“Actually, we need to talk.” She needed an out. A firm plan for how they would end their supposed engagement. This couldn’t happen again. They couldn’t keep growing closer when she wanted nothing to do with his life as a bull rider. She couldn’t walk that road with him. She couldn’t be part of that. The engagement was going to end anyway, but it would be best to do it as soon as they could.
“Sure, we can talk.” Ty walked over to her. “What’s wrong?”
“This whole engagement thing has gone way too far. I think we should stage a breakup before your family goes back to Montana.”
“A breakup?” His gaze darkened. She quickly looked away. She’d messed this up. Ty had feelings for her. And she had feelings for him, but she hadn’t thought any of this through. She didn’t want a future with him, a future filled with anxiety and dread every time he left for a training ride or competition.
“It’s not fair for us to lie to your parents,” she went on. “They’re so excited about the wedding and everything. We can’t keep doing this to them.”
He stared at her for what felt like a month. “This isn’t about my parents,” he finally said. “You were happy last night. I saw it in your face. And this morning before we had breakfast with my brother.” His jaw locked. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened.” She held her arms against her chest like a shield. “But I shouldn’t have spent the night with you.” Because this couldn’t go anywhere.
“We don’t have to keep lying,” Ty said. “We can tell my parents and Rhett the truth. I don’t care. But I’m not pretending, Darla. I have feelings for you. You have to know that by now.”
Her racing pulse thumped in her temples making her cheeks alternate between hot and cold. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t even try to hold back the tears. “Gray died, Ty. And he didn’t take nearly the kind of risks you take every time you go to work.”
“I’m not Gray,” he said firmly. “You can’t compare me to him. This is different. We’re different.”
“I’m not different.” She wanted to be, but she wasn’t. Not yet. “I’m still a woman who lost the love of her life. And I can’t do it again. I won’t do it again.”
“How did you feel last night?” he demanded.
“It doesn’t matter.” She started to turn away so she could run from him, go back to hiding. But before she could, Ty gently turned her shoulders to face him.
“It does matter. You feel the same connection I do. I know it. I saw it last night.” He dropped his arms to his sides. “When are you going to stop running from it, Darla?” Color tinged his cheeks, and it seemed all those muscles in his upper body had tensed.
She’d never seen him this passionate about anything except for riding. That was why she had to do this. She couldn’t give him everything, knowing the risks. And riding was so much a part of him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.” She held back the tears. “But I can’t do this. Spending all this time together is too much.” It was messing with her—making her feel things she didn’t want to feel. “We need to break up.”
She expected him to argue, but instead he gave her a stiff nod. “Fine. How?”
“We’ll have to wait until after the auction.” She paused, trying to get her thoughts in order. “We can stage it Sunday afternoon. You could bring your family to the bar and I’ll tell you we need to talk in the back room.”
When Ty said nothing, she went on. “I’ll make it all about me. I’ll explain to them that I’m not ready for a commitment. That you’re a great guy, but it’s not going to work out.”
“You don’t want it to work out,” he corrected. The words weren’t angry, only subdued, but that was worse.
Darla slipped past him and sat on the bed, unable to face the disappointment in his eyes. “After the auction, Rhett can cut his vacation short and go back to Dallas. He can hate me. You can all hate me.”
“They’re not going to hate you. That’s not possible.” He walked over and knelt in front of her. “And I definitely will never hate you. I’ll always care about you.” Brushing his fingers across her cheek, he gave her a sad smile. Then he stood and walked out of the room.
Chapter Fourteen
Darla pulled up across from the community center in Glenwood Springs and let the engine idle. She leaned her forehead onto the steering wheel with a sigh. Her body had felt as heavy as her heart since her confrontation with Ty that morning. She’d been thinking about him ever since. Had his training ride gone okay? Should she call him? But what else could she say? Sorry wasn’t enough.
A knock clunked against the driver’s side window of her car. She jerked up her head and found herself staring into Josie’s eyes.
“You look like you could use a drink,” her friend yelled through the glass.
Darla gathered up her purse and got out of the car. “I don’t need a drink. I’d rather have a do-over.” She’d rather go back to that moment she’d offered to be Ty’s fiancée so she could undo everything that had happened up until this point.
“This have anything to do with your real friend slash fake fiancé who’s falling for you?” Josie asked as if she already knew the answer.
“I spent the night with him last night.” Defeat slumped her shoulders. She’d thought she was being brave, moving toward freedom, but she clearly didn’t have the strength. One breakfast conversation had sent her spiraling right back into fear.
“What’d you mean you slept with him?” Josie linked their arms together and led her across the street.
“I was trying to let go, to lose myself in the moment. Like you said.” But if she would’ve thought about it, she would’ve realized Ty was the wrong man to find freedom with.
“I didn’t tell you to sleep with him again.” Her friend yanked her to a stop when they reached the sidewalk. “I only said move toward freedom. Not jump right into it. There’s nothing wrong with baby steps, sister.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not blaming you. I messed up.” She could own her mistake. “I had this wonderful night with him, but then this morning I lost it. Again.” Darla trudged to the door. “It scares me too much. He’s a bull rider, Josie. I could lose him so easily. So I told him we have to stage a breakup before his parents leave.” If she would’ve simply kept boundaries in place, things wouldn’t have gotten so out of control.
“Oh boy,” Josie said, holding open the door for her. “We’ll continue this conversation later. After the party. I swear. Right now your life has more drama than The Bachelorette.”
“Well, this is new for me, I’ll tell you that.” She’d done everything she could to remain drama free for the last ten years.
She stepped fully into the community center’s reception area and felt another hot flash coming on. Hormones. That had to be it. That had to be the source of her troubles lately. She hadn’t anticipated going through the change for at least another ten years or more, but she supposed it could be early.
Darla’s stomach rolled as she shrugged out of her coat. Ever since she’d moved to Topaz Falls, she’d gotten to witness everyone else’s drama. She hadn’t had even a smidgeon of her own. That’s why life was easier without romantic relationships. She had no obligations, no expectations.
Yes, but is that really fulfilling?
Whew. Another heat wave crashed over her, making her head feel funny. Great. Now her own subconscious was turning on her. Probably from the morning’s stress. Once she got downstairs for their Christmas lunch, she’d feel better.
“You look a little flushed.” Josie studied her with those astute, beady eyes. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I haven’t eaten much.” Not since she’d freaked out and rushed out of Ty’s house where she’d left a perfectly good breakfast sitting on his dining room table. It was that fight or flight thing. On her way out, she’d apologized to his mother, saying she’d forgotten she had an appointment. Of course, Maureen had been as gracious as always, which only made her feel worse.
“Come on.” Josie beckoned her down the stairs. “Let’s get you something to eat. I picked up the food from that new diner outside of town. Fried chicken with mashed potatoes and creamed corn.”
The thought of all that grease turned her stomach upside down. “Sounds fabulous.” Maybe she would be able to get away with not eating anything.
They walked into the meeting room just in time to witness an argument between Norman and Peter about which side of the plate they were supposed to set the forks and spoons.
As usual, Josie took control. “Oh just give it to me.”
“Hey there Darla.” Ralph greeted her with a hug. “You did bring dessert, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did. But I forgot it in the car.” She’d been so distracted, and this strange fog had settled over her brain. Fighting the wooziness, she greeted Norman and Peter and admired the table they’d put together. “Everything looks amazing.” They’d gone to the trouble of setting the table with real china and crystal glasses and even a festive red tablecloth. A lovely white-and-red poinsettia plant sat in the middle.
“Only the best for you,” Peter said, giving her hand a squeeze. “Do you want me to run out to your car and get the dessert?”
“No, that’s okay. I can—”
The room spun around her. Darla reached out a hand to steady herself against the table, but her body swayed.
There were noises around her—voices, but everything seemed to fade to gray. Dark, dark gray. Her body tipped backward. Someone caught her before she crashed to the floor. Blackness flickered all around her before the world came back into view.
“Call nine-one-one!” Josie squealed.
Darla blinked a few times.
“I can’t get my damn phone to turn on,” Norman grumbled next to her.
Some of the haze had started to lift. Darla took in her surroundings. She was sitting in a chair with her four friends gathered around, all of them trying to get their phones to work. “Don’t call nine-one-one,” she said, straightening herself up.
“You passed out!”
Ow. Her head. She really wished Josie didn’t have to yell right in her ear.
“You almost keeled over!” the woman went on. “If Peter and Ralph hadn’t been standing right there, you would’ve gone down.”
“I’m fine.” But she was also too smart to stand up unassisted. She would simply sit for a few minutes and take some deep breaths. Everything would be fine. Even with the mental pep talk, anxiety lurked on the edges of her rationality. Was something seriously wrong?
“It’s either an ambulance ride or I drive you to that urgent care place down the street,” Josie said in her take-no-prisoners tone Darla knew well. There’d be no talking her out of it.
“But our lunch—”
“The boys will stay here and hold down the fort.” Josie adopted a gentler tone. “They can start, and we’ll come back after we make sure everything’s okay.” She held up her phone. “Or I can call an ambulance. Up to you.”
“Fine.” Darla started to stand, and Peter and Norman positioned themselves on either side of her while Ralph brought up the rear. He followed behind as they moved across the room and walked up the steps, keeping his arms outstretched like he was ready to catch her.
Despite the headache and the sloshing in her stomach, Darla had to laugh. They were quite the spectacle.
When they reached her car, Darla opened the back door and pulled out the chocolate torte. “Here. You can take this inside.” She handed it to Peter.
“But don’t you dare eat it until we get back,” Josie instructed.
“We won’t,” Norman promised. He gave Darla a kiss on the cheek. “You’ll be all right. Everything’ll be all right.”
“Of course it will.” She did her best to cover the doubt. She’d had weeks of weird symptoms and now this. Something was definitely wrong.
Darla went to open the driver’s door, but Josie swiped the keys out of her hand. “You’re not driving.”
“Yes I am.” She made a grab to get her keys back but her friend held them out of reach.
“Then I’m calling nine-one-one.”
“Fine. You can drive.” Making sure to scowl, she climbed into the passenger’s seat and tried to massage the ache out of her temples. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” she said as Josie peeled out onto the road. “I’m probably just hungry.”
“You don’t pass out from hunger.” Josie whipped the roadster around a corner.
Darla eyed the speedometer. “Seriously? You don’t have to speed.”
“This is a medical emergency.” And Josie seemed determined to make the most of the opportunity.
After Darla’s life flashed before her eyes at least three times, Josie pulled the car into a parking lot and hustled Darla into a nondescript building at the end of a strip mall. The place seemed completely deserted until a scrub-clad nurse finally walked out from the back. “Oh hi!” She seemed excited to have something to do. “Can I help you?”
Josie pointed at Darla. “She passed out.”
“I was feeling a little light-headed,” she corrected. “But I’m guessing everything is fine. We just wanted to come in and make sure.” That she wasn’t dying? That she was simply going through a very early menopause?
“Of course!” The woman reached into a drawer and pulled out a clipboard. “You’re in luck. There’s no wait today. If you’ll just fill out this paperwork, we’ll be able to get you right back.”
Though she still felt a bit wobbly, Darla took long strides to sit in a chair and started to fill out every detail of her health history while Josie looked over her shoulder.
“I didn’t know your mom was a cancer survivor,” her friend commented.
“Breast cancer. A few years ago.” Of course she only heard about it all in an email six months after the fact. “They caught it at the earliest stage.” So according to her mom, it had been no big deal. But maybe it was a big deal. Maybe Darla had the gene…
“And your dad has diabetes, huh?” Josie asked, still reading over her shoulder.
Darla gave her a look.
“Sheesh. I was just curious,” her friend muttered.
Curious was not helping her current state of mind. Darla brought the clipboard back to the desk and the nurse happily took it out of her hands. “Why don’t you come on back?” She gestured to a door off to their left. Darla started to walk through and Josie followed right behind. “You’re coming with me?”
“Of course. I was there. I can tell them what happened.”
“I can tell them what happened too.” But really it was sweet of her to be so concerned, so Darla let it go.
“Right this way.” The happy nurse led them into a small, sterile room. “Okay, so it looks like you’re in pretty good health overall.” She flipped through Darla’s paperwork. “What did you say your symptoms were again?”
“Light-headedness,” Josie answered for her. “Oh, and she looked really red a few minutes before she passed out.”
It seemed Darla wouldn’t have to say a word throughout this whole ordeal.
“Did you lose consciousness?” Nurse Happy asked.
“No,” Darla said at the same time Josie said, “Yes.”
“Maybe for a second, but I sat in a chair and felt much better.” In fact, she was feeling fine now. Well, almost fine.
“Okay, why don’t we take a look at your vitals before I send in the doctor?” The nurse pointed to the small bed gurney thing in the corner. Wearing a disgruntled frown, Darla sat herself up there, feeling like a little kid.
The nurse went about her business, taking her temperature, which was normal. She listened to her pulse. Also normal. Darla took a second to gloat at Josie as she held out her arm for the nurse to take her blood pressure.
“It’s a little lower than it should be.” She jotted something on the chart. “Have you been dehydrated lately?”
“No.” She always carried a water bottle wherever she went.
“Actually, I’ve been drinking more water than normal.” She was always so thirsty.
“Hmmm.” Nurse Happy made another note on the chart. “I think the doctor’s going to want a urine sample. Just to rule out some things.”
Darla’s heart beat faster. “What things?”
“Oh you know…” The nurse waved her hand nonchalantly. “Diabetes, pregnancy…”
“Pregnancy? No.” Darla laughed. “It’s probably early menopause or something. There’s no chance I’m pregnant.”
“But you are sexually active,” Josie pointed out.
“Kind of, but…” She’d only slept with Ty twice in the last two months. It wasn’t like she was out there hooking up with men all the time. Besides, they’d always used protection.
“I just had a baby last year.” The nurse pulled out a urine sample kit from the cabinet behind her and handed it over. “I’ll tell you what, pregnancy sure does mess with you. I was like a different person. Nauseous one minute and starving the next. And emotional. Oh my, I was so emotional.”
Suddenly Darla found it harder to swallow. Those symptoms sounded a little too familiar. “I’ll be right back.” She escaped the room before Josie and the nurse could detect her suspicions.
“Bathroom’s to the right,” the nurse called behind her. “You can leave the sample in the cabinet.”
She quickly went about the task, her hands shaky. She and Gray had never used any preventative measures and she’d never gotten pregnant. If he hadn’t gotten sick, they would’ve sought out fertility help, but after his diagnosis she hadn’t even thought about getting tested. She simply thought it wasn’t possible. She’d never wanted a baby with anyone besides him.
After leaving the sample in the cabinet, Darla staggered back to the room where the nurse and Josie were still chatting.
“When’s the last time you had your period?” Josie demanded.
“I don’t know.” Panic jumbled her thoughts. “The older I get the more sporadic it is.”
The nurse paused abruptly. “So you don’t remember the last time you had your period?”
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