by May Dawson
"So anyway, as part of the reincarnated Lilith deal, we're her team. Her guys. We would all die to protect her, we all love her fiercely—even if some of our manners are a little lacking—" Jacob clapped his hand on Ryker's shoulder. "And she can heal us. But it takes contact. Would it bother you terribly if she kept Ryker from bleeding to death? It's a nice van, it would be a shame to ruin the seats."
My mother's lips parted, and then closed, as if there was nothing she could say to that. She said, with effort, "I don't mind. Do whatever you need to do, Ellis."
I groaned. "Ryker, get back here."
"Nope."
"Why are you so stubborn?" I demanded.
"Because you two are obnoxious soul mates," Levi said. "Mirror-images of irritating, stubborn, know-it-all arrogance..."
"Hey," I said. "You were in the number one slot for a while there. Don't ruin it."
"I'm just being honest," Levi said. "The two of you are fighting because you're so alike, and it would be comical, except I'm worried my brother is going to die from blood loss. So, do what you do, crazy girl."
I would prefer to talk through my relationship woes with just Ryker, and not an audience. This was like the worst kind of marriage therapy.
"Goddamn it," I murmured. Then I threw my leg over the center console, leaning in between Ryker and Levi.
"What are you doing?" Ryker demanded as I straddled his lap.
"I'm being the less irritating, stubborn, know-it-all." I tried to shift my ass back on his knees so that I wouldn't put any pressure on the wound in his side, which was sealed now, a black powder mixed with his blood. His abs seemed to flutter with effort. "So I win."
Ryker parted his lips to protest. I rested one hand on his broad, naked shoulder, steadying myself, and touched the fingertips of my other hand gently to the side of his wound. I kissed him before he could say one more thing.
Despite himself, his lips parted under mine. I kissed that plush lower lip that always welcomed me, no matter how much we annoyed each other.
His hands wrapped around my waist, his warm, firm grip holding me tight. Straddling his lap like this, I felt my core tighten, desiring him despite myself. My hair fell around us both, blocking out the rest of the van, as my lips met his again and again.
We peppered sweet kisses over each other's lips, reacquainting ourselves with the quirks, the corners, the shape of bows. Then his tongue swept over the inside of my lower lip. I ground down on his knee, hoping no one could notice how much I wanted this man who made me so freaking crazy. In every way.
My tongue mingled with his, and he groaned into my mouth. His hand gripped the back of my head. I could feel his fingers through my hair as he held me tightly against him.
I broke away from his kiss, sliding back under the dashboard so I could kneel between his legs.
"Jesus," Levi said, glancing away from the wheel for just a second. "I don't think that's necessary."
"It's his wound!" I said, blushing harder. I leaned forward, pressing my lips tenderly to his side, feeling his hard-angled ab contract under my mouth. The corners of the gaping tear in his side seemed to mend together, just a little. Ryker groaned. The healing must be painful.
"I'm glad it hurts," I said. "You deserve it."
"It's cool," Ryker said, closing his eyes. "It's not like I was shot making sure you got to have a family reunion. Don't feel like you should be appreciative or anything."
I kissed the other side, watching as his skin seemed to shimmer as it healed together again. "We shouldn't have left Nimshi."
"Don't need to bring him along to kill him myself," Ryker said.
"No one's killing anyone." I pressed another kiss to his newly-healed skin, watching as the flesh knit together more, as if invisible fingers were sewing his wound shut.
"That is amazing," Jacob said softly.
"What would be amazing is if you guys were able to forgive," I said. "Give Nimshi the second chance you would want if you'd been brought up by demons."
"Nimshi grew up in Connecticut," Levi said. "I don't know what you're talking about."
I felt exhausted, and I rested my elbows on Ryker's thighs. He still wore his workout shorts, and I could feel his hard-muscled thighs quivering with the pain and effort of healing. I wasn't really glad he was in pain. I didn't know why I said the things I did sometimes. I just wanted to be quippy. And I was furious at him. For Nimshi. For hurting my feelings back at the house when he turned me down. For being so damn inscrutable and not-quite-mine.
He ran his fingers through my hair, the gesture quick and fond, even though his eyelashes fluttered like he could barely keep his eyes open. "It's all right, Firestarter. It's enough."
"Nah," I said. I took his hard hips in my hands, leaning forward again. "I have every intention of fixing you, Ryker, no matter how impossible it seems right now."
"Yeah," he said, clearly taking that just how it was intended. "Well, ditto."
Levi sighed heavily from the driver's seat. "You two are exasperating."
15
As we turned up the long drive, passing under the pines that swayed above us, hiding the house from the road, I tried to think of how to prepare my mom to see Ash again.
"I've got something to tell you," I said softly. "The people who we dealt with tonight..."
"You guys call them the Company," my mom said. "I know."
"What do you know about them?"
Jacob reached over and squeezed my knee as the van came to a stop. "We're going to make sure Ryker doesn't have any internal bleeding we missed, and then we're going to check the wards. See you inside."
"See you," I said distractedly. My hand rested on his for just a second, drawing strength from his casual touch. Then the guys climbed out of the van.
"I know that they have been... experimenting... on people," she said. "I know that they did something with you... and maybe your sister. Or maybe she was some kind of control. Maybe that's why you survived and she didn't."
I glanced after the guys, curious to see what they would make of this information. Was the Company trying to control who became the Lilith, not just tracking us?
But they were already gone. Ryker and Jacob loped toward the house. Ryker still had his elbow pressed against his side protectively, but he looked a lot better than he had before. Jacob said something to him, and I saw Ryker's shoulders shake, trying not to laugh when he was so sore. He reached out and punched Jacob in the shoulder. Jacob grinned, shaking his head. Levi was already coming back down the stairs from the front porch, a rifle slung over his shoulder and his sword in his hand, going out to check the wards.
"About Ash," I said carefully. "She didn't exactly... survive... but she didn't exactly die, either." I didn't want to give her false hope. "The Company tried to resuscitate her and put her on life support."
Mom's eyes widened. "What?"
"She's in the house." I said. "But she's not... we don't think she can make it without the machines."
Hope flickered across my mother's face. Her lips parted in surprise, and the tension in her features that I hadn't noticed before eased slightly. I felt like I had to get her to accept the worst case. I didn't want her to think she could have Ash back, only to have her hopes dashed.
I wondered if that was how Ryker had felt with me, if he had seen my emotions flash across my face, my eyes light up at the thought of saving my sister. Maybe he had been afraid of how devastated I would be to lose my sister all over again, if she came back from the Far tied to a demon.
But I didn't know what to say to temper my mother's hope. I climbed out of the van and turned to face her, swiveling on my heels in the gravel. I rubbed my still-sore knee absently. "Let's go see her."
Mom followed me eagerly into the house, her walk brisk, as if she was about to break into a run. I felt my heart sink as I opened the French doors to the living room, afraid that she would be sad seeing Ash like this.
"Oh, Ash!" Mom slipped past me. She stroked Ash's hair ba
ck from her forehead, covering her cool cheeks in kisses. When my mother began to cry, I rested my hand on her shoulder, wishing I knew how to comfort her.
To my surprise, Mom turned and hugged me. I breathed in her perfume, Chanel No. 5, and the scent of her shampoo as she hugged me so hard, I could barely draw a breath. Her hair was against my face, scratchy and irritating, and I didn't mind at all. I hugged her back just as hard.
"You have to know," she said through her tears, "I worked for the Company."
I felt my grip loosen slightly in my surprise. "What?"
"I still do, technically. But I've always worked in Accounting. I didn't know."
I took a step back, and she dug through her purse—only my mom could hang onto her purse through the day we'd had—to pull out a tissue. She wiped her eyes. "I had been married, unhappily, and divorced before you were born. I wanted a baby so much. And people knew about that and so I found myself talking to the CEO at a company picnic. He told me he knew about twins coming up for adoption, and that he would help me."
"Mom." I didn't know what to say. I had grown up hearing about how awful it had been carrying twins, how Ash had been born first—my mom joked that I had probably pushed her out—and with people complimenting my mother on how she'd "gotten her figure back" after carrying two babies.
"I knew it wasn't how it was supposed to work. I suspected that the Company had some kind of... stake... in you. Because the CEO just called me up to his office one day, and there were the two of you. His secretary was holding Ash and he was holding you, these two men in suits cradling the tiniest little babies in their arms. I was so happy, I cried, but I said I didn't have anything I needed. He took me down to the garage where there was a brand-new minivan with two car seats, and when I got home, these men arrived with cribs and dressers, mobiles and diapers, and turned the guest room into your nursery..."
"Company men," I said flatly. "Company men hung the mobile over my crib and brought you formula."
"I didn't know," she said. "I just wanted to take care of you."
"There was always obviously something wrong with that scenario, Mom. No one gives you anything for free. Not even that crappy minivan."
"Well, now I know they didn't give me anything. It was just a loan."
"And when they came to collect, you gave me to them." The bitterness came out in my voice. I flashed back to the cool morning where I'd banged on the front door, desperate to get inside to safety, as the white panel van rolled down our street to collect me. I'd launched myself over the side of the porch, running through the yard where I used to play, frantic with fear, with Burly and Beefy on my heels.
So much for the happy reunion.
"Ellis, I'm sorry for what happened. I was scared by your powers."
Part of me gave as my mother stared at me with wide, shiny eyes, but my voice came out flat. "Yeah. I was, too."
"But now I realize. It was the Company who gave you those powers, and it was the Company who triggered them. That accident was no accident. They did that to you."
I nodded. But I felt exhausted; all I wanted to do was curl up with the boys and go to sleep.
"Look after Ash," I said. "I want to go talk to the guys."
She smiled faintly. "I hope you'll tell me all about what's going on here soon."
"I will," I said. I took a step toward the door but stopped and turned. There had been a piece to my puzzle that I'd asked a hundred times growing up, but now I wondered if the answer might be different. "What about my father?"
"I still don't know who your father was," she said. "I felt like I could love you enough for two people. I wasn't worried about him."
Her eyes met mine, steady and warm with affection. "I still love you enough for two people."
"That's hard to believe when you abandoned me right when I needed you most." My voice came out as a whisper. I wasn’t sure if she could even hear me.
"I know," she said. "There was something special about you. I should have run with you when I could."
I nodded.
Even when she said the right thing, words between us seemed so insufficient.
But she was still my mother. I watched as she turned her back on me, leaning over Ash. Her fingers trembled with emotion as she touched Ash's face.
I wanted to believe I could have everything. That my mother and I could love each other easily again instead of everything feeling tainted; that my sister could giggle over the guys with me; that I could have my family back and still have my new family, my men who I was coming to love so much.
I wanted to believe.
16
"Get some rest, we've got the wards," Jacob told Ryker. I could hear the low, warm rumble of their voices in the kitchen.
"I don't need rest," Ryker said, rifling through the fridge. "Ellis fixed me up. But I am starving."
Jacob sighed. "Ellis started your healing and sealed the wound, but you still aren't done. Zane'll back me up."
"Fine," Ryker said, grabbing a bag out of the pantry. "I'll go watch TV and eat chips. Doctor's orders."
Jacob opened his mouth, no doubt to make fun of Ryker's eating habits, but then his eyes met mine as I stood in the doorway. I ducked back behind the doorway as Ryker turned.
"Okay," Jacob said, his voice troubled. "I'll go help Levi with the wards."
"Thanks, brother."
From this angle, I would be exposed if Ryker looked back, but he didn't. He winced slightly as he headed toward the couch, his elbow braced against his side no matter what he said. He had thrown on a new shirt, a flannel button-down that was fitted across his broad shoulders and hung loose over his tapered waist and the jeans that hung low on his hips. I flashed back to the way we had kissed in the van, his hands tangled in my hair like he needed me, and I felt myself blush, embarrassed that I was hiding from him now.
Jacob loomed in front of me; I'd been too focused on my Ryker situation to notice him. He took my elbows in his hands, gently pushing me back down the hall, away from the kitchen. When we were both out of sight of the living room, he leaned forward.
His breath tickled my ear. "You're acting exceptionally weird right now, Princess. What's up?"
"Will you do me a favor?" I whispered back. I breathed in his scent of black coffee and spicy soap.
"Probably not. What is it?"
"I want to call Nimshi and see if he's safe. I need you to keep watch and make sure your brothers don't go blood-crazy on me."
He pulled back slightly, his beautiful golden eyes steady on mine, like I was a puzzle he was trying to put together. "And you think I'm the one to ask? You know how I feel about demons."
"I do," I said.
He quirked an eyebrow at me.
"But I trust you," I said. "You're always on my side. No matter what you say."
"You know damn well that sometimes I'm on your side and I still don't agree with you."
I stared up at him. "He tried to protect us both."
Jacob swiped a hand through his curls. "It could have been an act."
"An act where he told us to run while he held off Zuriel?"
"Who knows if he tried to or not?" he asked.
I hesitated, then took his hand in mine. My fingers tangled with his, feeling the long, slender fingers, the warm broad palm. I loved Jacob's artist's hands, even though they were scarred and damaged like a warrior's. His eyebrows arched up slightly, but I could see the smile lines around his eyes.
"You aren't going to charm me into doing your bidding," he said, tilting my chin up possessively in that way he had, so that our eyes met. "But I'll do it anyway. I'm curious, too."
I nodded, knowing I should stop while I was ahead. But I had taken his hand planning to ask him a personal question. I wanted to keep him from running away.
"What's the story with Zuriel?"
His face darkened slightly. "Apparently, Wendy had intimate relations with an angel, which is not supposed to happen. He came back to kill me when I was a kid, but he couldn
't do it." He shrugged, as if he were letting the weight of this admission fall off his shoulders. "Everyone hates a Nephilim."
"That's how you met your father? He tried to kill you? I'm going to stop complaining about not knowing mine."
"There's no point in complaining about any of it, Ellis. We play the cards we're dealt." He leaned in and kissed my lips, his mouth tender. I melted into his touch, relieved that he wasn't mad at my prying.
I kissed that lush lower lip I loved so much, and as his mouth pulled away from mine as he straightened up, he murmured, "And we even make it look sexy."
He sure as hell did.
I squeezed his hand in mine. "You'll help me."
"Stupidly," he said. "Yes."
The two of us headed down to the lake.
"I'm not sure how strong this magic is," Jacob warned me, nodding toward the new tattoo on my wrist. "So if he can't hear you through the wards, that's it. I'm not lowering any of our wards when Zuriel is on our tail, too."
I scratched the tattoo absently; my skin still felt faintly sore. Sometimes magic burns.
"Okay," I agreed. "We'll see what Nimshi can do."
Jacob swore faintly under his breath. "God help me. Seeing what a demon can do."
"He's a half-demon," I said. "Half-human."
Cool golden eyes swiveled over to regard me as we walked through the ever-shifting light under the trees. "Are you trying to make me think of Nimshi and I as alike? Two brothers, both half-human?"
"No," I said. Yes.
"You really think you have a sense for him, huh? That there's a better nature to the guy who locked us in a demon's case and tortured us?"
"He killed Samael."
"Who wouldn't? That lute-playing hulk is incredibly annoying, even for a demon."
"To protect us. Knowing what it would cost him."
"You're trying to build a case for him," Jacob said, swinging our hands between us playfully, as if we were going to the fair and not to summon a demon. "But I don't think it's the evidence that's convinced you."