Ash smiled at the sweetness of the gesture. “God, you smell good,” she mumbled.
Carrie laughed softly, pouring more peroxide on a new cotton ball. “Flattery won’t get you out of this.” She leaned in again and pressed the cotton a little more firmly to the wound. Ash felt a stream of peroxide run down her neck and onto her shirt.
“It’ll bleach your shirt. Take it off.”
“What?” Ash laughed.
“Take off your shirt.” Carrie grabbed at the bottom of the garment and pulled it over Ash’s head in one swift move, leaving her sitting on the toilet seat bare-breasted.
“Hey!”
“I didn’t want it to get ruined.” Carrie offered an innocent smile.
“Sure.” Ash hesitated just a moment before jumping up and grabbing her around the waist. Her vast amounts of practice at undressing women were too much for Carrie, who was too busy laughing to put up much of a fight. Her shirt came off in a matter of seconds, as did her bra, before Ash spun her around so their bare skin pressed together. They both had to take a moment to stop laughing before Ash could kiss her once again.
The instant passion of the kiss signaled that playtime was over and they had delayed the inevitable long enough. Without breaking the contact between their bodies or their lips, Ash walked Carrie backward out the door of the bathroom.
“Where’s your bedroom?” she asked between ragged breaths.
Their mouths were back together again so quickly Carrie couldn’t even answer, but she hooked a finger into one of the belt loops on Ash’s jeans and guided her across the hallway. They continued through a doorway, clinging to each other on their way across the dark room until Carrie backed into her bed. She kicked off her shoes and fell onto the mattress, pulling Ash down on top of her.
“The light,” Ash whispered, moving down to place kisses along Carrie’s neck and jawline.
“What?”
“Is there a light?” Ash stopped for a second, hovering above Carrie. “I want to see you.”
Carrie reached up and flipped the switch to a small reading lamp on the bedside table. The soft light was enough to illuminate the large four-poster bed and throw shadows across the rest of the room. Ash stared at the woman below her. She was breathtaking, and Ash suddenly felt nervous and unsure of herself. She had never cared so much about pleasing a woman. This was new territory and she was uncertain as to how she should start.
“I want to make love to you,” she said.
Carrie nodded. “I want that, too.”
Ash shifted onto her side, pulling Carrie close to her. She ran her hands over every inch of her exposed flesh while placing kisses gently on Carrie’s lips, cheeks, and neck. Taking an earlobe between her teeth, she nibbled softly and felt Carrie exhale and clutch her tight. Ash smiled. She was going to love taking the time to learn what pleased the woman she’d fallen in love with. She had never been so turned on by the prospect of knowing every intimate detail of someone’s body.
She moved lower on the bed so that her lips now dragged along Carrie’s neck and shoulders. She kissed a path across each one of her collarbones while reaching down to unbutton Carrie’s jeans. Carrie arched up, lifting her hips off the bed, so that Ash was able to slide them off completely, and when she did Ash returned her attention to the upper part of her body. She propped herself up directly over Carrie and lowered her head, running her tongue from one nipple to the other. She would circle each slowly, tantalizingly, until Carrie arched up to meet her fully.
Carrie moved a hand up Ash’s back and neck, intertwining her fingers in her hair. She ran the fingers of her other hand just underneath the waistband of Ash’s pants. She didn’t move to unbutton them right away, just teased the skin until Ash could barely concentrate.
“Take them off,” Ash urged in a hoarse whisper.
Carrie didn’t hesitate. She flipped open the button with one hand and then slowly pulled the zipper all the way down. Without ever breaking the contact between them, she removed the pants and dropped them on the floor.
Ash let her body come to rest once more, this time without any barriers between them. She wanted to feel as much of her skin as possible touching Carrie’s. She let her hands roam slowly over Carrie’s body once again, moving farther south across the soft skin of her torso and stomach. She ran her fingers down Carrie’s side and felt the solid muscle of her thighs. Not wanting to miss an inch, she reached even farther down, to caress Carrie’s firm calves. She felt the muscle flex under her touch and wondered absently what kind of exercise produced such an exquisite figure.
She slowly worked her way back up Carrie’s body, giving more attention to the inner side of her calves and thighs. She slid her hands upward, massaging gently as she went until she was close enough to feel Carrie’s heat on the tips of her fingers. She was torn between the desire to continue exploring the body beneath her and the need for release, when she was suddenly hit with a realization. She didn’t have to fit a lifetime’s worth of exploration into one night. For the first time in her life, she actually had a lifetime to look forward to. If she’d dwelled on the gravity of the situation, it would have been overwhelming, but with Carrie’s body calling out to her, she surrendered to the moment. Lowering her head, and feeling Carrie’s fingers in her hair, she let herself be pulled into the body she’d been enjoying.
Carrie’s passion had been building so steadily that upon contact she gasped sharply and clung to Ash. She responded to every stroke of Ash’s tongue. Her breathing quickened, and her body arched in an attempt to increase the contact between them. Ash held nothing back, giving every ounce of energy to her lovemaking. She found herself so invested in Carrie’s pleasure that she almost cried out when she felt Carrie’s shivers of enjoyment grow into full-fledged convulsions. Every muscle in Carrie’s body seemed to contract at once, and she released a deep moan. Her fingers dug into Ash’s neck and shoulders, melding their bodies into one and holding them fused, until with a heavy exhalation, her muscles relaxed and she sank back into the mattress.
When her tremors subsided, Ash crawled up toward the pillow and collapsed onto the bed. She took Carrie’s face in her hands and drew her in for a slow, gentle kiss.
“You’re amazing,” she said when she finally caught her breath.
“Me?” Carrie’s eyes were wide in surprise. “You’re the amazing one. I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
“Me, either,” Ash admitted, basking in the warmth of the afterglow.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Carrie laughed, propping herself up on her elbow. “No dozing off yet. I’m not done with you.”
With that Carrie leaned over and kissed her, but it was certainly not a wind-down kiss. The passion between them quickly reignited every nerve ending in Ash’s body. Her heart skipped a beat and she found herself looking up into the seemingly endless blue of Carrie’s eyes.
Carrie smiled down at her, one of those smiles that melted her heart. “You are so beautiful,” she whispered, running her finger down Ash’s chest and tracing a lazy pattern around her breasts.
Ash blushed. She’d been told that she was good-looking, sexy, or hot, but beautiful? That seemed so personal. Did Carrie really see her like that? She didn’t have to wait long for the answer. Carrie once again leaned down and pressed her lips to Ash’s. The kiss was a deep, soul-searching kiss. Their lips parted and her tongue explored Ash’s mouth while her fingertips continued their own survey of other parts of Ash’s body. She felt Carrie’s hand run over her shoulder and down her arms, squeezing her biceps gently as they went. She continued until their fingers met and became intertwined, then she lifted Ash’s hand to her mouth, and breaking the contact between their lips, moved to sweetly kiss each one of Ash’s fingertips. From there, her mouth and fingers once again parted ways. Her hand moved farther down Ash’s body and her mouth worked its way back up along her arm, shoulder, and neck. When she reached the tender skin on Ash’s neck she began to kiss, softly at first, then more fir
mly. The sensation sent goose bumps across Ash’s body and a moan escaped her lips.
“Hmm.” Carrie smiled. “You like that?”
“Yes,” Ash gasped, her voice thick with desire. “You’re a quick learner.”
Carrie didn’t respond. She just kept working her way around Ash’s neck and down her other side, kissing and nibbling, occasionally running her tongue across sensitive areas. In the meantime her hands had moved down, grasping at Ash’s hips, kneading the skin and pulling Ash’s body toward her own. Ash arched up willingly, eager to feel Carrie’s body pressed against her. Carrie’s hands slipped under her, running across her back and down toward her legs. She continued to move down along the back of Ash’s thighs, causing Ash’s legs to spread, and she used the opportunity to let her body settle between them. At the same time the path of her kisses moved across Ash’s stomach and down to her thighs.
Ash held her breath in anticipation, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. The suspense was almost painful, and she fought to maintain her composure, but when she felt Carrie’s tongue on her, she gasped and had to clutch the sheets to steady herself. Her head swam and her body tingled with the overload of sensations. Carrie maintained a gentle pressure, continuing to caress any part of Ash’s body within her reach. Ash felt her pleasure building, causing her to lose any semblance of control. With one final stroke Carrie sent her over the edge. Ash called out in ecstasy. Every one of her nerve endings felt raw and exposed, shaking under Carrie’s skillful touch. To Ash it seemed that she’d never come down until slowly, gasping for breath, her body went limp.
Ash felt Carrie rest her head on her chest, her body nestled in the crook of her arm. As she closed her eyes and stroked Carrie’s soft curls, the thought occurred to her that now was usually the time she’d begin plotting her escape, but tonight she couldn’t move even if she wanted to. And she didn’t.
“Can I stay here tonight?” she asked softly.
Carrie gave her one of those knee-weakening smiles. “You’d better.”
They kissed softly. Their passion, quenched for the moment, had been replaced with tenderness.
“I love you,” Ash whispered when Carrie’s head was once again resting softly on her shoulder.
“I love you, too,” Carrie replied.
*
Ash woke up the next morning surrounded by the smell of Carrie. She opened her eyes slowly, afraid she’d been dreaming, but as her blurry vision came into focus she could make out the outline of the woman next to her. Carrie’s soft curls were in disarray, cascading across the pillow and down her back. She lay on her side, the sinewy curves of her body covered loosely with a sheet. Her eyes were closed and the corners of her mouth turned upward ever so slightly. Ash’s heart melted at the sight. She wanted to pull her close and kiss her, or wake her up again to tell her how beautiful she was, but she looked so peaceful it seemed wrong to disturb her.
Ash would have been content to lie in bed all morning just looking at the woman she loved, but the dull throb in her cheek warned her that she’d better take care of the cut on her face before the pain took hold. Trying to avoid sudden moves that might wake Carrie, she slipped out of bed and padded across the cold hardwood floor, picking up articles of her clothing along the way. She had no idea what time it was, but the amount of light that was streaming through the window was enough to tell her their exhaustion from the night before had made them sleep away most of the morning.
She checked her injured cheek in the bathroom mirror. The cut didn’t seem as big as it had the night before, and thankfully it didn’t look infected, probably because of the peroxide, but the skin around it had turned purple. Ash couldn’t gauge the extent of the damage and decided that she’d better take something light to dull the pain. She paused for a moment, not sure whether or not it was appropriate for her to open the medicine cabinet; it didn’t seem right to peek into someone’s personal belongings without her knowledge. Then again, didn’t people in relationships do that sort of thing? Having never been in a relationship, she wasn’t sure how long it took to get to the stage where both parties would feel comfortable going through the other’s cabinets and drawers. After thinking about it for a while, she decided to err on the side of caution and get some ice instead.
She made her way downstairs and through the living room to the kitchen. It was small but immaculately clean, with each utensil and small appliance in its appropriate place. Ash immediately thought of the contrast it offered to her own kitchen and shuddered before focusing her attention back on finding some ice. The clock on the wall told her it was after eleven, and she didn’t want to allow the pain any more time to get settled in, but she couldn’t help standing in front of the refrigerator for a moment, absorbing the unfamiliar domesticity of her situation. When in her life had she spent hours making love with a woman, then casually roamed her kitchen, fully intending to return to bed and pick up where she left off?
She took some ice from the freezer and wrapped it in a dish towel she found on the kitchen counter. Gingerly, she touched the bundle to her face and wandered back into the living room and sat down on the plush, cream-colored couch. She didn’t want to turn on the TV for fear of waking Carrie, so she picked up a book off the coffee table. Undoing Gender by Judith Butler. Sitting back, she wrapped herself in a maroon afghan that was draped over the arm of the couch, opened the book, and began to read.
She didn’t even make it through the first sentence before she got stuck. She wasn’t sure she understood the individual words, and she certainly didn’t understand them when they were used together. Ash scratched her head and read on. Things just got more complicated from there.
For the first time it really sank in that Carrie had a Ph.D. She apparently enjoyed reading things that Ash couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Phrases like “normative personhood” were not in the day-to-day vocabulary of someone who built bookshelves and changed tires for a living.
*
Carrie awoke suddenly. Without opening her eyes she sensed that she was alone. Part of her knew she should have expected it. Ash wasn’t the kind of person who stuck around the morning after. Still, she was hurt. She had let herself believe that this time was going to be different. Ash had said she loved her, and she had shown it in so many ways in such a short time. Carrie didn’t want to believe Ash might not have meant what she said.
She sat up slowly, trying to process all of the feelings that were beginning to overwhelm her. Something just didn’t add up. Ash had chosen to profess her love; Carrie hadn’t asked for it. She had offered herself completely on whatever terms Ash was comfortable. Why would Ash feel the need to pretend if there was obviously no pressure to do so?
Carrie wrapped herself in her robe as if the chill that had settled over her body could be warmed away. Her clothes from last night were still scattered across the floor. She glanced at them briefly but was in no mood to clean up. Then something caused her to take a second look. There, underneath her jeans, was one of Ash’s boots. Carrie followed the path they had taken last night. There was a sock and then another boot. Surely Ash wasn’t in such a hurry to leave that she did so barefoot? Carrie allowed herself a shimmer of hope as she made her way quickly down the stairs.
She let out a ragged sigh of relief when she saw Ash curled up on the couch.
Ash smiled up at her. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“When I woke up and you weren’t there…” Carrie started.
“You thought I left?”
Carrie nodded. “I guess part of me still can’t believe that last night really happened and that you’re still here.”
Ash stood and took Carrie into her arms. “I’m here for as long as you’ll have me.”
“You do know that’ll be a very long time, don’t you?” Carrie asked, nuzzling closer and resting her head on Ash’s chest.
“I hope so.”
Carrie looked up, her relief giving way to curiosity. “What were you doing down here, anyway?”
&
nbsp; “I was putting some ice on my cheek,” Ash replied and picked up the bundle she’d set on the table when she had gotten up.
“Is it bothering you?”
“Just a little.”
“Why didn’t you take any aspirin?”
Ash shrugged sheepishly. “I’m kind of new to this relationship thing, and I don’t know what the rules are, really.”
Carrie gave her a quizzical look as she attempted to make sense of the statement. “Well, it’s been a while for me, too, but last time I checked, taking aspirin was perfectly permissible within the confines of a relationship.”
Ash laughed. “I meant I didn’t know if it would be okay for me to look for some in your medicine cabinet.”
“Oh, honey.” Carrie stepped in and kissed her gently on the lips. The innocence of Ash’s good intentions made her heart swell. “Of course you can look for aspirin. Do you want me to get you some now?”
“No, the ice helped, but there is something else you can do for me.”
“Just name it.”
“Kiss me again.”
“My pleasure.” Carrie leaned in and pressed her lips to Ash’s.
They sat back on the couch without breaking contact. Carrie couldn’t believe how much she enjoyed kissing this woman. A little over a week ago she would have said that kissing was nice under the right circumstance, but she would have never believed it could be so intoxicating. Now she and Ash were making out on her couch like a couple of teenagers. She smiled when they were finally able to pull themselves apart for a second.
“I love doing that with you,” Ash confessed.
“I could do it all day.” Carrie grinned.
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Ash said, leaning in for another kiss.
“But,” Carrie summoned all her restraint and leaned back slightly, “I have to teach at twelve thirty.”
“I forgot that we had jobs,” Ash said.
“You could come to the office with me,” Carrie suggested, realizing that it sounded every bit like the request it was.
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