EXONERATION (INTERFERENCE)

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

  “Parker…”

  He looked up with tears in his eyes. “I can’t lose you.”

  In my mind, he’d never had me. I was there in body, but never in spirit or heart. My heart always had and always would belong to Shane, no matter the circumstances. As I looked down at the man who’d stood by me for almost seven years, my heart ached over the pain I’d caused him. I walked over and placed my hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He stood up, “Swear it! Please! I need to hear you say it!”

  “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t plan it, I swear.”

  He was staring down at me with wet eyes. “I love you, Rebecca. I’ve loved you since we were kids. I want this to work. I want us to work. No more women, I swear.”

  “I told you it was okay.”

  “But, it’s not! It’s not okay. You kissing the vet made me realize that.”

  I closed my eyes in shame, but not because I was feeling guilty for kissing Shane, but because I was re-living it as we spoke and I wanted to do it again…and so much more. I looked back up into his eyes and said, “It’s okay, Parker; I know I don’t give you what you need.”

  “What do you need?”

  “I need some sleep, and so do you.” I touched his cheek with my hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow after work, okay?” I said, trying to let him know that nothing had changed. But, I knew it was a lie. Shane was back, and that changed everything.

  “I need you! We can’t go on like this. I want you. God, I’ve always wanted you.” He stood up and pulled me to him. “If you let this man, this stranger, kiss you, and you kissed him back, then you must need something, too. Is it the women? I swear they don’t mean anything. It’s just I need…”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  “But, don’t you need that, too? Don’t you need to be touched, loved?”

  I looked down. “Women are different…” I lied.

  “I don’t believe that. Can we at least try to make it work? I miss waking up with you. I miss holding you, loving you. I want to make you happy. I want you to want to kiss me.”

  “Parker, it’s late. Can we just forget any of this happened?”

  “NO! You can’t run from me anymore. If I have competition out there, then I’m damned sure going to give him a run for his money. You’re still my wife. I haven’t completely lost you, yet.”

  I was tired and I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “You haven’t lost…”

  “I want to make love to you! No excuses tonight. You’re my wife, it’s time we re-connected. I need it, and I think you do, too.”

  “Parker, please. I’m tired.”

  “Rebecca, I’m begging you! Please! Don’t turn me away tonight. We’re alone. Shannon’s safe and won’t be a distraction. Let me make you forget about him, please!”

  “I told you, it was just a kiss!”

  “I’m not talking about the vet. I’m talking about…him! He’s not here, Rebecca! But, I am! I always have been and I always will be. He left you alone…and pregnant. But I was there, by your side, and I haven’t left. Please, I’m your husband. It’s been three years since we’ve made love. I need you! I love you! Please, give me a chance to show you how much.”

  The pain in his eyes was just as noticeable as the tears welling in them. Every fiber of my being told me to run, but as I looked into those tear-soaked eyes I found myself taking his hand and leading him upstairs.

  I led him into his room and said, “I’ll be right back.” I walked into my bathroom and looked at the tired, drawn face in the mirror. You can do this. He’s your husband! Just…close your eyes and get through it!

  “I thought maybe you changed your mind,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “I just needed to freshen up.”

  This seemed to please him as the next thing I knew, he was pulling me to him and kissing me. I had to consciously force myself not to pull away. I closed my eyes and pretended it wasn’t happening. When he pulled back, he said, “Are you okay?” He looked hurt, like maybe I hadn’t participated as much in the kiss as I should have. After a few seconds, he sighed, and said, “You don’t have to do this. I know you’ve never loved me.”

  “Parker, that’s not true. It’s just…it’s been a while. I’m nervous,” I said, looking down. That was true, I was terrified that I wasn’t going to be able to go through with it and I knew that would crush him.

  “I’ll be right back, okay? Don’t move,” he said before almost running out the door.

  I stood there wondering what he was doing, but he did come right back with a bottle of something. “Massage oil,” he grinned.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said, not wanting to drag this out.

  “I want to. I want to make you happy.”

  I nodded and started to unbutton my blouse.

  “No, let me.” He reached out and with shaking hands he slowly unbuttoned my blouse. He kissed my neck softly and undid one button at a time as his fingers worked their way down my blouse.

  I was starting to feel sick and as his lips met mine for the second time that night, I had to force myself not to vomit. I didn’t know what to do, I knew he needed this, but I was physically ill from his touch…his kiss. Oh God, think of something else!

  As his tongue invaded my mouth, I started to taste bile and I forced myself to think of something…anything else. Against my better judgment, I thought of the only thing I really wanted…Shane, and as his kiss deepened and visions of the man I still loved more than anything danced in my head, I suddenly found myself pulling Parker to me and before I knew it, a sigh escaped my lips, urging Parker on.

  Suddenly we were locked in an embrace and he was pulling me into bed. I pretended that every touch, kiss, taste was from Shane. I knew it was wrong, but I kept telling myself that I was doing it for Parker, and as our love-making reached the peak, I had to force myself not to scream Shane’s name.

  Breathless, I went limp in his arms and as I finally opened my eyes, I knew what I’d done was worse than kissing Shane. I’d led my husband to believe that I’d enjoyed his touch and that he’d brought me to orgasm, but all the while, it had been Shane. The tears wouldn’t stop then and Parker pulled me close.

  “It’s okay, now,” he said between gasping breaths. “We can start over. Leave the past behind. Oh, God, I love you. You were wonderful.”

  This only made me cry harder. Why did he have to be so understanding? Why couldn’t he have been cold and heartless? It would have made it so much easier.

  He brushed my hair back from my face and looked down into my eyes. “You don’t know how much I needed that. I think you needed it too.” He rolled to the side and pulled me tightly to him, spooning me. He was feeling elated, but all I felt was grief because once the fantasy ended, I felt like I’d lost Shane all over again. I cried myself to sleep in my husband’s arms. He was thinking we’d finally connected, and I was thinking about my next encounter with Shane and how I knew, without a doubt, that if he kissed me again, I’d not only encourage him, but beg for more…

  I woke up with the sun in my eyes as I’d forgotten to close the blinds. I tried to sit up, but something heavy was draped over my side. I blocked the glare from the sun with my hand and glanced down at the weight holding me down. I cringed as I saw Parker’s arm, and last might’s memories came flooding back.

  “Good morning,” Parker said with a huge grin.

  “Um, hi.” I pulled the throw blanket I keep on the bottom of the bed up and around me and headed into the bathroom without another word.

  “I thought maybe…”

  “Parker, I’m in the shower!”

  “I know, I was thinking of joining you.”

  “We um, we have to pick up Shannon. My mom has plans this morning,” I lied.

  “We have time, it’s early. I’d love to make you scream again, like last night. You were amazing. You finally opened up to me. Thank you!”

  “You um, you should go ge
t ready…” I said while leaning against the shower wall, trying to stop the torrential downpour of tears from all of the emotions coursing through me.

  “So I was thinking, maybe we could ask your parents to keep Shannon one night a week for us from now on. You um, you’re definitely less inhibited when she’s not home,” he grinned.

  I looked down as he pulled into the driveway.

  We picked up Shannon and my parents could hardly help but notice the huge smile pasted on Parker’s face. My mother seemed pleased until she looked beyond the fake smile I’d pasted on in order to make a quick getaway.

  “Rebecca, come look at the swatches of fabric I have for the new drapes. Help me pick one out.”

  “We um, we have to go, Mom. I know you have plans…” I looked into her eyes, pleading with her to go along with my story.

  “Oh, um, yeah, but it’ll only take a minute.”

  I politely declined and yelled for Shannon and soon we were out the door, promising to meet at the country club for brunch the following Sunday.

  I was able to stave off Parker that night when he suggested a repeat performance of the previous evening by reminding him that Shannon was awake and in the next room.

  “We need a bigger house…with soundproof walls, evidently,” he grinned, making me blush and feel even worse about my over-zealous vocals from the previous night’s activities. My one and only solace was that I had managed not to scream Shane’s name at the peak of excitement.

  “I um, I’m sorry about…that,” I said, feeling mortified.

  “Don’t be. I’m sure as hell not. I can’t tell you how happy I am that I was finally able to bring you some pleasure. I’d sure like to do it again,” he smiled.

  “I um, I don’t really feel…romantic, not when Shannon’s home. I um, I can’t concentrate…with her here,” I said, feeling horrible for using my daughter as an excuse to get out of sex with my husband.

  This didn’t even seem to faze him. He touched my cheek and said, “I’ll talk to your mom about keeping her one night a week from now on.”

  Thankfully, Parker left for a business trip Monday morning and I was free of his renewed desires for three days. I breathed a sigh of relief as I dropped him off at the airport that morning.

  “Don’t forget about me when I’m gone,” he grinned and leaned down to kiss me. I managed not to turn from him in disgust when he kissed me, as I was focusing on my three day reprieve.

  Closure

  Sam stopped by to pick up Shannon for the next couple of days. She was dating a really nice man who had a child a year younger than Shannon and they’d planned on going to Disneyland and the zoo over the next couple of days. This was going to give me time to catch up on all the accounts I’d been avoiding.

  I was standing at the door hugging and kissing my daughter goodbye and thanking my sister and her boyfriend Mark, and when I looked up, Shane was standing behind them. Why did he have to look like that…so perfect!

  My blush must have given me away because my sister turned her head to see what I was obviously so taken with. I saw her look at him and then back at me. She pulled Shannon to her, hiding her and whispered, “Oh my God…does he know?”

  “Hello Sam. It’s been a long time,” Shane said, holding his hand out to my sister. She was stunned and stood there staring at him, unable to offer her hand.

  “Shane! Shane! I’m going to Disneyland today and the zoo tomorrow! Aunt Sam’s taking me and I have a new friend…?” she forgot Mark’s daughter’s name and looked up at him for that detail to her story.

  “Stacy,” he smiled.

  “Yeah, my new friend Stacy! We’re going to have so much fun. I’m going to get another snow globe for my collection!”

  He knelt down and said, “Disneyland and the zoo!” he looked up at me as if he was missing out on more of his daughter’s life. But he quickly recovered and hugged Shannon and told her to have a great time.

  He stood up and said, “I’m Shane Ramsay. You’re a lucky guy,” he said, glancing at Sam.

  Mark shook his hand and said, “Nice to meet you. Are you a friend of the family?”

  He glanced at me and said, “Something like that.”

  My sister, unbelievingly, had yet to utter a single word. She was so in shock by Shane’s return, that for once in her life, she was speechless.

  “You’re looking well, Sam. Still acting?”

  “What are you doing here?” she said, finally finding her voice.

  She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with questions. I didn’t have any answers.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked, grabbing my arm to pull me inside.

  I didn’t budge. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Mark, why don’t you get Shannon settled in the car? I’ll be there in a minute.”

  He did as he was asked and I kissed Shannon goodbye one more time before she gave her father another hug and took Marks hand and headed to the car.

  Sam turned toward Shane. “Why are you here?”

  “For my daughter!”

  She stared at him for a minute and said, “Why now, after all these years?” She was starting to get angry, I could see it. “You don’t have any right to be here now! Get out!” she shouted.

  “She’s my daughter! I’m not leaving until I’ve worked a few things out with Rebecca.”

  She pushed him, causing Mark to get back out of the car and stand by her side. “You’re not welcome here! Go back to…wherever it is you ran off to seven years ago! We don’t want you here!”

  He looked at me and said, “Is that true? Do you want me to leave?”

  My head was saying yes while my heart was shouting No No No!

  When I didn’t answer, Sam glared at me. “How could you do this? How can you stand there after what he did to you? You cried non-stop for months! Don’t let him do this to you again, Becca, Please! You’re married! Parker loves you!”

  “I’m not doing anything. I didn’t ask him to come here.”

  “But, he is here…and you’re alone.”

  “Coincidence. Besides, he’s not staying,” I said, looking up at him.

  “Shannon’s mine, don’t make me get a court order for a blood test to prove something we both know is true. I don’t want to fight with you, Rebecca. I just want to be a part of my daughter’s life. I’m not leaving until we’ve come to an agreement.”

  “You’re leaving now.”

  “NO!”

  Mark stepped up and said, “Yeah, you are going to leave…now.”

  Shane towered over Mark and said, “I’m not a threat to her. I just want what’s mine.”

  I started to shake. “You can’t have her!”

  “Get out!” my sister yelled, pushing him away. He didn’t fight back; he let her pummel him, only putting up his hands to block his face.

  Mark pulled her off of him.

  “Meet me at the clinic in thirty minutes, Rebecca. We’ll walk to the diner across the street after I take care of a sick dog. I’m not going away. I just want to be able to see her, be a part of her life. Please, I don’t want to cause any trouble…but I will, if I have to.” He turned, nodded at Mark and walked away.

  Sam stopped and watched him get into his car. “Oh my God, he’s the vet!” She turned and looked at me. “You’ve been seeing him…! How could you?” she roared at me.

  “I haven’t been seeing him. He treated the damn cat! I didn’t know it was him when I took Snowball in. He was the vet on call…the cat was dying!” I said, offering up any excuse.

  “You’ve known he’s been back for weeks now. If you’re not seeing him, then why didn’t you tell us that he was the vet?”

  “Because I knew the reaction I’d get! I wasn’t wrong. He does have rights!”

  “What rights? He left you! He made you believe he loved you. He was supposed to marry you, but instead, he left you alone…and pregnant!” she said, mimicking Parker’s words from the other night.

 
“He didn’t know I was pregnant.”

  “Get rid of him now!”

  “Don’t you think I’ve tried? He won’t leave.”

  “Well, maybe you shouldn’t encourage him, then,” she glared.

  “I’m not!”

  “Really? So, kissing him in the park in front of your six year old daughter isn’t encouraging him?” she accused.

  “He kissed me.”

  “I’m surprised Parker hasn’t done something about him.”

  “He um, he doesn’t know…”

  She looked up at me. “Good, then get rid of him before you lose your husband. Pay him off again…Daddy will help.”

  “NO!”

  “Rebecca, you can’t…”

  “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO! Everyone always tells me what to do! Shane only wants time with his daughter. If I fight him, he could get custody…” the thought almost brought me to my knees. I had known it was true, but until I actually said it out loud, I had managed to live in denial.

  “Rebecca…”

  “Go to Disneyland! I’ll handle him. Just, please don’t tell Mom, Dad…or Parker, okay?”

  She softened a bit when she saw my tears. “Okay. If you need me…I have my cell.”

  I nodded and waved as my shocked sister walked away with her very confused boyfriend. I knew they’d be having an interesting talk once the girl’s went to sleep that night.

  I quickly showered and got dressed. I knew it was time to face the music, so I slipped into a sundress and after checking my reflection at least a dozen times, I drove over to the clinic.

  The clinic was closed, so I knocked on the door. His car was out front, so I knew he was there. I tried the knob, it was unlocked and I walked in. I quietly made my way through to the back room and found him hunched over a dog, and he was talking softly to the animal and petting his fur while injecting something into him.

  “What’s wrong with him?” I asked, trying to break the ice.

  He didn’t turn toward me. “He’s been abused. He’s too far gone to save. I’m putting him down,” Shane said, continuing to pet the sad animal.