“FUCK,” I scream, before full, body wracking sobs engulf me and I fall back onto the sofa. Mum comes running into the room in a panic wrapped in only a towel. I’m in such a state I can’t even begin to think about answering her when she asks what’s wrong.
She holds me for the longest time as I cry. None of this was meant to happen. I was meant to come back to Ireland and find myself the life I’ve always wanted. I wasn’t meant to meet Blake and fall head over heels for him only to find myself being cheated on once again and pregnant. I struggle to even think the word, let alone say it out loud.
I eventually manage to convince Mum that I’m okay and she leaves me to go and get dressed. I pull on a pair of shoes and run out the door the second she disappears.
By the time I get to the supermarket, I’ve convinced myself it’s all a mistake and the stress of the last few days has just screwed my body up.
After purchasing something I didn’t think I would be anytime soon, I stand in the car park with the small box hidden in the depths of my handbag. Unfortunately, hiding it doesn’t make this all disappear. I don’t want to go back to Aunt Addy’s to do this. I need to do it alone so I can attempt to deal with the inevitable result without Mum or her as witnesses.
I let out a giant breath as I start towards the only option I have to be alone. The walk takes forever but I’m too lost in my own head take much notice of the time.
I walk around the back of the building and put the key in the lock. I’m not really sure I want to be here either but it’s my only option. When I open the door, the smell of fresh paint hits me and I see that everything is clean and fresh. There’s even new carpet up the stairs to the flat. I equally love and hate that Blake continued to do this for me. It also confuses me; after our time together I want to say he did this because he cares, but a huge part of me now wants to say he finished it because of his guilt.
Regardless of his reasons, I shut the door behind me and climb the stairs. I’m excited to see what Sinead’s chosen to do with the place but the thought of her makes me want to cry. I never thought I’d say that I’d miss a child, but I do. It’s not the same gut wrenching pain I miss Blake with but it’s there nonetheless.
My breath catches when I step into the open plan living area and kitchen. It’s gorgeous. The walls are cream just like the stairwell, but the feature wall is covered with green and gold floral wallpaper, and it’s fully furnished.
“What the—” I start to question as I look around at the few bits of furniture I recognise surrounded by other items that I’ve never seen before but that compliment my old stuff perfectly.
I walk over to the kitchen and pull open a cupboard to find it full of plates and bowls. I try the next one to find all sorts of glasses.
My eyes fill as I think about Blake and Sinead doing all this for me.
The bathroom has gorgeous fluffy towels hanging on a new towel rail and I can’t help smiling when I notice they are the same colour as the one that was wrapped around me the day I first met Blake.
My hand comes up to cover my mouth when I get to the bedroom because it’s unbelievable. Sat in the centre of the room is a huge bed covered with a thick bedspread and loads of cushions. The bed frame is rustic gold and it matches everything in the room—even down to the picture frames holding a photo of Kayleigh and me when we were kids, as well as one of Blake and me a few weeks ago.
I walk over to the photograph of us and lift it up. I stare at his gorgeous face as a million questions fly around my head, all the things I want to ask him but am too scared to. Why did you do this? Was I not as important to you as you made out? Did you think you wouldn’t get caught? There’s one more that’s really bothering me. How could you do this to Sinead? I always thought he was too good a dad to allow Sinead to get to know me as someone who could be a permanent fixture in her life, only to fuck it all up so royally. Sinead’s a child who’s already lost her mum; that kid needs stability—even I know that.
Chapter Two
I stare down at the pregnancy test with shaking hands. I got the one that tells you in words so I didn’t have any difficulty deciphering it, but I didn’t think about how that word staring back at me would affect me. My heart pounds and my breathing gets more and more out of control, my hands continuing to shake as tears start to roll down my cheeks.
This can’t be happening.
I shove the test back inside the box and hide it back at the bottom of my bag. Out of sight, out of mind.
Sort of.
I eventually get my breathing back under control and. after splashing my face with cold water and washing my hands, I leave the safety of the bathroom.
“Adds! How’s that sexy man of yours?” Juliette asks the second she answers my call.
I sob.
“Fuck, what’s wrong?”
“He cheated,” I manage to get out.
“He did fucking what?” she screeches, making me pull the phone away from my ear.
“I need to get away for a bit—”
“When are you coming?”
“I’ve got a flight booked for Sunday morning.” I rattle off the details and Juliette promises to be there, waiting for me with a bottle of wine.
I don’t mention the real reason I need to go to England, because I know Juliette and I know she’ll try to talk me out of it.
Deciding to go away again probably isn’t the wisest idea when I’ve got a bakery opening in a matter of weeks and cake orders to fulfil, but this situation needs resolving.
I manage to put the whole thing to the back of my mind as I spend all day Friday and Saturday baking and icing cakes. Thankfully, Aunt Addy and Mum agree to deliver them for me on Sunday when I’ll be heading for London. It turns out that after all her years avoiding doing anything domesticated, Mum’s a dab hand with a piping bag. I got her practicing on a batch of cupcakes when she showed an interest in what I was doing the other day and now she seems to be turning into my sous chef—if a baker can have such a thing. She’s even showing an interest in the bakery itself. I had to pick my chin up off the floor this morning when she asked me if I’d be hiring any staff, because if I needed someone she’d be more than willing. I never thought my relationship with my mum would ever change, but it seems toy boy Tim has done something to her. Maybe it was all the travelling; I don’t know. But something has changed for her. She’s not mentioned once the possibility of leaving Ireland like I expected her to. Instead, she’s been meeting up with long lost friends and enjoying life—with a little less alcohol than when she first arrived, thank God.
I’m just putting the finishing touches to a birthday cake on Saturday night when the doorbell rings. Both Mum and Aunt Addy have gone out to celebrate some old school friend’s wedding anniversary; it was like they were teenagers again, getting ready for a night out. Seeing them made me smile, but also made me miss those easy times of my life.
I let out a sigh and make my way to the front door. I don’t need to check to see it’s not Blake because the hazy person through the glass isn’t tall enough to be him.
“Sinead, how are you?” I look behind her in case he’s hiding somewhere but there’s no sign of anyone.
When I look back down to Sinead, her sad eyes stare into mine as she shrugs. “Can I come in?”
“Of course, but your nan’s not here, sweetheart.”
“I know, I came to see you,” she says, standing awkwardly just inside the living room.
“Would you like a drink?”
“Yes please.”
I make us both a hot chocolate before joining her on the sofa. She sits awkwardly on the edge, like she’s about to bolt any second. “What’s wrong, Sinead?”
“I…I…” she stutters, looking anywhere but at me. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“It’s all my fault. I know I shouldn’t have done it but I couldn’t bear it,” she explains.
“What’re you talking about, sweetheart?”
She lets out a
huge breath before continuing. “It’s my fault Dad broke up with you,” she says, showing me she has no clue about what’s really happened. “I know I shouldn’t have taken them but I was so scared; I can’t lose you too,” she says as her first tear drops. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t understand…oh.” It suddenly dawns on me when she pulls out two blister packs of my pills.
Oh. Holy. Fuck.
Anger races through me as I stare at her outstretched hand. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” I shout as her bottom lip wobbles. I stand and pace the room as I try to get control of myself.
“I’m so sorry,” she wails, “I couldn’t lose you, too. They killed my mum,” she sobs.
Her words do little to help the situation, or calm my escalating anger. I think back to the couple of times I went to take my pill when I was with Blake only to find them missing from my make-up bag. I thought I’d forgotten them in my excitement to spend time with him. I never even considered they’d been stolen.
“I understand you’re mad at me. But please…please speak to my dad. He’s miserable,” she begs through her tears.
“You need to stay out of this, Sinead. You’ve already done enough, don’t you think?” I snap.
Her eyes widen and seconds later she bolts from the room, leaving only the sound of her cries.
“Sinead, wait,” I call in panic.
She stops just before the front door but doesn’t turn around.
“I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting that. Let me take you home.” I can’t have her going home upset—that’s sure to make Blake suspicious.
The drive back to their house is silent. Sinead’s a child, and I know she meant no harm, but I can’t help the fury simmering inside of me.
“I’m really sorry, Addison,” she whispers before opening the door and walking away.
My heart breaks for her when I think about her reasons for doing what she did, and I feel a stabbing of guilt in my stomach for letting my feelings get the better of me.
I’m up early the next morning to get a taxi to the airport. Aunt Addy offered to drive but I refused, and was glad I did when they came crashing in long after midnight last night. She might only be going out with my mum but I’m glad to see Aunt Addy enjoying herself.
I’m a ball of nerves the entire journey. I have an appointment booked first thing in the morning and I just need it to be over with so I can put all this behind me. If I thought going back to Ireland was meant to bring me luck, I was very mistaken.
Juliette is a little more restrained when I find her waiting for me this time. There are no squeals of excitement, just quiet hugs. We stop for coffee before heading back to her place. She’s left Hugo in charge of the kids so wants to make the most of her quiet time.
I tell her properly what happened with Blake but I skirt around the real reason I’m here, instead telling her I just needed to get away for a few days and I have things to sign for the solicitor. It’s a big fat lie because everything she needs has been signed and posted, but I need an excuse to go out tomorrow and that was all I could come up with.
“Did everything arrive okay?”
“Yes, it’s all sat up in the flat and bakery. I’m actually going to move in when I get back. Aunt Addy’s house is too cramped now Mum’s moved in.”
“Are you sure that’s a wise move?”
“I’ve got no idea,” I answer honestly, “but I need the peace and quiet. I love Mum and Aunt Addy but they’re starting to do my head in now,” I say with a laugh, mostly so it covers my grimace as I think about why I’m really going to need the peace and quiet. I can’t have those two watching my every move. They’ll know something’s up and I have no intention of talking about what I’m about to do.
“Are you sure you don’t want company? I can find someone to babysit and I’ll come with you,” Juliette offers the next morning as I try to escape her house for my appointment.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll be back as soon as I’m done,” I say, although I have no idea how long I’m going to be. It’s not like I've ever done this before.
“Okay,” she says, looking at me weirdly.
“What?”
“I don't know, but something’s up with you.”
“I’m fine, Ju, Well, aside from the obvious. I’ll see you later,” I say as I bolt for the front door. I don’t need her probing too much because I’ll cave and I know exactly what she’ll say. I can hear the conversation clear as day in my mind.
I get in the taxi idling outside and give him my destination. I sit back and try to relax as I head closer to putting this whole disaster with Blake to an end.
After checking in for my appointment at reception, I sit in the waiting room as instructed. I’ve only had my arse down for a second or two when someone calls my name. I grab my handbag and stand, but when I look up I don’t expect to be face to face with my best friend.
“I knew you were lying. I can’t believe you’re doing this and you didn’t even tell me.”
I fall back down on to the chair and put my head in my hands.
“Addison, why didn’t you tell me?” she asks, sounding hurt.
“Because I knew you’d try to talk me out of it.”
“Only to make sure you’re making the right decision.” There are only a couple of people who know Juliette terminated a pregnancy when she was seventeen. She knows it was the right thing to do at the time but she’s told me many times how she still regrets it even to this day. I’m aware she’s only thinking of me right now, but I know what I’m doing. This whole thing was a mistake, and I’m in no position to have a baby right now. My life is unstable enough at the moment without adding a child into the mix. “I understand you hate him right now for what he’s done, but don’t you think he has a right to know about this? That baby in there isn’t just yours, you know. It’s his too, and he has a right to be in on this decision. You made it together, so you should be doing this together. I don’t care what he did—at the time, you loved him.”
“Ju, don’t you think I’ve thought of all this?” I ask, side stepping her comment. I didn’t want to admit how strong my feelings for him were when we were together, so it’s the last thing I want to do now it’s over.
“Please just reconsider. Ring him; he’ll talk some sense into you,” she begs, holding her phone out to me.
“Addison Kennedy?” a nurse calls, putting an end to our conversation.
I get up and step towards her but Juliette going to follow me catches my eye.
“What?” she asks when I look at her. “I’m not letting you do this alone.”
“Well, I have to admit, this wasn’t exactly how I’d planned to spend my Monday,” Juliette admits when we walk down the street a while later. “I need a stiff drink.”
“How about a coffee?” I ask, pointing at the Costa over the road.
“I guess,” she grumbles as we cross the street.
“She’ll have a double espresso,” I say, ordering for Juliette, “and I’ll have…uh…a vanilla latte, please.”
“Decaf,” gets shouted over my shoulder. “And two of those pastry things. I need sugar after all the stress you just put me through.”
“You promise to talk to him?” Juliette says as I’m about to leave.
“Yes, I promise. Will you stop worrying? You’re stressing me out even more than necessary.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, I can’t wait to see your bakery,” Juliette says, reminding me how much I’ve got to do if I’m ever going to be ready for opening day.
“Okay, I love you, and thank you,” I say, giving her a tight hug.
“You’re welcome. Look after yourself. I love you too.”
The house is empty when I get back. I remember Aunt Addy saying she’d be at the theatre working on the costumes for their next performance. but I have no idea where Mum is. I make the most of the peace and quiet and run myself a bath. I intended to start moving my stuff straight away an
d be in the flat tonight, but after travelling and the stress of the last couple of days, I’m wiped out, so I put it off until tomorrow. One more night with us all cramped up in here isn’t going to make any difference.
I rest back in the nice warm bubble bath but I can’t switch off. My mind is racing at a mile a minute. Did I do the right thing? What’s Blake going to say when I tell him? When am I going to tell him?
I’ve just got out and wrapped myself in a towel when I hear banging and shouting coming from the front door.
“Addison, open the fucking door,” I hear Blake shout the second I step foot in the living room. My heart jumps into my throat. Fuck, did Sinead tell him?
“Addison, I know you’re there, now open the fucking door.” I stand and debate what to do. He sounds desperate but I’m not sure I have the energy to deal with this right now.
Then, he says something that has me rushing to the door.
“It’s Addy. She’s in hospital.”
I pull the door back as fast as I can. “Why? What’s happened?”
“I don't know. I just got a call from the hospital. Get dressed; let’s go,” he demands, standing with his hands on his hips, looking at me while I panic.
“Addison, get dressed.”
I hear his words but I can’t comprehend what he’s saying. Everything’s a bit of a blur. I fall back onto the sofa and stare ahead.
“Fuck,” I hear Blake curse. Seconds later, I feel something hit my lap. When I look down, I have a pile of clothes waiting to be put on.
“Go get dressed,” he says again as he pulls me up from the sofa. I do as I’m told and go to the bathroom. It takes me three attempts to get my leg into my skinny jeans because I’m in such a daze, but I get there in the end.
Ruined Promises Page 2