He stared at her. "You bitch—"
"Get out, Beringwaite," Alysha said softly. "Get out before I escort you out."
And amazingly, after a last poisonous look, he did. There was a moment's tense silence, and then the mess hall burst into applause. Alysha shook herself, shedding her anger like water, and smiled at the people at the tables. "Don't thank me," she said. "I should have done more."
"Maybe," Jender said. "But you helped. It would have been a hundred times worse without you running interference."
"Hear hear!" one of the others agreed.
Seeing the pearl pink flush in Alysha's ears gave Tayl great glee.
Over their lunches, Taylitha asked Alysha in a soft voice, "So do you feel better, or are you going to keep blaming yourself for letting Beringwaite run us over the coals?"
"I thought you were the one who thought I should blame myself for letting Beringwaite run us over the coals," Alysha said.
Taylitha shrugged, discomfited. "I wanted you to save us from ourselves . . . but we have a responsibility to save ourselves, too."
"If you can, you must," Alysha said quietly. "And many people don't understand just how much they're capable of if they try."
"Or are pushed?" Taylitha asked with a chagrined smile.
"Or are pushed," Alysha agreed. She rubbed her thumb over the fork in her hand. "You're right. I can't protect everyone from everything, not all the time—"
"Thank the gods!" Taylitha exclaimed with a laugh, "she can learn!"
"No, to do that, I need help," Alysha finished, grinning. "Which means more people need to learn how to be like you."
Covering her blush, Taylitha said, "And not like Beringwaite."
Alysha sighed. "And not like Mister Beringwaite."
Taylitha grinned fiercely. "Seeing you take him down . . . " She shook her head. "Bast and An above! I don't think anything his lieutenants say will have that kind of power."
"People like Beringwaite will always respond better to authority than to truth," Alysha said quietly. After a while, she continued, "You kept your head in trouble."
Taylitha didn't succeed in hiding her blush this time. "Must be all the experience with my little sisters and brothers. You can't exactly fall apart when all these kids are expecting you to stay together."
"You're confident enough to question me," Alysha said.
"I know you'd never hurt me," Taylitha said without thinking, "so why shouldn't I?"
A softness flew across Alysha's face, and she laughed. "Have you decided what to do with yourself in Fleet?"
"Not yet," Taylitha said. "But I have some ideas."
"Well, when you figure it out, tell me," Alysha said. "It'll save me the trouble of finding you."
Taylitha blushed harder, fought with a foolish grin, lost. She speared a piece of white broccoli. "I'll keep you informed, sir."
The Ciracaana commander who'd given them their introductory lecture showed up after lunch wearing an expression Taylitha never wanted to see again. He paced, flowing from one side of the room to the next, then stopped near the door, as if to block it with his bulk.
He began speaking without preamble. "Fleet rarely deals with win-or-lose situations. Because of this, we don't often emphasize a winning condition in our exercises. While our original charter involved preparation for combat, the reality of our situation as the one of the only powers in space has forced us to evolve. The live-or-die, succeed-or-fail mentality of the military outlook simply doesn't work for us. There are many kinds of success, and recognizing each is important to keeping our organization running. This exercise was built to allow you the opportunity to accomplish different goals so we could begin the process of understanding what style of work you as individuals will be best suited for.
"But we do send our people into dangerous areas. We do deal with life-or-death situations. And the safety of your people, those in your command, those on your team, those we still have a charter to protect as the Alliance's sole military establishment, is so paramount that it does comprise a win-or-lose condition."
The Ciracanna paused, lashing his very long tail. "One which you failed."
Taylitha clenched her hands in her lap.
"We expect you to believe you're invincible . . . you're young. But we also expect you to learn how to assess risks and decide honestly whether you can deal with them with the skills you have now. You made many bad choices. Going down a river you'd be told expressly not to choose was the worst of them. But you could still have made it down had you worked as a team to study the risks. Had you stayed together and scouted on land, treating the river as an unknown—which it was—you would have seen the rapids and been able to carry your canoes downstream instead of risking your lives. You would have been reprimanded for taking the wrong route . . . but you would have arrived, and the mission would have been counted a completion. There are risky situations that a team can take on that an individual or a pair of people can't. If you want to learn one thing from this mess, learn that. Count on your people, whether they're your partner, your team-mate, people under your command or people above you."
"What if you can't count on them?" Beringwaite interrupted.
The Ciracaana stared at him. "Did I give you leave to speak?"
"No, sir," Beringwaite said.
Taylitha waited for the commander to give Beringwaite his due scolding, but after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, the Ciracaana said, "It's a good question. But don't interrupt me again."
"Yes, sir."
The Ciracaana moved gracefully to the center of the room and surveyed them all. When his gaze passed over Taylitha, she flinched. She didn't need to hear his voice to know he was angry.
"There is not a single one of you in this room who isn't competent in one or several areas of study. There is not a single one of you who didn't make it through the Academe—which is no playground—and come out on top. You are all Fleet, no matter how inexperienced, and if you think you can't count on one another it's because you've decided you won't work with one another, not because of any genuine incompetence. Fleet is a team. A family. The people in your room are your brothers and sisters. Get that through your heads now, or leave and don't come back."
Complete silence. Taylitha hid a tiny crow of triumph at this slap at Beringwaite's idiocy.
The Ciracaana continued. "Unless you transfer onto another ship due for refits, this will be the only retreat you attend as ensigns. I hope by the time you attend your next one as lieutenants or lieutenant commanders, you'll have learned something from this experience. The forfeiture you've earned will be on your records, but it may be ameliorated by whatever you tell us in your one-on-one debriefings. And don't lie. We'll be comparing notes from all your sessions to check your stories. Be honest, and you'll be rewarded, even if you made mistakes. Now, stand up!"
They stood with the sound of a dozen feet scraping against the floor, benches pushing back.
"Before we send you to those one-on-one sessions, it's time for some credit due in this debacle. Ensign Basil, join me please."
Taylitha froze, the fur along her spine lifting. Alysha nudged her with a grin, her lips forming the word, "Go!" Numbly, Taylitha made her way to the front, where the Ciracaana rested his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face the others.
"Ensign Basil made the rescue of your team possible. According to the canoe station personnel, she made sure her partner was stable, got herself out of the river and called the rescue team. She kept her head in a crisis. She remembered to look out for the rest of the team as well as herself and her partner. For this significant act of courage, Basil's earned a commendation. I hope she's also earned your thanks." He turned to her and offered his palm. Taylitha covered it out of habit, her mouth dry with shock. "Ensign, congratulations."
"Thank you, sir," Taylitha whispered.
He twined fingers with her, squeezed and released. Turning, he said, "Your lieutenants will return shortly to begin your one-on-one sessions. Remember my advice.
"
The door had no sooner closed on him when the carefully ordered ranks of the ensigns inside broke, converging on her, cheering and congratulating. Taylitha received more hugs in those few seconds than she'd had since leaving Burbage Township, where her siblings would use any excuse to pile on her. Still, she looked past the people thanking and cheering her for the one person whose opinion mattered the most.
The others made way for Alysha, though Taylitha didn't think they realized they were doing it. Something about the other woman's thoughtful scrutiny reminded Taylitha of the Ciracaana's . . . the same measuring, the same assessment . . . the same feeling that Alysha was taking notes for some future reference. Taylitha straightened under that pale blue gaze, ears perking and shoulders squaring.
Alysha laughed, caught her upper arms and pulled her into a hard embrace. Taylitha squeaked.
"Good job, Taylitha," Alysha said into her ear. "I knew you could do it."
Taylitha flushed bright pink.
"Hey, Beringwaite!" Delin called. "Aren't you going to congratulate Taylitha?"
Tense silence descended. Alysha stepped back to look past the shoulders of the other ensigns at the lone figure still seated on the bench.
Taylitha flattened her ears. "I don't need his congratulations."
"He could at least thank you," Roben said.
"She didn't save my life," Beringwaite said. "We were porting around the rapids, just like the lieutenant commander said we should have." He stood and stalked outside.
"Iley!" Roben exclaimed. "Can't he even admit it when he's wrong?"
Jender said sourly, "No. Especially not when he's wrong."
Alysha quietly followed Beringwaite, and Taylitha, after a moment, followed Alysha. She wondered with a sigh whether she was going to have to watch Alysha try to reform everyone for the rest of her life . . . somehow the idea was both cheering and irritating.
Outside, Beringwaite had crouched by the wall, fingering a twig in his hands.
"Beringwaite—Mike," Alysha said in her just-so-soft voice. Taylitha stood a little behind her, wondering if it would work.
"Don't call me that," Beringwaite said. "I don't want your kindness."
Guess not, Tayl thought.
"We don't hate you, you know," Alysha said.
"You shouldn't," Beringwaite said. "You have no right to."
Taylitha stepped closer to Alysha, one ear canted. "And why's that?"
"Because you're not all that much better than we are."
Taylitha's ears flipped back. "Are you still fixated on this whole Pelted versus human thing?"
"Pelted versus human thing?" Beringwaite laughed, a bark of a sound. Then he spit at their feet. "All these years since humans have joined back up with you, and you patronize us, and you think we're so backwards, so warlike, so uncivilized. You've made second-class citizens of us, though we're the ones who made you, and you ask me if I'm still fixated on this Pelted versus human thing? How many human admirals do you think there are? How many human captains?"
"There are fewer humans than Pelted," Alysha said quietly.
"Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that there seems to be less room for us to be successful," Beringwaite said. "Let me tell you something, furry. My dad didn't raise me to be a failure, and I'm not coming home as second fiddle to some animal we raised onto two legs in a science lab five centuries ago."
Alysha's voice remained quiet. "We don't have to be your enemies, Mister Beringwaite."
"Right. So Miss Perfection over there and her partner get to walk away with a commendation and I'm the one who ruined the mission even though you're the one who got hurt. That doesn't seem fair to me."
"You're a fine one to talk about fair," Taylitha said, stepping in front of Alysha. "You took control of everything and wouldn't let a single one of us gainsay you. Do you really think you were born knowing everything?"
"Knowing everything?" Beringwaite asked. "Nope. More than you? Absolutely."
The wave of frustration that rose in Taylitha threatened to overwhelm her. "Haven't you learned anything? Didn't you just listen to the same lecture I heard? We're a family! We failed because we didn't work together!"
"We failed because you were the weakest link, and I didn't figure that out in time to keep you from messing up," Beringwaite said. "I'll have to keep that in mind for the next time." He tossed the twig aside, stood, and said, "See you, furry. Try not to let your accidental commendation get you all excited."
Taylitha lunged after him, only to find Alysha in her way, holding onto her wrist.
"No, arii," Alysha said, quiet, intent. "It's not worth it."
"But he won't listen! He won't learn!" Taylitha hissed.
"Slapping him won't make him listen," Alysha said.
Taylitha began to deflate. "It would make me feel better, though," she muttered.
"For a few seconds," Alysha said. "But it would only guarantee that he wouldn't listen to you in the future. Not only that, but it would get you a reputation for solving your problems in the coarsest way possible. Who will listen to you if you stop talking and start fighting?"
Taylitha sighed. "But how do we get through to people like him?"
"We don't," Alysha said. "But someone else might, in the future. Someone else might make the difference." She looked after Beringwaite, into the auditorium where their lieutenants were just then organizing them into lines. "I thought we might be the ones for Beringwaite, but we aren't. All we can do is try, and if we fail, hope that someone else will try and succeed some day."
"You give people too many chances," Taylitha said, glancing at Alysha now. "It's going to get someone hurt."
"Only if I allow it," Alysha murmured. Then, louder. "Come on. Time to face the briefing."
"Alysha . . . "
The other woman glanced over her shoulder at her.
"If we don't get a chance to see one another again . . . " Taylitha began.
"We will," Alysha said. "Maybe not this retreat, but we will."
Taylitha heard the same quality in the words that she'd heard when Alysha had promised to come after her if she couldn't make it to shore. She grinned. "I'll write you."
"Alysha Forrest, UAV Diamondwing," Alysha said. "I'll be expecting it."
CHAPTER TWELVE
Taylitha was lucky enough to get Lieutenant Cane for her one-on-one, the only lieutenant that had stayed from the Nightslip. She gave her full report, leaving out nothing . . . not her inability to say 'no' to Beringwaite without wanting to hit him, not her own mistakes, and especially not Alysha saving her life at the cliff, and again from the animal in the woods. She was chagrined to learn that the creature was a fruit bear, eating only carrion and vegetable matter, but Cane took into account that neither of them had known that when they'd reacted.
"You will put that on her record, right?" Taylitha asked. "That she saved me. That she was good to me. To all of us."
"Definitely," Cane said, and Taylitha was satisfied.
After her report, Cane delivered a significantly longer lecture than the Ciracaana's: on the virtues of proper mission planning and preparation, the importance of accruing honor and good word for her vessel instead of ignominy, no matter how accidental, and the reminder that as an Academe-trained ensign the Fleet had already spent valuable time and money on her as a resource, and that she should take better care of her body. He also spent time praising her for her commendation, which made her feel much better about the entire affair, but emphasized that the success of the team was more important, in general, than any personal success she could earn.
At the end of the session, Cane stood and grinned at her. "I admit, this could have come out much worse. The mission was a near disaster, but you did good work. I'm proud of you, Red."
Taylitha beamed.
The memory of Alysha's company, of her approval and friendship, lit the days that followed after a shuttle picked up the tired, sore ensigns and delivered them back to work on the Nightslip’s refits. Stu
ffed into tiny compartments to run through checklists until her muscles cramped, Taylitha imagined Alysha doing the same and grinned . . . she couldn't imagine Alysha complaining about such work, so she tried not to herself. Keeping quiet on those long shifts seemed to inspire everyone around her to new heights of garrulousness; it made her realize how much a body could learn from other people by listening to their complaints.
One evening she collected her uninspiring food from the galley and glanced around the tiny mess. The only person in it was Kairell, so there were plenty of tables available for some quiet contemplation, studying or reading. She thought about using one of those tables to eat in peace, but had a sudden flash of memory: wanting to punch Beringwaite in the stomach just to get him to listen to her. Strange how quickly powerlessness can turn you to violence, she thought. But there are other ways to deal with powerlessness. Ways that might work better.
Taylitha made her way across the mess and plunked her tray down across from the Hinichi's. "Afternoon!"
Kairell blinked at her tray, then at her face. "Umm . . . why are you sitting here?"
"Why not?" Taylitha said.
"Because you don't like me," Kairell said.
"That's not true," Taylitha said, and realized she meant it. "I just don't agree with you about . . . well, your views on Fleet. I was going to say 'just about everything,' but I really don't know anything about what you think that isn't about Fleet. Maybe we could change that?"
"Why?" Kairell said suspiciously.
"Because I've been unfair, and you've been hard to approach, and neither of those are good reasons not to give someone a chance," Taylitha said. "There are good reasons but . . . well, those aren't any of them."
"Well, we agree on that at least," Kairell said, and surprised her with a grin. With her muzzle gaping a little and her eyes alight with mischief she looked a wholly different person. "So how'd you spend the retreat?
"On my back, half-drowned, sore-footed and head spinning," Taylitha said.
"Sounds awful," Kairell said.
Taylitha closed her eyes, then chuckled. "Yeah. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Kairell's incredulous look was lost on her as she dug into her food, still grinning.
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