by May Dawson
"You wouldn't have come out here if you thought I was dangerous," he said. "You're not stupid."
"Well, that's a matter of some debate," I muttered.
"You must have questions for me. Before I get to the ask." He sounded slightly chagrined, at least, that he had to ask me for anything.
I had a million questions, but I started with something easy. Something that was on my mind, since I kept thinking of Samael. And I hated thinking about Samael. "Why the lute?"
"Why not?" He looked at the lute in his hand as if it were a friend. It had more strings than a guitar, the shape of the body like a bowl with a long, narrow neck. "It was thrown over for the guitar, but I think the sound is better."
"I hate it," I said. "It reminds me of Samael."
A frown crinkled between his brows. "Samael plays the lute?"
"You don't care for him much either, huh?"
"As evidenced by my bashing him to death with a shovel, and getting myself cast out of the family. I was a black sheep before, but that really took it to a new level. Hedron used to play the lute, though, and he taught me. This beauty was his." He glanced down admiringly at his lute, which was a beautiful instrument, deeply polished to a rich shade. If only the lute hadn't been tainted for me.
"Lute music reminds me of Samael, and that always leads to reminding me of how he beat me to death with a rock. It wasn't my best day."
"You have memories of your time as the Lilith?"
"Yeah. Do you have angel memories? Any of your past lives?"
He cocked his head at me. "You really think I'm one of... yours?"
"I really do," I said. "God help us all."
"Indeed. He's never really been on my side before, though." He swung his lute up lightly, taking the neck of the lute in both hands like a baseball bat, and slammed the lute into the trunk of a nearby tree. The bowl of the lute exploded in wooden shards, making me jump, and he slammed it into the tree again before stepping back, the ruined lute dangling from his fingers. Its strings hung loose, and only a few pieces of the bowl still clung to the neck.
"Sorry for the ugly memories, sweetheart," he said. Cocking his arm back, he threw the wooden wreckage toward the lake. The remnants of the lute turned end-over-end, until it broke the smooth, clear water. There was a splash, and then silver ripples crossed the deep blue water. The two of us watched, silently, until the ripples faded away.
I didn't trust him, but it was an interesting gesture. A touching one. I bit down on my lip, trying to steel myself. Don't believe him. Not so easily.
He turned back to me and shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, his shoulders hunching slightly. My heart dropped. It was the same way Ryker shoved his hands into his pockets. As if these two brothers, despite being raised far apart, and being raised as bitter enemies, had more in common than they'd ever be able to see. I could never explain to Ryker and the other guys how my heart, against all common sense, seemed to long for the half-demon. But then, they couldn't see the little things I saw, the things that made me feel like he was already one of them. I just had to wake all four of them up. They were brothers, no matter what.
"I've been doing some research," he said. "About the Lilith and the four brothers."
"Yeah? I'd be interested in getting my hands on some demon books."
"We keep everything digitally, sweetheart. It's a modern age. You really think those guys are my brothers?" He jerked his head, indicating the way back up the trail.
"I really do. It's why I won't let them kill you."
"Well, thanks for that. I'm definitely Team Don't Kill Nimshi."
"I wouldn't say I'm definite."
"How do I win you over?" His grin was cheeky.
"You're not going to betray us to your demon brethren? That would go a long way."
"Like I said. I've been unfriended. In the big way."
"What if they say, Nimshi, we want you back, just give us that Lilith...?" I didn't know why I felt the need to press the issue, knowing he could just lie to me. But I watched his face intently, sure he would give himself away if he lied.
"I'd say she's got some strange magic over me," he said without hesitation. "I don't much care for it, to be honest. It seems to call on what there is of my...better nature."
"The magic grows on you," I promised him. "I wasn't a fan either, at first."
He glanced toward the house. "I don't know how much time we have left. Listen, I can't break the house wards to come all the way up, but I broke the wards here and there." He stretched his arm to point down the lake, toward where the water turned and the faint edge of a metal bridge. "Make some excuse to get them back up. They'll stop most minion magic, too."
"Are you the last demon?"
"There'll never be a last demon," he said. "But there isn't another one on this coast. Not right now."
"I'd like to keep it that way."
"Believe me, so would I."
"Why'd you come here?"
"I want you to help me get my soul back," he said.
"Why?"
"I prefer my soul-less state," he admitted. "Until recently, I was free. Above emotion. Above compassion."
A shiver ran down my spine.
"I feel different now," he said. "The minute you walked into my life. You fucked up my happy existence, Ellis Landon."
"Sorry you can't kill yoga teachers without a hint of remorse now." He had claimed in the demon's case that he killed a random yoga teacher on the street.
"I didn't really," he said.
"I knew," I said. "I can tell when you're bullshitting me."
"Am I bullshitting you now?"
I hesitated. I wanted to believe him so much that I didn't trust my own instincts.
His eyes met mine steadily. "If I get my soul back. I'll be a different man... the one I was before they took my soul. And maybe then, you'll be able to trust me. Maybe my brothers will be able to trust me."
"And then we'll be one happy family?" I asked tartly.
For a second, there was a flash of pain across his face, before he was back to his usual cool neutral expression.
Oh. Maybe he did want to be one of us.
"I'm not hoping for happy. I'll take not-dead," he said. "Dealing with demons is trouble enough."
I didn't want him to see just how badly I wanted for his soul to change everything. My voice came out cool and cynical when I asked, "What's it going to take to get back your soul, Nimshi?"
7
The next morning, I couldn't remember if the night's visit with Nimshi had been a dream or not. Zane taught me how to monitor my sister's vitals and re-position her in bed regularly to keep her comfortable. I tried to focus on her and not on the nagging fog in the back of my mind that my dream had meant something.
I wanted to slip out to the lake. I couldn't rest until I knew that my strange night was just a dream. Instead, Levi caught my shoulders as I came out of my sister's room and steered me down the hall.
"I'm not hungry," I protested. "And it's weird you guys eat salad for breakfast."
"You're never going to grow into the badass you're meant to be if you don't eat your greens," he said.
"You're all bossy. Every last one of you."
"And you love us for it." He pushed me gently down into a chair. In front of me was a spread of omelets, arugula salad, strawberries and cold-brew iced coffee the boys had prepared.
Once I was caught up in their banter, the night before felt even more surreal. I tried to remember what the lute music had sounded like, but I couldn't quite recall it.
"Dojo time," Jacob said, pushing back from the table. He quirked an eyebrow at me, an invitation.
"I was thinking I want to go for a run, actually," I said. Right. Dream, vision or weird reality, I needed go down to the lake and see if I could find any traces of my time with Nimshi. "And check the wards like you guys usually do? Can someone teach me to do that?"
"I don't know if I'm up for a run yet," Jacob said. He had taken the worst o
f the beating in the demon's case. I raised an eyebrow back at him, trying to quietly smolder. I didn't want to say it at the table in front of the other guys, but I wanted him to get the message: I can heal you again.
Jacob frowned back. "Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm great," I said flatly, piling my glass on top of my plate and standing to take my dishes to the sink.
"I'll run with you," Levi offered.
"Thanks." I smiled at him, and he didn't smile back, but the corners of his eyes crinkled back. He might just be my favorite right now. And it wasn't just for the hot bathtub sex.
Ryker reached over my shoulder and took the dishes out of my hands. "Go on," he said, nodding. "You need to get in shape. We can take care of things here."
"Thanks," I said dryly.
"You know what I mean," he said, his tone slightly exasperated. "You look fantastic. Always have, always will to us. But your endurance could use some work."
Endurance. On another day, I would have taken that as innuendo and attempted my smolder at him. But Ryker and I weren't on smoldering terms.
He cupped my chin for just a second, his gorgeous green eyes intent on mine. "I'll look after your sister. Take some time off."
"Thanks." I touched his wrist with my fingertips, hesitating for a second. I wanted things to be normal between Ryker and me again. There was no one else like him. I should really tell him that I was sorry.
Except that I might not be sorry for everything he thought I should be. I was sorry for some of it, though. Like getting taken in by an evil wizard who sold us off to the demons. I would not make that particular mistake again. Ryker would probably say that was too specific of a life lesson.
He nodded and then shifted away, carrying dishes to the sink. I let my hand fall back by my side. I'd apologize. Another time. Soon.
I ran upstairs and pulled on a pair of running shorts, a sports bra and a tank top. Why did I bother buying real clothes when I was either in running clothes or in Hunter leather all the time, anyway? I glanced at myself in the mirror as I pulled my hair back into a low, smooth ponytail. I did look different than I had before I met the boys. Not just thinner, but stronger; my biceps were hard and defined, and my shoulders looked broader, my waist narrower. I had all the makings of a badass Hunter, even if I wasn't there yet.
I stuck my tongue out at my too-serious reflection in the mirror. I wasn't there yet by a long shot. As evidenced by my soft spots for bubble baths, sweet kisses, and questionable half-demons.
I bounded back down the stairs and found Levi on the front porch already. He leaned against the porch railing, looking out at the pines that stretched away from the house to either side of the long driveway. His black t-shirt clung to his broad shoulders and fell away over his narrow waist, and he wore long gray shorts that hung below his knees, to the top of his muscular, slightly-hairy calves. I rested my hand on his back as I joined him, wanting to touch him. He turned his head, his eyes brightening slightly at the sight of me, although his big-jawed face stayed as handsome and cool as ever.
"Ready for that run?" His voice was always rich and deep, a storyteller's voice.
"Not really." I clattered down the porch steps anyway. "I'm never ready. I still think running is stupid."
"It's not stupid when you've got a geist on your heels," he promised me. "Maybe we should sign up for some 5Ks and stuff. Running's more fun when there's a point to it."
"I always secretly wanted to run one of those Disney races," I said. "Like the Disney Princess half-marathon?"
"Disney Princess," he repeated.
I held my hands to either side playfully. "I'm just testing how much you love me."
He shook his head and broke into his usual long, loping running stride. I hurried to catch up. I was already panting by the time we crossed behind the house and under the arch of trees.
We settled into a rhythm, although he took one easy stride for every two of mine. Our feet set a steady beat down the running trail.
"How's Jacob doing?" he asked me.
"You would know better than me," I said. "He doesn't talk about his feelings with me."
"Me either."
There was a pause between us, the only sounds the peepers chirping in the brush, the birds whistling, and me panting along like an over-excited puggle.
"Ryker said he was in bad shape," Levi said carefully. "After he saw you guys in the case."
"He was struggling." I said. "He was in pretty good shape, considering."
There was a sharpness in my tone, and he glanced over at me, concern in his eyes.
"Sorry," I said. I hadn't meant to snap.
"We all love him, Ellis. It wasn't a criticism."
"I know."
"But not one of us has to be perfect. That's why we're a team. A family."
I thought of Nimshi, and the pain in his eyes when I'd asked if he wanted to be part of the family. I couldn't imagine how we'd get from here, with the boys intent on killing him, to bringing him into the fold. If Nimshi could even be trusted.
If my memory, or dream, could even be trusted. The whole thing seemed strange and foggy now, and I was increasingly convinced it was an odd dream, maybe even a magic-tinged one. Had I really left my bed in the middle of the night chasing lute music? That was incredibly stupid. Also, I should have tried something concrete to see if it were a dream; they say you can't eat in dreams. I should have kissed Nimshi to see what would happen.
Brain. No. Don't go there. I could so easily imagine running my hands through his dark curls, those supernaturally bright green eyes intent on mine, his hands tightening on my waist as our lips met.
Focus.
"It's a good family to be a part of," I said. "I'm glad Jacob has you guys now. Finally."
Levi flinched slightly. For a few long seconds, I was confused, and then I remembered Levi's sense of guilt that he'd been able to forget his older brother after Jacob was sent away. I hadn't meant to hurt Levi. I meant that I admired the way they loved each other. The weird macho, non-communicative-but-earnest way they loved each other.
"Yeah," he said. "Finally."
"I didn't mean..."
"It's all right. I'm glad you've gotten closer to Jacob. Gotten past the grouchy."
"I wouldn't go that far. He's still grouchy."
"But now you know there's more to him than that."
"Yeah." I flashed back to his face when he was purposefully pissing off Samael to draw him away from me, even knowing what that would mean, even with the weight of weeks of torture as a kid on his shoulders. "Yeah, I do."
"I'm starting to remember a little more about when we were kids, I think," Levi said. I glanced toward him, but his eyes were steady in front of us.
He had only been four years old when Wendy took Jacob, who had just been rescued from the demons, to live in England. Then she had burned or hidden all the photos of Jacob and her journals that mentioned him. Childhood amnesia had set in. While all of us lose most of our memories of life before kindergarten, Levi had lost his brother. He had come to believe that he'd had an imaginary friend named Jacob, once upon a time.
"What happened when Jacob came back?" I asked. Jacob had talked about finding his brothers, but I hadn’t heard the story from their side yet.
"He found us, when we were out on the Hunt, coming out all bloody from dealing with this vamp nest. We didn't even recognize him... he called me by name, and I was like, who the hell are you?" He smiled slightly, ruefully.
"What did he say?"
Levi did a pretty decent imitation of Jacob's British drawl. "I'm your brother, you goddamn idiot. Jacob Kerr."
"Sounds like him."
"The fact he used our mother's maiden name, that threw us. We got cleaned up and went to a diner to talk. But I just couldn't believe that our mother had kept a secret like that from us."
I felt a pang, thinking of last night’s sojourn with Nimshi. "She must have thought she had a good reason."
"Yeah, I love her. I
want to believe that." Levi said. He shook his head slightly. "But she took something from me that I'll never get back. Years with my brother. Even if we couldn't have seen him, just knowing he was out there. It would have mattered to me."
I felt an ache for all of them: Wendy trying to save her sons, Jacob growing up in hellish conditions even though he'd been saved from the demons, and Levi and Ryker here. They’d had the happy childhood, but it was one they would always feel guilty about because their brothers hadn't shared it.
"What do you think happened with Nimshi?" I asked. We reached the fork, and he started to turn right automatically, but I reached out and caught his sleeve. I tugged him after me, and he turned and followed, ducking under a low-slung branch. Our pace slowed. "Do you think Wendy really bargained to... make him... to save Jacob?"
"I don't know." Levi slowed to a quick walking pace, just for a second, to break off a branch that dangled in our way. He tossed it into the brush. "Even so, it was Wendy's bargain to make. Jacob shouldn't feel guilty about it."
"I think he does, though."
We emerged from the trail onto the expanse of green grass and rocks that led down to the edge of the lapping water.
Levi frowned, reaching out his hand, as if he were feeling for rain. The black tattoos on his arm seemed to shimmer slightly. I blinked, wondering if it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. Sweat trickled into my eyes, and I wiped my forehead with my arm.
"The wards are down out here," he said. "Fuck. I wonder how long the wards have been down."
He looked at me sharply, as if he knew there was something strange about the timing of my request. "Did you have a dream about the wards?"
"Yeah." I nodded, relieved to have an out. I reached out and took his arm in my hands, studying the black runes that ran up and down his arms. "Do these have something to do with the wards?"
"Home wards. We're linked to this place, and it's linked to us. When there are intruders, we feel it."
Maybe they usually did. But no one had woken up when Nimshi broke down their wards and strode onto their property, his lute hanging from his fingers, his cocky grin fixed on his face.