by Kim Law
Should he really consider going back? He hadn’t given it much thought since the idea had formed, but it had sat in the back of his mind.
If he did go, though, how would that even work? He needed to move forward in his career, not continue sitting still. His agent wouldn’t stick with him much longer if nothing changed. Commercials or not, Charlie had signed on with the intention of bigger things.
Yet attending school would require Nick to be in Montana. Unless he did online classes.
He thought about the one semester he’d spent on campus when he was eighteen. He’d enjoyed it. He might be older than everyone now, but he couldn’t help but think he’d get more out of the atmosphere by attending in person.
Or, hell, maybe he should just forget the whole idea. He’d chosen his path years ago, hadn’t he? He loved bull riding. He wouldn’t even know what to study at this point.
He clicked the link for the fall schedule and found the application deadline. There was still plenty of time to decide. Next he brought up a list of degrees and scanned it. Nothing stood out.
What kind of degree could bring me back to Birch Bay?
He blew out a breath at the thought. He hadn’t realized he wanted to come home for good. But he did. He missed it.
A ding sounded through the speakers, and he clicked over to his e-mail. His first thought was that it might be Harper e-mailing him. About what, he didn’t know. He just knew he wanted to hear from her. She hadn’t stayed over last night. She’d blamed it on her early flight, but, a couple of hours after she’d shown up, he’d seen the need in her to get out of there.
Once dressed, she’d practically run from the house, stopping only when she’d come upon the remains of the leftovers he’d brought home from Dani’s. Not that there was any food to be found. There’d been a couple of empty containers, a shred of the plastic from the bag it had all been carried in, and bear prints. But thankfully no sign of the bear.
But even though Harper had run, she would be back. Soon, actually. Her flight should have ended thirty minutes earlier, and the minute she returned, Nick intended to hustle her off to Kalispell. It might not be as exciting as tomorrow’s plans for the raceway, but he’d lined up a couple of horses for them to ride that afternoon.
Scanning his e-mail, he wasn’t surprised to see the incoming message from Charlie, and he opened it to find the same old thing. Pressure to make a decision. Giving it no thought, he went back to the university website, but there were too many what-ifs and not enough answers running through his mind to be able to focus. So he pulled out his phone and called his brother.
“It’s two o’clock in the afternoon there,” Nate said by way of greeting. “Shouldn’t you be watering a tree or something?”
Nick grunted. “The trees are being watered as we speak.”
“Sounds like you can barely keep the place running without me,” his brother returned sarcastically. “What’s up?”
Nick leaned back in the chair. “There’s something I need to talk through.”
“And you called me for advice? Smart man. About time you grew a brain. Is this about your girlfriend?”
“My what?” Nick shot up in the seat. “Who told you—”
He stopped talking and thought Haley at the exact second Nate said, “Haley.”
Nick narrowed his eyes. His darling niece had ratted him out. So much for keeping her favorite uncle’s secrets. Not that he’d ever actually told her that Harper was his girlfriend.
“So who is it?” Nate asked.
“Who is what?”
“Clever. Play stupid. But you have to know that once she mentioned ‘girlfriend,’ I wouldn’t let it go at that.”
“And you have to know that the kid loves to make stuff up. Her favorite pastime is playing pretend. You can’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth.”
“I believed her when she said the girl has blue hair.”
Nick clamped his mouth shut.
“She also claims to have seen her.”
“No, she hasn’t.”
Nate laughed, and Nick could see the smirk that went along with it. “Still want to deny this woman exists?”
Nick sighed. “I don’t have a girlfriend. Where did Haley claim to have seen her?”
“You mean this blue-haired woman that doesn’t exist?”
“Just answer the damned question,” Nick gritted out.
Nate laughed again. “Said she saw her at the rodeo. Something about her being in the bathroom throwing up and begging for crackers.” There was a slight pause before Nate asked, “You’re not dating some pregnant chick, are you?”
“I’m not dating anyone.” And probably the throwing up had been Jewel. But he hadn’t realized that Haley had seen them. “She say anything else?”
“Only that she agrees with you. The girl is pretty. So who is she?”
“Nobody.”
“Hmpf. Just one of your groupies?”
“I don’t have groupies.” At least, never more than one at a time. Regardless of reputation, he didn’t switch up like some of the other guys. “And that was supposed to be my and Haley’s secret,” he grumbled.
“Well, she is only five. From what I’ve seen from both of our nieces, I’m not sure secrets are a high priority at that age. And anyway, she told me about her because I’m her favorite uncle.”
Nick frowned. Cute smile or not, that kid knew how to wheedle information out of people. “And the other night I was her favorite uncle,” he told his brother. “Right before she got a secret out of me. You reveal anything to her?”
“Do you think I’m an idiot?”
“Well—”
“Wrong,” Nate interjected. “If I were an idiot, I wouldn’t already know who this mysterious beauty is, now would I?”
Nick went silent. Because he suspected that Nate could easily figure out who she was. His brother’s memory had always been good, and no doubt he’d recall the one girl in town who Nick had crushed on, who’d also once been prone to uniquely colored hair.
“I thought she’d gotten married.” Nate said, his lowered tone showing his concern.
“Her husband died a year and a half ago.”
“Ouch.” They both fell silent before Nate added, “And what? You just happened to run into her? Figured you’d finally scratch that itch?”
“Something like that.” Though Nick didn’t personally like that phrasing when it came to Harper. “But that’s not why I called, so can we drop it?”
“For now. But if you didn’t call to discuss woman problems, then why did you call? Don’t tell me that you’ve finally fallen in love with cherry farming and decided to move back home to do it full time.”
Nick remained silent, if for no other reason than to annoy his brother.
“You’re kidding me.”
Nick grunted again. “Moron. Of course I haven’t.” But he did keep his mouth shut about his newfound desire to come home. “I did call to talk about my career, though.” He waited, already questioning if he should have even brought it up.
“You’re finally signing on with the PBR?”
“No,” he answered bluntly. “I haven’t made a decision on that yet. But I am considering going back to school. Or, at least taking some classes on the side.”
“Yes,” Nate replied without hesitation.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, go.”
“But then how do I fit it all in? If I register—honestly—I’d prefer to take a full load. Otherwise it’ll take me forever to earn a degree. But the logical thing is for me to go national. It’s time. Yet . . .” He sighed. “I can’t do that and go to school, as well.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t do everything.”
Such heavy silence came from on the other end of the phone that Nick pulled his cell away from his ear to make sure they hadn’t lost connection. When Nate finally spoke, his tone had grown serious. “Are you still letting her control your actions?”
“Letting who control my actions?” The hair rose on the back of Nick’s neck.
“Mom.”
“What are you talking about?” Anger sliced through him. “She never controlled my actions.”
“She always did.”
“Bullsh—”
“You used to take every risk in the book just to get her attention.”
“No, I didn’t.” But his childhood flashed through his head. Hadn’t he come home with more than one cut or broken bone over the years? And he knew why. Because he’d learned it from her. He’d seen her do the exact same thing to get attention.
Only she’d never wanted his attention.
He swallowed his disgust, but he kept his mouth shut. Nate didn’t know what Nick had seen their mother do. Nick had never told anyone.
“Yet that all stopped after she died.” Nate’s words rang softly in Nick’s ear, and as clear as day, Nick understood that it had stopped after his mother died, not because Dani didn’t need the additional hassle but because he hadn’t had to do anything to get Dani’s attention. Because she had loved him. Just as he was.
Shit. Why had he never seen that before?
“You know you’re full of it,” Nick growled out. Nate might know him better than anyone else, but some things they kept to themselves. And would go to their graves denying.
“And you know I’m right. And that nothing you tried got her attention. She always berated you for not being good enough. Not tough enough.”
“I did not call you to talk about her,” Nick bit out. He also hadn’t called to get into an argument, but he couldn’t stop the anger or the heated words. “I called because I, stupidly, wanted your thoughts on the matter of me going back to school.”
“And I gave them to you. Go. It’s about time that you went back.” Nate’s words remained calm, which only irritated Nick more. “In fact, you should never have quit. I always thought you wanted to do more with your life than chasing girls and trying to kill yourself on a bull.”
“Unlike you, who got a business degree and became a fisherman?” Nick sneered.
“Kiss my ass.”
“Dare to come home for once and I will.”
“I was home twice last year,” Nate snapped out. And finally, Nick could hear his brother’s annoyance. It made him feel better to know he wasn’t alone.
“Only because our entire family was on the brink of collapse,” Nick pointed out. The heat of his anger suddenly disappeared, leaving him drained. They were both so messed up. All of them were. And sometimes that came out by way of fights. But it didn’t keep them from having each other’s backs when the need arose. He crossed to the front window and dropped his forehead to the cool glass. “Isn’t it time to deal with your own crap, Nate? Quit hiding away in Alaska. It’s time for all of us to do more than spin in circles.”
“Yet it’s easier said than done, isn’t it?”
They both went silent. Being a Wilde had never been as black or white as outsiders might have believed. They hadn’t had a perfect family. And trying to dig out from that wouldn’t come easy. For any of them.
“We’re all doing just fine,” Nate said. “No need to mix things up simply because we’re not hiding from reality anymore.”
“Yet, you’re not happy stuck away up there.”
“Big deal. None of us are happy.”
Nick thought about the moment the night before when he’d been leaving Dani’s house. As he’d stood at the door and looked back at her. She’d seemed completely content for the first time in her life. “I think Dani might be,” he said, nearly under his breath.
Nate went silent for several seconds. “She deserves to be.”
“Maybe we all deserve it.”
Nick could hear Nate’s steady breathing, and he caught himself counting the exhalations. “Maybe we do,” Nate conceded after the count rose to seven. “And if going back to school is what will start you down that path, then do it. Everything else will fall into place somehow. And as for bull riding . . . I know it’s your life. I was only teasing with the crack about killing yourself. I get that you enjoy it and that you’re good at it.”
“I’m great at it.”
“Right. But have you never found it odd that you didn’t even get into the sport until after you graduated from high school? What I’m saying is, it wasn’t a dream of yours since childhood.”
The problem was, Nick had had no dreams. “I dislocated a shoulder when I was seven because I fell off a sheep,” he reminded his brother. “Of course I wasn’t excited to jump back on after that.” Especially given how that entire incident had played out afterward.
“But you didn’t even want to be on the sheep,” Nate pointed out. “I was there. She dared you. You only did it to win her approval.”
A jeep came into sight at the far end of the driveway, and Nick had never been so relieved to see signs of another human being in his life. This was supposed to have been a conversation about his potential future. Not about their mother or how she’d been living in their heads their whole lives. He left the room and headed for the front door, stepping onto the porch before Harper made it to the house. She waved when she saw him, and pleasure flooded him.
“I’ve got to go,” he said into the phone.
“Come on. Don’t hang up because I brought up a bad memory.”
“I’m not. I just have to go.”
Harper stepped out of her vehicle, slamming the door behind her, and Nate cut off whatever he’d been about to say. “Is that her?” he asked instead.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Good Lord, she looked good enough to eat. She had on skintight tan riding pants tucked into knee-high black boots, and her black tank top showed off the biceps he’d grown to love. He’d still win in an arm-wrestling match, but those babies could sure give him a run for his money.
She stepped onto the porch and looked him up and down, and he gulped in response.
“Send me a picture of her,” Nate said in his ear. “As hot as she was as a teenager, I’ll bet she’s lethal now. Let me see.”
“Not on your life.” Nick hung up on his brother. Then he reached for Harper and pulled her into a kiss to let her know just how much he’d missed her since she’d left him the night before.
Harper stared up at the ceiling of Nick’s bedroom, her chest still heaving from the very satisfying calisthenics they’d just performed, while Nick lay facedown beside her.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Never. Been. Better.”
She chuckled. The third time was the charm with them. She’d swear she’d heard the angels sing with this one.
“Give me two minutes and I can go again,” Nick mumbled into his pillow.
She laughed again. He’d given her the same pledge while riding horses earlier today, after she’d dared him to an all-out sprint. A challenge he’d lost.
She looked over at him. “Not that I’m saying you’re a liar, but I’m calling bullshit. You’re going to need at least five minutes after that particular sprint.”
A heavy arm dropped across her stomach and slid her over the damp sheets until she bumped into Nick’s side. Then Nick buried his nose into her neck. “I love how you always smell like baby powder,” he mumbled after several minutes.
“That’s because it is baby powder.” She peered down at his arm and wiggled under the weight of it. He’d trapped her against him.
And she didn’t like being trapped in any situation.
When he went to reposition himself, and the muscles in his arm tightened as if to pull her even closer, she quickly slipped out of the hold and rolled to her side. Nick eyed her from where he now rested on her pillow before shoving up to mimic her pose. They lay facing each other, a good eight inches of sheet between them, and as Harper’s gaze inadvertently traveled to her favorite body part, she had to amend her earlier prediction that it would take a full five minutes.
“My apologies to your
manhood,” she said.
Nick stared down at his now-erect penis. “Hmmm. Now that impresses even me.”
She giggled when he made it bounce in the air at her, and shoved at his shoulder. “Behave yourself.”
Nick brought his gaze back to hers and grinned, and his twinkling blue eyes suddenly had her right there, as ready to go again as he was. He cupped a hand around the back of her head and brought her mouth to his, and another twenty minutes passed in a blur.
This time, both of them ended up facedown.
“I give,” she muttered into the down feathers cushioning her nose.
“You can’t give. I already did. You win this round.”
She turned her face to his, smiling, and found him watching her, and she silently thanked her sister for needing her help over the next few weeks. If not, she wouldn’t have run into Nick again, and she would still be sitting all alone in her giant, empty house every second of every night.
But even thankful, reservations remained.
“You,” she began, then had to stop and lick her lips as nerves hit. She closed her eyes before continuing. “You’re not still sleeping with Betsy, are you? Or anyone else?”
Silence was her answer, and after several deafening seconds, she pried her eyelids back open.
Nick was on his side again, his eyes on hers. “Are you asking if we’re exclusive?”
She nodded her head on the pillow. “Not serious, but exclusive. Though, I understand you might have been with her after our first time. Since that was supposed to have been a onetime thing and all. So I get it if—”
“I haven’t slept with Betsy since you kissed her out of my mind that first night,” Nick said. “Though I will admit that she texted me Friday night. She was in the area.”
Harper waited, holding her breath and hoping he’d answer without making her voice the next question. This was embarrassing enough. She also wished she’d been able to ask the question purely due to sexual health.