyway, the friendship between us is too strong. You don’t mess with a good friendship.”
“Why did you find today so difficult?”
Ellie threw her hands in the air. “This is the last time I buy you a drink. You’re the most boring company I’ve had in a long time.”
He sat back and waited.
“My mom and I have never had a good relationship. I’m not happy about her remarrying so soon. I feel she’s betraying my dad.”
“Is she happy?”
“Radiantly.”
“Don’t you want her to be happy?”
“I do, but not at my dad’s expense.”
“You know your dad is no longer here?”
“We’re not going to talk about this any more.” She gulped down the rest of her beer and picked up her handbag. “You can drop me at home.”
Nick beckoned the waiter over and ordered two whiskies.
“You brought me here. You can’t change your mind now. Why do you think your dad knows she got married again?”
“Hell, you’re a pain. Because I can still hear and feel him. I don’t understand why she can’t as well.”
“Maybe she can and maybe he told her he wants her to be happy again? You don’t know what he’s told her.”
“Are you trying to get me mad?”
“It’s a valid question. If you can hear him, then she probably can as well. I don’t think there’s much chance he’ll be telling the two of you the same thing. Did he tell you he didn’t want her to get married again?”
Ellie shook her head.
“Then how can you be mad at her?”
“Because she pretends to be happier now than she ever was with my dad.”
“Maybe she is. You can’t hold it against her. You’re not her.”
“He was a good man.”
“That doesn’t mean he made her happy.”
“She was his great love.” Ellie told him how her father had come to visit his cousin in South Africa as a young man and had never gone back home, because he’d fallen in love with Rika and decided she was the one for him.
“It’s a beautiful story, but that doesn’t mean he was her great love.”
“Then why the hell did she marry him?”
“Maybe she thought she loved him. It must be easy to imagine you do if the other person is so madly in love with you. Anyway, I don’t think all married couples are each other’s great loves. If that was so, no one would get divorced.”
“I don’t know if you’re the right person to lecture me on marriage and love. You haven’t got a particularly good track record. And why do people get married if not to their great love?”
“You may be right. I’m not saying I’m right. I’m just saying you may be looking at the subject with blinkers on and in the process you’ve got angry with a lot of people. About your question: I don’t have an answer. Maybe you doubt that you’re ever going to meet your true love, so you settle for someone who ticks at least a few of the boxes.”
Ellie beckoned to the waiter and ordered another whisky. When he had left, she said: “Please don’t pretend you know what I think or feel. You don’t have a clue.”
“Tell me then.”
“No, I don’t have to tell you anything. The two of us aren’t friends.”
He sat back in his seat. “You’re right. We’re not friends, but at the moment you’re involved in the biggest case of my career and if you can’t even sort out your personal affairs, how can I trust you to have a clear head about the case?”
“Do you think I can’t separate my personal life from my job?”
“I don’t know.”
“Fuck you.”
Nick shook his head. “I can’t afford for you to fall apart. Not because of your mom, your dad or a brother or sister you don’t have. Not even because of yourself. So I’m giving you this one chance. Tonight you can do what you like. You can go off the rails, you can get plastered, you can cry on my shoulder, you can curse. Go mad, because tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and all the days that follow until we’ve sorted out this bloody chaos I need you to be sharper than a Minora blade. If you feel you can’t at the moment, I’ll take you home now to pack your things and I’ll personally take you any place you want to go.”
“Did you give this same speech to Clive and the others?”
“No, because they’re not my most important link. You are. You’re the one who knows Clara best. You were in that house. You know what happened and what didn’t happen between her and Allegretti. No one else was there. I need you, not because I want it to be that way but because I’m smart enough to know what the best strategy is. And having you on the team is the best I can do. I understand your father died and I’m sorry your mother found someone else to replace him too soon. If it had happened at any other time I would have had empathy, but it’s an emotion I can’t afford right now. Just like you can’t afford to be distracted by a bunch of files on your computer. Maybe your dad’s death was just a random event. No one is innocent and no one is guilty. Sometimes things just happen.”
Ellie got up. “I want to go home. If you won’t take me, I’ll phone for a taxi or an Uber. The choice is yours, but I’m done here.”
Nick swallowed the last of his whisky and got to his feet. They walked to the bakkie in silence and drove to Milnerton without saying another word.
He got out and unlocked the front door with his key. On the wall in the hallway was a note.
Went out for a while. Don’t worry. Won’t be back late.
“Thanks for the lift.” Ellie turned and began to walk down the passage.
<
br /> “You haven’t answered me.”
She walked back to him.
“What do you want me to tell you? We don’t do this job because our lives are moonlight and roses. On the contrary, we do it in spite of the fact that sometimes our lives look worse than the rest of the world’s, because we’re forever sorting out other people’s shit. Do you mean to tell me you’ve never gone through a difficult time? And still done your job? Or is that why you’ve been divorced twice? Is that what you do when the going gets tough at work – dump the rest of your life? My life is my life and I don’t plan to dump it, not for you or anyone else. But it doesn’t mean I can’t do my job as well.”
She stood facing him, the way she’d stood that first day in the club. Feet apart, all dimples and sad eyes. She’d worn no make-up then. Her eyes hadn’t seemed so big. With a touch of lipstick, her lips looked soft and bruised. When he reached out his hand to wipe away a strand of hair, he knew it was a mistake. A fucking big mistake. He saw her eyes widen a little, and noticed that she didn’t draw back.
Her mouth tasted the way he had imagined. Her body against his felt strange and familiar at the same time. An uncomplicated body.
He felt her press against him as her lips parted under his own. This was a huge fuck-up. Maybe they should stop for a moment and think this through. When her arms went around his neck, he decided he didn’t want to think at all. Especially not when she had taken his hand and was leading him to her bedroom. Neither of them said a word. Not even when they fell onto the bed and began to remove each other’s clothes. She swung herself over him to sit on top of him, her arms reaching up over her head, as if she wanted to challenge him to look away or get up and leave. He raised himself to kiss the scars that crisscrossed her chest and touch the bruises under her ribs. Her eyes were closed and he heard her moan softly. They sat that like that for a moment, limbs entangled. Lord, there was nothing more wonderful than a woman’s body against yours. And nothing could match the fire it ignited inside. He swung her back underneath him, and watched her eyes darken and her hair tousle on the pillow.
Ellie lay on her back, dozing. In her waking moments she told herself to get up. One of them had to get up and get dressed, and Nick didn’t seem about to do it. He was lying on his back, one arm above his head, his breathing slow and measured. Maybe she should wake him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do that either.
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