Not to mention, I’d put us on a path to violence. Sure, there was a real argument to be made for our plan, or no one would have agreed to set it up for us. But it hadn’t been the only path we could have taken. If the first move we’d made had been diplomatic in nature, things might have worked out differently. Maybe they could have come to an understanding. But now we’d all attacked each other, and I didn’t know where we would go from here. All I knew was that it’d be my fault.
Once our people were finally released, Hayley came out with her trademark smile, remarkably not mad at me. It was incongruous, that I could feel so guilty, yet have absolutely no one treat me like it was my fault. I thought about that, the whole way back to the Aventine. I kept thinking about it after we arrived, finding a moment to slip away and lock myself in the room that’d been assigned to me. Wondering where it all went wrong.
I’d come into the meeting with the Hercules with a short-term goal, of making sure I’d never have to fear him again. Of destabilizing his House in the hopes that they’d leave us alone for good, and stop being my problem.
But that wasn’t why the Hercules was there. I’d thought he’d come after us to prove we couldn’t best him after all, but thinking it over again, his scope was so much bigger. He’d intended to make the first move in a war, by slaughtering us. And yet, was that really so different from what we had planned?
Tony came by the next morning, knocking on my door and calling my name. I pretended I wasn’t there. It must not have fooled him, because he proceeded to talk through the door. The Hercules had made it back to Tivoli, and he thought I should know.
Not too long after that, Carter came by and started talking from behind the closed door without even bothering to ask to come in—because this was apparently a thing now. He told me the House of Remus had heard rumors from some of the other legends. Rumors that the old Hercules had been deposed, and a new one had taken over.
I supposed Xanthe had been right about the danger he was in. His failure to kill us must have pushed his House over the edge.
Then Hayley recovered enough to chew me out and force me to talk to people again, and I started actually leaving my room. With a metaphorical cloud of gloom over my head, as I began to accept how we’d failed.
We’d wanted to take out the Hercules himself, something that would have weakened his House immeasurably in the eyes of every other party. We could’ve left the House reeling, possibly even avoided a physical conflict altogether, by shaking their morale and costing them allies. Now that opportunity was gone. We’d hurt their leader, pissed him off, and maybe acted as the catalyst for a war we didn’t want at all, but especially didn’t want now.
Now that my head was clear, I could picture the staggering consequences of that. Sooner or later, we’d pull out the serious weaponry, the bombs and whatnot. And then we’d all know for sure if the legends’ magic could defeat our technology. All around the world. Up to this point, how much conflict had been averted only because of the uncertainty of who had the upper hand? What would the repercussions of knowing that be?
And what would happen to all of us—my team, Berti—if we kept making these kinds of enemies?
Damn. What was I going to do?
Well, I wasn’t going to decide things on my own, that was for sure. That didn’t go so well the last time. But the thought of revealing this vulnerability to Luca, or Tony, or Carter filled me with a deep-seated embarrassment, one that almost tempted me to go back to hiding in my room. There was only one person I could stand talking to right now.
I headed to Hayley’s room, knocking on the door. She let me in without saying anything, giving me the space to start the conversation where I wanted to.
And I needed that space. There was a strong reluctance inside me to even talking about this. It took me a good few minutes, while Hayley waited patiently, to force the words from my mouth. “I think I messed up.”
Contrary as usual, Hayley responded with a completely inappropriate grin. “I knew you’d say that. For all your assertiveness, you really do love to freak out after the fact.”
And thus, immediately, this conversation was unlike anything I’d imagined. But that was life with Hayley. “My freaking out after the fact isn’t the problem. My not freaking out before the fact is the problem. Hello, we’re on the brink of an actual war.”
“Oh, please.” She waved off my statement. “We were on the brink of war before that plan with the Hercules. We’re in exactly the same position now.”
“We’re not,” I insisted. “Before, we were the only ones who’d been attacked and who had a grievance. We hadn’t retaliated. They didn’t have a reason to hate us yet.” My mind conjured an image of the sentry’s body, Alcides standing over it—instantly belying my words. “Well,” I corrected, “not one that they were officially admitting to, anyway.”
Hayley just looked at me expectantly, as if she was waiting for me to catch up. Well, if she was so far ahead, why didn’t she just tell me what she’d figured out? I scowled back at her.
With a sigh, she finally gave up. “Before, we had to retaliate, right? Because if we didn’t...”
We’d be seen as weak by all the local legend Houses, and subject to more attacks. Yeah, I knew that. It was why we’d done what we’d done in the first place, but that didn’t—oh. Oh.
“And now we’re even.” I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. “We failed, but we did retaliate.”
“We didn’t even really fail,” Hayley said. “I mean, technically, we did, in that we didn’t meet our original goal. But in a way, we succeeded. A new leader during a critical situation like this is destabilizing. Even worse, a bunch of humans confronted the Hercules—I repeat, the Hercules—and walked away unscathed. Meanwhile, he came home injured, despite wearing armor that was literally impenetrable.”
That...was a good point. I kept forgetting that the legends had an image of us, and shaking that image could be advantageous in itself. Looked at that way, this was a real blow to the House of Hercules. Playing up that angle might turn the tide against them every bit as well as a successful assassination would have—which part of me still couldn’t believe I’d tried to do. There might actually be an opportunity here.
That didn’t mean I hadn’t learned a serious lesson, though. Tony had a point. There were plenty of innocents, even amongst the House of Hercules—though one fewer, thanks to me. I’d fallen into the same mental trap I’d been angry at Berti for. I’d started thinking in terms of ‘us versus them’. But given enough time and pressure, maybe some of the people in the House of Hercules might see the merit in our plans, like the House of Aeneas did. Not all of them, certainly. Doubtless not the Hercules or Xanthe. But others might.
I couldn’t make this about punishing anyone, anymore. This was about building something that others would want to be a part of. That meant we needed time to show them why it was worth their effort, or at least worth leaving alone. Time that wasn’t consumed by violence.
It never ceased to amaze me how Hayley could turn everything around on its head. The world looked like a different place than it had before I’d talked to her. Possibilities were unfolding before me, whereas before, I’d felt stuck and trapped.
We were even.
There was still a huge risk of escalation, but Hayley was right—it wasn’t quite as high as it’d been. We’d proved our competence against a superior force. As long as they weren’t humiliated, we might get out of this without provoking more attacks on either end. We wouldn’t exactly be friends, but there wouldn’t be any bombs. Yet. If we kept things civil.
And it would make any legends who wanted to come after us in the future hesitate. They might still do it, especially once we finally got around to reclaiming the land we needed to farm and protect. But that wouldn’t be soon. We weren’t ready for it, the politics weren’t in place for that. And maybe we’d have convinced enough legends to cooperate with us by then that it wouldn’t come down to a fight at all.
Julia would be disappointed, but I could live with that.
The House of Hercules had to be just as worried as I was, even if they weren’t supposed to admit it out loud. They didn’t know what the bombs would do, either. Which meant this was actually workable.
“According to Simonetta,” Hayley said, “Rome’s diplomats are already in negotiations. The government jumped at the chance as soon as they found out the Hercules had been deposed—making him a perfect scapegoat to let everyone save face. See? You freaked out for nothing.”
Not for nothing, because I needed to come to terms with what I’d learned about myself. But I hadn’t thoughtlessly destroyed any chance of peace our country had, which was nice.
“Thank you,” I told Hayley. I didn’t even know what specific thing I was thanking her for, or if it was because of everything.
She winked at me. “Hey, what’re friends for?”
I hesitated. With everything going on, and my own post-abduction freak-out, there hadn’t been a moment. “What did you mean, when you said you didn’t want to be alone? I mean, it’s you. You’re never alone.”
The smile froze on her face. “Oh, that?” she said, with a levity that was just off enough for me to realize it was forced. “I just meant that, we’re best friends. You don’t really think I could replace you with just anyone else in my life, do you?” If I hadn’t already been suspicious, if we hadn’t lived together for three years, she might have fooled me. I might have believed there was nothing else to it.
But she’d said she was tired of losing people. Like her parents? Or maybe there was more? Maybe she’d lost a slew of nameless people, in all those parts of her past that were dark spaces for me.
Because Hayley didn’t talk about the past. Ever. She knew all about my family, and I didn’t know the slightest detail about her aunt except that she existed. And now that I’d flat-out asked her about those losses, she brushed me off. I never thought she’d do that.
There was another second where I wondered what to do, whether to push. But in the end, I let it go. I couldn’t force her to talk to me, the way I did to her. Maybe one day, she’d be ready. Until then, all I could do was be there for her.
TENSIONS REMAINED HIGH, even after the diplomatic talks were concluded, but somehow there was still a ceremony to celebrate the new peace. It took place on a sunny day, in a neutral location. The city commandeered some buses off of their regular routes to transport people there. My team arrived before the House of Hercules did, which might not have been the best thing ever, considering the sweat drenching my clothes.
I’d had to borrow an old, stitched-up dress from Dr. Berti for the more formal occasion, which I was not comfortable with at all. It wasn’t mine, which was bad in and of itself. It wasn’t my kind of thing either, which only made it worse. Her size was much closer to mine than Hayley’s would have been, but nonetheless, it was loose in all the wrong places and tight in even worse ones.
Between the heat, the attire, and the ridiculousness of the whole event, my focus was shot. I did not want to be here—though I’d been told repeatedly how necessary it was, given my role in this mess. We drifted around while we waited, away from the seats that’d been set up in front of a podium and towards the shade of the nearby trees. At one moment, I found myself alone with Berti, who asked after the fit of the dress. I couldn’t tell her the truth, and she seemed to accept my lie in better faith than it was given.
A mildly awkward pause followed, until Berti broke it.
“Jordan,” she asked me. “Back when we were facing the old Hercules, there was something that struck me as surprising. Do you know how Luca managed to hold him off?”
Even through my mental fog, I realized this was dangerous ground. How could I throw her off the scent? How would I have responded if I wasn’t keeping anything from her?
“I don’t know,” I ventured. “But I can’t say I’m that surprised, now that I think about it. He seems like the kind of guy who’d do martial arts or something. You know, because of the confidence.” Somehow I managed to make it sound even more absurd when I said it out loud.
Dr. Berti didn’t reply for a moment, making me wonder if she suspected my bullshit. “You don’t think he might be a legend himself?” she finally said.
My heart started pounding, but I made myself remain still, answer calmly. “It’s statistically unlikely. Besides, from what I saw of that fight, he didn’t use anything outside the realm of human ability. Everything he did was consistent with normal training.”
I knew almost nothing about martial arts, so I was lying through my teeth. Hopefully, she didn’t know anything about it either, but I wasn’t certain of that. I was taking a risk.
She hesitated a moment. “Oh. I suppose I am becoming too paranoid, with legends giving us so much trouble.”
It was working. Follow it up, mom would advise. Tell her what she wants to hear. Make her think you’re on her side.
“Probably,” I agreed. “And anyway, Luca saved your life, didn’t he? If he was a hostile legend, he probably wouldn’t have. And if he was an ally, why bother hiding it?”
She sighed. “You’re right. I was not thinking straight. Of course Luca is on our side. I apologize for jumping to conclusions, when I should have had more trust.”
It was uncomfortably close, but the crisis was averted. And yet, I wasn’t satisfied. There was this pang of loss inside me, and it took me a few moments to realize why—Dr. Berti had consulted with me. It was the most open she’d ever been towards me. If I’d hoped for a chance to form a real relationship with her, one based on trust and like instead of politeness and responsibility, this had been the first sign that we could build one. And here I was, lying to her and manipulating her instead.
The soft sound of wings flapping against the air grew gradually louder. Berti and I both turned to find a—what was it called? A herd? A flock?—of pegasi, bearing down on us. It was just the contingent from the House of Hercules, yet I came alert at the sight. Still registering them as a threat, peace or no peace.
Given the unease that their arrival filled me with, I spent most of my time keeping my distance. Trying not to even glance in their direction, because I didn’t want to see anyone I recognized. Like Xanthe. Or worse, Alcides. It would make no sense for the kid to be here, given...everything. But I couldn’t bring myself to look anyway, daunted by even the slight possibility I’d have to look him in the eye.
We all slowly moved to take our places. I huddled between Luca and Hayley, trying to get whatever comfort I could from their presence. What followed was a grueling gauntlet of opening remarks and other nonsense, peppered with names I didn’t know. Then the announcer called up the Hercules.
Almost against my will, my eyes turned towards the figure that stood up a few rows ahead of me. A muscular feminine form, the tips of her blond hair brushing against her shoulders. She stepped towards the podium, and I couldn’t help but wonder if there wasn’t something familiar about her, when she turned.
The truth was, I really should have expected this. But I didn’t. And so I fought to keep my surprise in check, as I looked upon the new Hercules—Xanthe.
As much as the old Hercules had earned my hatred, had stood out in the front of my mind for everything that happened to us in Tivoli, he hadn’t started this. That was Xanthe. She orchestrated the attacks on my team. It’d been easy to put that aside because the old Hercules posed the larger threat, and her actions had been less visible to me. But I always, always had to keep in mind that the one who’d wanted me dead from the beginning was her. And now she was in charge of the whole damn House.
Fuck.
I exchanged a look of distress with Tony, my unhappiness reflected in his expression. Then I glanced over the rest of the team, noticing that none of them had reacted. Because of course, none of them had ever met Xanthe. Tony and I were the only ones who recognized the woman behind the assassination attempts. The others only knew that a different faction within the House o
f Hercules was responsible.
They needed to be aware.
I turned my attention back to Xanthe, watching her smile for all the world as if she was happy to be here. Trying not to glare at her. And somehow, despite the crowd, she saw me. She looked right at me, and her smile gained a sly, predatory quality. She’d never reminded me so much of the old Hercules as she did in that moment. A slight tremble passed through my body, and I couldn’t identify whether it was from fear or rage.
Luca bumped my shoulder with his, expression questioning. He indicated Xanthe with his chin, clearly having noticed something from either her or me. I couldn’t risk whispering, not here, but I wanted him to know. I tried to signal with my eyes, letting some of my anger and frustration bleed through. He looked between me, Xanthe, and Tony—and his jaw clenched, eyes darkening. He sat back with his gaze locked on the new Hercules, a cool watchfulness emanating from him.
Xanthe went on to sign whatever agreement they’d all come to. Then she gave a perfunctory speech about how she regretted the mistakes the former Hercules had made, and wished to reestablish a peaceful relationship with the people of Rome. Tony spent the entirety of the speech looking vaguely nauseated.
It was only then that I grasped the irony of the situation. Of how the former Hercules took the fall, painted as a warmonger and xenophobe who’d tried to ruthlessly murder Roman students in a hate crime. And the monster who’d actually tried to kill us took his place, uncontested, with our public approval.
She was going to be a problem, one day. Just looking at her was enough to know that, to be sure that this wasn’t over forever. Those eyes promised not to forget.
Don’t leave an enemy at your back, mom would say. And I had at least two running free, doing whatever they wanted. Xanthe, and Jessie. I couldn’t touch either of them now—one of them was the head of a House of legends and the other was protected by one.
I took a moment to question whether I should. Xanthe was likely to become a problem one day, but I didn’t have to throw myself in her path. Jessie might go away and never bother us again, if only I could find it inside myself to let her. Was I making the same mistake again? Letting my anger dictate my actions?
Terrestrial Magic (Jordan Sanders, #1) Page 26