Wanting (PAVAD)

by Calle J. Brookes

  She sighed and finished putting on the lipstick Al insisted she use. It wasn’t a color Carrie would normally prefer, but Al was better at this undercover stuff than Carrie.

  It wasn’t easy for Carrie to pretend to be someone she wasn’t. It was hard to remember how to act and what to say, and it was starting to drain her.

  She hoped this case ended soon.

  ***

  Sebastian knew she was tense, he could see it in the way she held her shoulders as she sat. He understood it, too. They—and the rest of the team—were holding out hope that Benito Jr.’s return would bring them the information that they needed. He hadn’t been able to sneak away with her tonight like he’d wanted. Like they did every night before she took the stage. They still had close to an hour before the main show started, and the opening act was currently going through their set routine. Carrie and the others would take the stage at nine. It was just past eight, now.

  Sebastian didn’t know why he stood just watching her, but he did. She fascinated him, and with every night on this damned case, the fascination just deepened.

  The door behind her—that led into the hallway opposite the backstage area—opened, and Benito Jr. walked in. Sebastian stepped back, remaining half-hidden by the back wall.

  “You don’t need all that make-up.” Benito Jr. crowded the space between Carrie and the second make-up table. Carrie put a bit more space between her and the man. “You’re gorgeous without it.”

  “Thank you.” Carrie’s tone was wary, and Sebastian forced himself to stay where he was.

  “I hear you have been doing great. The customers really like you and your sister.” His tone was far too intimate for the conversation, and Sebastian knew what he wanted.

  “That’s good. I do need to finish getting ready. My dad will be here any minute. Then we’ll have to go over any changes to the show.”

  “No problem. The show doesn’t start until I say it does, anyway. Surely your dad won’t mind you spending a little time making friends.” Benito Jr.’s hand dropped to Carrie’s shoulder. She tried to dislodge it, but the man squeezed. Held her in place.

  “Let me go.”

  Sebastian had seen enough. He stepped out of the shadowed hall. “Carrie, baby...we’ve got maybe four minutes...” He made a big production of stopping short, staring at the other man. “Well.”

  “Get out of here,” Benito Jr. said, irritation clear on his face and in his tone. “No one but staff is allowed back here.”

  “I’m with her.” Sebastian stared the other man down, hoping he wasn’t ruining the work they’d put into the sting by challenging their target. “Carrie, baby? You ok?”

  She stood, dislodging Benito Jr.’s hand. “Of course, sweetheart. What were you saying?”

  “I was saying that we should...”

  “We don’t have time. Why were you late?”

  “Damned dog of my sister’s got lose and I had to chase him down.”

  “P.J. loves that dog. Mr. Quirino, thank you for giving the band this opportunity. Sebastian, I’m ready whenever you are.”

  “Ready for what?” Benito Jr. still eyed Sebastian with suspicion.

  “My father doesn’t like Sebastian. We are going out back for a few minutes. Just for some private time. You understand?”

  Benito Jr. snorted. “You sneaking around like teenagers? Aren’t you old enough to make decisions without daddy’s approval?”

  “Of course. But...it makes it easier if we are together when my father isn’t around. He has a weak heart...I don’t want to upset him.”

  “Whatever.”

  Sebastian was proud of her for the way she kept a straight face while delivering the lie. He knew lying was difficult for Carrie. He also knew the other man wasn’t convinced, but what other choice did they have? He pulled Carrie from the staging area and out into the bar. They’d have to convince Benito Jr., just as they’d had to work at convincing the rest of the bar staff in the previous five nights. Sebastian knew he was up for the task.

  He guided her around tables and through the die-hard crowd that arrived around seven each night. The patrons barely looked at them, though a few male eyes lingered on his companion.

  He glanced over his shoulder, once. Benito Jr. watched them, a considering look on his face.

  “Come on.”

  “Where?” Her confusion was clear in her voice. “I don’t understand what you’re doing.”

  “We need to convince junior that you and I are an item, so that he’ll get the hint and leave you alone.”

  “And how do you suggest we do that?”

  “Just trust me.” He kept her at the edge of the dance floor, as far from her supposed father as possible. Sebastian could feel Benito Jr.’s eyes on him as he pulled Carrie against his chest. He knew his partner felt the same. “Just relax, Carrie. Make it seem as if we’ve done this before. You know you’re safe with me.”

  He kept his tone low, the same as he’d do with a cornered animal. And that was the look in her eyes. Cornered. He stepped left, guiding her until she faced the larger part of the dance floor. He had backed her to the corner without realizing it.

  “I know. I just don’t like dancing.” He felt her words brush against his neck. She was the perfect height for him to dance with. She had to be close to five nine, making her a head shorter than him. He could guide her head to his shoulder and press her body against his. If she would let him.

  “Why? I happen to love dancing—at certain times.” Now was definitely one of them. He pressed her closer.

  “I don’t like all of these people around me. The smells, sounds, and knowing they’re watching us.”

  “Just focus on your partner, me. Let me worry about them watching us.” He brushed his hand down the exposed skin of her back. The dress she wore was designed to draw male attention, to focus everyone on her. He could see where she wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Carrie didn’t like being the center of attention, ever.

  She shivered beneath his hand and he fought the urge to tighten his grasp. He wanted to. He wanted to pull her against him so closely that the dress was just a mere whisper between them.

  The music slowed, a seductive instrumental that Sebastian recognized. Carrie would be taking the stage in less than forty minutes. The first band always played a set list of songs from seven until nine o’clock, when Carrie and the rest of the undercover team would take the stage.

  Before then he needed to convince that idiot goon Benito Jr. that he and Carrie had touched each other before.

  That shouldn’t be too hard.

  He pulled her closer. She tried to resist. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to make it convincing. Have you never danced with someone before?”

  “I don’t like it.” She frowned at him. “I’ve danced before. I just choose not to do it that often.”

  “Tell me the first thing that pops into your mind when I pull you closer. Close your eyes, forget the people around us.” He waited until she did. “Now, take a deep breath and tell me what you feel.”

  “I smell you.” Her words escaped in a sigh. “You’ve changed colognes. You don’t smell like him anymore. I like it.”

  She moved closer, tilted her head towards his shoulder.

  He trailed a hand into the riot of red curls falling down her back as he thought about her words. Him—Agent Stephenson. She always called Stephenson him. The first time he’d met her she’d been battered and broken from Stephenson’s attack. And so wary of him. “Hmm. I’m glad you like it. What else can you feel?”

  “The music. They missed two bars. The bass player isn’t all that competent. Not like Alessandra.” Her hand played with the back of his collar as she spoke. Fingers brushed his hair. He resisted the urge to purr at her touch.

  “What else?”

  “The heat. You are warm. It’s surrounding me.” She snuggled closer and Sebastian almost stopped dancing.

  “Do you like it?”

  She w
as silent for a long moment. He tilted his shoulder toward her head, making it easier for her if she chose to move closer.

  She did just that, slipping one arm around his waist and dropping her head to his shoulder. “I like it. Like it’s just us here. I don’t mind dancing with you.”

  Sebastian struggled to remember all the eyes focused in their direction. It took everything he had to resist pulling her body completely flush against his and sinking into the music with her.

  ***

  Carrie could still feel him pressed against her. Could smell the warm mint that characterized his aftershave, even though she’d taken her spot on stage fifteen minutes earlier.

  Something had change between them. She couldn’t figure out exactly what it was between them. But she knew it was there.

  And that terrified her. For the first time in her life, she was terrified of a relationship with a man. With her three prior relationships—if she could even call them that—she had been fine with whatever had happened. Once it turned physical she hadn’t objected. She’d actually enjoyed that aspect of the relationships. It had been their desire for her to adapt to them that had led to the relationships’ inevitable endings.

  She had tried to change, but once she made little changes they started expecting her to make big changes. Quickly. Big changes were not easy for her, and probably never would.

  So why was this—an exceptionally big change for her—seeming so right? She wasn’t the least bit certain of anything now.

  She slipped from behind the piano, changing places with Paige, and began the slow, hot love song that she’d helped Paige compose almost ten years ago.

  What had they really known back then? Of love and lust and men that could burn their insides with just a glance from green eyes?

  She infused the song with as much romantic emotion as she had ever felt, and never been able to truly express. Until that very moment.

  She closed her eyes as she sang each word, hit each note.

  When the song was finished she opened her eyes and looked out into the audience.

  Her eyes met his. And she knew.

  Sebastian Lorcan felt it, too.

  Chapter 58

  *****

  Kevin had spent every night for a week at Smokey’s bar and club, and still his daughter didn’t return. He’d even taken to sitting in the same section of the bar every night, where he could see the table she’d occupied with her friends that first time.

  He saw several faces that were repeats, but never his girl.

  It hurt him each night when he returned to his hotel room, but Kevin would never give up. He couldn’t. He was her father, and that meant everything in the world to him.

  Melody, Brynna, Sydney, and Jillian—they had been his world for so long and always would. But Caroline had been his heartbreak. He’d thought of her and worried for her every night since he’d first learned of her existence.

  He’d never been this close to finding her before. And he knew the woman he’d tracked down here in St. Louis was his Caroline. He had found a few women in the past who he had briefly thought was Caroline but none of those three girls had looked as much like his daughters or like Caroline’s mother Madeline as this girl.

  And Kevin knew it in his gut that this was his child, just as he’d felt the visceral reaction each time the doctors handed him a little redheaded newborn over the past twenty-five years.

  Where was she?

  She hadn’t been at her apartment at all in the past week, and that worried him. Was she in trouble? Had something happened? How would he ever find out?

  He’d finally managed to track down the super of her building, and Kevin had to say he approved of the man. They were of an age, he and the super and had found much to talk about in the brief tour of the apartment building the super had given him.

  But the super had been obsessively protective of the girl who lived on the fourth floor, and that had earned him Kevin’s appreciation and friendship, even though the super would never know that.

  And it reassured him just a bit that there was someone extra to watch over his daughter when Kevin couldn’t.

  He sat nursing his one beer of the night, trying not to allow his attention to wonder to her table. The one she’d been at that first night.

  Some of the same people were there, but still there was no sign of his Caroline.

  There was a redhead there, and Kevin had taken to watching her as surreptitiously as he could. She was beautiful and pregnant, and in his mind had no business being in a bar night after night.

  But she was never alone and she never touched the alcohol. There was always someone with her, and it took him a day or two to put together that the man with the prosthetic arm was her husband.

  Watching them made him miss his wife so much he thought the ache would consume him. She’d been gone two years, from a fast acting cancer. Leaving him with four grieving daughters. Kevin hadn’t known what to do with the girls, but thankfully the two older ones—Melody and Brynna—had stepped up and helped him with Sydney and Jillian, who’d both still been in school at the time of their mother’s passing. Now it was just Jillian in school. Melody and Brynna were watching her for him, until he brought Caroline home.

  Was Caroline all alone in the world? Did she have people to love her besides that boyfriend? Did the redhead at that back table and her ever-revolving table of friends care for Caroline as much as her real family could?

  He could only hope so.

  He’d contemplated approaching the little redhead when she was alone, thinking maybe she’d be willing to help him bridge the gap with Caroline, but had ultimately decided against it.

  For one thing the redhead was rarely alone. Either her husband or someone else was constantly at her side. That would make it doubly awkward for him.

  Plus, it wasn’t anyone’s business but his and Caroline’s what he needed to tell her. And who was to say she’d want her friends involved in her personal life?

  He wasn’t the type to want others knowing what he was doing. Would his daughter be any different?

  Was she like him at all?

  Chapter 59

  *****

  The old calluses on Dan’s fingers were hurting again. Was that even possible? He hadn’t played the guitar much in the last fifteen years. How could he, when the act reminded him of each and every time he and his oldest had practiced together?

  Kelly had been a phenomenal musician at the age of eight. Probably a prodigy, but he and Beth hadn’t chosen to pursue training for her. Now he wondered if he should have.

  Would that have made Kelly happy in the short ten years he’d had with her?

  No, he’d put his guitar on the shelf in his den, next to the pink child-sized one he’d special ordered for Kelly’s sixth birthday, and hadn’t touched his again until about a year ago, when Paige had moved into the apartment in his basement. She’d questioned him about it, her eyes reverent. She’d been impressed with the brand and quality of the instruments he had, and he’d half thought about giving her the guitar. But he hadn’t. He couldn’t. Every time he’d looked at the two guitars on the shelf, he remembered the expression on his little girl’s face when he first gave her the tiny guitar. When he’d first covered her little hands with his and showed her what to do.

  Would he ever forget? Would it ever hurt any less than it did now?

  He faltered. Paige looked over her shoulder at him. He shook his head, indicating she should pay attention to the crowd in front of them. That’s what they were there for, anyway. That’s what was important, the case. Finding the bastards responsible for someone’s child never going home again.

  The boy’s picture was like a raw wound in Dan’s heart. What if that was what had happened to Kelly or one of his younger girls?

  He pushed the thoughts away. He was stronger than that. He would do his part to catch the bastards responsible for Marco Galeano’s death. Then he’d go back to hunting for his girls.

  He wasn
’t stopping until he found them.

  He glanced at Carrie, as more worry filled him. The girl and Lorcan were worrying him. It didn’t take a profiler—which Dan was not—to see that whatever it was burning between them was heating up. Was it for real, or was it just an act? Was she going to get hurt when this damned case ended?

  Dan certainly hoped not.

  Carrie was situated closest to the backstage exit, where the lighting was a bit dimmer than the rest of the stage, and Dan could just make out the hall behind the stage. Lorcan usually waited there for Carrie.

  Dan had to give him credit; the younger man had ensured that Carrie pretty much went nowhere alone. Even the restroom; the girls went as a group almost every time.

  Dan encouraged it. Benito’s patrons were disgusting, the lowest lowlifes Dan had ever encountered in nearly thirty years of law enforcement work. He didn’t want the younger female agents there, despite their FBI training. What kind of decent man would?

  Lorcan wasn’t where Dan expected him to be. That had his interest sharpening. Had the man found something? Or had something happened to him?

  Every instinct Dan possessed told him something was going down. Now. He pulled out his phone and texted Brockman and Hellbrook. Then he went in search of Carrie and Lorcan. He’d grab Josh along the way.

  Chapter 60

  ****

  Footsteps sounded outside the office Sebastian was searching, and he bit back a curse. If he was found in here, the entire operation was done. Blown. He looked around, hoping for a place to hide or a way out Benito Jr.’s office. The only viable option was to go in the closet. If he did that, though, he was basically trapped until something pulled whoever it was outside the door away. And nothing he found inside the closet could be used against Benito Jr.. He’d have to make damned sure to cover his own ass. But they had less than one more night to find something. Or the team was being pulled and they’d approach the trafficking ring in a different way.

  He had no other alternative. He’d already searched the office; the only place remaining to search was the closet. He slipped inside it as voices grew louder outside the room. He did not want to be interrupted—or questioned. He and Hellbrook had decided a single agent searching the club would be more effective than an entire team.