Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  “Is that really how you see women? Just a body to keep you warm at night?” Hanna asked and I could practically hear her eyes rolling. “Because I don’t believe you. Besides, where is she? And we’ve known each other for how long now? You really thought I wouldn’t set you up?”

  Who is he even talking about? A girlfriend? Sex-buddy? Wife?

  Oh, shit.

  I started coughing then, the chips finally winning the battle of choking me. Even though I didn’t know Cailean, I knew him well enough to know that he would tell her and everyone everything right then and there, something I didn’t want to happen. The mere thought of Hanna finding out this way was making the panic blaze through my veins again.

  “Gertie, let me introduce Sebastian’s cousin Cailean,” she said as she noticed me standing there. “You know, the one I was talking about.”

  It wasn’t until then realization washed over Cailean’s face – he wasn’t being set up with just anyone, he was being set up with me – a thought that seemed to make him feel better about the whole situation as a giant smirk graced his face. He reminded me of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland at that moment. Only more human and more handsome looking.

  “Dance,” Hanna said and cast me a pointed look as she walked away to go back to Sebastian.

  “You heard the lady,” Cailean said smoothly as he took my hand, dragging me a few feet to the makeshift dance floor. They were playing a slow song at the moment which only added to my panic.

  “I don’t dance,” I protested, unable to say much more as I tried to tug my hand from him.

  “And yet,” he started, swooping me into his embrace as he started swaying us slightly, “I have a vague memory of dancing with you just a week ago.”

  “I was drunk. Please let me go.”

  “Your friends are watching.”

  He was right, which made me even angrier. Hanna and Allie were both staring at us with big smiles on their faces, beaming. I didn’t have to stay in Cailean’s arms and pretend that everything was okay, I didn’t have to do anything to please my friends. However, I had to remind myself yet again that today wasn’t just any day – it was Hanna’s wedding day – and I didn’t want to ruin things for her by storming off. I had survived years with the asshole, so why couldn’t I survive one more dance with him?

  “You look absolutely breathtaking today,” Cailean murmured quietly after a minute, snapping me out of my thoughts.

  Automatically, I tried to pull away from him so I could see what he was seeing, but he only held me tighter. The dress was beautiful – a long, blush-colored strapless dress that was tight on top and flowed like a waterfall from my waist – but I wouldn’t call myself breathtaking.

  “Yeah, right,” I huffed.

  “You’ve gotten awfully brave, Gert,” he said amused with a tsk’ing sound.

  He was right. There was absolutely no way I would have spoken to him this way a few years ago. Hell, I wouldn’t even have dared being this close to him, touching him, letting him touch me. Never in a million years.

  “I grew up,” I said as if it explained everything even though it didn’t. I still hated him and I still feared him in some messed-up way.

  “And who says I haven’t?”

  “You married me.” When it looked as if he was about to argue, I continued, “While I was drunk. That’s a new low, even for you.”

  “You sure you want to do this here?” he asked in a low voice and cast a look toward where I knew Hanna and Allie had been standing.

  I gritted my teeth in anger. He knew how to play me, but that didn’t mean that I would just take it like the little mouse I had once been.

  “You’re right. Everything you have to say can be said through my lawyer.” It was a lie, but he didn’t need to know that. Eventually, there would be a lawyer and a divorce, but it wasn’t happening anytime soon. Unless Cailean finally decided to stop being an asshole.

  But I was more likely to grow a third boob before that happened.

  “I’m not the same guy anymore, you know?”

  “And what guy was that?” I looked up at him.

  “A weak fucker.” The shrug of his shoulders and the way he said it made him seem so casual about it. As if my life hadn’t been affected by his behavior at all.

  He looked at me intensely. I didn’t know if what he had just said made me want to cry or laugh. He couldn’t have been serious. As if he sensed my doubts, he pulled me closer, his hand resting on the small of my back and his body so close to mine. Damn his body for feeling so good.

  “You filled my locker with condoms,” I stated and was about to continue when he interrupted.

  “That wasn’t me, I swear.” He looked genuine enough that what he said could have been true. However, even if he hadn’t been the one to do it, he knew who had. There was no doubt in my mind because he knew everything that involved me back then.

  “Fine,” I huffed. “Let’s say you didn’t. You still made sure to make my life hell, as if I was only two inches tall at the most. Do you have any idea how degrading it is to hear that you smell bad? I mean, I wasn’t allowed to date, but the fact that you told everyone that I was a lesbian sure didn’t help me even get asked on a date.”

  I had been so lonely back then, my only friend had been more of an ‘outside-of-school-friend’ and while some of it had been my own fault for being socially awkward, Cailean’s actions had never helped. He had treated Cascade High School as if it had been his kingdom and in some ways, I guess it was true. People had adored him and put him up on a giant pedestal even though he had treated people like shit. It had been as if he couldn’t possibly have done anything bad. I never figured out what it was about him that made people see him through rose-colored glasses.

  “You never smelled bad; you smelled like strawberries… You were mine and I just wanted the guys to back off. You have no idea the things they said about you,” Cailean said, causing me to look back up at him because, surely, I must have heard him wrong.

  “I’m not yours and you weren’t my keeper, Cailean,” I whispered-yelled. I had to fight hard to keep my voice down, I didn’t want people around us to see us arguing. Not that it should have mattered, but again, I didn’t want to ruin Hanna’s wedding. “You’re still not my keeper and you had no right to do that.”

  “Fuck, I know. It’s just… I wanted-“

  “Right. You wanted. Everything was always about what you wanted. How about the fact that I wanted my first kiss to be with someone I actually liked? Instead you created a challenge by stating that I was a lesbian and Mike Goodwin decided to shove his tongue down my throat to prove-“

  My ramblings were cut short by Cailean pressing his lips to mine. No matter how much my brain wanted to push him away and punch him in his perfect nose, my body had a different idea. His lips were so soft and gentle as they moved against mine that I couldn’t help but to move mine against his in return. But, the moment I felt his tongue gently skim across my bottom lip, I knew that he had again done something that he wanted without considering what I wanted. Sure, he was a good kisser, but I hadn’t asked him to kiss me.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine. It felt too intimate and I immediately wanted to pull away, but I was trapped in his eyes. “That should have been your first kiss.”

  I scoffed, shaking my head, relieved that the song was coming to an end so that I could get out of there. Before turning to walk away, I said, “I’m not the same girl anymore, Cailean. So even if what you said was true, I’m no longer going to let you push me around. No matter what you want.”

  ↞ ♥ ↠

  The party was over and most people had left already, including the newlyweds. I had volunteered to stay behind to help with the clean-up. It wasn’t as if I had anything else to do or someone to go home with. Sure, there was some work I could have done considering I had a few deadlines coming up with my internship, but for once, I didn’t want to focus on work.

 
; I had felt Cailean’s eyes on me more than once since our dance, but he had surprised me by leaving me alone. At least until now when I could sense him behind me, and the creepy part was that I could tell he was there without him speaking a word.

  “Leave me alone,” I said quietly, taking a swig from the champagne before continuing putting the trash in the trash can.

  “What is your problem?” he asked softly, taking a seat at the table I was cleaning.

  I looked at him in disbelief and he just sat there, looking all tired and just so strikingly beautiful in his black suit that it made me feel some kind of pain deep in my chest.

  “You’re joking, right?” I threw the trash a bit harder into the trash can than was necessary.

  “No.” He shook his head. “We might have been smashed out of our minds that night, but we got married. So what?”

  “So what?” I copied angrily. “You’re seriously asking me that?”

  “Yes. It was a pretty good night. I mean, it’s not every day you get married and fuck like rabbits. Now, it would help if the wife stayed so we could continue, that would have been fantastic.”

  Once again, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I settled for the first. It wasn’t a laugh of happiness or even over something that was funny, it was more disbelief that made the laughter bubble out of me. I had to take another gulp or two from the champagne to calm down and also to give me some courage. As a teenager, I would have lowered my head and walked away from him and I had never had the opportunity, or the backbone, to confront him or even talk to him before. Like I had told him earlier, though, I had grown up.

  “Is my company so bad that you have to drink every time you see me?” he asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. I hated that he brought up my drinking and I hated it even more that I felt bad for drinking. My dad was the one with the drinking problem, not me.

  Right?

  “Yes,” I answered truthfully.

  “Baby-“

  I cut him off before he could even finish saying what he wanted.

  “No!” I held up a hand for him to stop. “Don’t you dare call me that.”

  “You’re my wife.” He flashed the ring on his left hand as if to prove his point. “I’m yours just like you’ve always been mine.”

  “I was never yours,” I protested with what I hoped was enough force to give my teenage self some justice as well. “And I don’t want you. We don’t even know each other!”

  “Exactly. So how can you have your mind made up about what you feel for me now? I’m an asshole, sure, but it takes two to tango, sweetheart. You married me just as much as I married you. We might as well make the best of it.” He dragged a frustrated hand through his hair, making it stick out in every direction.

  “Would you honestly want to be with someone who made it his personal goal to make your life a living hell through school?” I asked. I was done cleaning up the empty cups and plates by now and was out of things to do. It made me feel uneasy.

  “It wasn’t my personal goal, per say.” He got up from his chair and started walking toward me, but I quickly started walking away from him, making sure to grab the bottle of champagne. I was going to need it, no matter what the niggling feeling in my mind was telling me.

  “It doesn’t matter what you thought you were doing, what matters is that it hurt me. It won’t go away. I will never have those days back. I will never be able to say that I miss high school or that it was the best years of my life. Thanks to you.” I was getting mad and getting mad meant that tears were starting to form and I knew I needed to wrap up before I showed him what he really did to me. “I’ve learned to live with it; I’ve accepted the fact that I was one of the millions of kids all over the world who happened to be bullied in school. And then here you are yet again, trying to bully your way into my life again!”

  I grabbed my shoes from the ground and quickly escaped before he could say anything. Tears of anger were streaming down my cheeks and my vision was blurry, but I wanted to get away from him, I needed to be alone for a few minutes to collect myself. I had never truly yelled at anyone before and once I finally sat down on a swing by the water, I was shaking hard and it took a lot of effort to raise the heavy champagne bottle to my lips. I hoped it would help me calm down.

  I sat there, dragging my feet in the sand as the swing moved slightly by my motions. It was calming, but after about half an hour, it started getting chilly in spite of the muggy summer air. It wasn’t long after I had started to make my mind up about going back up to the house that Cailean sat down on the other swing next to me.

  “You have a lot of nerve to come see me after I just told you that I want nothing to do with you. I even yelled,” I said, finally emptying the bottle.

  “What you said was true, most of it anyway.”

  “So go away.”

  “Do you have a ride home?” he asked, ignoring me. “Because you’re not fucking driving home like that.”

  “Uh…” I was so caught off guard by his question and tone, it took some time to realize that my ride had been Allie and Nick, but they were already long gone. They had left me here without a ride home and I had let them leave me without asking myself the question Cailean was now asking.

  “I’ll take you,” he said before I could tell him that I would just ask Hanna’s dad if he could have his driver take me home or at the very least, order an Uber. I was about to protest when he cut me off once again, “I promise I won’t do any funny business unless you ask me to.”

  “Trust me, I’m never going to ask you for any funny business,” I slurred. Was I that drunk?

  “Really?” He chuckled. “You already did, remember?”

  “I don’t remember much, actually,” I shot back, trying to stand up from the swing, but it proved to be more complicated than I first thought.

  “You need a hand?” he asked, extending his. I just glared at it and he had the decency to laugh. It was a full-blown, wholeheartedly laugh that almost made me smile. Almost. I ignored him and as soon as I had managed to stand up, I started walking back toward the house.

  “Maybe I could show you what it was like,” he said as he caught up to me. His voice held that smugness I hated so much.

  “Show me what?”

  “Our wedding night.” He had a huge grin on his face as he waggled his eyebrows at me.

  I snorted at the absurdity, but a part of me couldn’t help but want to know what it had been like. I wanted to know what it felt like to have normal sex. The only experience I’d had, before the dreamlike daze that involved Cailean, was half-assed virgin sex and that was anything but pleasant. I doubted Hanna and Allie would gush so much about it if sex would be like that all the time.

  “I need to go to the bathroom,” I mumbled, feeling the pressure build up in my bladder. I started walking toward the designated bathrooms – clearly marked out for the guests – and I could feel him following me. “I can handle it myself.”

  “You’re drunk,” he said simply as if it would give him an excuse to follow me.

  “I know how to pee, Cailean. Don’t be a creep.”

  “Fine. Don’t blame me when you fall in,” he said, holding his hands up in defeat. I was surprised he let it go considering that he never did anything that wasn’t his way. “I’ll wait by the truck.”

  As I emptied my very full bladder, I contemplated fishing my phone out of my bra to order an Uber. I imagined feeling proud for ditching Cailean as he waited for me. It would serve him right. A big screw you shoved right at him. But who knew how long it would take an Uber to get all the way out here and the more I thought about my situation, the more I started thinking that this had to have been all been part of a plan from both Allie and Hanna – a plan to set me up with Sebastian’s hot cousin.

  A knock on the door brought me back to reality. “What?”

  “Are you okay?” I heard Cailean ask through the door.

  “Gee, a lady can’t pee in private?” I mumbled an
d apparently he heard me.

  “You’ve been in there for almost ten minutes. I was just making sure your sexy ass wasn’t stuck.”

  “My ass is fine,” I grumbled although I was surprised it still was considering how long I had been in there.

  I quickly finished up and made sure I was decent before going back out, brushing past an amused Cailean on my way. “Alright, let’s get this shit over with,” I mumbled as we reached the parked cars. There weren’t that many left since most guests had already left. “Which car is yours?”

  “Here,” Cailean said as he put his hand on the small of my back to lead me in the right direction. I shrugged it off and for some reason, I scoffed when I saw the car he led me to.

  “What’s so funny?” he whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine. I had no idea when he had gotten so close to me.

  “It’s like you’re making up for something.” I gestured to the giant, black truck he had me pinned up against. It was one of those where everything was blacked out and it had clearly been lifted even when there was no need for it. Who drove a truck like this in Seattle anyway?

  “We both know I have nothing to make up for,” he said huskily against my neck, pushing his hips against me. The way we were standing, I could feel everything, and even though I couldn’t remember much from Vegas, I knew he wasn’t lacking down there.

  “What are you doing?” I sounded breathless and I didn’t know if it was because of the champagne I had just consumed or if it was the way his body felt against mine. I was rooting for the first.

  “I’m simply letting my wife know what she does to me.” I could feel his nose trace my neck and we were quickly getting into dangerous territory. I needed to remind myself who this was and not listen to the way my body responded.