Her gaze dropped then, for she was suddenly taken with remembrances of his tenderness toward her, a gentleness that she was not quite ready to trust, even now that they had become lovers.
Observing the vulnerability in her mien, Stewart was moved to place a consoling kiss on her brow, only too aware of her compliant form beneath him. He considered easing himself away from this silken temptation, but was hugely relieved when she raised trembling lips to find his, her arms persistent in their wish to hold him fast.
After the many battles provoked by his desires and her reluctance, this newfound intimacy was all the more addictive, a bond nearly won yet still tenuous. It was this uncertainty that compelled Stewart to proceed cautiously, hoping he would do nothing that would cause her, in confusion, to turn away from the comfort he so wanted to offer.
Sarah, on the other hand, her emotions still raw and shaky, had not yet achieved objectivity, responding only to the deep and fervent call within her. The rightness -- or wrongness -- was for now not the issue. Only the need to be possessed, to be completely and utterly distracted from the fear and misery that Tegan’s death perpetuated. Even now as his molten kisses and practiced caresses thrilled her, his consuming embrace was a profound solace, a measure of relief she had never expected, but cherished just the same.
And responded to, she realized, as her body arched and writhed in anticipation. As his tongue played havoc with the sensitive tips of her breasts, she knew that she would endure any amount of pain to hold him within her, to find that release she had been so close to discovering before. His learned fingers stroked and petted her, sharing a knowledge of her body that mystified as much as it delighted her. How could he perpetuate this longing with such ease and skill? It was ironic that he seemed intensely familiar with the body that was a complete stranger to its very owner.
But these random thoughts flew quickly when he raised himself up to enter her. She gasped with pleasure that the time had come, and he quickly dismissed the semblance of restraint he had planned. So it was that their coming together was urgent, filled with need and lacking reservation. Their warm bodies meshed and swayed in response to ancient consuming propelled rhythms desires dictated by the sweeping,
that overtook them. Sarah, into enthusiasm by the surprising absence of pain, reveled in the blissful surrender to this lean, hard man who was still as much a stranger as her lover.
His every touch was fire; his whispered endearments reverberated in her mind, his powerful thrusts she welcomed with unabashed relish. Again she experienced the tumultuous and wildly exciting phenomenon of her body taking on a life of its own, a sensation so bold and conquering that she was left a gasping voyeur of her own actions. But unlike before, there was no abrupt end to this unearthly rapture, only a blazing, devouring intensification, like a fire gone out of control. And she, the willing, nay, eager victim of this holocaust, clung to its purveyor, his name torn from her lips in a smoldering kiss, riding like a shooting comet to the summit of fulfillment as his throbbing rejoinder found surcease.
Minutes, or was it hours, passed before Sarah found the strength or desire to wrest from the fusion of their damp bodies. The high blush provoked by her fevered capitulation had waned into a translucent glow, making her smoky blue eyes appear even larger and more prominent than before. As Stewart slid himself to her side, she burrowed her face into the hollow beneath his chin, hoping to cloak from his observant brown eyes the utterly complete surrender of her will and resistance to him.
For now she realized that her virginity had not been the prize she had been guarding with haughty disapproval. No, it was this deep and overpowering enslavement that had overtaken her body long before she gave it, this inability to govern herself, to fend off the lusting desire she felt for him.
And now the truth was even more awesome than the fear, for her very soul had betrayed its most potent secret, one that even she had not learned until this night: Her body would always be his no matter how her mind balked or her actions refuted it. He knew what he had done, and just as surely would bring her to this helplessness again. It was no less than blackmail and it was with shame that she admitted willingness to pay the price whenever he exacted it.
Expecting his smugness over her total submission, Sarah was surprised when he whispered in a compassionate tone, gently running his fingers up and down her side as she lay cradled in his arms, “You’ve known the full measure of a woman’s response. ‘Tis not always the way, especially for one so ... new.” Another betrayal! Even her lack of experience had not prevented her from proving her consuming lust for him. When she did not speak, he continued, “Now I am surely the happiest man alive, for you have known the full pleasure your body was meant to enjoy.”
Her silence filled the room and he pushed her back into the pillows in order to see her face clearly, though she was reluctant to match his gaze. “Does your passion embarrass you?” It was much too simplistic an explanation, but it seemed a harmless one to admit to and would curtail his probing. She nodded. His lips curled into a benevolent smile before coming to rest on the sensitive skin below her ear. “Well, my darling, it is your right to enjoy lovemaking as much as any other. Your perfect body demands perfect fulfillment, and I will do my best to satisfy you.”
And I you, she wanted to say, but could not let him see how weak and servile he had made her. Something warned her that humble devotion would not please him, though she would gladly offer it if it would. Fighting back tears threatening her composure, she kissed his strong jaw and nestled her head on his muscular shoulder, feigning exhaustion. But long after the sound of his breathing had become regular, Sarah lay forlorn and sleepless, watching the black night fade into early morn.
CHAPTER 26
Themorningsunwasharsh,anunwelcome intruder into the unshaded bedroom where Sarah lay, groggy and uncomfortably warm. The twisted sheet clung to her naked form and her tangled hair lay matted against her fevered cheek. Rubbing her face in sleepy annoyance, she struggled to figure out the reason for her pervasive lassitude.
Butofcourse!Thesunwashigh;shehad slept uncommonly late. Sarah sat up quickly, the sheet falling away to be quickly replaced by her heavy tresses. She studied the room in confusion, wondering why she had not been wakened at the usual time by Stewart or Galena’s stirrings.
Stewart. The drama played out the night before came back to her in one fell swoop. Her lethargic body was no longer innocent of a man’s passions; it was a body schooled and fevered by womanhood – new, enticing, and terribly frightening, Sarah though, bringing her knees up and hugging herself protectively. How could she face him, his cool arrogance, now that she had given everything away?
She did not have long to contemplate this thought, for the door suddenly opened and in he walked, looking relaxed and confident in fawn breeches, dark boots and a cool muslin shirt buttoned halfway up his expansive chest. His manner was so well-composed, nearly indolent, that it was difficult for Sarah to imagine that this was the same man who had alternately cradled and comforted her, then brought her to the peak of undisguised passion only hours before.
The incongruity disturbed her and she warily eyed his advance, pulling the sheet more tightly around her, though he seemed undaunted. “I’m glad you’re awake,” he smiled lazily, coming to stand beside her. “Galena is positively fidgeting to attend you. I did not know how much longer I could hold her off.” Casually he seated himself on the bed facing her as she suppressed an urge to shiver as his stirring gaze took in the view. Embarrassed by her disheveled state, though his eyes spoke of pleasure at the sight, Sarah hugged her legs more tightly to her. “I told her you weren’t feeling well today, and that I would see to your needs.”
“Thankyou,”shemurmureddocilely,unable to meet his direct stare. “I thought you could use the extra sleep,” he continued. She blushed at his reference, but not nearly so much as when he added, “Besides, I did not want her to tidy up just yet. The bedclothes bear certain ... evidence that would compromise us dea
rly.” His lack of embarrassment was unnerving, even more so because physical proof of her virginity was something Sarah had not considered at all, making her feel insurmountably naïve. Her crimson hue failed to wane when she felt his warm lips on her naked shoulder.
Struggling to maintain her poise, she replied, “I’ll see to the bedclothes ... if you’ll keep Galena away for a while longer.”
“’Tisdone,”hemurmuredo ffhandedly,more intent on nuzzling the tender sweetness of her slim neck. “Galena won’t appear without my summons.”
His meaning was perfectly clear and Sarah found her body already responding to the proposition. But her mind was deterred by too many reservations, not the least of which was the fact that it was broad daylight and she felt in dire need of a grooming. Pulling away from the long arms that threatened to surround her, she spoke up, somewhat breathlessly. “H-have you had a chance to speak to Captain Slade about Tegan?”
He stopped his advance, giving her a long, indiscernible look, which she forced herself to match. Finally he spoke, running his hand smoothly up and down her arm. “Jeremiah knew nothing of the murder, but he’s checking with the crew as discreetly as he can. If d’Alava knows anything, he’s doing an excellent job of keeping it to himself ... and that is not a comforting thought, for it can only mean that he plans to use the information.”
“In what way?” Sarah bit her lip expectantly. “As proof that we’ve deceived him ... a reason to challenge other truths, or to punish.” Stewart gave her a hard look as his mind considered other things. “He’s been much too compliant for much too long.”
“What are we going to do?” she asked nervously, frightened by Stewart’s cold appraisal. “We’re going to continue as before ....”
“But if he knows, if he’s planning to punish ...?” Hard fingers captured her arm, forcing her to cut short her words. His stern voice brooked no argument. “We shall continue as before, Sarah. That is all you need to know.”
She realized that he was keeping something to himself and it angered her to think she did not merit his confidence, especially now when so much had happened to draw them closer. Apparently he did not share her feelings and it hurt her more than she was willing to admit. Coolly she raised her clear blue eyes to his and snapped, “Very well. Now would you mind unhanding me so I may prepare for a bath?”
Againhelookedather,hisbrowneyes curious but uncompromising. “I thought we had seen the last of the shrew after last night.”
“You treat me like a child,” she bit back. “Only when you behave as one,” he returned dryly, his eyes flickering with mischief as he gave a light tug at the sheet she clutched to her bosom. “Perhaps you would show me that the woman has returned.” His dark head bent to place a tantalizing kiss on the hollow between her breasts where the sheet had slipped.
Sarah closed her eyes, aching with longing yet desperately needing his assurance that her body was not the only part of her that pleased him. “I can help, you know,” she murmured, a sullen note creeping into her quiet voice.
“Mmm,” Stewart assented, his warm lips traversing the softly-rounded crest of her nearly exposed breast, ‘by not talking ....”
Wounded by this obvious dismissal, and fighting for control of the quivering sensations he was producing, she choked, “How long will it be before my body holds as little interest for you as my opinions do now? And what then?”
With maddening slowness, Stewart raised his dark head, his piercing eyes inscrutable as they were held in the wide, uncertain stare that challenged them. Don’t you see? she wanted to cry, that I have to believe that we are still companions, equals, as we were before last night? I’ve won your respect and trust, or at least I thought so. But now, because I cannot deny you anymore, because I need your body as surely as I need breath, I have become nothing more than an amusement, a diversion, as dozens of others before me. But pride kept her silent, even as his disruptive gaze bore into her.
Finally, in a controlled yet sarcastic tone, he spoke. “Ah yes. I see your game. The virgin sacrifice demands reciprocity, does it not? And I was so overwhelmed by your beauty, I forgot the price.” His lean fingers grasped her trembling hands in an iron grip. “Marriage, wasn’t it?” Her blue eyes raised sharply in surprise, while his eyes flickered in sinister amusement. “I see I’ve remembered correctly. Marriage will assure that even though I grow tired of your opinions and your body,” he mocked, “you need never worry that you have forfeited too much.”
His cruelty threatened her composure as she gulped to hold back the angry, hurt tears. “But as you’ll recall,” he continued mercilessly, “that matter has already been taken care of. You are my wife, Sarah, unconditionally so, now that our union has been consummated, and as such,” he added, his voice a disturbing mixture of ire and seduction, “you have no right to deny me anything.”
“No!”shecried,yankingherselfawayfrom his hands and plunging toward the foot of the huge bed, oblivious to her nakedness. Misunderstanding her simple need for respect, it was clear that he believed she was after legal ties instead. Hot, fitful tears rained down her distraught face as she crouched on her knees to face him, her dark hair falling wildly about her pale, tense, yet breathtaking, body. “Did you think I would hold you to that paper? We spoke no vows to each other, and
– and last night,” she struggled feebly, “last night changed nothing.”
But it had changed everything. Sarah feared he would see that fact in her eyes and hastily wiped her tears with the palm of her hand. “I-I made you do what you did last night. I admit it,” she choked. “You are absolved of all responsibility for my weakness.”
“And if there’s a child?” His calm voice introduced the thought matter-of-factly as he looked at her with polite interest, the anger completely gone from his handsome face. But Sarah was far from controlled, her mind reeling from this sudden thought – a possibility she had never even considered.
“No! There will not be a child!” she bit back.
“And why not?” Stewart voiced with indifferent curiosity, though his eyes softened with humor at her declaration.
Sarah’s mind had been racing to answer this question even before he asked it. She tossed her head petulantly as if to hide her lack of certainty, “Because – because I don’t want a child!” she snapped at him.
He laughed out loud, infuriating her, as he lifted his legs onto the bed and leaned back against the carved headboard, completely relaxed. “Were that a reliable method of preventing conception, Sarah, there would be no bastards.”
His last word brought a diversion to mind and she quickly used it. “And how many bastards have you sired, sir?”
If she had hoped to shake his selfassurance, the attempt failed, for he responded evenly and without hesitation. “None.”
Inexplicablyshewasrelieved,butevenas the conversation was becoming increasingly embarrassing, Sarah fought to parry. “Then I would assume you are incapable of fathering children.”
“Let’s just say I have been careful not to,” he replied undaunted by her insinuation. Unsureofhismeaning,herknowledge grossly lacking in this delicate area, she was compelled to ask, “And were you ... careful ... with me?”
“No.”Hiscalm,o ffhandadmissionhither like a blow to the stomach and she expelled the breath she had been holding in anticipation of his reply.
Desolate with dread and confusion, but determined to hold her head high in the face of his coolness, Sarah squared her shoulders and responded stiffly, “We have both been rather foolish, don’t you think?” He shrugged at her grim judgment. “But if there is a child, I will manage. You need not fear ... an entanglement.”
Staring down at her hands clenched nervously on her bare thighs, feeling the full weight of her body’s lustful misdeeds, she added, “You made your intentions clear from the beginning. It was I who-who,” she faltered miserably, “lost my head.” Ashamed of her confession and her tears, Sarah hung her head, letting her thick hair protect her from his penetrating
appraisal.
In an instant, Stewart closed the distance between them, placing his hand under her trembling chin, forcing her face up until her tearful blue gaze met his. “Damn your pride,” he whispered gently, his voice holding none of the vehemence of his words. “Do you actually believe I would desert you if you carried my own child?” Her mournful eyes told him that she did. “And that you were solely responsible for last night?” Wryly he commented, his thumb softly stroking her stiff jaw. “After all this time and the things we have been through, you still believe me to be an ogre, don’t you?”
“Your words are sometimes ... cruel,” she whispered, helplessly affected by his nearness and his sudden switch to tenderness.
“Your skepticism of me provokes a mean temper,” he admitted, lifting her tangled hair to reveal a supple breast, which he touched with burning fingers, his eyes never leaving her face. “But enough of this pointless bickering. Can we not find a peaceful truce ... as lovers?”
Ashudderingsighescapedhersagginglips as she found herself responding to his practiced caress, her eyes closing with the deliciousness of the warmth spreading through her. “This is madness,” she gasped. “We are not being wise .... There is so much to consider ....”
His lips found the delicacy of her slender neck. “Some things, my darling, are meant to be. No amount of reasoning could make me stop wanting you now,” he whispered, pressing his lips to hers. “And you feel the same ... or would you deny it?” he added teasingly.
“No,” she whispered truthfully, the last ounce of restraint crumbling as his lips took full possession of their tender target.
She was actually humming. After all that had gone wrong, all the confusion, the tragedy, the grief, her complete surrender to Stewart’s power over her, and the new, intensely precarious situation she now found herself in, Sarah was humming! Even this realization brought a melodic, tinkling laugh to her lips as she luxuriated in a soothingly tepid bath.
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