“Oh, yeah.” Holly took a long slurp of her coffee. “I guess he is. Sorry I said he was boring. I just think when I get married I want to travel the world with my husband, or something. Or go into space, of course.”
“Of course.” Kate couldn’t help smiling. “Well, to be honest, if someone came along who could take me into space, I may well be tempted to go with him! Now I guess we’d better get back to work. Those coffees will be going cold.”
****
Kate let herself in the front door and kicked her shoes into the corner. It looked like she was the first one home. She tossed her bag onto the hall table, headed straight for the kitchen, and poured herself a large glass of Pinot Grigio. She leaned back against the worktop and took a long, slow swig, closing her eyes and savouring the moment. Holly’s words of earlier were still ringing in her ears, and she tried unsuccessfully to imagine Richard in the role of explorer, or even better, astronaut. He just didn’t fit. He was a lawyer, and that was that. A very successful lawyer, she reminded herself. He was going to go far. He’d always told her that. But only far in terms of the law. He’d probably end up being a judge or something, and to be honest, that really didn’t have the appeal of an explorer. He didn’t even like the idea of a walk in the country very much, and she would certainly never get him to climb a mountain, or skate on a frozen river. Her eyes snapped open in surprise, and she took another swig of wine. Whatever had made her think of that? That had been a very long time ago. It wasn’t very often one found a frozen river anyway. It had been pure fluke, that time when she and a few school friends had braved the unexpected cold spell and spent a brilliant hour or so sliding around on the river. She must ask Jen if she remembered it. That had been such fun. And of course Sam had been there. Sam was always up for a bit of fun.
She shook her head sharply, downed her wine in one gulp, and leaving the glass on the worktop, made her way upstairs to get changed. Her heart plummeted when she remembered her sister was coming down tonight. Her mother had arranged a final fitting for the bridesmaids’ dresses, and both Vicky and Jen were coming over. Vicky had moaned about it, and Kate had had a moment when she actually thought she was going to refuse to be a bridesmaid, but unfortunately their mother had talked her round, and she had reluctantly agreed to pay them a visit for the evening. At least Jen would be there too, Kate thought as she pulled off her work clothes and rummaged in her cupboard for some jeans. The whole wedding thing was just becoming far too stressful, and the addition of her ghastly sister into the mix was just too much.
Angrily Kate pulled a blue strappy top over her head and wriggled into her jeans before freeing her hair from its clip and letting it cascade over her shoulders. She shook her head violently, then glanced at herself in the mirror. She looked nothing like the sensible secretary she had been all day, and nothing like the future wife of a judge. She looked far more like an explorer’s wife, or better still an explorer herself. Why on earth did she keep thinking of herself in terms of someone’s wife? God, it wasn’t the nineteen fifties! She wasn’t going to disappear and stop being her just because she was married. She would still be a person in her own right. Wouldn’t she? Even her mother had a job. Maybe Richard would want her to give up work. Maybe he just wanted her to sit at home and look pretty for when he brought his colleagues home.
No. She scowled at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t let that happen. If she decided to become an explorer, or take up extreme sports, then Richard couldn’t stop her. Just like he couldn’t make her sleep in the spare room when he had a big case on, or insist his mother live with them when she was old and incontinent. No, if she was going to marry him, it had to be on her terms.
With a sigh, she flopped down on the bed. There it was again. “If” she married him. The wedding was in less than four weeks. She probably ought to make up her mind.
With a frustrated snort, Kate leapt up again and glowered at herself in the mirror. Of course she was going to marry him. She loved him, didn’t she? She’d just have to lay down a few ground rules before things went any further. She snatched up her phone and wrote a quick message to Richard.
Just to get a few things clear—I’m not giving up work when we get married, I’m not sleeping in the spare room when you have a big case, and your mother is not coming to live with us. Oh, and if I want to become an explorer, I will.
She pressed Send and watched until it said it had been delivered. There. That should put him right. So long as he agreed to all that, she would marry him. While she was still staring at the screen, his reply appeared.
Kate? Have you been drinking? Of course you mustn’t give up work, we need the money. I would never throw you out of our bedroom. I shall sleep in the spare room when I have a big case, and why on earth would my mother want to come and live with us? I also think you may be better suited to being a secretary than an explorer. Love you, darling. See you soon.
Kate stared at the message in disbelief. He really didn’t understand at all. Him sleeping in the spare room was just as bad, and how dare he say she couldn’t become an explorer? How on earth did he know she wouldn’t be very good at it? He thought she was better suited to be a secretary. Did he really think she wanted to be a secretary all her life? That was just a temporary job until she found her vocation. She paused and sat down on the bed again. A temporary job that had lasted five years. But it was still temporary. She could leave anytime she wanted. And she would. Very soon. That’d show him. Her phone bleeped again, and she glanced down at it. It was Jen this time.
Are you home? Can I come over now?
Kate sent an instant reply.
Yes. Please do.
Maybe she shouldn’t reply to Richard just now. Not while she was feeling so annoyed with him. That probably wouldn’t help anything. She’d talk it through with Jen, who usually knew what to say to make it all better. With a sigh, Kate got up and headed back downstairs to the kitchen. She retrieved her glass and topped it up until it was almost overflowing, then got another one out of the dishwasher, ready for Jenny. If only Vicky wasn’t coming over, the evening might be rather fun. But as usual her sister would probably spoil it in some way. Just by being there. Thank god she didn’t live at home any more.
Kate poured a glass of wine for Jenny, carried them both through into the conservatory, and curled up in one of the cushioned wicker chairs. She tucked her feet up underneath her and slowly sipped her drink. If she wasn’t getting married and moving out anyway, it was probably time she thought about getting a place of her own too. Vicky had never moved back in after Uni, so although she was nearly two years younger than Kate, she had lived in her own place in Bristol for three years. Well, it wasn’t really her place, of course. She shared it with three other girls.
Kate heard the front door knock, then open.
“Kate? I’m here.”
“I’m in the conservatory!” Kate watched the door as her best friend appeared, lugging a large green carrier bag.
“I’ve brought goodies,” Jenny announced, dumping the bag on the floor and flopping down onto a wicker chair. “Thought we might need more wine to survive Vicky. And chocolate.”
“You’re a life saver.” Kate handed her the glass of wine with a grin. “I’ve been dreading tonight, but with you and lots of goodies it may just be bearable.”
“She’s not that bad.” Jenny flicked her long blonde hair over her shoulder and took a large gulp of wine. “You shouldn’t let her get to you so much. Is she staying the night?”
“Yeah. Mum insisted. She’s going back first thing tomorrow, though. She has work.”
“God, you sound really miserable. Is it just Vicky, or is there something else?” Jenny watched her over the rim of her glass.
“Oh, everything!” Kate wriggled in frustration. “I hate this wedding. And Richard’s going to sleep in the spare room, and he thinks I should be a secretary forever and not become an explorer.”
There was a short silence, then Jenny cleared her throat.
“Okay. How many wines have you had?”
“Oh, god, not you too! That’s what Richard said. I haven’t been drinking. I’m just not explaining it very well.”
“Probably not,” Jenny agreed, her lips twitching. “I had no idea you wanted to be an explorer, and why is he sleeping in the spare room? I thought your parents were okay with him staying over?”
“No, no, not here. When we have our own house. He’s going to sleep in the spare room when he has a big case… It’s a long story. And I don’t really want to become an explorer, but that’s not the point. He says I’d be a better secretary and I should keep doing that.”
“Okay.”
“No, it’s not okay. I feel like I’m going to lose my identity if we get married. He’ll want to turn me into a clone of his mother. I can’t let him do that.”
“Kate, calm down! Where on earth is all this coming from? And what d’you mean ‘if’ you marry him? Kate, you’re not actually having second thoughts, are you? Is this to do with Sam Somerville? Tell me it’s not!”
“Of course not.” Kate closed her eyes and curled up even tighter in her chair. “Of course I’m going to marry Richard, but I don’t want to stop being me. This is all Holly’s fault.”
“Holly?”
“The new girl at work.” Kate opened her eyes and glanced over at Jenny. “You know, that really young one. She’s just finished her GCSEs. Well, she said that when she gets married she wants to marry someone more interesting than Richard. Like an explorer or an astronaut. And that got me thinking about just how boring he really is. Am I ready to be a boring wife?”
“You don’t need to be boring, just because Richard is.” Jenny sat forward and stared at Kate. “You can still be you. He won’t want to change you—he fell in love with you as you are.”
“So you agree he’s boring?”
“I didn’t say that.” Jenny ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “Well, maybe I did—but I didn’t mean that. Richard loves you as you are, Kate. You know that. And he’d love you whatever job you did. He probably thought he was being nice, saying you were a good secretary.”
“Yeah, well, that’s the point. If he knew me at all, he’d know that wouldn’t make me happy. Surely he knows I’m only doing that until I find my vocation?”
“Maybe he doesn’t. Have you ever told him? You’d been doing that job for two years when you met him. He probably thinks you like it.”
Kate stared at her for a moment, then picked up her wine and finished it in a single gulp. “I need chocolate. What have you brought?”
“Take your pick.” Jenny held out the bag to her. “I got a selection.”
Kate peered into the bag and pulled out a large bar of nut chocolate. She broke a piece off and stuffed it into her mouth. “D’you remember the skating?”
“What?”
“The skating on the frozen river. D’you remember it?”
“Yeah, of course. That was fun. Whatever made you think of that? That was years ago.”
“Richard would never do that. He’s just not spontaneous. And he doesn’t really like doing outdoor stuff. He’d think it was silly.”
“Kate, we were about fifteen. I’m sure he would have done it at that age.”
“Maybe, but he wouldn’t do it now. I would, you would. And Sam would.”
“So this is about Sam. Kate, you mustn’t go there. Leave him alone. He’s not for you.”
“It’s not about Sam. It just made me compare them. I don’t want Sam Somerville any more. That was all years ago, but he was always fun. Richard just isn’t fun at all, really. He’s too…grown up. Jen, I’m not ready to be grown up. I’m not sure I ever will be.”
“You’ve just got pre-wedding nerves.” Jenny was watching Kate closely. “You know you love Richard, and—be honest—would you really want him to be reckless and childish?”
“Maybe I would.” Kate folded her arms sulkily. “That’s the problem. I just don’t know anymore. And I need to know. I’m getting married in just over three weeks.”
“Yes, you are. And that’s why you’re feeling the way you are. It’s just a panic. Perfectly normal. You know Richard is right for you. You’ve been planning this for a year now. Don’t you think you’d have noticed before if he wasn’t the right person for you? Every bride feels like this.” Jenny nodded with confidence. “My sister did. And my cousin. And both of them are still happily married. Well, my sister is. And my cousin is too, just not to the same person…”
“Really, Jen, that’s not helping.” Kate leaned forward and rummaged in the chocolate bag again. “But I guess you’re probably right. It is just nerves. Mum’ll be back soon. I’d better get more in the wedding-y mood, I suppose.”
“That’s the spirit,” Jenny said encouragingly. “You can’t let Vicky see you’re panicking. She’ll never let you forget it.”
Kate rolled her eyes and peeled back the wrapper from a Flake. “Oh, god, I’d forgotten about her. She’ll be moaning all the time, of course. She doesn’t like the colour or the style of the bridesmaids’ dresses. I told her she can have what she wants at her own wedding, and she laughed and said she’d never do anything so lame as get married. And I still can’t understand why Richard likes her.”
Jenny giggled. “Well, she does look a lot like you. Maybe she’s just his type.”
“His type?” Kate snorted. “Yeah, right. She’d have him for breakfast. She can’t stand any authority figure, and I’m pretty sure a lawyer counts as that. They do seem to be able to talk to each other, though. I hate that.”
“She’s just doing it to annoy you.” Jenny got to her feet. “Now come on, I want to know what you’re doing with your hair for the wedding. Can we go and play about with it before the others get here?”
“Oh, I don’t want anything special.” Kate stood up and scooped up the bag of chocolate. “I want it loose with some flowers in it. You know it’s not me to have it all fancy.”
“Okay, let’s go to your room and have a play with it. I may wear mine up.”
****
Kate stared at her sister with ill-concealed dislike. Ever since Vicky had arrived, late as usual, just as the dressmaker was about to give up and go home, the atmosphere had been charged with tension. As she watched the girls being pinned into their simple pale blue dresses, Kate had found herself wishing once again that it was just Jenny who would be preceding her down the aisle. It was true that Vicky did look like her, and to have a slightly taller, slightly thinner and slightly younger version of herself prancing before her into the church made her stomach churn. It would be Vicky that Richard saw first. Vicky that would be sticking in his mind when Kate finally appeared, and then he’d be disappointed. No wonder he liked talking to Vicky when she was so much younger, prettier, and thinner. And she had a better job. A proper career, not just a temporary job as a secretary.
“God, Kate, these dresses are such a cliché. No one wears stuff like this any more. Most people let their bridesmaids wear whatever they want.”
Kate took a deep breath. “No, they don’t, Vicky. You have no idea what you’re talking about. If you don’t want to wear the frigging dress, then go away and don’t bother to come to the wedding. If you are insisting on coming, then shut up and do as you’re told.”
Helen glanced between her daughters and tutted loudly. “Girls, please. Stop bickering. Vicky, these are lovely dresses. Now stand still and let’s get this finished. Kate darling, are you okay? You look a little flushed.”
“I’m fine,” Kate snapped. “Or I would be if she wasn’t here. Does she have to stay the night?”
“Kate!” Helen frowned at her. “Of course she must stay the night. I thought we could all have a bit of a girly evening after this, and if Vicky was going to drive back, she wouldn’t be able to have any wine. She can leave early in the morning.”
“I’ve already had wine.” Vicky twisted round and smirked at Kate. “Needed a glass before I had to see your face.”
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br /> “Right, that’s it!” Kate marched over and started to undo her sister’s dress. “You are not being my bridesmaid. You are going to completely ruin my wedding, and I’m stressed enough about it already. Take that off and get out.”
“Kate!” Helen stepped forward and caught her hand as it was struggling with the zip on Vicky’s dress. “What are you doing? Of course Vicky is going to be your bridesmaid. She’s your sister. And if she’s already had wine, I’m not letting her drive back to Bristol. Jenny, take Kate into the kitchen and sort out some snacks for after the dress fitting. We’re nearly finished here.”
Jenny finished slipping out of her dress and pulled her T-shirt and jeans back on. “Okay, Helen, and would you like a glass of wine?”
“Yes, please, love, that would be nice.”
Sulkily Kate followed her friend into the kitchen and shut the door behind them. “I hate her, Jen. I truly hate her! I don’t want her at my wedding. She’s going to ruin everything.”
Jenny handed her a very large glass of wine. “I know,” she soothed. “She’s a nightmare. But she won’t spoil the wedding. She wouldn’t dare, not with your mum and dad there. Where do you keep the bowls?”
Kate waved vaguely towards a corner cupboard and perched on the end of the table, cradling her wine in both hands. “Richard will see her first and then be disappointed when he sees me. That’s what she wants. You know that.”
“Chill out. You’re just nervous.” Jenny poured a packet of pretzels into a soup bowl. “Vicky always winds you up. She doesn’t want Richard, and he certainly doesn’t want her. And why on earth would you think he’d be disappointed when he sees you? You’re gorgeous. Much prettier than Vicky. She wears too much makeup, and I think she’s too thin.”
Kate watched her over the rim of her wineglass. “Thanks, Jen. You always know what to say. I guess I am just nervous. It’s all getting so close and so real now. And I just never seem to get to spend any time with Richard. It would be much easier to remember how much I love him if I ever saw him! We haven’t had sex for weeks.”
Breaking All the Rules Page 4