The Marriage Mender

by Linda Green

  ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘And in return I’ll let you get up with Matilda in the morning.’

  * * *

  I waited outside the house for what seemed like an age. Fortunately for them, the meter wasn’t running. When they did finally emerge, I could tell by the body language and the lack of noise as they approached the car that it was a rather subdued end to the night.

  Josh got in the front passenger seat. Caitlin and Alicia climbed into the back. I could see Alicia’s puffy red eyes in the rear-view mirror. I wanted to give her an enormous hug, though I barely knew the girl.

  ‘Hi,’ said Josh.

  It was pointless asking them if the party was good. I sensed it was more of a case of surviving the night.

  ‘Everything OK?’ I asked.

  He nodded.

  ‘Thanks for this,’ said Caitlin, as she put her seat belt on. ‘Sorry it’s so late.’

  ‘No problem at all,’ I said.

  I set off for Alicia’s house. I put the radio on, more to hide the awkward silence than anything else. It only took five minutes to get there.

  Alicia took her seat belt off. ‘Thanks very much,’ she said, in a voice which vibrated with emotion.

  ‘You’re very welcome,’ I said, turning round. ‘You take care, OK?’

  She nodded. Her bottom lip wobbled, and she got out. Caitlin got out with her and they stood hugging on the pavement for a minute. I could hear the sound of Alicia’s sobs. It wasn’t long before I was wiping my own tears away.

  ‘Don’t you start as well,’ said Josh. ‘I’m in danger of being waterlogged.’

  Caitlin got back in the car after a few minutes. ‘Sorry,’ she said.

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ I replied. ‘I wanted to give her a hug myself. ‘I’m glad she’s got friends like you around to support her.’

  We waited while Alicia walked up her garden path and opened the door. A light flicked on in an upstairs room. I suspected her mum hadn’t even got to sleep. Probably lying there wondering if she’d done the right thing and, even if she had, whether she’d lost her daughter in the process.

  ‘I can’t believe they’ve done this to her,’ said Caitlin, shaking her head.

  ‘Maybe she and Tom can survive it,’ I said. ‘Get back together again when the exams are over. Persuade her parents to give them another chance.’

  ‘It’s not Romeo and Juliet, you know,’ said Josh. ‘Tom’s already changed his Facebook status to single.’

  I sighed and pulled away, feeling sad that everything moved on so quickly these days. No one seemed to have time to reflect on things, to reconsider. To try to make wrongs right.

  ‘Thanks again,’ said Caitlin, when I pulled up outside her house.

  ‘No problem, love. See you soon.’

  Josh got out of the car with her. I tried very hard not to glance over my shoulder as they embraced on the pavement. It was a good few minutes before Josh got back in again.

  ‘Is she OK?’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah, a bit paranoid that the same thing’s going to happen to us, that’s all.’

  ‘Her parents aren’t worried about her seeing you, are they?’

  ‘It’s hard to tell. They haven’t really talked to her much about it.’

  ‘But she knows how you feel about her?’

  ‘I haven’t spouted poetry to her while she’s on the balcony, like, but I think she’s got the picture.’

  I smiled at him as I pulled away. He reminded me of Chris when he did that. Only he was even worse at hiding his true feelings.

  Josh’s phone beeped as we turned off the main road. He got it out of his pocket and read the message.

  ‘Eejit,’ he said, shaking his head.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Tom. Reckons he’s pulled some fit woman in the bar. Says he’s going back to her place. Sounds like he’s wasted.’

  I raised my eyebrows. Trying hard to put the knowledge that Tom was the same age as Josh out of my mind.

  ‘That’s not exactly going to help the situation, is it?’

  ‘Nope. So much for star-crossed lovers, eh?’

  ‘And is this going to get back to Alicia?’

  ‘Dunno,’ he said. ‘But it won’t be from me, if it does. I don’t want to be the one to push her over the edge.’

  I nodded, relieved. There was only so much a girl her age could take.

  * * *

  Chris did let me sleep in the next morning. When I got downstairs, there was a note on the kitchen table saying he was taking Matilda for a bike ride because she had way too much energy for a Saturday morning. I smiled to myself and flicked the kettle on. Giving thanks that I had a good few years yet before I needed to start worrying about Matilda being more interested in boys than bikes.

  I poured some muesli. I only had it at weekends, the rest of the week there never seemed to be time to chew properly. At some point I heard Josh’s mobile beep. It was another ten minutes or so before he emerged in the kitchen. He had a T-shirt, jogging bottoms and a hoody on. He clearly hadn’t been in the shower yet, although the need was obvious.

  He sat down. He didn’t look at all with it.

  ‘You OK?’ I asked.

  ‘I dunno. I just had a text from Tom. He said he was sorry. Really, really sorry.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘I don’t know. I tried texting and calling him, but his phone’s turned off.’

  ‘Maybe he means about last night. He’s probably worried you’ll tell Caitlin and it will get back to Alicia.’

  ‘Yeah. I guess so.’

  The banging on the front door made us both jump. I thought for a moment it was Matilda, back from her bike ride. But Chris wouldn’t have let her carry on hammering away, I knew that.

  I got up. Hurried through to the hall. Whoever it was clearly wasn’t going to go away until the door was opened. The smell of alcohol hit me first, even before it registered that it was Lydia standing on the step, barely able to hold herself upright.

  ‘I need to see Josh,’ she said.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ I replied. ‘Not in that state.’

  ‘You’re not his fucking mother!’ she screamed at me. ‘So don’t tell me I can’t see my own son.’

  Before I could compose myself enough to answer, Josh was at the door.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, staring at her dishevelled appearance.

  ‘I need to talk to you.’

  ‘I told you not to come here.’

  ‘I need to talk to you. Alone.’ She looked at me as she said the last bit.

  ‘Anything you need to say to Josh will have to be said in front of me,’ I said. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

  She snarled at me, took another swig from the bottle in her left hand and turned to face Josh.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

  ‘Why does everyone keep apologising to me?’ asked Josh.

  ‘Have you spoken to Tom?’ she asked.

  ‘No. He texted me.’

  ‘Well, I didn’t know,’ she said. ‘I had no fucking idea, and don’t let him try to tell you otherwise.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re on about,’ said Josh. ‘Will you please tell me what’s going on?’

  ‘I slept with him!’ shouted Lydia. ‘I slept with your best mate. I didn’t mean to but I did, OK?’

  Josh stared at her. Disbelief clouding his eyes.

  ‘Come on,’ I said, taking his arm. ‘Let’s go in. You don’t have to listen to another word of this.’

  ‘Tom?’ Josh said, not moving an inch. ‘You slept with Tom?’

  ‘Yeah, I did. We were both pissed. And for what it’s worth, he was a crap shag and I wish to God I hadn’t.’

  ‘But you knew what he looked like. I’ve shown you a photo of him.’

  ‘Jesus, Josh, I can hardly remember every person I’ve ever seen a photo of, can I?’

  ‘So how do you know it was him?’

  ‘Because he saw your photo on the bedside cabin
et afterwards and had a fucking fit on me. Crying like a baby, he was.’

  I stared at Lydia, struggling to take it in. ‘He’s sixteen years old,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah, well, I didn’t know that, did I? He’s a big lad for his age. And he was working in a bar. Anyway, he was still legal.’

  ‘You disgust me,’ Josh said.

  ‘Maybe if you hadn’t been so busy shagging your little girlfriend you wouldn’t have blown me out, and it would never have happened,’ she shouted.

  ‘Is that what this is about?’ I asked. ‘Are you jealous of her?’

  ‘What, some prissy little schoolgirl?’

  Josh lurched towards Lydia. I managed to grab hold of him.

  ‘Leave it,’ I said. ‘Caitlin’s worth a hundred of her.’

  ‘Very touching, you sticking up for her,’ said Lydia.

  ‘You hate the fact that she’s had a relationship with Josh for longer than you’ve ever managed to, don’t you?’

  Lydia rushed at me. It was only the combination of her drunk state and Josh’s intervention that stopped her pushing me to the ground.

  As I regained my balance, I saw two cycle helmets bobbing in and out between the bushes. I tried to gesture at Chris to carry on down the lane, but if he did see me he was too distracted by Lydia to take any notice. He jumped off his bike, checked that Matilda was safely on the pavement and came marching up the path.

  ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

  ‘She was just leaving,’ I said.

  Lydia turned to Chris and smiled, went to put her arm around his shoulders. He pushed her away and she staggered backwards a few steps. Matilda had got off her bike and was standing at the front gate, looking between me and Lydia and back again, seemingly unable to move. I ran into the garden, grabbed her hand and hurried her into the hall with an instruction to go and put a DVD on.

  ‘That’s right,’ said Lydia. ‘Protect that precious little daughter of yours. We wouldn’t want her hearing anything untoward, would we now?’

  ‘Get out of here,’ said Chris. ‘I told you not to come anywhere near my family.’

  ‘I know, but my son wanted to see me, didn’t he? And I didn’t want to let him down.’

  Chris spun round to face Josh. ‘Is this true?’ he said.

  Josh nodded, swallowing hard.

  ‘Jesus Christ,’ said Chris.

  ‘I thought it would be OK. I thought she’d changed.’

  ‘You never learn, do you? You wouldn’t listen to me.’

  Josh looked down at his feet. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

  ‘How long has this been going on?’ asked Chris.

  Josh glanced at me. I was complicit in this. There was blood on my hands. It was simply that Chris couldn’t see it.

  ‘About a month,’ said Josh. ‘She’s been fine. She hasn’t been anywhere near the house. Until today.’

  Chris turned to Lydia. ‘Why are you here?’ he asked.

  ‘I came to explain a little misunderstanding.’

  ‘She slept with Tom,’ said Josh, his voice cold and hard.

  Chris looked at Lydia, then at me.

  I nodded.

  He turned back to Lydia. ‘And I thought you couldn’t sink any lower.’

  ‘I didn’t know who he was.’

  ‘You have a son the same age, for fuck’s sake.’

  ‘That’s it, play the dutiful father,’ she said.

  ‘Well, it’s a bit of luck one of us takes our responsibilities seriously, isn’t it?’

  ‘Shame he’s not yours to be responsible for,’ snapped Lydia.

  ‘What do you mean by that?’

  ‘Oh, forget it,’ she said, starting to walk away.

  Chris grabbed her arm. ‘No, I won’t forget it. Why did you say that?’

  ‘You want to know?’ asked Lydia. ‘You really want me to tell you, in front of him?’

  ‘Tell me what?’

  ‘He’s not even your fucking son, Chris.’

  The words circled around my head, trying desperately to find a way in. I wouldn’t let them, though. Nor would anyone else. They hung heavily in the air in front of us all. The colour had drained from Josh’s face. His mouth was slightly open.

  ‘You’re lying,’ said Chris.

  ‘Why would I lie about it?’

  ‘Because you’re drunk and you’ve lost your son and you’re lashing out at everyone around you.’

  ‘Fine, then. Don’t believe me, if you don’t want to.’ She started to walk away.

  ‘It’s not true,’ said Josh. ‘Say it isn’t true.’

  ‘I wish I could,’ Lydia said.

  ‘You’re saying he’s not my father?’

  She nodded.

  ‘So who is?’

  She looked down. If it was possible to appear embarrassed in such an inebriated state, Lydia gave a very good impression of what that would look like.

  ‘He was a drummer in a band. Not a famous band. Just one that was doing some gigs in local clubs.’

  ‘What was his name?’ asked Josh.

  She kept looking down. ‘I can’t remember. It was just a … you know … a one-night thing.’

  ‘You’re lying,’ Chris said again.

  She shook her head.

  ‘So why have you never once said that before?’ he asked. ‘Why did you walk out and leave your baby with some guy who wasn’t even his father?’

  ‘Because I knew you’d be a bloody good father,’ said Lydia. ‘A much better father than I would ever have been a mother.’

  The words were seeping in now. Not only into my head but into everyone else’s. I could almost see them flowing through Josh’s body like some radioactive dye. I looked at Josh’s face and back to Chris’s, searching for the similarities which I had always thought were there.

  Chris saw me do it. Realised that if I was doubting, Josh must be doubting too.

  ‘Tell me it’s not true,’ said Josh, his voice shaking.

  Lydia shook her head. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

  Josh screwed his eyes up but he couldn’t stop the tears from bursting through.

  ‘Go!’ Chris shouted at Lydia. ‘Get out of here and take your pathetic lies with you.’

  ‘Fine,’ said Lydia. ‘Believe what you want to believe. I don’t care.’ She turned and staggered down the path.

  I put my arm around Josh. ‘Don’t take any notice of her,’ I said. ‘She’s drunk. She had no idea what she was saying.’

  ‘Yes, she did,’ said Josh, gulping down air between the sobs. ‘She told me she’d slept with my best mate, and that he is not my dad.’ He was pointing at Chris as he said it.

  He may as well have been aiming a gun; the words hurt far more than any bullet could.

  ‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Let’s go inside and we can sit down and talk about this.’

  ‘There’s nothing to talk about, is there?’ said Josh. ‘She’s said it all. And now I haven’t got a mother, or a father, or a best mate.’

  ‘It’s not true,’ I said. ‘You heard what your dad said. She’s telling lies.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I don’t know who to believe any more,’ said Josh. ‘My whole life is a fucking mess.’

  He pulled away from me and ran up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door behind him. Chris was standing next to me, his face ashen, the shock still reverberating in his eyes. And I turned round to see Matilda standing in the doorway of the lounge, tears streaming down her face. Still with her bloody cycle helmet on.

  My family was imploding. I had to choose to go to one of them first.

  I chose Matilda. I ran to her, unclipped the chin strap of her helmet, tossed it on to the floor and hugged her, letting her empty her tears into me.

  ‘Why is everyone shouting again?’ she wailed.

  ‘It’s OK,’ I said. ‘Josh’s mum said a lot of bad things, but it’s OK, she’s gone now.’

  ‘Josh was shouting too.’

  ‘I know. She upset him.’

  �
��Is she coming back?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You said that before. You said you wouldn’t invite her again.’

  ‘She wasn’t invited, love. She just came.’

  Matilda clung on harder to me. I wasn’t sure what she’d heard. What she’d understood. What she hadn’t understood.

  ‘You mustn’t take any notice of what she said. She’d been drinking. She said a lot of things which weren’t true.’

  I held her tight, stroked her hair. Waited for the sobs to subside a little.

  ‘Now, what DVD were you watching?’ I asked.

  ‘Brave.’

  ‘Right, well that’s exactly what I want you to be. Let’s go and sit down.’

  I took her back into the lounge, sat her on the sofa and pressed ‘play’ on the remote. It was before the bit where her mother turns into a bear, which I was glad of. I’d never understood why they’d done that, anyway.

  ‘Now, you start watching it. And when I’ve checked on Josh, I’ll come back and watch it with you, OK?’

  She gave a little nod. I hated having to leave her so soon, but there were other wounded soldiers in the field hospital.

  I found Chris in the kitchen. He was sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

  ‘Come here,’ I said, putting my arm around him.

  He didn’t move. His body remained rigid. ‘What if she wasn’t lying?’ he asked.

  ‘She was.’

  ‘You’re sure about that, are you?’

  ‘Chris, he’s your son. He’s more like you than you are sometimes.’

  ‘He doesn’t look like me, though. Not really.’

  ‘You don’t look much like your mum.’

  He stared at me. His body shook. He banged the table with his fist. ‘She had no right. She had no fucking right to do this.’

  ‘Why don’t you go and talk to Josh?’

  He shook his head. ‘He won’t speak to me right now.’

  ‘I’ll go and talk to him,’ I said. ‘We’ll get this sorted out.’

  Chris said nothing.

  ‘Can you go and sit with Matilda?’ I asked. ‘I don’t want to leave her on her own.’

  Chris nodded. Wiped at the corners of his eyes with the back of his hand. ‘I’ll go through in a minute,’ he said.

  I went upstairs and knocked on Josh’s door. There was no answer but I decided to go in, anyway. He was lying face down on his bed. The photo of him and Lydia was lying on the floor. The picture of him and Tom, taken when they were about thirteen, had been torn from the front of the wardrobe.