Hall of Mosses

by Evans, Nicoline

  “Enough. It’s done.”

  Brett threw his hands up in surrender and dropped the topic. Roscoe walked in a few minutes later and took the same seat Brendon had vacated. He sensed Juniper’s tense aggravation immediately.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Some guy came in to follow-up on his drunken advances from last night.”

  “He was a perfect gentleman while sober,” Teek chimed in.

  “He wasn’t really even that bad drunk, just a little pushy,” Jeb added.

  Juniper buried her face into her hands.

  “We just thought she could’ve given him a warmer, gentler rejection.”

  “I am allowed to be uninterested,” she said through her hands.

  “Of course you are, you’re just slamming doors you ought to gently close.”

  “I really wasn’t mean to him,” she peered up at Roscoe, who wore a small, amused smile.

  “I’ve felt the ice queen’s wrath before. I doubt you were mean but I bet you made this entire bar frigid as Antarctica till you felt comfortable again.” Roscoe wanted in on the fun.

  “That’s exactly what she did,” Brett exclaimed, happy someone described her behavior better than he could. “She froze that guy out so bad, he barely finished his water.”

  “I certainly caught the chill,” Teek said in consent.

  “I’m still shivering,” Jeb added, aware he was fueling the joke.

  “Alright, I get it. It’s rag on Juniper day. I will ice this entire building over for the rest of my shift if you all don’t stop.”

  “Take a joke,” Brett laughed, rustling the top of her head as he walked behind her. “We love you, Juni.”

  The conversation ended and Juniper took a few deep breaths and let it go. It went much deeper than any of them realized and she wasn’t sorry for being cold. She’d never apologize for protecting her mental health, especially since she wasn’t rude about it.

  “Anyway, I got my ticket,” Roscoe changed the topic.

  “Oh, that’s great.” Yesterday’s breakdown and subsequent nightmares flashed through her mind. She examined Roscoe’s warm smile. “I’m really happy you’re coming with me.”

  “I’m excited. I’ve never been to New York City before.”

  “Well, my family lives in the Bronx, so it’s probably not what you’re picturing. I’ll make sure to show you Manhattan, though. We should have time for a quick trip there.”

  “That’s fine. It’ll be nice to see where you come from.”

  Her eyes widened recalling her former life and all that Roscoe was in for. “Trust me, you’ll be eager to leave after a few minutes with my family. I actually feel bad that I’m about to put you through this.”

  “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

  Juniper laughed. “By the time we leave, you’ll understand why I like trees more than people.”

  He shrugged, “Anything that lets me peek inside that brain of yours is fine by me.”

  “Let’s see if you still feel that way by Wednesday.”

  “Alright, I need to get back to the park. What time should I pick you up?”

  “Our flight is at 5 p.m., so how about 3?”

  “Sounds good.”

  He left and she got back to work and refilled the drinks of the few people in her section. Her shift normally lasted longer, but Frank let her take a partial shift so she could catch her flight. She raced home and dragged an old suitcase out of her shed after parking the Jaden Jaunt. She should’ve packed the night before but didn’t; procrastinating felt better than over-prepping for something she didn’t want to do anyway. She carelessly ripped all the black clothes from her closet and tossed them into her suitcase, careful to pack enough long-sleeved shirts to cover the cuts on her forearms. She didn’t plan any of the outfits but knew something would work; she’d figure it out once she got there.

  She was still running around her house, throwing things into her bag when Roscoe knocked. She opened the door for him but continued to finish getting ready.

  “You didn’t do all of this last night?”

  “No,” she hollered from her bedroom. She emerged five minutes later in a New York Mets baseball cap and her suitcase in tow. “Let’s go.”

  He checked his bag when they arrived at SeaTac, but hers was small enough to carry on.

  “No liquids in there?” he asked, shocked.

  “Nope, our hotel will have shampoo and whatever else I need.”

  “We aren’t staying with your family?”

  “No way,” she said, walking with haste toward the security check. “I got us a room.”

  “How much was it? Can I give you some money towards it?”

  “Nope.”

  Roscoe tried to protest but she shushed him. “You’re doing me a favor by coming. You already paid for your flight, you’re not paying for anything else. Don’t fight me, you’ll lose.”

  They had fifteen minutes until boarding. Juniper considered filling him in on her past but every time she began, she found herself swallowing her words. There was too much to tell and she wasn’t sure how to start. It seemed easier to fill in the blanks as he discovered them once they were knee deep in the middle of her past. The Bronx was sure to bring old stories back into the light and she’d have plenty of explaining to do tomorrow, so she relaxed and enjoyed the calm before the storm.

  Chapter 4

  It was nearly midnight by the time they got off the plane and retrieved Roscoe’s suitcase. They caught a cab to their hotel in the Bronx, the nicest one she was able to find for a reasonable price, and they passed out in their separate beds as soon as the lights were turned off.

  The alarm went off at 7 a.m., giving them a couple hours to shower and get ready.

  “You never even told me your uncle’s name,” Roscoe said, digging for information she hadn’t offered.

  “Ozzie. His wife’s name is Mallory. Their kids are Irene, Zoe, and Ethan, in that order.”

  “Your aunt and your cousins.”

  “Yeah, she is my mom’s sister.”

  She answered quick and with as little detail as possible. Roscoe wanted to know more but was hesitant to ask; Juniper’s guard was higher than he’d ever felt it before.

  “Will your parents be here too?”

  “No. They are dead.”

  “Oh, wow. I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”

  “That’s because I never told you. Don’t be sorry. I should have prepped you on the flight, but I was too tired to talk about all of this.”

  “I understand.”

  “I moved in with my Uncle Oz and Aunt Mallory when my parents died. I was twelve when it happened and I lived with them until I moved to Washington two years ago.”

  “Okay, got it. Did you move to Washington to get away from these relatives? Or were there other reasons?”

  “Both. It was a build-up of things. They were mad I left, felt betrayed, but I had to. It wasn’t healthy for me to stay here. I had to look out for myself.”

  “That makes sense. I’m sure enough time has passed that they’ve gotten over it by now.”

  “No, my aunt still says nasty things whenever she calls and leaves messages.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, it’s a real loving and supportive situation. I wouldn’t worry about the details if I were you. It’s messy and complicated and not worth the energy you’d need to expend to try and understand it all.”

  “I’ll absorb it in small doses.”

  “I think that’s wise.” She smiled and helped him with his tie.

  Juniper wore a black, long-sleeved turtleneck dress to cover the fresh scabs on her arms. Roscoe looked handsome in dress pants and a black button-down shirt. They left the hotel and headed for the funeral home where the wake was being held. Though she did not want to and feared who she’d see there, she planned to stay for the entirety of both sessions. It was the right thing to do. With Roscoe by her side, she hoped she could easily ignore anyone she did not want to s
peak to.

  They approached the funeral home and Juniper became overwhelmed with memories. She lost many friends, acquaintances, and classmates to drugs, violence, and suicide. It was as if death plagued her generation in this town. Though she grew very familiar with the process of death, it had been a while since she needed to attend the ceremonies for one. The last wake she went to was for a good friend who killed herself one week before she moved to Washington. Prior to that, she found herself at a funeral at least once a year, if not more. Now, two years free of tragedy, a life plagued by death reared to the surface. Faces flashed through her mind as she recalled the many services she attended throughout her life. Her memory worked backwards; when she got to her parents, her heart began to swell. She stopped walking and leaned over with hands on her knees to catch her breath. Their faces stained the backs of her eyelids. This memory hurt the worst.

  “Are you okay?”

  She filtered her breath through pursed lips, as if there was a skinny straw rationing the air she consumed; too much would send her into a panic attack, making her choke, and not enough would cause her to faint.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said through rigid breaths. “I’ve been to a lot of wakes in my life. I thought I was a pro, but it all came flooding back at once. I just need a minute.”

  Roscoe kept his distance and gave her the space she needed to regain her composure. She suppressed the overwhelming urge to run and put on a brave face.

  “I’m ready.”

  They walked into the funeral home to immediate assault.

  “Look who decided to come,” Mallory proclaimed sarcastically. “You could’ve called me back to let me know.”

  “I appreciate your call letting me know what happened, but I didn’t feel a return call was necessary. I made the arrangements and came.”

  “Yeah, well, a little warning would’ve been nice. Now the entire room will be talking about your reappearance instead of remembering Ozzie. You’re about to create a damn spectacle.”

  “That wasn’t my intention.”

  “Yeah, right,” Mallory griped. “It’s always all about you, isn’t it? The world revolves around you and how you feel. Well today it’s about my Ozzie, and if you do anything to detract from that I’ll kick you out.”

  “Understood.”

  “Who the hell is this?” Mallory asked, finally addressing Roscoe.

  “My friend.”

  Her aunt scoffed. “Don’t get too attached. It’s only a matter of time before she runs away from you too.”

  Mallory stormed back into the viewing room. Juniper stood in place with her eyes shut, hoping to maintain her composure.

  “What was that?” Roscoe asked, accosted.

  “Your first glimpse of my family.”

  “Are they all like that?”

  “No. But they are all awful, just in their own, unique ways.”

  “Sounds fun,” he sighed, trying to maintain a strong façade for Juniper.

  “Here we go.” She wrapped her arm in his and led him into the viewing room. Just like Mallory predicted, all eyes snapped to Juniper the moment she entered. She didn’t want the attention but wasn’t sure how to deflect it. They sat in two empty chairs near the back of the room and she hoped that sitting far from the crowd would make everyone forget she was there. It did the opposite. As person after person approached her where she sat, she realized she was pulling even more attention away from the wake. She led Roscoe to new seats closer to the casket to mask everyone’s fascination with her return. They no longer had to cross the room to confront her so the ordeal was less of a spectacle. It didn’t make it easier for Juniper, but Mallory stopped shooting her nasty glares.

  No one of great significance approached. They were all people she was fine living without, but none that ever caused her any long-lasting harm. Her cousins stood near their father’s casket and when she had a moment she pointed them out to Roscoe.

  “Those are my cousins,” she whispered. “Looks like Ethan is still on drugs.” Ethan twitched and blinked rapidly as he spoke with various guests. “It used to just be weed and cocaine, but his addiction appears to have progressed. The scabs make me think meth or heroin. The two women next to him are his sisters. Zoe is in the black mini-skirt and Irene is wearing red.”

  “And your aunt thought you were the one seeking attention?”

  “Exactly.” Juniper was happy he now saw the irony with his own eyes.

  It only took an hour for the line of mourners to grow in size. They spiraled around the room, into the lobby, and out the front door. Her anxiety heightened as she could no longer keep tabs on who was there and who she needed to avoid. Before she could dodge the oncoming attack, the Marone sisters approached.

  “I can’t believe you had the nerve to come back,” Charline spat.

  Juniper stood up, unafraid to defend herself. Roscoe stood up too, ready to help her if she needed him.

  “It’s my uncle. Why are you here?”

  “For Zoe, of course,” Tessa replied. “I hope you plan on leaving as soon as the services are over. No one wants you here.”

  “I can’t believe you both still blame me for what happened to Krista.”

  “Everyone does,” Charline seethed.

  “She mentioned you in the letter,” Tessa added.

  “You were her best friend. You should’ve known.”

  “I am not a psychic! I had no idea she planned to kill herself.”

  “If you were a better friend, maybe she wouldn’t have done it,” Charline seethed.

  “Maybe if you were better sisters she would’ve had more people to depend on,” Juniper shot back.

  “This is on you,” Tessa demanded. “She said you were the last person she could stand to lose, yet you left anyway.”

  “I knew she didn’t want me to leave, but her death is not my fault. I didn’t know that when I told her I was leaving she’d do that.”

  “She said it to us multiple times, which leads me to believe she certainly expressed her dire state to you. It was also in her good-bye note. She needed you.”

  “Maybe if you had thought about anyone other than yourself you would’ve noticed.”

  “This is outrageous and I don’t need to tolerate your outlandish accusations. I cannot control other people. I am not responsible for her death or any of the factors that led her to that moment. The fact that you incessantly blame me is pure evil. I don’t deserve this. I was a great friend to her. And when I left, it was for my sanity, my health. I am allowed to take care of myself.”

  “At the cost of someone who loved you.”

  “I’m done. Get away from me.”

  Ethan glanced beyond the crowd for the first time and noticed Juniper surrounded by the Marone sisters. He broke away from the grip of those offering him their condolences and intervened.

  “Juni,” he bellowed, arms open like they were reuniting in the street and not at a wake. He threw his skinny arms around her and gave her a tight hug, taking note of the tension. “What is going on?”

  “They are attacking me about Krista’s suicide again.”

  “You can’t blame Juni.”

  “But we do,” Tessa replied.

  “Have some goddamned respect. She is here to grieve my dad, not to be attacked by a bunch of lowlifes. If you attack my family, you aren’t welcome here. Pay your respects and leave.”

  “Karma will get you,” Charline threatened. The sisters walked away, leaving Juniper shaking internally beneath her brave face.

  “You okay?” Roscoe asked with an expression of grave concern.

  “I’m so tired of this crap. Zoe gave them my number after I moved and they harassed me for an entire year after I left.”

  “They are sick in the head,” Ethan scoffed. “It’s not your fault, and it’s twisted that they turned it on you. Krista wouldn’t have wanted that. I read the letter, she adored you. She didn’t blame you, she just said she wasn’t as strong as you. You escaped to the other
side of the country, she escaped through death.”

  Juniper’s eyes filled with tears knowing that she wasn’t too far from having a fate similar to Krista’s.

  “I should’ve asked her to follow me to Washington. I just thought I needed to be alone. I had no idea she’d take it so far.”

  “Don’t let their nasty comments get to you.”

  “She was my best friend. We were a lot alike and I should’ve known.”

  “There’s no way you could have,” Roscoe chimed in, appalled that Juniper was taking the brunt of a burden that wasn’t hers to carry.

  “I’m still sad about it, and I really didn’t want to come here and relive it.”

  “I’ll keep them away from you, don’t worry.” Ethan kissed her cheek. “I’m glad you’re back.”

  “Had to be here for Uncle Oz.”

  “I’m happy you came. None of us thought you would.”

  “How are you? You look too thin.” She grabbed his face and examined with concern.

  “I’m fine, same as always.” He yanked his face from her grasp.

  “Same as always?” she asked, knowing he was not into the same stuff he was into when she left.

  “Yeah, quit snooping.” Ethan was not okay, and they both knew it.

  For the first time in a while Juniper felt a twinge of guilt for leaving him behind. They were closest in age and by default, had the closest bond. Anytime he got in trouble or took his partying too far, she was always there to take care of him and help him pick up the pieces. Seeing him deteriorate before her eyes was traumatizing and she couldn’t help but feel like it was partly her fault. She loved him, he counted on her, and she abandoned him.

  “I’m sorry I left you.”

  “You don’t even pick up the damn phone when I call.”

  She stopped answering his calls after the fifth time he called on the brink of an overdose. It terrified her that he might die without her, but constantly saving him from himself prevented her from saving herself from that life. It was too much and she could not move on if he was always pulling her back.

  “I’ll get better about it.”