Chapter 7
Taylor was out of sorts when he entered Whites. His mood didn’t improve when he saw his name in the Book. Bets were being taken on who the mysterious lady was and if she would reappear. Did these dandies have nothing better to do with their time than to wonder about other peoples’ affairs? Questions were thrown at him. None were answered. Winnings were quickly collected when it became clear he had not had an enjoyable evening and there would be no new mistress. Some bets would never be satisfied, as he refused to give a name.
Unable to stand any more, he strode from the club in the direction of Felding’s townhouse. He needed to find out the plans for the evening. At least that was the excuse he gave himself. He really wanted to see Lady Phoebe and how her demeanor toward him would be. He hoped to find the reckless mischief gone from her eyes so they could all have a harmless Season.
Taylor could hear the music before he even knocked on the door. Someone was playing the pianoforte loudly and emotionally. If he were correct, he was hearing Bach as he had never heard it played before and mildly wondered who was creating such powerful music. As he waited to be announced he listened more intently. The music made him feel off center and he didn’t know why.
Felding came from the library to greet him. When Taylor nodded to the door, Felding said, “Phoebe, and don’t ask.”
So she was creating that sound? Just another reminder of the passion within her soul and another reminder to keep away.
The butler approached and nodded to his friend. “Lady Felding would like to see you, my lord.”
“Did you advise her Lord Sandlin is with me?”
“Yes, my lord. She would like to speak with him as well.”
“Then we will go right up. Thank you.”
“Very good, sir.”
The music followed them up the stairs and Taylor still had a very unsettled feeling, now combined with concern. Had her escape the night before been found out? If so, why didn’t Felding mention the situation? If they had found out, surely Lady Phoebe would have told them who brought her home. All these questions would remain unanswered until their audience with Lady Felding.
“Good afternoon, Noah, Lord Sandlin.”
“Good afternoon, Lady Felding.” Taylor bowed before the woman.
“Why did you wish to see me?” Felding asked his step-mother. She lounged in an overstuffed chair that overlooked the back garden. There was a pale, yellow blanket draped over her legs. Taylor glanced around the sitting room. He had not been in this part of the house before. The room was rather small in comparison to other parlors, but it probably suited Lady Felding. She rarely entertained and she hadn’t walked since she was left paralyzed by the carriage accident that took her husband’s life. Lady Felding also no longer went out in public, which was why Felding was saddled with his sister this Season.
“As if you can’t hear. I want to know what is going on with that girl,” she demanded. Though the force was firm, her eyebrows were etched with worry.
“Apparently, she is troubled,” Felding offered, leaving Taylor confused.
“I should say so. First, she claimed to be indisposed last night, which I know for a fact is not the case. Didn’t you think that odd, Noah?”
“No. Should I?”
“Yes, you should. Have you ever known Phoebe to be indisposed a day in her life? Never,” she answered for him. “I can’t recall her having even a sniffle. Broken bones, yes, but never simply indisposed.”
“You are right. It didn’t occur to me as odd.”
“Of course not. You were too happy to be free of your obligation for a night,” Lady Felding wagged a finger and scolded him. “I simply assumed she was tired. What I want to know is what is bothering her. She has been playing Bach for almost two hours. Can you imagine?” She threw up her arms in frustration. “Phoebe has never played Bach that long before moving on.”
Felding’s eyebrows shot up and his mouth opened in surprise. “Two hours. Are you sure?”
“Of course I am sure, I began watching the clock as soon as I heard her, waiting for the answer.”
“You’re sure she didn’t slip into Pachelbel or Mozart?” Felding pressed.
“She has only thrown in a few Vivaldi pieces.”
Felding started to pace. Taylor remained where he stood, lost in the conversation.
“Have you spoken to her?” Felding asked.
“Yes, this morning. She told me everything was fine, only a bit tired.”
“Not too tired to play though.” It was almost as if Felding spoke the words to himself.
“Exactly! That is why I called you up here. Has something happened to cause her to act this way? Why is she so disturbed?”
“Excuse me, I am lost.” This was the oddest conversation and one impossible to follow.
Both turned to Taylor, as if suddenly remembering he was in the room.
“Phoebe always plays Bach when she is disturbed, confused, thinking matters through. It is hard to explain. It is the way she works through the problems or emotions in her mind,” Felding offered absently.
“And two hours is long?”
“Oh yes,” his step-mother answered. “She rarely plays longer than an hour before moving onto one of the others. Then we know she has found her answers.”
Taylor nodded as if he understood, though he wasn’t sure he did. He could answer the question as to what disturbed her possibly, but he had given his word and he wouldn’t betray her. Perhaps the fact she was playing so long after last night meant she was really thinking about her actions and Taylor took it as a positive sign.
* * *
Phoebe’s fingers hurt and her arms were beginning to ache, but she didn’t have her answer yet. The frustration was overwhelming. Last night had been dreadful and she should have stayed home. She should have listened before now to what could happen to young women who strike out on their own. But no, she hadn’t and something much worse had happened. She became aware of Lord Sandlin, as a man. Not simply a gentleman. He had been so close. The suggestions he had made still made her face heat. He had only said those words for the sole purpose of shocking her, but it didn’t make any difference in how they made her feel. They had stood so close, his muscular thighs pushed against hers. He had touched her chest. Nobody had ever touched her there, ever. He had even begun to kiss her. . . there.
Until last night, he had been a friend to her brother, her friend, and her protector, so she thought. Now she was beginning to understand why her friends were so taken with certain gentlemen. Did they feel as she did? This was the first time in her life she had been totally aware of being a female, wanting to be kissed and held. Why did he have to be the one who made her feel that way? He saw her as troublesome baggage, to be watched and kept out of trouble. He probably didn’t even see her as a female in the ways he had described.
She played louder, careful not to damage the delicate instrument, as she worked through her troubles, but could find no answers this time. No solution came to her. It was the first time she hadn’t found peace at the keys. Why did she have to go and fall in love with a man she irritates and who has no need of her family and wealth? No, she couldn’t be in love. It was silly to think such a thing. It was attraction, that was all, and it would go away soon. But, what if it didn’t? What if she always felt this way about Sandlin? Oh, why couldn’t she have found him a wife as she had planned?
She already knew the answer to that question. She hadn’t found anyone she thought would be perfect for him because she wanted him for herself. If she were honest with herself, she would acknowledge that these feelings had been growing for some time, ever since he first rescued her. Phoebe hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the feelings and had done an excellent job until last night. If he just hadn’t touched her, then she never would have known how it felt, or want to learn the secrets others alluded to. Curse him for making her feel this way.
* * *
They stood in the room watching her. Felding had knocke
d three times, but received no answer. Taylor was taken aback by the intensity that flowed from her being. He had seen her laughing, irritated and angry. Whatever she was apparently feeling now was coming from very deep within. Her passions did run deep. Quickly, he shoved that thought aside. He didn’t want to think of Phoebe with passions, it would do neither of them any good. Instead, he listened to the music. He had heard his share of young debutantes play at various gatherings, and a fair number had been pleasant to listen to. But he had never heard anyone play with such emotion. The music pouring forth surrounded his soul, speaking to his own frustration.
Lady Phoebe became aware that she was no longer alone, slowing her fingers she looked up and saw Noah, then removed her hands from the keys. She looked weary and apparently she had slept as little as he. Perhaps he had pushed too far last evening. Had he provided too much of the ugly truth of what could happen? He dismissed the thought. Lady Phoebe needed the shock before she was ruined. They waited for her to speak.
“Good day, Noah,” she acknowledged, then caught another movement by the door. Looking in that direction, she saw him. Her eyes widened just a bit, but she quickly schooled her features. She nodded her head in greeting. “Lord Sandlin.”
“You play like no one I have ever heard,” Taylor admired.
“Thank you.” She rose. “Will you be joining me for tea?”
“Yes, we will,” Felding stated, while Taylor thought they should leave her to herself.
When the servant appeared, Lady Phoebe ordered the tea and cakes then seated herself. Felding and Taylor casually took seats across from her. Taylor couldn’t bring himself to leave. After the tea was poured and the servants left, Phoebe acknowledged her brother. “Did Mother send you? She must have, you have never ...”
“Disturbed you during your rendition of Bach,” he offered with a smile.
Phoebe blushed and looked down at her cup. “Yes.”
“Victoria is concerned. You have never played these particular pieces for so long without moving on.”
“I am sorry I worried her. I’ll see her in a little while.” Neither brother nor sister spared a glance to Taylor. For the first time in her life, Lady Phoebe appeared obedient, if that was a word that could describe her. Felding studied her, as if trying to determine what was wrong.
“Perhaps you would like to actually discuss what is troubling you for a change.”
Lady Phoebe sighed. “It is really nothing that won’t be solved at the end of the Season.”
“The Season is bothering you? Did something happen?”
She allowed a small, comforting smile to her brother. “Yes, in a way. I did a lot of thinking last night and finally realized how reckless I have been. You know me, Noah, and how I am with rules. The rules and games here baffle me. Everyone wanting to think the absolute worst instead of accepting honest explanations. I realized how many times my actions could have brought embarrassment and disgrace to you and mother. I apologize for that.”
“I know this is not easy for you, Phoebe. You have never been governed by society and have always enjoyed immense freedom at home.”
She stared down at her cup.
“Would you like to go riding today? I know that always makes you feel better.”
She looked up and smiled. “That would be wonderful, but no. Being forced into a side saddle would only add to my frustration at the moment.”
Felding laughed. “I am surprised you didn’t bring your britches with you.”
“Who said I didn’t?” She half smiled.
Taylor simply observed the strange conversation, wishing he hadn’t heard. Envisioning Lady Phoebe astride a horse in britches did nothing to help his predicament.
They quieted and Lady Phoebe became serious. “Noah, I promise to think more clearly from now on about where my actions could lead me. I’ll do my best not to cause you problems any longer.” She turned to Taylor. “I am sorry if I have been a burden, Lord Sandlin. I’ll do my best to stay out of trouble so you can enjoy the remainder of the Season as well.”
He was somewhat startled by her apology. She truly meant what she said, but it was as if some of the life had gone out of her. “You have been anything but a burden, Lady Phoebe.”
“You are being kind.” With that she stood and turned her attention to her brother. “Now, if you will excuse me, I think I will get some rest. I didn’t sleep well last night and there is a long evening ahead.” She was directing her comment to Felding and not Taylor.
Both men stood. “Until this evening,” Taylor said.
She acknowledged him with a nod and left the room. The two sat back down.
Maybe he had been too hard on her last night. Yet, he couldn’t and wouldn’t change that now. The Season would end eventually. Perhaps she would receive an offer she would like to accept or return to the country where she was free to be herself once again. The idea of her marrying any of the men who showed interest bothered Taylor. He could think of no one who would understand her, or who wouldn’t try to mold her into an obedient, well-behaved wife. None would appreciate her openness and honesty. She wouldn’t be happy with that kind of man. She needed someone who didn’t care that his wife was different from the rest, who would love her easy laughter and reckless nature. Someone who would live in a constant state of frustration because of her temerity, but still love her all the same. Being married to Lady Phoebe would be wonderful and exciting and there wasn’t a man he knew who would appreciate the rare person she was.
“Remind me that when an offer does finally come, that she would accept, to make the gentleman promise to have pianofortes in the houses where they will reside.” Felding got up and poured them something stronger than tea.
“Why is that?” Taylor’s curiosity was getting to him.
“Believe it or not, Phoebe tends to keep her most personal emotions inside. The music she plays is often the only clue we have to her true emotional state.”
Taylor didn’t comment. He found it difficult to believe that Lady Phoebe kept anything inside.
“When Father died, she barely shed a tear after the initial news. While we didn’t know if Mother would recover, Phoebe stuck by her side, taking over the duties of mistress to the house and seeing to my sisters. It was only her playing Beethoven, Pachelbel, Vivaldi or Hayden for the following months that reminded us that her mourning was as deep as ours, if not deeper.”
Taylor just nodded his head. More personal emotions. Perhaps it wasn’t the lesson he had thought to teach her last night that had her so disturbed. Perhaps she was awakened to the same frustrations plaguing him. As much as he wished it were so, he also knew it was impossible to pursue.
Chapter 8
Phoebe continued to remain at her brother’s side at every function they attended. Well, at least when she wasn’t dancing. And, she never missed a dance with Lord Sandlin.
“These evenings have become quite mundane now that you are such an exemplary young lady.”
“Please, Lord Sandlin,” she begged. She hoped he wouldn’t mention the night of her excursion. She wished she could forget it.
“I admire the restraint you have shown.” He looked down at her, then twirled her across the floor. “I’ve seen the longing in your eyes when you look toward the gardens.”
“I will survive. Soon, I will be in the country again, where it cannot be nearly as stifling.” She wished he would leave her be. There was no reason why he had to be anywhere in her vicinity. Didn’t he know how much it pained her to care for him when he considered her nothing more than Noah’s troublesome sister?
While suitors came by on a regular basis, Phoebe did not find any of them the least bit desirable. It irritated and frustrated her that the only man she was attracted to would never become a suitor.
As the days and nights dragged on, she looked forward to the house party more and more. At least in the country she could get away from these huge gatherings and possibly find time to be out by herself. If she could only find
some peace in the country air, alone, she knew she would feel much better.
Perhaps then she could play her music again. She hadn’t dared touch the instrument since the day Lord Sandlin and Noah interrupted her. The only music in her was the same pieces she had chosen that day. Her family knew her too well and she had no desire to alert them to her emotions.
Sandlin said little else and returned her to Noah at the end of the Waltz. There was barely any room to move and men were constantly approaching her, asking to dance. She did, it was expected. As the night continued, her irritation grew to the point that she wanted to scream and leave the place, which was something the ton would frown upon. She had to get away. The air was stifling and the temperature rose by the moment. The balcony called to her, with its cool evening breeze. She watched as dozens of couples strolled, noting it was well lit, easily observed from inside. It was a safe place where she could get away from everyone.
“I will return shortly,” she told her brother.
Noah inclined his head, so that she knew he heard her, but continued watching Lady Draden dance.
She strolled out into the moonlight, inhaled deeply and allowed the tension to ooze out of her as the cool breeze blew at her skirts and over her skin. Several people stood in groups of two or more not far from her and this was no different than standing in the ballroom given the amount of people. They probably sought the coolness of the night as much as she. Otherwise, she would have stayed at her brother’s side. Walking to the railing, she stared out into the gardens, wishing she had the freedom to walk in the darkness, either alone or with Sandlin.
His Impetuous Deputante (A Gentleman's Guide to Once Upon a Time - Book 1) Page 6