by Blythe Reid
“I will,” I argued. “I will worry about her.”
“She’s okay,” Mom insisted. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about. Your grandmother made me realize that I never explained myself to you.”
“Explained yourself?” I asked blankly. All my life, my mother had never once explained herself. She’s barely spoken three words about my father and her younger life, why in the hell would she start now? “About what?”
“About the reason I made you come home,” she said simply.
“Oh,” I said.
The reason she made me move back wasn’t a secret. She was disappointed in my choices and this was my punishment.
“I know it seemed harsh,” she began. Her voice was calm and even. Her expression was softer than I’d ever seen it, making her look even more like Grandmother. “But there are some things you don’t know. Some things that I think it’s time I told you.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“The party you went to,” she said. “The Delta Pi party?”
“Yeah?”
“I know about that party,” she said. “I probably know more about it than you do.”
“How?” I asked. I couldn’t make sense of her words. How could my mom possibly know anything about the Delta Pi fraternity?
“Your grandmother went to it many years ago,” she said. “Back when she was a student at NYU, one of the brothers invited her. He said he’d always had a crush on her and wanted to show her off to his friends. She was flattered, so she went. It wasn’t until later that she found out the real reason she was invited.”
“The real reason?” I asked.
“That party,” Mom continued. “The first Delta Pi party of the year is called the Virgin Party. Its sole purpose is to deflower girls.”
I blinked, unable to comprehend my mother’s words. What she said didn’t make sense. No one tried to deflower me at that party. In fact, Lucien refused to take my virginity that night.
“I think you’re confused,” I said slowly. “Mom, I didn’t lose my virginity at that party. No one tried to sleep with me.”
“Well,” she said. “Then you’re one of the lucky ones. Your grandmother wasn’t so lucky. She was taken advantage of that night. One of the brothers got her drunk, and they had sex. That was the night I was conceived, Scarlet. That’s how your grandmother got pregnant with me.”
“What?” I asked.
My mom nodded. “She was forced to drop out of school to raise me on her own. Back then, it was more than just frowned upon. Having a child out of wedlock was shameful. It ruined her.”
“But she was married,” I argued. “To Grandpa.”
“She was,” Mom nodded. “But that wasn’t until I was almost seven years old. Grandpa wasn’t my father, not biologically.”
“This doesn’t make sense,” I said. “That party wasn’t like that. No one tried anything.”
“Listen,” she said. “They all make a deal. The first brother to successfully deflower a virgin and bring back her panties wins. They’re presented with a ceremonial headdress that’s passed down each year. It’s their oldest, most disgusting tradition.”
I froze. Suddenly, I had a flash of the Delta Pi common room the night of that party. There was a giant wolf headdress sitting on a shelf. I saw it that night but didn’t think anything of it. Now, everything began to click into place. My mother was telling the truth.
“I don’t understand,” I said, speaking more to myself than my mom. “Lucien rejected me that night. I wanted to have sex, and he said no.”
“What?” she asked. “What do you mean he rejected you?”
“Lucien,” I said, turning to face her. “The guy I was seeing back in New York. I went to that party because someone else invited me. Bryan. This Delta Pi brother in my Lit class. He invited me, and I knew Lucien would be there, so I went. I got drunk and was dancing with some people when Lucien came over and pulled me upstairs. He seemed upset. He asked why I was there. Then, I tried to sleep with him, and he said no. He said he wouldn’t take my virginity while I was drunk. He said no, Mom. Why would he do that if the entire goal of the evening was to deflower a virgin?”
Mom’s frown deepened as I spoke. I knew she was upset that I drank and that I threw myself at a man, but I didn’t care. Her opinion of me no longer mattered. I just wanted answers.
“Maybe he really cared for you,” Mom said softly. She sounded reluctant. “I don’t know, Scarlet. I just know what that party is about. If Lucien protected you from those guys and even made sure your virginity stayed intact that night, then maybe he really did care about you.”
“He didn’t,” I said, shaking my head. “He ended things without a care. He said we were just having fun, that he wasn’t someone I should waste my time with.”
“He said that?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “After you told me to come home, I went to him. I told him I didn’t want to leave him, and he said I should go. He said he didn’t want me to stay for him, that he wasn’t the guy I thought he was.”
Mom paused for a few seconds, her frown slowly disappearing. She reached over and grabbed my hand gently.
“It sounds like he was trying to save you from him,” she said softly.
“What?” I asked.
“I don’t know him,” she said. “But from what you’re saying, it sounds like he just wanted to protect you. Like he didn’t want to hurt you.”
“He did hurt me,” I snapped. “He led me on. He let me believe I mattered. We had sex, and I fell for him, Mom. I really fell for him.”
“I know you did,” she said with a soft smile. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this.”
For the first time, my mother stroked my hair and held me against her. Her comfort was all I needed. I didn’t realize how much I’d been craving this kind of attention. I didn’t know what came over her, what made her suddenly stop being so strict, but I’d never felt safer.
“I thought he wanted me,” I said weakly. “I was stupid.”
“You weren’t,” she said firmly. “Scarlet, I think he did care about you. I think he just got scared and wanted to protect you both.”
“Everyone said he was a player,” I said. “Everyone told me he would break my heart, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t listen.”
“Which is probably why he ended things,” she said. “He has a bad reputation, and he didn’t want to hurt you. He didn’t think he was good enough to really be with you.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“If you really like this boy,” she said. “Then it’s not too late to make it work. It’s not too late to fix things.”
I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t. Lucien made himself clear that night in the park. Whatever else he may have felt for me didn’t matter anymore. He lived in New York, and I lived in France. We were separated by an entire world. Whatever my mom said about our feelings for each other, one thing was clear. It was too late.
27
Lucien
My motorcycle was only for special occasions. I hauled it out when I wanted to impress a girl or when I needed to clear my head. It wasn’t often that I used it, but after everything with Scarlet, I was in desperate need of alone time. Riding along an open highway with the wind blowing against my skin always made me feel more in control. When I hit full speed, I could feel the stress begin to melt away.
I rode for hours, only stopping to refill the tank. My head was still spinning, but I felt better. My life didn’t feel so out of control anymore. As long as I was moving, I knew I would be okay.
Things with Scarlet may never be the same again, but I knew I had to figure out a way to try. It wouldn’t be easy with her in France and me in New York. I didn’t even have her mother’s address. I tried to call her cell phone twice, but it went straight to voicemail. The only connection I still had to her were my memories. My memories and her grandmother.
As I rode bac
k into the city, I made my way toward her house. I thought about calling, but I didn’t want to second guess myself. If I slowed down, even for a second, I would talk myself out of trying. I’d been going back and forth for too long already. It was time to act.
There was a chance it would all blow up in my face, that Scarlet’s grandmother would slam the door in my face without a word. I didn’t know what Scarlet had told her about the way we ended things, but I knew it couldn’t be good. When I pulled up in front of the house, my nerves were at an all-time high.
I took a deep breath and walked to the door. Raising my fist, I knocked softly and tried to calm myself. This wouldn’t go well if I was anxious the entire time. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say to her. I just knew I wanted to talk to someone who knew Scarlet. I wanted to be in the house Scarlet called home, the place that was her safe haven in New York.
A strange woman opened the door with a frown. I was surprised to see her, so I didn’t know what to say at first. I just stood there silently, like an idiot, waiting for her to speak.
“Can I help you?” she asked suspiciously.
“Um,” I said. “My name is Lucien Wolfe and I’m here to see—”
“Let him in,” a voice called from somewhere inside the house.
The woman stood aside and let me cross over the threshold. I looked around, unsure of where the voice came from.
“She’s in the kitchen,” the woman said.
“Thank you.” I nodded and hurried forward. I stepped into the kitchen and saw her sitting at the table with a quizzical expression on her face. “Hi, Mrs. Timms.”
“Hello Lucien,” she said with a nod. “Sit down.”
I sat beside her and took a deep breath, preparing myself to speak. I still didn’t know what to say or even where to begin. Now that I was sitting in front of her, I felt like I shouldn’t be.
“I don’t really know why I’m here,” I admitted. “I just, I was driving around and I ended up here.”
“Scarlet’s not here,” she said kindly. “She already went back to France.”
I nodded. “I know. I’ve been thinking about her a lot. I can’t seem to get her out of my head. I keep replaying our last conversation.”
“She told me about that,” Mrs. Timms nodded. “Didn’t go very well, from what she said.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did. Scarlet’s always been so sweet and kind and gentle. She deserves the world, and I can’t give her that. I couldn’t even give her a real relationship. All I did was hurt her.”
“Why?” she asked. “Why couldn’t you give her a real relationship?”
“I’ve never had one before,” I admitted. “All my relationships have been casual, never anything serious. I wouldn’t even know how to be a boyfriend.”
“But you were,” she said wisely. “That month you and Scarlet spent together, that was a relationship. Whether you called it one or not, it was.”
I shrugged. “I guess. I just didn’t want to hurt her worse later. The more time we spent together, the more attached we both became. It would have destroyed us to stay together any longer.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s just what I thought at the time. I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Let’s have some coffee,” she said suddenly. She stood up and moved around the kitchen preparing the pot. When it was ready, she brought it and two coffee mugs over to the table. “Do you take cream or sugar?”
I shook my head. “No, black is fine.”
She smiled. “That’s how I like it, too. I can’t stand all that frilly stuff people put in coffee these days.”
I laughed and poured us each a cup. She smiled gratefully when I handed her one. We sipped our coffee in silence for a few minutes. There was still more to be said about me and Scarlet. I came here for a reason, but I wasn’t ready to admit it yet. The second I did, I would be putting myself out there in a way I never had before. For the first time in my life, I would truly be vulnerable.
“Why are you here, Lucien?” Mrs. Timms finally asked.
I cleared my throat and said, “I think I’m in love with Scarlet, and I don’t know what to do.”
That was the first time I’d said those words out loud. They spilled off my lips without pause, leaving me breathless and confused. I’d never said I loved a girl before, not once in my entire life. Part of me wanted to take it back, to say I was just confused and run out of the house screaming. Still, I remained sitting there, waiting for Scarlet’s grandmother to speak again. I knew that once the truth was out, I wouldn’t ever be able to take it back. As terrified as I was, I felt ready. Whatever might happen next, would happen. There was nothing left for me to do except wait.
“Well,” she said. “It’s about time you admitted that. If only you’d told her before she left.”
“I know,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’ll never stop regretting that decision. The only excuse I have is that I was scared. Part of me really believed I was wrong for her, that I wouldn’t do anything but break her heart. But I think I was mostly just afraid that she might break me. I’ve never cared about someone the way I care about Scarlet. It’s terrifying, but I want to fight for it. I want to fight for her.”
“What happened at that party?” Mrs. Timms asked.
Her question took me by surprise. That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. “The party?” I asked blankly. “At the start of the year?”
“Yes,” she nodded. “I know all about that party. The Virgin Party. But I want to hear it from you. What happened between you and Scarlet?”
“Nothing,” I said truthfully. “I didn’t even invite her. One of the other brothers did.”
“She told me,” Mrs. Timms said. “But somehow, she ended up spending the night with you.”
“Nothing happened between us that night,” I promised her. “I won’t lie to you, we’ve slept together, but we didn’t that night. She was drunk. I wouldn’t have done that to her.”
“Why not?” Mrs. Timms challenged. “Isn’t that the whole point of the party?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “But when I saw Scarlet talking to the other guys, I felt angry. Territorial. I knew I wanted to protect her, but I didn’t know why. When I took her upstairs, it wasn’t to sleep with her. It was to keep her safe.”
Mrs. Timms eyed me closely as I spoke. I could tell she was trying to see if I was trustworthy. If she decided I was lying, she would kick me out of her house without a second thought. I knew she liked me. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have been having this conversation, but I worried it wouldn’t be enough. Without her grandmother’s help, I had no hope of seeing Scarlet again. There was no way she’d ever talk to me unless Mrs. Timms helped.
“Look,” I said, leaning closer to her across the table. “I know I messed up. I was stupid and selfish. Scarlet didn’t deserve anything I did, but I want to fix it. I want to make things right between us again. I don’t know how to do that, but I know I need your help.”
“You aren’t like the other boys from Delta Pi,” she said knowingly. “Not at all.”
It shocked me that Scarlet’s grandmother knew anything about my fraternity. She was old and distanced from college life. It didn’t make any sense. Then, I remembered that Mrs. Timms attended NYU years ago. Delta Pi was already in full force back then, the Virgin Party well underway. As I looked in Mrs. Timms eyes, I knew she’d had experience with my fraternity in the past.
Whatever happened back then, it wasn’t good. It left her with a horrible impression of the Delta Pi brothers. I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t ask, but I immediately regretted my association with the fraternity. For the first time, I saw what our reputation truly was. It made me sick to my stomach.
“I’m trying not to be like them,” I said softly. “I won’t lie to you, Mrs. Timms. I was once. There was a time when I was worse than most of
my brothers, but that time is gone. Scarlet changed me. She came into my life, and she made me realize who I wanted to be. I used to lie and manipulate to get my way, but that’s done. No matter what happens between Scarlet and me, I won’t go back to that life. I won’t.”
“I believe you.” She smiled and patted my hand gently before she leaned back in her seat. She seemed to be thinking about something very carefully. “I want to help you.”
“You do?” I asked hopefully. “Really?”
“I don’t know how much good it will do,” she warned. “Scarlet was pretty upset when she left for France. When she went to you that night, I think she expected you to beg her to stay. She wanted you to truly be her Prince Charming, and you weren’t. You were everything she’d been warned about, and it broke her heart. After that, she just shut down. She gave into her mother’s demands and left New York.”
“I know,” I said sadly. “I know.”
“But,” Mrs. Timms continued. “There may be a way for you to fix it. I may have an idea.”
My heart beat fast as Mrs. Timms explained her idea. It was slightly crazy, but also perfect. The idea made my stomach clench nervously. If it went wrong, I would be more than depressed. It would be like losing Scarlet all over again. This hope was just that, hope. It wasn’t a guarantee. I knew I would be risking my entire heart by doing this, but I didn’t care. Scarlet was worth it. I would do anything to get her back.
28
Scarlet
My mom was busy getting Thanksgiving dinner prepared, so I drove to the airport to pick up Grandmother. Despite things being better between my mom and me, I was thrilled to have Grandmother with us for the holiday. I’d just left New York, but it felt like I’d been gone for months already. My life returned to normal so easily that it made me miss Grandmother even more. I enjoyed living with her so much. She was the first person to truly support and love me. I never wanted to leave her. The idea of some random nurse taking care of her made me angry. She deserved better than that.