Down Home Blues

by Phyllis R. Dixon

  “Carolyn, we’ve been looking all over for you,” Cecelia said as she opened the door to the sanctuary. She and Beverly came in and sat on the pew behind me. “They’re getting ready for their first dance, then they want us to gather for a picture.”

  “It was a lovely wedding. Fall was Mama’s favorite time of year. She loved to can. I can see her sitting on the porch shelling pecans. Too bad she’s not here to see this pretty day,” Beverly said. “I guess that was a dumb thing to say.”

  “If Mother was here our father wouldn’t have just gotten married,” Cecelia said as she shook rice out of her hair.

  “Although technically, he didn’t get married today,” I reminded her. Turns out he and Miss Emma got married in June. By getting married before she retired, she could add Daddy to her dental and vision plan. “Finding out they had already married was really a surprise.”

  “Daddy isn’t the only one with surprises, Miss Island Girl. Here we were worried about your mental state and you’re soaking up sun and sand in the Caribbean,” Beverly said as she playfully tugged one of Cecelia’s locs. “And I love your hair. Never pictured you as the locs type, but it looks good on you.”

  Cecelia had spent the last five months in Haiti with Gabriel. Like the FBI’s most wanted, he tracked her down when she wouldn’t answer his calls or texts and wasn’t at the hospital. When she did finally speak with him, she told him all the embarrassing details, in what she thought would be their last conversation. Instead, she got a totally different reaction - he invited her to come to Haiti. His uncle had urged him to come to their homeland and gotten him a position with the Ministry of Health. Gabriel got her a job at a hospital and she lived with his cousin. The salary was a small stipend, but compared to most of the residents, she was rich. Even though millions of dollars had been pledged after the earthquake several years earlier, most of the money still had not made it to the residents, and medical facilities were stretched past their limits.

  “When you see their living conditions, it makes you remember what’s important. Taking time off for roller-sets and touch-ups seems silly when clean water and electricity aren’t even assured. I did the big chop and it’s grown a bunch already. Once I started with the locs, I surprised myself with how much I liked it.”

  “You’re just full of surprises. Engaged to a doctor,” I said.

  “He’s not a medical doctor. He’s getting a Ph.D. in public health.”

  “Close enough,” I said. “Maybe I need to go to Haiti and find me a man. I haven’t had too much luck with these American men.”

  “Don’t even think about taking my niece anywhere. I’m looking forward to spoiling her and taking care of her hair ,” Beverly said.

  “Maybe you should check the obituaries for widows. It worked for Emma,” Cecelia said.

  “You know that’s not how they met. Daddy drove the school bus for her school, and they worked together for years,” I said. “She’s not so bad. She’ll take good care of Daddy and it’s what he wants. That’s what counts.”

  “I see you’ve drunk the Kool-Aid too,” Cecelia said. “But as long as Daddy is happy and she doesn’t try to take advantage of him, I’ll back off.”

  “I will say this. I don’t know what that lady has, but Mama could never get Daddy in a suit, and Miss Emma got him to wear a tux. He looked like a distinguished professor,” Beverly said. “Bought her a nice ring, too. I didn’t know he had it in him.”

  “So what should we call her?” I asked as I fanned with the program.

  “I can think of a few things,” Cecelia said.

  “Whether you like it or not, she’s Daddy’s wife, so be nice,” Beverly said as she checked her phone. “I’ll meet you for the picture. I need to get the charger out of the car. Anthony’s wheelchair battery is running low.”

  BEVERLY

  I love weddings. It’s nice to see extended family and it not be a funeral. Maybe Anthony and I will renew our vows next year. Most people wait for the years ending in zero or five to celebrate. We had already started planning Mama and Daddy’s fiftieth anniversary even though it was a few years away. Daddy was in a wedding today, but not to Mama. Just goes to show you can’t predict what lies around the corner so it’s best to live for today. People always say that, but we still take things, and people for granted.

  Anthony was in intensive care for five days after the shooting. Then his medicine kept him pretty groggy the next few weeks. He’s had two surgeries and has one more scheduled for March. He’s finally able to get in and out of the wheelchair by himself. Aunt Belle’s leg healed, so we put her hospital bed in the downstairs bedroom – so much for my exercise room. We added a ramp to the front door and installed a shower seat in the downstairs bathroom. The doctors say he could be on a walker this time next year and walking down the aisle would be a special way to commemorate his progress.

  Daddy’s wedding has been a welcome break since I don’t have off days anymore. I fix breakfast then go to the salon. I come home to fix Anthony’s lunch and start dinner. I don’t take any customers after two. I come back to the house and we watch the crazy judge shows on TV. Three days a week, I take Anthony to therapy. Luckily, Grant agreed to return and run the salon for us, and I can focus on Anthony. It’s a hassle to eat out with the wheelchair, so we eat most of our meals at home. He’s on a restricted diet and cooking dinner requires more planning. After dinner, we play marathon gin rummy sessions.

  I wanted him to slow down his running around, but not like this. Of course, my sisters think I’m crazy for taking him back. But when I saw his body fall to the floor, and blood squirting everywhere, I forgot about the divorce, lawyers, and everything else. I crossed back over that line. You’d think they would be grateful to him for saving our lives. If he hadn’t taken that bullet, who knows what would have happened? And what kind of person would I be if I deserted him in his time of need? Maybe it took something drastic for us to get back together and realize we’re meant to be together. Even Money is back home. Anthony has always had a dog, and when we went to the animal shelter to get a puppy, we saw Money. We were both ecstatic. Tony’s deployment ends next month and he’s going to be stationed in Millington, right outside Memphis. So I’m getting my family back, and I don’t care what my sisters think. Anthony has given me more than my share of the blues, but he’s my husband. We said for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I’m sure he would do the same for me.

  CAROLYN

  Daddy complained about Miss Emma’s preparations for a wedding reception – said they were too old for such a fuss. He was so nervous this morning when I helped him tie his bowtie. I couldn’t get him to eat a bite. But he looks to be having more fun than anyone. He’s wearing out the dance floor, and shows no sign of missing his usual afternoon nap. Raymond is taking the newlyweds to Hot Springs for their honeymoon. It will seem strange to go back to the house tonight and Daddy not be there. I was just getting used to living back at home, but it’s time to move on.

  I’ve been living like a vagabond the last few months. Derrick stayed with Mother Roberts a couple weeks and let me stay in the house until I “cooled off” as he put it. When he came back, I moved in with Daddy and Carl, or should I just say Daddy, since Carl is either working or with Portia. Daddy said I can stay as long as I like, but the commute is getting to be draining, especially now that it’s dark in the morning and dark when I get off work.

  Beverly wants me to come stay with her, but the baby and I need our own place. She’s too judgmental about Derrick. She even arranged an intervention, when she found out Derrick and I were seeing each other. I was furious and told everyone to stay out of my business. How could we work out our problems if we couldn’t see each other and talk about them (of course we were doing more than talking). But I’ve watched enough Lifetime TV to know the signs, and talking wasn’t going to make the problem go away.

  Why didn’t I walk away at the first sign? The same reason people smoke cigarettes and know they’re
bad for your health, or text and drive. Everyone thinks they are the exception to the rule. Just like an alcoholic or drug addict doesn’t get out of control with their first drink, pill, or smoke, it’s a gradual process. It starts with a raised voice, a push, or grab. They aren’t abusive all the time and usually the good times outweigh the bad, at least in the beginning. By the time things get bad, you’re ashamed and embarrassed. You believe somehow you are partly to blame, and it can be intoxicating to think an otherwise rational person, loves you so much they lose control. Beverly told me story after story of some of her customers. One of them was shot when she tried to leave. Even Cecelia seemed to know a lot about domestic violence. She called it battered woman syndrome. I hadn’t considered myself a battered woman. I didn’t have a black eye or teeth knocked out. I wasn’t some poor uneducated woman with low self-esteem. Cecelia said all income levels were victims and quoted shocking statistics. She talked about domestic violence being generational, and what message would I be sending my daughter if I stayed? She almost sounded like a counselor.

  What really opened my eyes was Aunt Belle’s story. She said one of her almost husbands was extremely jealous, and she took that for love, but it was really just insecurity. When she was a background singer at Stax, she was supposed to go to Los Angeles to film the Wattstax concert. Her boyfriend slapped her and her face and lip swelled. She could have tried makeup or made an excuse and gone anyway, but she didn’t. She never forgave him. She had spent almost twenty years singing in small clubs in and around Memphis and always felt like she missed her big break, since the other ladies did release a record. It wasn’t a big hit, but who knows, if she had been on it maybe it would have been. She said you shouldn’t have to suppress your goals and desires to please someone else. I thought about how I had rearranged my life and made the ultimate sacrifice, washing dishes by hand. I realized nothing would ever be enough. It’s been six months, and time has a way of dimming the memory. I don’t ever want my memory of Derrick’s rage and my fear to dim, so I carry the button from the blazer he tore in my wallet as a reminder.

  Just like I didn’t question Beverly’s decision to stay with Anthony, not to her face anyway, I don’t want to hear her constantly badmouth Derrick. I know our marriage is over, but he’s still going to be a father and we need to find a way to parent together. Besides, Anthony has never been one of my favorite people, so I don’t want to be under the same roof with him, even if he is in a wheelchair.

  Nothing has quite turned out as I expected. I did get my man, for a little while anyway. I got my promotion and I’m going to be a mother – all things that I asked for. I could have done without the blues that came along with my requests, but in the words of the old spiritual, “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.”

  Memphis will be the best of both worlds. It has southern hospitality and all (well make that most) of the amenities of a big city, minus the subzero temperatures. It’s December and I’m wearing open toed shoes. I laugh when my coworkers complain about the cold temperatures and having to turn their heat on. I like my new department and since I have not worked with these people day in and day out for years, it’s actually been easier to be a supervisor here. I’ll be close enough to Eden that I can see Daddy and my brothers often, but not enough for us to get on each other’s nerves.

  And speaking of my brothers, who would have predicted Raymond as a county alderman? The incumbent candidate got caught in a Little Rock hotel with a woman other than his wife, and at the last minute, an independent coalition asked Raymond to run. I think they thought they were just making a symbolic statement, but they didn’t know my brother. He hustled in those six weeks and shocked everyone by winning. He says he’s going to try making change from the inside. It’s not a full time job, so he’s still teaching – for now. But this could be the start of a new career. Didn’t someone else go into politics after being a community organizer?

  Carl now has more work than ever. He got the contract to transport dialysis patients and hired Perry to drive three days a week. The police dropped the charges against Perry due to a technicality and he promised Carl he would be legit. We weren’t too thrilled with that choice, but I guess if family won’t take a chance on you, who will? That leaves Carl time to help run the farm. Daddy says he’s retiring and Carl will be taking over. Miss Emma says Carl better learn quick because she has other plans for our father.

  I’ve spent thousands of dollars on vacations, spas, and shopping sprees trying to unwind and find peace, while waiting for my “real” life to start. Time to take my life off hold and push play. No more waiting to be asked to dance – so I’m heading to the dance floor. They just finished the electric slide and Aunt Belle is leading the wobble line. I see an empty spot right on the front row.

  Reading Group and Resource Guide

  The questions and discussion topics that follow are intended to enrich your discussion of Phyllis R. Dixon’s, Down Home Blues.

  Questions for Discussion

  1. All marriages face challenges, and both parties must make an effort to work things out, when difficulties arise. Since Derrick is willing to get help, is Carolyn being premature in ending her marriage? Are some offenses unforgiveable?

  2. Carl is a fictional character, but his struggle is real. Depending on which study you cite, approximately two thousand men and women are released from state or federal custody each day, and two-thirds of them will be rearrested within three years. What can be done to turn these statistics around? Why do you think Carl was successful in rebuilding his life? Once a person “pays their debt to society” should there still be consequences?

  3. Discrimination in employment is illegal, but what about the employer’s rights? As co-owner of The Oasis, doesn’t Anthony have a right to hire and fire as he sees fit?

  4. Do you think people in the “south” are different, or are people basically the same everywhere?

  5. Do you believe in prenuptial agreements? If you need a prenuptial agreement, should you be marrying that person?

  6. What do you predict for Beverly and Anthony’s future?

  7. Hydraulic fracturing, or "fracking," is a process where drillers blast millions of gallons of chemically treated water into the ground to extract gas from hard-to-reach deposits deep in the earth. Thanks to improved technology, drilling for these deposits is now profitable. The environmental impact is controversial, but what is certain, is that fracking provides good paying jobs and increased tax revenues for some communities. It’s easy to say residents should forego current income and consider long term costs to the environment. But what would you do if you were offered money for the right to drill on your property?

  8. Caregiving for Aunt Belle seemed to fall in Carolyn’s lap. If you were Carolyn, would you have handled this differently?

  9. Cecelia is an example of someone who gives one hundred ten percent to their career, but their personal life suffers. Is it possible to have it all?

  10.Were Carl and Raymond right to bust into Carolyn’s house? What can you do if you suspect someone is in an abusive relationship?

  Sources of Help and Information

  Pros and Cons of Fracking

  www.foodandwaterwatch.org

  www2.epa.gov/hydraulicfracturing

  www.energyfromshale.org

  Domestic Violence Resources

  www.ncadv.org

  www.domesticshelters.org

  www.thehotline.org

  Advocacy and Resources for Ex-Offenders

  www.sentencingproject.org

  www.helpforfelons.org

  www.csgjusticecenter.org

  It goes without saying that you must read The New Jim Crow–Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander.

  About the Author

  Phyllis R. Dixon is the author of the novel Forty Acres, Let the Brother Go If… and a contributing author to Chicken Soup for the African American Woman’s Soul. She is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin–Milwa
ukee and resides in Memphis, Tennessee.

  You can visit her at www.PhyllisDixon.com.

  Table of Contents

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Reading Group and Resource Guide

  Sources of Help and Information

  About the Author