by Zoey Draven
Then the night of our tassimara…I think I had been responsive. The fermented drink from the celebration had helped relax me. I’d enjoyed what we did, after the initial pain.
The second time we’d had sex, I’d been angry, but that anger had turned to passion, to need. I’d screamed into the furs so loud with the pleasure he’d wrung from me.
Was that what this was about? Arokan believed that I wasn’t receptive to him anymore?
I blew out a breath. I’d given him no indication that I was. I’d let him stroke my body, let him suckle and kiss my nipples without so much as a word or a sound or a touch of reciprocation. Of course, he would think that.
Damn.
I was a fool. An inexperienced fool who desired her horde king husband but didn’t know how to show him.
“How…” I trailed off, meeting Mirari’s eyes again. “How can I show him that I want him?”
“Many ways,” Mirari replied, seemingly over her initial embarrassment. “Males are easy. They do not need much. Just give into your instincts as a female. Do not hide your sounds or your movements. Let him see your enjoyment. Be open to him, like I told you before.”
Easier said than done. I’d grown up in a village where sex was hidden, hardly discussed. I was relying on those same instincts to hide what I felt whenever Arokan touched me.
“You train together at night, do you not?” Mirari asked next.
“Yes,” I answered. “Why?”
“Fighting can be…exciting. Primal. The Vorakkar would never hurt you though he pushes you hard. You can use that to your advantage. Think of your training sessions as foreplay.”
I laughed even though I wanted to hide. “There are so many of the horde watching.”
“So?” Mirari asked. “It is only you and him. Ignore the others.”
Lavi spoke, probably frustrated that Mirari wasn’t translating the conversation like she normally did. Mirari looked at me for permission and I nodded. Then I listened as Mirari told Lavi all my troubles with the Vorakkar in Dakkari.
Lavi waved her hand in response, glancing at me. She said something that made Mirari chuckle.
“What did she say?” I asked, biting my lip.
“Lavi said that you should just suck his cock,” she laughed. “That will tell him everything he needs to know and make him worship the ground you walk on. Like I said, males are simple like that.”
I was making a mess of this ‘foreplay’ business.
Cursing Mirari for ever planting the idea, I gripped the small blade in my hand and arced out my arm the way Arokan taught me.
“You are pushing your hips too far back,” Arokan grumbled from behind me, watching my form.
I blew a strand of hair out of my eyes as his hands came to my hips, pushing them forward. The sweet ache of my muscles almost made me groan. I’d been constantly sore ever since our training sessions began earlier in the week. But I liked it. It meant my body was growing stronger, rebuilding itself.
“You are unfocused tonight,” he rasped. “Perhaps we should end early. I have been pushing you too hard.”
I was just about to protest, but then thought that retiring to the tent early might not be such a bad idea. Because I’d decided earlier that tonight was the night. I couldn’t take the sexual frustration anymore and I didn’t think Arokan could either.
Ever since Mirari had told me about his short-temper, I’d looked for signs of it. While he never raised his voice to me, he was definitely tense about something. His shoulders were bunched, his brows lowered into a dark expression, his fists clenching every so often.
My horde king was wound tight because of me.
“Yes,” I said, looking over my shoulder at him, dropping my arm. “Let’s end early.”
He nodded, stepping back. “I have a matter to attend to,” he said. “Go eat and rest. I might return late.”
I frowned, but he had already turned away.
“Vorakkar,” I called out before I realized it, catching sight of a small group that had formed to watch us practice.
He stopped, looked back.
I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
“Never mind,” I said, shaking my head. What was I going to say with a group watching? That I wanted him to come back with me so we could fuck each other senseless?
I was at that point though. I’d never particularly thought about sex, or needed it. Back at my village, I would masturbate whenever the need arose, but nothing more. Even that had been difficult to find time for, considering how filled my days had been with work.
Now, I felt like I would scream with the frustration of it.
Arokan turned back towards the front of the camp and I lost sight of him between the tents. I couldn’t help but wonder where he was going…and so late.
When I returned to the voliki, I ate and bathed myself, but even the tub seemed too big without Arokan in it. I had grown so used to spending the nights with him that now it seemed strange, like the time was stretched. It was different. I didn’t think I liked it.
As I waited, my thoughts ran wild. Insecurity reared its ugly head and I couldn’t help but wonder, for the hundredth time, if Arokan was assuaging his lusts elsewhere.
I didn’t think I could handle that if it were true. Over the short amount of time we’d been together, I’d grown to care for him. There had been a point, early on, when I hadn’t cared. I’d hoped he’d been visiting other females.
Now, that possibility made my hands shake, made my heart palpitate in my chest.
I didn’t want him touching anyone else. I didn’t want him using that magnificent body on anyone else. I didn’t want him kissing or gently stroking or warming anyone else but me.
He was mine. Mine alone. And it amazed me at how intense that feeling rose in my chest and held, how that feeling took shape and hardened like stone.
Unable to wait any longer, I stalked out the tent entrance, surprising my two guards.
I needed to see for myself where he was, who he was with.
“I need some fresh air,” I told them. “Lo navi kikkira anr.”
Though they initially tried to protest, I began to walk through camp, threading my way in the direction Arokan had gone in.
Maybe I was being crazy, but I blamed it on the frustration. I just needed to know to finally stop these treacherous thoughts once and for all.
I walked between tents, keeping an ear out for his voice. And I heard quite a lot. I’d never really walked between the volikis at night, but it suddenly occurred to me how easily it was to hear families or couples or warriors inside. And every time I heard a female moan, or cry out in pleasure, my heart froze because I wondered who was giving her it.
I don’t know how many tents I passed where couples were having sex. It only drove in what I already knew: that the Dakkari liked sex, liked having it regularly, and that Arokan and I were not having it.
And strangely enough, it brought me close to tears. Perhaps it was the frustration, perhaps it was how much I’d grown to like Arokan, how my belly warmed and fluttered whenever he was around, whenever I heard his voice, or perhaps it was simply close to my bleeding time. I didn’t know.
Regardless, I was on the verge of having some sort of emotional breakdown when I finally heard his voice.
It was coming from a tent set a little further away from the others. A larger one, the same size as ours. A single guard was posted out front and as I approached, his brow furrowed.
I heard Arokan’s voice again. He was speaking in Dakkari. It sounded like he was asking a question, but his voice was low and deep.
Then I heard the light voice of a female and my stomach lurched.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was striding towards the voliki. The guard tried to stop me but I wouldn’t be deterred.
All I could think was that Arokan was mine and he was with another female that night.
So, before the guard caught hold of me, I pushed the flaps of the tent entrance back wit
h a forceful slap and lunged inside, bracing myself for whatever I would find.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Stunned silence filled the tent at my unexpected appearance.
Arokan straightened from the table he was standing over, his brows pulled down, the first to recover. “Rei Morakkari, is something wrong?”
My lips parted and I stared wide-eyed at the group of eight other Dakkari standing in the large tent. Arokan, six Dakkari males—four of them warriors, then his pujerak, then another elderly male—and two older females, Hukan included.
Profound relief mixed with shame and mortification made me stutter, “I—I—no, I just—”
It was a meeting. All were standing around a drawn out map of what I assumed was Dakkar. They had been discussing something before I’d barged in.
Fool, fool, fool, my mind whispered, over and over again.
Hukan’s eyes burned into mine but I looked away, towards my husband. He came closer, concern obvious on his face. He must’ve thought something was wrong. I was close to tears and I’d come to find him.
“No,” I said, clearing my throat, hardly able to meet his gaze. “I apologize for interrupting. Everything is fine. Excuse me.”
“Kalles—” he called, but I was already backing out from the tent, my proverbial tail firmly tucked between my legs.
Once outside, I walked as fast as I could back to our tent, praying that he didn’t come after me. I didn’t think I could face him now, not after that, not after I tried to spy on him.
Luck wasn’t on my side. I’d only made it about halfway back when I heard his heavy footsteps, when I heard him call out, “Morakkari.”
I didn’t turn. I walked faster because I was a coward and I was too embarrassed to tell him everything going on in my head.
He didn’t press the issue, fortunately, and simply kept up with me—not that it was difficult on his end—until we made it back to our tent. He spoke with the guards outside, probably dismissing them for the night, before he entered, his gaze finding mine.
“Luna,” he said slowly, looking at me like I’d lost my mind. “What is—”
“I’m sorry,” I burst out, turning to face him, my hands shaking at my sides. “I’m sorry. It was so foolish. I didn’t mean to—to do that. But then I did. And Hukan was there and you thought that something was wrong.”
His brow furrowed, his expression perplexed. It was the most confused I’d ever seen him…and for good reason. I was acting like I was mad in the head.
Maybe I was.
But I didn’t know when it had changed between us. I didn’t know when my feelings had started to develop into something more, but it was driving me insane.
“Kalles,” he said, still frowning, but he approached me, placing his heavy hands on my shoulders. “Calm down. Tell me what is wrong.”
“Nothing,” I said, closing my eyes for a brief moment. “I mean, something is wrong, but it’s not…” I took a deep breath. “Now I’m just embarrassed. I feel foolish.”
“Why?” he asked quietly, trying to understand.
I realized there was no way out of this. I needed to be honest, though it frightened me.
I looked up at him, my heart thrumming in my chest, and licked my lips before I confessed, “Because I thought you were with another female.”
Arokan stilled. His frown deepened and he watched me carefully as he asked, “Why would you think that, kassikari?”
I wondered if he used that word on purpose. Kassikari. Mate.
My eyes fluttered to the chests lining the wall and his gaze followed there.
“Because I’ve always assumed,” I began, “that there were others. Why else would you have those trinkets? Those necklaces…the night dresses you’ve given me?”
Until that moment, I’d never seen the range of my husband’s anger. Of course, he’d been upset, he’d argued with me, we’d bickered. The closest I’d ever seen until that moment was after I almost foiled the Ghertun’s execution, when I got the warrior hurt, when Arokan had told me about his parents.
Even then, it wasn’t like the controlled fury that flared his nostrils. He stalked over to the three chests lining the walls. He opened the lid of one, brought it over to where I stood, and dumped its contents at my feet.
Shocked, I watched the contents tumble out, glittering and beautiful. Strands of jewels and polished, shining stones…intricately crafted figurines of a pyroki, of two figures I assumed were their deities, of other animals roaming Dakkar…golden hair pins with ruby-colored crystals…rings and baubles and silk cloths…shimmering sheer dresses and fur scarves…
“Arokan—”
Arokan brought the second chest and tumbled out its contents…and then he brought the last and did the same.
I was standing before a small mountain of riches, of beautiful things I’d never even seen.
Slowly, I took my eyes from the pile of wealth to look at him hesitantly, wondering what I would find in his eyes.
He was staring me down, his jaw clenched, the empty chests tossed carelessly behind him.
“I do not know what infuriates me more,” he said softly, slowly, the yellow of his eyes appearing golden in his anger. “That my queen believes these gifts belong to others or that she was indifferent when she believed I was straying from our furs.”
“Arokan,” I breathed, my eyes wide. “I was not—”
“This,” he said, cutting me off with a clipped tone, gesturing to the pile in front of me, “is a deviri.”
Hesitantly, I whispered, “And what does that mean?”
“It is an offering to my chosen mate. A gift to my bride.”
Shock made my head swim.
“W-what?”
His anger was still palpable as he explained, “I have been collecting these trinkets for you since before I was even a horde warrior. Before I was a Vorakkar. Some jewels were my mother’s. Others I acquired from Dothik, from outposts spread across Dakkar, from merchants and stalls and traders that come from all across the universe.”
“Arokan,” I breathed, frozen, my heart thumping so loudly in my chest.
“You think they belong to others? They do not. They belong to you and only you, Luna. From the moment I saw you in your village, they have belonged to you.”
I’d really fucked up this time.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I—I didn’t know.”
“Nik, it is obvious you did not,” he scowled.
A weight released off my shoulders as I studied him. There were no others, I realized with relief. He was too angry that I thought he had ‘strayed from our furs,’ as he’d put it. Now, I realized he hadn’t. He wouldn’t.
I had a lot of explaining to do.
Carefully stepping over the—huge—mountain of gifts, I hesitantly pressed my palms to his bare chest, feeling his heat beneath them.
He still wore a scowl and his anger was still evident as I looked up at him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Arokan, I really didn’t know. Please forgive me. I never meant to…to insult you.”
Which was what I’d done. Perhaps without realizing it, since I didn’t know what the chests were, what they represented. But I’d also questioned his loyalty, his fidelity because I didn’t know whether the Dakkari were monogamous like humans tended to be.
“Dakkari…” I started hesitantly. “They only take one mate?”
His expression darkened. “Do humans take multiple? Is this something I need to consider in my future with you? Because I will never allow you to take another, or so much as touch another male. Know this, Morakkari. Absolutely not. You will ensure his death if you do.”
I blinked. “No,” I breathed. “No, Arokan, we only take one mate.” I groaned, closing my eyes. “This is a mess. A complete mess I’ve made.”
I needed to explain this, as clearly as I possibly could, even if it revealed my jealousy. Because there was no way around it. Not now.
“At first,” I started, “
I didn’t care if you had others.”
He growled, looking away, irritated.
I turned his face, so he looked back at me. “You can’t blame me for that. I was a virgin, taken from my home, everything was new. I was scared and uncertain. As long as my brother was safe, I didn’t care. So when you gave me that night dress from one of the chests, I just thought it belonged to another. I thought nothing more of it.
“But then, it changed. Something changed. Maybe it was after the tassimara or even before then, I don’t know. All I know is that when you gave me that necklace before the Ghertun’s trial…I could hardly look at it because I thought it—I thought it was someone else’s.”
“It was,” he said, his voice sharp. “It was my mother’s. The way you reacted to it…I simply thought you did not like it.”
I pressed my lips together. “It was beautiful. But it made me…it made me jealous. So jealous I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”
Arokan blinked and he made a sound in his throat, some of the rage in his eyes lessening.
“Then whenever I even looked at those chests, I couldn’t help but feel jealous. Truthfully, until just now, I’ve hated them. I’ve hated the sight of them.”
“Kalles—”
My voice shook with nerves as I said, “Then we stopped having sex.”
Arokan stilled.
Meeting his eyes, though my face was burning with mortification, I admitted, “I thought you were going to other females because you certainly weren’t coming to me.”
“Vok, Luna…” he hissed, disbelief flashing over his expression. But at least it wasn’t anger. I hoped he was beginning to realize why I’d acted so foolish this night.
I bit my lip and then whispered, “So tonight, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was stupid and jealous, but I went out to see if—”
“You seemed indifferent whenever I touched you,” he growled. “I watched you carefully, looking for some indication. You never gave me one. Despite what you may think of me, I am not a beast. I will not force you if you are not willing.”
“I know,” I groaned softly, squeezing my eyes shut. “I know. Until today, I didn’t even realize that was how you were perceiving it. I am inexperienced in matters like these. But…I liked when you touched me, Arokan. I just didn’t know how to show you.”