by Eve Bradley
“No, girl,” he is stern and bites my lip.
For a moment, I want to press him, but then he expertly maneuvers himself so that he holds me to where his arms are supporting me. He lifts me as easily as if he were lifting a stuffed animal and lays me carefully on the bed. Fuck, he is so beautiful. He looks up at me with dark, innocent, lust-drunk eyes, filled with softness because of his lifted brows and small smile, and I smile back. I fucking smile back into Alexi’s sharply crafted, model-fine face because somehow this isn’t just about sex. It’s about knowing him and him knowing me.
“I lied when I told Luda you weren’t my type,” he says softly, brushing the tangles of dark blonde hair out of my eyes.
For some reason, as I stare up into his perfect features, feel the weight of his devotion, and the insistence of the softer side of him, I feel sadness welling in my heart. It’s toxic, something that I think comes from the chaos and unknown of the past few weeks. Urgent to ignore this, I wrap my legs around his waist and feel the fullness of his length contained by his pants, and he growls, low in his throat, and kisses my forehead.
“I had a feeling,” I say, and reach out to stroke his face.
“Am I your type, girl?” he asks, and his voice is solemn, nearly reedy as if it comes from the depths of his ocean-like consciousness.
I let out a breath, my lips parting in anxious want. How could any girl say he’s not their type? Alexi is any girl’s dream. He’s a male model, ripped from head to toe in glorious muscle, and his kindness outweighs his sternness. I feel like he cares for me, and this is something that is always a rarity.
“You’ve held me when I’ve cried twice and hugged me without wanting anything sexual,” I say, and he listens patiently, threading his fingers through my loose hair. “I thought you were cold-hearted when I first met you. But you quickly showed me otherwise. I don’t know why, I just feel like…” I swallow, and he waits.
“With you I feel safe,” I finally express. “And that is the most attractive thing I could ever think of.”
He smiles, and buries his face in my breasts.
“If that’s what you need from me, Allie, I’ll freely give that to you,” he whispers, kissing my breasts over the fabric. His hands pull at me, teasing at the edges of the swim top. I want to scream as it feels like each time his skin touches mine it’s like fire, fire that heats my core so well I could burst.
My hands skim over him, his back, his arms, his chest, and my breathing shakes as he works the velvet away from my breasts. He isn’t impatient, but rather lingers with every look, and every touch. It’s like he’s savoring every moment he gets to touch me, and I cannot tell him how much I enjoy it. With Shawn it was rough and sexy. With Alexi I feel…passion.
Alexi kisses my breasts as if I’m a goddess, and each time his mouth greets my skin, he’s worshiping me. I gasp, clinging to his neck. While he kisses me, he pulls at my swim bottoms, drawing them down and tracing my thighs as he does so. My body is extremely responsive to him, even more so than I would have thought. It’s not the alcohol that has me dizzy, it’s Alexi and everything he is.
“Please,” I exhale hard as he slips my swim bottoms away. I tug at his shirt, and he swiftly removes it, revealing his chiseled, lean abdominals and pectorals, and those thickly banded arms that ripple with each movement. He then pulls off his jeans, and I’m struck by how glorious he is, standing there, naked, cock bobbing upright, completely shameless.
“Are you okay still?” he asks as he lumbers on top of me again, cradling my body in his arms.
I nod, biting my lip. His skin is soft and warm, and I reach for his long, thick cock.
He kisses me as my fingers wrap around him, and he groans as our lips clash. The tip of his dick is like velvet, and my heart beats harder in my chest as I will him to impale me. I am nearly whining with need, aching for him to be inside me.
“Oh, Allie,” he whispers, kissing my neck and caressing my stomach and breasts again. “I could spend days with you in bed.”
“And you haven’t even fucked me yet,” I say, reclaiming his mouth.
He pulls away, and looks down at me with a thoughtful expression.
“Is that what you want? To be fucked?” he asks.
“Well, I mean…” I smirk, confused. “I guess?”
“Fucking sounds so cold. Distant. This is not fucking. That’s not what we’re going to do. We’re going to make love, girl, and I promise, by the time I’m done with you, you won’t want to just “be fucked” again.”
Alexi kisses me deeply once more, and he quiets me before I can say something back. Alexi aligns himself with my opening, and pulses there for one excruciating moment. I buck up, trying to force him to give in and join us fully.
“Alexi please!” I moan softly.
Our hands join, our fingers threading together. He pushes my hands above my head, and he smiles as he pushes himself inside me, lifting off to where he is on his knees in front of me. His fullness makes me curl with delight, and I shut my eyes, lost in the feel of him. He releases my hands as he begins to slowly pulse into my body, laying one palm on my low belly.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says, and I can tell he’s watching me lay there, pussy lifted to meet his thrusts, my arms above my head, and my breath quickening. Our connection is so strong I can almost see it in the air like a halo around us.
Alexi moves against me and I moan, terribly lost in the feelings that build and gather in my body. Then he scoops me into his arms so that I’m astride him. I push myself onto him, fitting him deeply inside my soaking pussy, and we kiss, gliding against one another in smooth movements. I gasp between kisses, and shudder as waves of pleasure cause my body to surrender to their delicacy.
I don’t want this to end. I want to keep feeling him within me, touching me, his eyes on me alone, because right now I feel so extremely special. I cannot live without this feeling, and as I take my climax my heart bursts with the fear of both losing this moment, losing everything, losing them, losing him, and losing myself, to the madness inside of me and the ruinous reality of the situation. I can’t want three men. It’s not sustainable. I can’t live with them forever either, and the unpredictability of the situation rushes me to tears as the gravity of everything, alongside my orgasm, crashes down on me.
Twelve
Dreams and Wishes
A dream is a wish your heart makes, right? So they say. So the hopeless romantic’s say to themselves as they suffer for love every day of their lives because god, who can live without passion and romance? Lying in Alexi’s arms, naked and sticky with cum, I wonder if this means I’m now one of those bitches who believe that somehow, life will always turn out right for them. I’ve never believed this, but I guess when your body tastes a little bit of hope it runs with it and suddenly your worldview is changed. Or maybe just disillusioned.
Sunlight filters through the massive glass wall, and I crack my eyes to see the blisteringly bright scene of the ocean waves cascading against the mossy green cliffs. I see a path below that cuts down to the creamy sands and chaotic ocean. Then I jolt, because suddenly I notice Rhett propped against the wall, broodily staring out at the panoramic scene before us.
“Had a fun night did you?” he says without looking at me. I awkwardly check to make sure my body’s covered, and I pull weakly at the white sheets.
“I…well,” I don’t know what to say. How do I even explain what happened last night? Hadn’t we all planned to have a relaxing evening drinking our worries away? To celebrate the progression of the plans between Shawn and the Young Brothers? I nervously bite my lip. I’d just completely succumbed to Alexi. I hadn’t thought about Rhett.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret. You are not the first girl we’ve shared.”
My heart surges in my chest, and I feel the room start to spin.
“What?” I croak, unable to lift my voice fully from my chest.
These words are the most confusing, disheartening, col
d words that I have heard yet. If they’ve done this before that means that I am nothing special to them, that this is just for fun, and that I am just their plaything. For a second I actually thought…I sit up and wipe my face, horrified at the reality. I glance over at Alexi, still peacefully deep in slumber. My thoughts turn to Shawn, and the way he’s called me his princess and that he wants me to be happy.
“So, I’m just one of many…” I say the words, fighting not to lose control. I wrap my arms around myself, utterly ashamed. If Emily knew that I was here, had fucked two men out of three, been involved in illegal activity, and put myself in danger countless times, she’d probably slap me. If my mom knew she’d probably have a heart attack. Emily and I, as messed up as we were, tried to be smart about our lives. She more than I, if that’s not already clear. I went to a local community college for all of a quarter and then dropped out. I shot my stepdad. I have done so many shameful things, that my mind knows this place. It knows the comfort of self-disgust.
Rhett pushes off of the wall and shakes his head as if I’m really silly.
“Many? No. I’m not saying that,” he says and comes to sit at the foot of the bed, only a few feet away from me. His tan skin and dark stubble is perfectly manicured, and his absorbing dark eyes haunt me to the depths of my soul.
“I…I shouldn’t even be here,” I say, clenching the sheets. “The Young Brothers think Penny’s dead, I should go.”
“But aren’t you in too deep now, Allie?” he asks, tone pondering. “I think you like having all of our attention.”
I shake my head, placing a hand over my eyes.
“I don’t want your attention if it’s not actually…” I can’t believe how stupid I am. “I’m not going to be fucked and dumped. Sorry.”
I shove my way out of the bed, not caring if Rhett sees my naked skin. I go to my clothes and shuffle through things, my hair tickling my shoulders as I find everything I need.
“Where did you get that idea?” Rhett asks nearly offended, and I hear him stand, the bed creaking in the process.
I’m angry. I shouldn’t have given in to this. Shawn telling me to take pleasure from them should have clued me in that this wasn’t something unknown to them, that this entire time this has been a normal situation for them, and that they were playing with me the whole time. They’d mentioned that I wasn’t the first girl to flirt with them all, how could I have ignored that? Alexi should have told me, if any of them. Rage simmers in my throat. But why does this even hurt so fucking bad? If they can share me, how do I possibly, rationally or logically, have a claim on any of them?
“I’m so stupid,” I utter under my breath, throwing on the closest outfit to my fingertips, which happens to be a white t-shirt and jean shorts.
“I actually think you’re very smart,” Rhett says simply. “I think if you think about this a little more, you’ll know why I told you.”
I roll my eyes and shove past him, reaching for my black bag. The bag that holds all the damn money that got me into this mess. If I had said no, would that have changed everything? Would I not be here in this moment, even dealing with them? Would I not be dealing with my inner loathing?
Before I can clasp my fingers around the bag, Rhett’s tan, smooth hand catches my wrist.
“The woman we shared before you betrayed us,” he says, keeping hold of me so that I can’t move.
“Let me go Rhett, or I swear I’ll slap you,” I hiss.
“We didn’t think this would happen. But each of us want you. We didn’t know how you felt about this setup. I wanted you to know this so you don’t feel guilty.”
I throw my free hand towards his face, but although I am quick, he’s quicker. He blocks my hand and grabs it too. I see a thrill run through him, and we both hear Alexi snore softly on the bed. I glance at him and let out a breathless angry exhale, hating how Rhett’s closeness and unyielding gaze makes me feel like I want to shrink into a puddle of helpless mush.
“Come on. Let’s go have breakfast, and I’ll explain more,” he murmurs, eyes lowering to my mouth. “We can stop by the spa too. Or take…a walk.”
He finally releases me, and I jerk away from him. Rhett’s long swoop of chocolate hair is resting messy in his eyes, and his dark gold skin is illuminated by the bright morning light coming in the windows. I glance at Alexi, feeling sadness creep into my chest. He’s so sweet and was gentle, yet outrageously passionate. Flashbacks from last night make my toes curl into the carpet, and I lay a palm on my forehead. Fuck, I can’t handle any of them. I worry about Rhett though. I fear that he’ll lose himself to the drugs because there’s never been someone who can casually use drugs for an extended period of time.
Rhett stares at me, bemusedly patient in the way he stands there and drums his hands on his dark jean pockets. He blinks at me lazily, and I roll my eyes.
“Fine!” I throw up my hands.
What else can I do? Part of me is curious to know what he has to say, and I can’t help but recognize how lost I am in this dynamic. I’m Penny. I’m wrapped up in their underground business, and I know more than Shawn has even told Anita. This in itself is worrisome, or should be, I think. Because what happens when each of the relationships go sour?
“Great,” Rhett holds back a smile and leads me to the front door. I slip on a pair of Burberry sandals and follow Rhett’s bad boy gait out the door. Sea air and wind batter my hair and fill my senses. Rhett’s cologne dissipates, and fresh air gives me pause to the chaos in my mind.
If I had to explain the beauty, the wonder of the giant fir trees, the green forests surrounding us on this little clifftop paradise with the raging blue ocean calling us on the other side, an endless dream of danger and freedom, and the white sunlight hitting my face, I don’t think I could ever do it justice. This place is magic, and my body feels good and spent from the previous night with Alexi. I nearly stop following Rhett to just breathe in nature. Maybe I was a hippie in another life.
Rhett takes me on a winding path through the clearing towards the Post Ranch Inn buildings, which I notice has the same modern yet forest-esque style. We pass by a large pond that glimmers in the sunlight and then head for a building that I soon recognize, by its wafting smell and the little tables scattered on a lovely deck overlooking the Pacific Ocean, as the resort restaurant. I see the words Sierra Mar on a sign, as well as a menu that comes into focus as we step forward.
“Hungry?” Rhett asks me as he opens the glass doors and motions for me to go first.
“Such a gentleman,” I mutter as I enter.
I don’t think I’ve ever been to a restaurant this fancy. We are taken to our table swiftly and given a spectacular view of the ocean and the sunrise. I suddenly feel exhausted, on top of angry and confused, and when the highly formal waiter comes to welcome us, I barely hear his words. He rambles on about the chef’s garden and how they have locally sourced ingredients, as well as a three-course breakfast prepared for guests. He also offers us specialty drinks, and I end up ordering a mimosa. I don’t care about eating right now, really. I just feel like an animal who's been tricked into a trap. But I can’t even fully feel this because…I care about each of them. I’m as torn as torn can get.
“Allie,” Rhett’s voice interrupts my wayward thoughts, crashing through so that I’m forced to pay attention.
“I should have explained better. I was just annoyed watching you sleep there with him,” Rhett says, tone low and naturally dark.
“I thought that you guys were used to it. You can’t be jealous if you promise to share someone, can you?” I smirk, voice thick with irritation.
“Is that so?” he pretends to be surprised. “I think jealousy is a natural human reaction. Especially in men as fucked up as we are.”
“Then why make it seem like this is what you want?” I ask, utterly confused.
“Well. I won’t go into detail on all of our sexual preferences, but those men are like my brothers. Shawn saved me from living life as a drug smugg
ler in Peurto Rico, and he helped Alexi out of his own messy situations. But let’s not mistake it, Shawn needs us. Our cons work because we’re a flawless team, and if we weren’t, we’d be dead by now, wouldn’t we?”
“So how does that answer my question?” I sit back in my chair, relaxing my elbow on the plush arm.
“If we had three girlfriends, it would cause problems. We don’t even know if you won’t cause problems for us yet. You’re the first girl who’s shown actual promise in being one of us. But how can we know? Not everyone is cut out for this life,” he says, and he tilts his head, and I appreciate the sharp line of his jaw and the dark stubble there.
I roll my eyes, annoyed at the distraction.
“That still-”
“Yes, Allie. We like the idea of sharing one woman. If we didn’t like it, we wouldn’t do it. We all get off on it in our own way. Not to mention, you’re hot as fuck, and your attitude is really what gets me. You know, you’re funny because you’re innocent in some ways, and others you’re a complete sociopath.”
My heart stumbles when he says that they like it. No, it fucking flutters like a lovesick bird, twitter-pated in the springtime. But then reality sinks in.
“Wait, you think I’m a sociopath?” I balk, flattening my hands on the table.
Rhett chuckles, and his chin dips low, and he glances up at me discreetly so that when his eyes meet mine, I nearly melt against the seat.
“Sometimes,” he jokes.
I guess that’s fair. Who could shoot a person and not be, right?
“But how long can something like this last? Men like you guys don’t keep the same woman for long,” I say, reflecting on all of my past relationships. I guess I’ve never known men like Shawn Van Doren, Alexi Lebedev, or Rhett Clark. I’ve known plenty of douchebags, I’ve known men like my stepdad who gambled and drank and cheated and beat my mom, and I’ve only seen a thousand disgusting sex-crazed pigs on the streets. So among those examples, I’ve deduced only one thing, and that is that relationships are either not worth it or they don’t last.