She kissed him, her lips warm on his.
“I stood outside in your garden tonight hiding like some lunatic only so I could watch you,” he said angrily.
“Then come to me every night.”
“Do you not realize the risk? It is lunacy, Georgiana. It should not have begun.”
“But it is begun.”
“I have received my new orders a while now, but have ignored them. Unless I obey them soon, I will be court-martialed and lose my standing in the Navy.”
“Then you must go,” she said softly.
“Yes.”
“But you will return to me?”
He lowered his eyes and rested his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in.
“Nicholas,” she said, softly. “Is this goodbye?”
“I will go mad, Georgiana,” he said, not lifting his head to look at her. “I will lose everything, even myself, for my love of you. I have to think of my family, for they depend on me now. And Caroline deserves a fate less wretched. This will only end in disgrace.”
She pulled him closer, wrapping herself around him. “Nicholas, don’t,” she said, her voice edged with desperation.
The words surprised him. He had not expected her to try to stop him. He was no fool for he knew she did not love him.
“Don’t, Georgiana,” he said angrily, for she played him so easily. He pulled her arms away from his neck. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?” she asked.
“Pretend that I am anything more to you than a pleasant distraction,” he said, getting out of the bed and pulling his shirt on over his head.
“It’s not true,” she said. “I don’t engage in pleasant distractions. I just—”
“What, Georgiana?”
“I don’t want you to go,” she said, and moved to the edge of the bed, her hand on his chest.
“You let me go long before tonight,” he said angrily.
“I didn’t know it could be like this,” she said, sadly.
“Your previous lovers were not satisfactory? Perhaps you fear you will not easily replace me in your bed? I hear the vicar visits often enough, perhaps he could oblige your needs.”
“Please, Nicholas, d-don’t,” she stammered, looking hurt, and he marveled that he could take comfort from her pain. He had at least some small effect on her.
“Don’t what?” he asked angrily. “Don’t remind you that I asked you to marry me? Or is it your sordid past you would rather not remember?”
“There was only you,” she said sadly.
He laughed and reaching for his breeches, he pulled them on. “Stop lying, Georgiana.”
He found his boots and struggled into them, in a hurry now to be gone, before his determination faltered. He had come here to declare his love for her one last time and was resolved to part from her forever. He had not considered that her rejection of him could still anger him into affront.
“I love you, Nicholas.”
He slowed and felt his heart slow down. He had longed to hear her say those words for so long, it angered him that she threw them out now so carelessly as if that was all it would take to hold him. He stood up and turned to face her. Those words meant so much to him that it enraged him to think for one moment that she could be so cruel as to use them as a mere tool to manipulate him.
He laughed bitterly. “Don’t dare to use those words to play with me. I do not trust you to know the sentiment, madam.”
“No, it’s true, Nicholas. I love you.”
His anger was so sudden, and so violent, that he lost control and slapped her hard. She cried out and fell back on the bed, her face in the pillow.
The instant he hit her, he felt his anger drain away, replaced by remorse. Her shoulders were shaking as she cried, and he reached forward to take her in his arms but she recoiled. With the knife in her hand, she slashed through his shirt, opening a gash across his chest. He jumped back in surprise, and looked up at her, only vaguely feeling the burning pain.
“Georgiana,” he said slowly. “Forgive me.”
“No,” she laughed and the sound frightened him. “That was exactly what you should have done to remind me what a fool I am. Thank you, sir. I think I have myself quite under control again.”
He watched her, and felt sick inside at the hatred in her eyes. He knew he deserved her contempt, and that realization cut him deeper than any wound she could inflict.
He moved toward her, but she raised the knife again, holding the blade like she knew exactly how to use it.
“I wouldn’t advise it,” she said.
“Georgiana, put the knife down.”
“Get out,” she hissed, her eyes wild.
“I don’t want to part like this.”
“Nonsense,” she said. “Blood and violence usually makes for a perfect ending, I find.”
“Georgiana,” he said, swallowing hard and moved again toward her, trying to take the knife from her.
She cut a line across his hand and he moved quickly away as she drew her hand back to stab him. He hardly recognized her, and he knew suddenly that whatever had happened to her was far worse than he could ever have imagined. Nothing he could say would influence her now. He turned to find his coat, put it on, and walked toward the window. He paused and looked back at her.
“Goodbye, Nicholas,” she smiled.
He climbed out and along the roof then made his way down the east wall using the ivy to climb down. He jumped the last few feet to the gravel below him, and waited a moment to make sure no one had heard him. Then, he made his way along the dark drive back to the woods where he had left his horse. As he neared the trees, he paused, the smell of tobacco carrying on the air.
The glow of a cigar in the darkness told him he was not alone, and he stopped before reaching the tree where his horse waited, and pulled his coat around him. Charles stepped out from under the dark trees onto the drive, a cigar in his hand.
“You should have stayed away from her,” Charles said.
“You should have stopped her marrying him,” Nicholas said.
Charles nodded slowly, his eyes on the gravel of the road for a moment before he lifted them back to Nicholas. “I tried,” he said and took a long drag on his cigar and exhaled into the still morning air. “I thought it a severe punishment when you quit our friendship. But I see now that you were only far more aware than was I at the time that Georgiana’s decision to marry had placed us in opposition.”
“I love her,” Nicholas said simply.
“Enough to give her up?” Charles took another drag on the cigar, watching him, but in the darkness, he could not see the expression in his eyes. “I will protect my sister.”
“She can protect herself,” he said.
“She does not see the danger in this game,” Charles continued. “But you do and still here you are. Nicholas, we have endured much and I owe you my very life.”
Charles threw his cigar to the gravel, and reached behind him to pull a pistol from his waistband. He pointed it, and pulled the trigger. Nicholas flinched, waiting for the bullet to slam into him, and finish him. But the empty click of an unloaded pistol echoed loudly through the night, and he watched Charles lower the gun.
“Now my debt to you is settled. You will remove yourself from her life permanently, or the next pistol I aim at you will not be empty.”
Charles left him standing there, walking past him and down the drive back to the house. Nicholas did not turn to watch him, but mounted his horse and galloped off into the early morning light, unaware of the figure that watched them both from the trees.
6
Georgiana did not come down to breakfast, and she did not go for her morning ride. Charles was to leave for London soon thereafter, but he would have a word with her before his departure. He found her sitting in her room. She lay on the lounge near her window, her face turned to the sun, and he knocked softly. She raised her head and smiled at him, and he moved to sit next to her.
&nb
sp; “You are unwell, again?”
“It is naught,” she sighed. “A mere headache.”
The lines around her mouth were pulled taut, giving her a pinched look, and there were dark circles under her eyes.
“You did not sleep?” he said.
She shook her head, but would not look at him.
“Shall I send for a physician?”
“It is not necessary. I will recover soon.”
“As you wish,” he said. “I am leaving this morning for London and I wanted to speak to you, but fear making you worse.”
“You can make me feel better by telling me you will leave the girls a while longer and are taking Mother with you.”
“Easily accommodated. I shall do just that.”
“Excellent. Now what is it?”
“Nicholas,” he said, and felt her tense instantly, but she recovered herself quickly.
“What of him?”
“Is it your wish that another duel should be fought over you?”
She inhaled sharply and sat up straighter. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, dear sister, that I waited last night for him to leave your bedchamber with the intent of defending your honor, as is my duty.”
She paled and he was struck by the fact that she might well faint. He had never known his sister to take to fainting spells. Alarmed, he said, “He is alive, never fear.”
“Oh dear God, Charles,” she said, striking him on his arm in anger. “Do not play at such things.”
“I assure you there was no play involved. I mean to do it, should you give me cause again.”
“I do not see it as your concern,” she said, angrily. “I am a grown, married woman and you have no standing with respect to my honor.”
“Or lack thereof,” he mumbled. “Still, I see it as my duty to protect you from yourself, if nothing else. Edward will annul his marriage to you and he has grounds to do it, does he not?”
“He would not give up the money.”
“He could find himself money elsewhere, and you know it.”
She had the grace to lose some of her composure at his last words, and he felt almost sorry for her.
“You must break off with Nicholas,” he said. “There is no other way. What if you were to conceive his child?”
She raised a shaking hand to her mouth, and he read in her eyes a fear that took root and blossomed in his own.
“Dear Lord,” he said and rose from the lounge. “You are already with child, are you not?”
She did not say the words for there was no need of speaking them. Her silence alone carried the weight of the world in it.
“You are not ill. You are with child,” he said angrily. “Blast it, Georgiana. Do you have any idea what this means?”
She remained silent and it was so unusual for her that it frightened him even more.
“Does Nicholas know?”
“I could not tell him,” she said.
He sat down next to her again and grabbed her arms, squeezing them. “He must never know. Do you understand?”
She didn’t answer and he shook her. “Georgiana, promise me you will not tell him.”
“I will not tell him,” she said. “Not because you ask it of me, but as before I have no wish to destroy his life.”
He let her go and she rubbed her arms. He stood again and paced the room.
“You should have thought of that before you married Edward.”
“My concern has always been for him,” she said. “And it is now more so.”
“I cannot think of what to do,” he said, running his hand through his hair.
“There is nothing for you to do,” she said. “I will have to tell Edward and see what he does.”
“Have you taken complete leave of your senses?”
“It will become clear enough by itself,” she argued. “This is not something I can hide from him.”
“Will you also tell him the part where you deceived him about your ability to walk because that too will suddenly become evident, Georgiana. He will want an explanation and rightly so.”
He could see that his words had their desired effect, and he felt ashamed, but not for long. She had caused him more trouble in the last year since his return than he had known his entire naval career.
“No, I suppose you are right. Maybe a miracle will be the order of the day,” she said. “I shall call upon God to help me walk again. People like a good miracle. It will distract them.”
He had to admire her ability to think so quickly, but then she probably had thought of little else lately than how to extricate herself from her latest disaster.
“Better do it soon, for once it is discovered you are with child, your paralysis will be discovered a fraud.”
“Better call the physician then, for I feel a distinct pain in my legs.”
He walked toward the bell rope, and pulled it twice. “It is about time this charade was over with. It was wearing on me. Why you have insisted on it for so long is beyond reason.”
“It was necessary—or have you forgotten?”
“No, I have not forgotten your wish to avoid suspicion of murder and smuggling.”
“Please, Charles,” she said, eyeing the door. “Not so loud.”
Harriet arrived as if she had been conjured by their speech.
“Please have the physician called, Harriet. Lady Fairchild is in great pain.”
“Yes, sir,” she said glancing at Georgiana, who lay on the lounge with her eyes closed, a frown on her face.
***
A few hours later, Dr. Milton closed his bag with a snap and straightened from next to her bed. He glanced at Charles as he rubbed his fingers over his mouth thoughtfully.
“It is quite extraordinary,” he said with a frown. “But it does indeed look like feeling has returned to your legs. I must say I am quite surprised at their shape for it is highly unusual to have so much muscle in a leg that is of no use to one.”
“It must be all the riding I do.”
“Indeed,” he said, but she could see the doubt in his eyes. He did not continue with the argument.
“You must do the exercises I have shown you, and make sure not to tire yourself too much. It will be slow progress, but soon it seems we will have you on your feet again,” he laughed. “It has never given me more pleasure to say that.”
Charles stood up. “I thank you, Dr. Milton. I cannot tell you how your news affects us.”
Georgiana wanted to laugh at the remark but she stifled her laughter, biting her lip instead. She did not like deceiving Dr. Milton, for she had enormous respect for him. It pained her that he had to be one of those she carried along in her subterfuge.
“I shall see you to the door,” Charles said.
“Thank you,” he answered. “Lady Fairchild, I shall return in a week to measure your progress.”
She thanked him, and then lay back on her pillows, wondering why she felt so frightened suddenly. Her heartbeat was racing, the blood in her veins coursing through her. She tried to calm herself, tried to push the panic from the surface back down into a deep place inside herself. Soon she would be walking again.
She had been looking forward to this day for some years, but the sudden thought took her breath away. Her paralysis had allowed her to hide from the world, for it had been her barrier against it, and she had drawn strength from that protection. Now she was about to embark on the world again, and everyone would see her for what she was. She was used to being ignored, but that was soon to change. She inhaled sharply, and opened her eyes to see her mother watching her.
“Mother,” she cried. “You startled me.”
“Did I?”
“How long have you been standing there?”
“A good while,” she said. “So you are to walk again.”
“A miracle,” she smiled.
“Is it?” she asked.
Georgiana closed her eyes, tired and tried to push down the sudden nausea that rose in her throat. She cou
ld not be sick in front of her mother.
“I am tired, Mother,” she said softly.
“Then you must rest, dear child,” she said. “I am taking Margaret and Jane back to London with me, so we can be sure you get all the rest you need.”
“But they are no trouble,” she objected.
“No, I insist,” she frowned. “We would not want anything interfering with your miracle, now do we?”
Georgiana closed her eyes as she felt a wave of nausea descend. She waited for it to pass, and tried to keep her face completely still so her mother could not guess at what really ailed her. Her mother took the moment to exit, and closed the door. She was gone, and Georgiana felt the tension release. Please God do not let her suspect the truth, Georgiana prayed. She held her hands in front of her in prayer.
***
She spent the following days trying to avoid all thoughts of Nicholas. She filled her days pretending to do her exercises and lying down as her morning sickness grew worse. Her pale complexion only added to a picture of her suffering and the servants made sure she was not disturbed. She did not go on her nightly excursions with the boys but remained pacing her room, her nights sleepless by choice as she too often found herself dreaming of Nicholas.
She avoided all callers as the news of the miracle spread. She wrote a letter informing Edward of the extraordinary event, and received a reply that he would soon join her to celebrate.
It was a short note, which she reread before folding it and putting it aside. She could read nothing from his words, which gave no hint of his reaction. He remained the mystery he had been from the start and her unease grew as days passed without a visit from him. By the end of the week, she was walking short distances by herself and tried to follow the same time pattern as her actual recovery, but her impatience often got the best of her. The servants seemed not at all surprised by her recovery, and she grew suspicious that perhaps they had known all along. The boys would not have given her secret away, but perhaps she had been observed one night, on her either exit or return from the woods.
She feared Edward’s reaction. He had married a paralyzed woman, and might not feel comforted by the recent turn of events. Would he insist that she perform her marital duties, despite his preference for men? He had after all been able to produce Rupert, who at that moment sat on her bed with James beside him and Mud curled on her floor. He watched her as she did her last turn about the room, his head in his hands.
Raven's Shadow (Book 2, the Ravenstone Chronicles) Page 12