“Well that’s what you say now. I understand you don’t want to admit that you’ve broken off your engagement because of me.”
Why couldn’t he leave it alone? Why couldn’t he just walk away and leave her alone? She didn’t need him standing on her doorstep trying to convince her it was him she wanted. Had always wanted.
“John, will you just go? Just leave me alone. Please don’t text or call me anymore. There’s no point — things have changed. I’ve changed. You went off chasing your adventure and you left me behind. It’s over.”
“Fine, I’ll go. And you’re right. Things have changed. If they hadn’t, you wouldn’t be standing here having this talk with me. You’d be getting all cozy with your fiancé.”
He went to lean in and give her a kiss, but she took a step to the side. He sent a wry grin her way. At one time she’d found it endearing. Now it was plain annoying. “I’ll see you later, Phoebe, trust me on that.”
For the second time that night she watched a man walk down her front path, away from her. This time, however, her heart wasn’t aching and she wasn’t wishing that the man leaving would turn around and come back for her.
• • •
Phoebe gripped her morning coffee in both hands, hoping the warmth from the cup would take away the chill she had woken up with. For a few minutes after she’d woken, she’d forgotten all that had happened the day before. The moment she’d lifted her left hand and noticed it was bare, everything had come rushing back in all its Technicolor glory.
The ringing of her landline caused her to jump and spill her coffee over her hand. She swore as the hot liquid hit her flesh. She grabbed a nearby cloth and wiped her hand clean. There was no way she was going to pick up the phone. She wasn’t ready to talk to Marco. She gave a short laugh — why had Marco been the first person she thought would be calling her? She’d dumped him the night before. The incessant ringing stopped and she let herself relax.
Her cell phone began to ring. Whoever it was, they were persistent. She walked over to her handbag and pulled her phone out. Sophie’s name flashed up on the screen.
Phoebe slid her finger across the screen, connecting the call. “Hi, I’m fine.”
Sophie’s laughter drifted down the line. “No you’re not. But I’m not going to argue with you about that.”
“You’re all heart.” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “So what do you want to know?”
The pause on the other end of the phone lengthened and Phoebe wondered what was taking Sophie so long to answer the question. “Marco was here first thing this morning. He looked like shit.”
Phoebe pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it, surprised by Sophie’s language — it was so unlike her. She put the phone back to her ear, tightening her hold. “Oh.” She couldn’t say anything else. She didn’t know what she should say.
“I still think you’re making a mistake,” Sophie said quietly. “But I’m not going to force you into something you’re not ready for.”
“I saw John last night,” Phoebe blurted out. She hadn’t planned on letting Sophie know about his little visit, but the words wouldn’t be held back.
“What? Again? Are you serious? Are you mad? Where? When?”
Phoebe could’ve laughed at the comical nature of the questions firing from Sophie. But she was afraid that if she did start laughing, her laughter would soon turn to sobs. She took a deep breath before answering her friend. “He was waiting for me after Marco left last night.”
“What did he want? You didn’t do anything with him, did you?”
“No, I didn’t do anything with him. He wanted to talk. I told him to go away.”
“Does that mean you’ve changed your mind? That you’re going to go ahead and marry Marco?”
That was the big question and Phoebe didn’t know the answer to it. She knew she didn’t want to be with John after the way he’d acted last night. She didn’t believe his declarations of love were sincere or meaningful. They were empty words, just like their relationship had been. She’d been a fool to be taken in by the texts he’d sent. A fool to believe that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence.
But even so, in some part of her mind she was glad that John had turned back up in her life. What his presence and messages had done was highlight the holes in her relationship with Marco. She realized she didn’t want to settle for a marriage without a semblance of love in the relationship. The only thing was she wasn’t sure Marco could give her was the love she now so desperately desired. And if she wanted to be loved unconditionally, it was only reasonable that Marco should expect that from her. Could she give it to him? What exactly did she feel for him? Was it love or was lust coloring her thinking? If what she felt for him was a forever type of love — and she couldn’t be sure that it was — could she trust that he wouldn’t take her love and then stomp all over it before discarding it?
“Phoebe, are you going to marry Marco now?”
“No, I’m not.” She paused, taking a deep breath to build up the courage to tell Sophie the truth about her relationship with Marco. “Soph, I want a marriage based on love and, well, I know Marco cares deeply, but I’m not sure he truly loves me unconditionally.”
“That’s complete and utter rubbish. The man who turned up at the crack of dawn on my doorstep this morning didn’t look like a man not in love with his fiancée. He looked absolutely devastated. I’ve never seen him look that way, and neither has Alex.”
“I find that hard to believe.” Phoebe ran a hand down her face. “All I know is I can’t go through with this. I can’t — no, I won’t — marry a man who doesn’t love me.”
“I still don’t understand why you think Marco doesn’t love you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, watches you. That man is clearly devoted to you. Tell me that’s not a man in love.”
“He’s never said it to me,” Phoebe whispered. “We’ve never said to each other.”
A gasp sounded in Phoebe’s ear; clearly she’d surprised her friend with her declaration.
“But you’re engaged! Why on earth haven’t you said ‘I love you’ to each other?”
“When did Alex finally tell you he loved you, Soph? When he thought he was going to lose you. Just like you’d never said it to him even though you’d told me that Alex was the love of your life.”
“You’re right. I can see your point.”
“Thank you.” Phoebe hoped that would be the end of the conversation about love. Somehow she didn’t think it would be though.
“Do you know what this sounds like? It sounds like you and Marco need to sit down and talk about your feelings. A simple discussion and everything will be sorted.”
“If only it were that simple. But it’s not.”
“Why isn’t it?”
Phoebe could hear the frustration in her friend’s voice. For the first time in her life, she didn’t know who she was. Over the last year she’d had so many changes and had lost her identity. She’d seen two of her good friends find love and marry. She’d been so caught up in the heady excitement of weddings and babies that she’d grasped at it, even though she hadn’t really been ready for it. The breakup with John had been quickly followed by the death of Mrs. White, the woman who had been her mentor and surrogate mother. For a while there, Marco had been able to make her forget those things. She now needed to deal with all that had happened to her. Once she had, then she could decide what her future held and if Marco was going to part of that future or not.
“Because I’ve lost myself, Soph. You said yesterday at your place that when I’m with Marco, I’m different. Which means I’m not being me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m not the carefree, good-time girl I used to be. I need to find me, before I can let anyone into my life and be an us.”
Phoebe wasn’t surprised by her friend’s silence
. She’d just laid quite a bit of information and inner feelings out there.
Finally Sophie responded. “So what do you want to do?”
“I’m going to go away. Somewhere I can be alone with myself and work out what I really want out of life.”
“Do you want to borrow my dad’s house on the coast? I know no one’s there right now, and he’d be more than happy to let you use it.”
The idea of staying at Sophie’s father’s house was appealing. She’d been there a couple of times and knew it backed onto the beach. Walks along the shore would be the perfect way to get her thoughts in order.
“If I say yes, will you promise not to tell Marco where I am if he asks?”
Once again, silence met her request. She could almost hear the inner struggle in Sophie’s mind. “I promise.”
“Fine.” She nodded her head even though her friend couldn’t see her. “I’d like that. Do you think I can come by in a couple of hours and get the key from you?”
“Sure, I’ll call Dad and let him know.”
“Thanks, Soph, I appreciate it.”
“Not a problem — just promise me one thing. You won’t give up on the possibility of getting back together with Marco. I know you don’t see it, but there is something between the two of you. Something so much stronger than what you and John had. I know in my heart he’s the man for you.”
“I’m not going to promise something I’m not sure I can keep. But trust me when I say that I will be doing a lot of soul searching.”
“That’s all I can ask for. I’ll see you soon, Phoebs. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Phoebe disconnected the call and put her phone down by her now cold cup of coffee. She had a lot to do if she was going to go away. Fortunately she’d had so much annual leave accrued at the hospital that she had the next two months off. Of course they had been for last minute wedding preparations and a honeymoon, but it didn’t matter what she used the time for now.
She grabbed the cup and threw the contents down the sink. She had a bag to pack and a relaxing time by the beach to look forward to. But before she could do anything she had to send a couple of texts, and it wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience. She quickly typed out a short message to the wedding planner, advising her to cancel the arrangements. When Marco had insisted on her using a planner, she’d initially balked at the idea. Now she was glad. She didn’t fancy ringing all the vendors to cancel orders or bookings. The next text she sent was one of the hardest one she’d ever sent in her life:
Hi Marco,
I wanted to let you know that I’ve contacted the wedding planner and instructed her to cancel all the wedding arrangements. I’m going away for a few days to sort things out. I’m sorry.
Phoebe
• • •
Marco looked at the text message for about the tenth time in the space of an hour. He was tempted to throw the phone at the wall, but that wouldn’t achieve anything. It wouldn’t allay the anger that was his constant companion now. Instead he placed it on the table and walked towards the double glass doors leading out to his balcony. He opened the doors and gazed at the ocean view.
He felt slightly better than he had when he’d knocked on Alex and Sophie’s door a few hours ago. He’d worked out his frustration on the tennis court, beating Alex quite convincingly. His friend had tried to engage him in conversation, but he’d just glared and Alex had known not to push the subject. Sophie had taken one look at him and had given him a hug. No words needed; he knew that he had both their support. And if he needed anything they would be there for him.
He looked back inside, at the phone on the table, and wondered where Phoebe was headed. He could try and call Sophie to see if she knew but he didn’t want to jeopardize their friendship. He walked back into the house and picked up his phone. His fingers moved across the screen and he pulled up the app that would show him where Phoebe was. He was hoping she’d forgotten about the little application they’d both downloaded on their phones so they could see where the other person was. It worked well when she had been doing a late shift; he had always felt relieved when he knew she was safely ensconced inside her home. He waited while the program pulled up the map. He could see the little dot on the screen. It showed that she was travelling down the highway. She hadn’t reached her destination yet.
He would give her a couple more hours before checking again. Once he knew where she was, he would give her two days and then he would go after her. As he played his tennis game with Alex he’d realized he didn’t want to lose Phoebe. He would do whatever it took to convince her they were meant for each other. Even if it meant opening up and sharing the one secret he’d hidden so far down in him in an effort to pretend that it didn’t exist. But it did exist, and it had to be shared with Phoebe if he wanted any hope of a future with her. If he wanted her to be totally open and honest with him, he had to be open and honest with her. It was hypocritical of him to expect it to be one-sided. When the time was right he would tell her all about Veronika’s betrayal.
CHAPTER 3
Phoebe picked up the towel and rubbed it briskly down her arms before wrapping it around her body. The water had been refreshing, but now that she was out of it, her skin was bubbling with gooseflesh. She sat down on the blanket and gazed out over the ocean. It had been a relaxing two days since she’d arrived. She hadn’t come to any real decisions — she’d just spent the time sleeping and sunbathing and taking the odd swim, re-energizing her soul and body. Still, a part of her ached, and when she was watching a television show or a movie she found herself rubbing her finger where Marco’s ring had been.
While it had been good to chill out, she knew she couldn’t do it forever. The time had come for her to sit down and think about what she was going to do next.
As the waves rolled in and rushed just as quickly back out, she wished her problems could be so easily solved. How good would it be to throw them into the ocean, and have them swept away by the receding tide, swallowed up and forgotten? She wouldn’t have to think about them again. Unfortunately nothing was that simple.
A shiver coursed through her and the thought of a warm shower, followed by curling up on the back patio with her book, had her standing and heading towards the house. Perhaps a solution to her problems might present itself in her book — and pigs might fly.
She ran the short distance to the house thinking of nothing but her shower. As she shook out the towel and blanket a voice interrupted her peaceful thoughts.
“I was wondering if I was going to have to come and join you on the beach.”
Dumbstruck at seeing Marco standing not three feet away from her, Phoebe opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, trying to form words, but not being able to get anything out.
It has to be a dream, she thought. He can’t possibly be standing in front of me.
She closed her eyes and shook her head, hoping that when she opened them Marco wouldn’t be standing there. But his heat was radiating out towards her, luring her into its warm embrace. She counted to five and then opened her eyes again. Marco still stood there. He was real. He looked so gorgeous in his tight fitting white tee and cargo shorts. There was something intrinsically male about him that called out to her. It had always called out to her, from the moment they’d stood side by side at Louisa’s christening.
“What are you doing here?” Her words came out softer than she wanted them to be. To her ears, it almost sounded like she was glad to see him. That she had been waiting for him to show up. Which was so far from the truth it was ridiculous. She wanted to be alone. Didn’t she?
“I’ve come to spend some time with you.”
It was so simply said, as if it was a given that he was always going to join her. But how did he know where she was? Only one person knew she was here, and she was going to call her and give her a piece of her mind.
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br /> How could Sophie do that to her? Sophie was her best friend, not Marco’s. Another thought hit her — maybe it wasn’t Sophie who told Marco where she was, maybe it had been Alex. If it had been Alex then she was sure Sophie would have a few choice words to say to him.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he drawled. “But don’t blame Sophie or Alex, they didn’t tell me you where here.”
“How did you know I was thinking that?” Phoebe asked, surprised that he had been able to read her so easily. Had he always been able to do that? Perhaps she’d been closed off to how Marco had looked at her. Perhaps he knew her better than she had thought he did.
He gave a negligent shrug of his shoulders and reached out to touch her cheek softly. “It’s good to see you.”
Her skin tingled beneath his touch. Her body softened and it took everything in her not to put her arms around him. That would be the worst possible thing she could do.
She was surprised at his comment though. There were times when they hadn’t seen each other for more than two days, usually when she had had a night shift rotation, though admittedly they had shared texts or phone calls. For him to say those words to her now melted her heart just a little bit. There was no way she was going to let him know she was glad to see him, though.
Phoebe went into defensive mode. She hadn’t come to any decisions about her future. She didn’t need him trying to influence her.
“I’m not sure I can say the same.” She took a step back. She couldn’t think with him standing so close to her. “But you’ve seen me now, and I’m not curled up in a corner rocking back and forth, so I guess that means you can leave.”
“No, I don’t think so. Now that I’m here I think I’ll stay for a while.”
The early thrill she’d received when he’d said he was glad to see her, left in a hurry with the autocratic way he informed her he was going to stay. It took everything in her power not to scream in frustration. She’d come to this little piece of paradise by the beach to think. To work out what she wanted. The man standing in front of her was the biggest thing she had to think about. The fact that she had been avoiding thinking about things the last couple of days was beside the point. Having him here was going to play havoc with her emotions. Emotions she couldn’t trust. She was acting out of character, going from one emotional extreme to the other. She needed to get her head on straight. For so long she’d led with her heart, and now she needed to lead with her head. It was the only way to protect herself and get what she wanted.
Lovers Unmasked: The Complete Series Page 39