by Grace Owens
“As you can see, this is the kitchen. It’ll come with brand new appliances, the rest is fairly new as well. The couple selling this place isn’t using this as their primary home so everything is rarely used.”
“I can tell,” was Cailean’s only response as he took in the kitchen, completely ignoring me. It shouldn’t have hurt, but it did. I wanted to leave, but instead I stood my ground and stayed. If he wanted to be mad at me for speaking the truth, then so be it.
The realtor must have either sensed the tension between us, or he was actually done showing the massive place when he said, “I will leave you to discuss it. If you need me, I’ll wait by the elevator.”
Yup, the place had its own elevator as well.
“Are you going to ignore me all day?” I finally asked when he still hadn’t said anything after we were left alone.
“If it’s a choice between you freaking out or me ignoring you, then yeah.” He leaned against the counter, dragging his hands across his face in frustration.
“I’m not freaking out. Us living together was always meant to be temporary.” I tried to keep my voice calm as I stood next to him, palms resting on my growing bump. I should have been sitting down, but this conversation needed to happen and I was about to end it by leaving the room.
“And yet, here we still are.” He was being a sarcastic jerk as he smirked at me.
“Not by choice,” I lied. It wasn’t really by choice, but apart from one phone interview where I had turned down the job because it required a couple of months worth of traveling per year, I hadn’t exactly made an effort to look for another one.
My words hurt him. I could tell by the way he was looking at me as he gave me a final, curt nod before leaving me standing there alone.
I gave him a couple of minutes before I followed him. He was standing by the elevator doors, deep in conversation with the realtor. Neither of the men acknowledged my presence as they continued speaking.
“I should have a couple of listings ready by next week,” the realtor said.
“Make it happen by Friday,” Cailean responded, agitated. “And I’ll send you a list of preferred neighborhoods.”
“Friday, right,” the realtor agreed and I couldn’t blame him for giving in so easily. Business Cailean was pretty intimidating and if I hadn’t known the man, I probably would have done anything he demanded.
Heck, I used to do everything he asked for in high school.
The ride down to the lobby was a quiet and awkward one, but I refused to break the silence while there was a stranger with us.
“Cailean,” I pleaded once we had said our goodbyes to the realtor and made our way to the parking garage.
“Not here, Gert,” he replied as he continued his long strides. I gave up trying to match his long legs, realizing that I was only hurting myself. I was several feet behind him before he noticed. “I’m sorry, babe. I just didn’t want to have this conversation standing up. I know you’re tired and I know it’s bound to be a long one.”
And just like that, he won me over again. Trying to not let my emotions show, I caught up with him and slid my hand in his, giving it a squeeze. I knew we had both said some hurtful things in the last couple of hours, but this moment made me hope.
Hope that we could fix it.
Fix us.
Once we were in the car, we sat in silence. Cailean didn’t bother starting the car and I had no idea how to start the difficult conversation I’d been putting off since he first mentioned moving.
“I’m sorry,” I rushed out at the same time he said, “I’m such a jerk.”
“I think we were both jerks in there,” I tried to joke, lightening the burden he seemed to have on his shoulders.
“Gertie,” he started, pulling my hand into his lap. He looked at our joint hands for a good minute before he continued, “I want to be there to help with diaper changes, feedings, whatever it is a baby needs and I can’t do that if she’s not there with me.”
“But there will be days when she is with you,” I reasoned, trying to keep my voice gentle.
“I don’t think you understand how much it’ll gut me to miss out on the days that she’s not.”
“I do,” I whispered, looking down at our hands.
“Then what’s the fucking problem?”
“We were only supposed to be temporary!” I yelled, yanking from his grip to throw my hands up as if it would make my point more clear. “Okay? Once Isobel is here, there’s not supposed to be an us anymore.”
“Nothing about us is temporary, Gertie,” he growled. He actually growled.
I swallowed nervously, unsure how to respond to that. On the one hand, the fact that we were on two completely different pages when it came to our post-baby relationship was extremely frustrating. On the other hand, I had never been more turned on in my life.
Okay, that was a lie.
Cailean had turned me on beyond words in ways I had never imagined before during the last few months, but still, the growl was extremely sexy.
His face had gotten closer and instead of denying myself of doing what I wanted, I grabbed his face in my hands and pressed my lips to his. It was hard and it was sloppy, but it was us. The car was roomy, but there wasn’t enough space to do what I wanted. Besides, we were in a car in a public parking lot.
I moaned into his mouth as his tongue traced my lips, but I knew that if I let him in, we wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon.
“We’re not temporary,” he said when I pulled away, our breathing heavy as we stayed close.
“I know,” I whispered.
“Don’t say shit like that, okay?”
I nodded, but I knew that while we weren’t temporary, what we had now could never last. We would forever be tied to each other, we had been since the first day we met all those years ago, but I was never meant to be his.
↞ ♥ ↠
I stirred, trying to get my eyes to open as the morning light streamed into the bedroom. Normally, I would have shut the blinds and I could have sworn I had done so last night, but… Eyelids growing heavy, I wasn’t able to stay awake long enough to wonder about it.
The next time I came around, the feeling of being watched came over me. It took awhile for my mind to wake up enough to register Cailean sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. A coffee cup was in his hands and he was already dressed in sweats and a t-shirt.
How long has he been awake?
I was normally the one who got up first, which made sense since I wasn’t the one working until the early morning hours.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice still thick with sleep.
“This was a good buy,” he commented, rocking in the chair. It was something I had insisted on a few days ago. We hadn’t even been out shopping for the baby, but instead of buying the dresser we had went out for, we came home with the grey rocker he was currently sitting in.
“Mhmm,” I murmured in response, ready to go back to sleep if he was going to ignore me. It almost seemed as if it was becoming a habit of his these days.
“I was staring at you,” he finally answered just as my mind started drifting off again.
“Because that’s not creepy,” I whispered to myself, but he heard me anyway because a small chuckle escaped him.
“I’m playing catch-up from all the years I missed out on and it just had me thinking.”
“Thinking about what?” I was officially awake by then because hearing the words ‘I’ve been thinking’ was almost as bad as ‘we need to talk.’
“Just the time that we missed out on, you know?” He shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee before he continued, “And not just the eight years since we graduated, but all those years before that.”
“You mean the years you spent bullying me?” I couldn’t help my snappy response, but to be fair, he was the one who was getting close to dragging up all our ugly baggage.
“What if we had put aside our differences, we could have been high school
sweethearts.”
“You mean, your differences.”
“We could have been on our second or third kid by now,” he said thoughtfully and got out of the rocker to join me on the bed, his large palm splayed out on my stomach.
“I’m not a baby machine.” I scoffed on a laugh. “Besides, you didn’t seem to be the settling down kind of guy back then anyway.”
“I would have been for you if I had known what I know now.” He bent down and placed a kiss on my belly before moving up to my lips. “I know I can’t change the past, but knowing where we came from, it just makes me appreciate what we have now so much more.”
Swallowing the big lump of emotions down my throat, I didn’t know how to handle this side of Cailean. I had never taken him as a sentimental and dreamy guy.
“Whatever you put in your coffee this morning, please use it every morning.” I smiled against his lips. “I’ll take emotional Cailean over grumpy Cailean every day.”
“Fuck, I’ve been an asshole recently, haven’t I?”
“Sort of.” I shrugged, not wanting to brush off the truth.
I”m just scared of losing you, Gertie. These last few days… I don’t know, it just feels as if you’ve drifted further away each day.”
“I’m right here,” I assured and pulled him to me.
For now.
Chapter 19
◆◆◆
“YOU SHOULD TAKE a nap. I intend to keep you up all night again,” Cailean said huskily, grazing his lips across mine.
If we hadn’t been in Allie’s kitchen, I wouldn’t have let him wait until tonight. Unfortunately for my raging hormones, we had stopped by my best friend’s house after looking at a house for sale just down the street. Cailean had said it was the one, and while I agreed that it was an amazing house, a part of me was dreading having him live so close to my friend. I could picture a future where I would see him and his new girlfriend, or even wife, taking their evening walk while I visited with Allie. The other part of me saw an opportunity where Allie could keep me updated on what was going on in his life while keeping an eye on my daughter when she was spending time with Cailean.
A sting on my neck, caused by Cailean biting me, brought me back to the present. His tongue worked on soothing the sting away and I couldn’t help but to moan at the sensation. I was sure there would be a mark there by tonight, as if we were to sex crazed teenagers.
He was supposed to be spending time with the guys, playing video games, which was why I had busied myself with baking with Allie in the kitchen. He had been coming in here for the cookies, but things had quickly turned heated.
“Oh, yeah?” I shuddered slightly in anticipation at the thought of what was about to happen tonight, scolding myself for letting Cailean affect me the way he was, but quickly forgot all about it as his lips moved even hungrier across mine.
“Mhmm,” he hummed. “Definitely.”
A throat cleared and I quickly pulled my head away from Cailean and discovered Allie in the doorway. She knew all about my relationship with Cailean, or at least most of it, but I still couldn’t help but blush. Cailean chuckled and pressed a brief kiss on my warm cheek.
“I’ll see you later, baby,” he said as he started to walk away with a handful of the cookies.
“Or maybe you should let her sleep,” Allie put in pointedly. “Babies need their mommas to sleep so that they can grow.”
“I know,” he said and bent down to give her a kiss goodbye on the cheek, but she pushed him away, most likely due to what she had seen earlier. As if I couldn’t be more embarrassed, he then added smugly, “That’s why I suggested she take a nap.”
He was gone before I could fling the cookbook at his head for saying that. Allie just shook her head, but I couldn’t tell if it was from amusement or disagreement. However, I could tell she wanted to say something and I knew exactly what it was.
“There’s no need to tell me,” I told her, slipping down from the counter.
“Tell you what?” She grabbed a cookie, acting innocent, before she sat down on one of the bar stools.
“Whatever you were about to say.”
“Good, then maybe you could tell me, because I have no idea how to react to seeing my best friend basically having sex on my kitchen counters.”
“We did not have sex on your kitchen counters,” I said defensively. I had more respect than that, right? We seemed to be getting caught up in the moment more often than not these days, but that didn’t mean that I was about to let him have me in someone else’s kitchen. That was just wrong. “I wouldn’t do that to you and Nick, or myself for that matter.”
“I’m not saying you can’t have sex in the kitchen, because it’s sometimes amazing and I know how sometimes you just want it right then and there.” She held up her hands in surrender. “I’m just saying that Cailean has a perfectly good kitchen you can do that in that is not mine.”
My cheeks flamed in embarrassment as we went back to baking. It was something the two of us had bonded over when we met in college. And baking in a dorm wasn’t the easiest and while we got pretty creative at times, it was as if we were making up for lost bakes once we graduated.
“Let me ask you this – what are you going to do once Isobel is here? Are you going to continue your whole parents-with-benefits deal, or are you going to let him lose?” Allie asked, breaking the comfortable silence we had been sitting in as the cookies were baking.
“The plan was always for us to go our separate ways once she’s here.” I hated that I sounded miserable at the mere thought of doing that.
“Was that your plan or was that his plan?”
“Mine,” I admitted. “I don’t think he ever planned on letting go.”
“Then do yourself a big favor, Gertie. Let him go now so that there’s not a little girl in the mix when you do. Or, give yourself to him all the way, meaning that you put on those beautiful rings of yours and stop living out of a bag; I’m sure the guy could spare a drawer or two, maybe even some closet space. I’m not saying that everything will work out in the end, but start planning for your baby as a couple rather than two separate parents.”
Isobel chose that moment to move inside me. And not just a little flutter that might have been gas, but actually moved. Kick and all.
I gasped, placing my hand on my stomach to see if I could feel it, but she stilled. I was out of the chair in less than a second, hoping she would kick again and needing to get to Cailean before she did.
“Cailean,” I urged, positioning myself in front of him. I knew that was the only way to get his attention while he was playing one of these stupid games.
“Just a sec, Gert,” he said, looking around me.
Embarrassment flooded my cheeks, turning them red, at his dismissal. It wasn’t just about him ignoring me, I could deal with that just fine, but it was the fact that a room of people had just witnessed it that turned the slight disappointment into mortification.
“Here, babe,” Matt said from beside us. “You can play for me. I need to go take a piss anyway.”
I didn’t know what made him do it, but the look in his sincere eyes told me it wasn’t because he needed to use the bathroom. Either way, I was grateful for the save.
“I don’t know how to play,” I admitted quietly as I took a seat next to him.
Cailean shot me a confused look as I got comfortable, but I ignored him. If he could do it to me, then I could do it to him. Besides, Isobel was no longer moving around so my reason for being there was no longer valid.
“You don’t need to know how to play the game,” Matt instructed. “Just hide me so this fucker here can’t kill me.”
“I can do that.” I nodded and tried to get myself somewhat oriented by looking from the screen to the controller in my hands. Cailean and I kept ignoring each other as Matt taught me how to play and my suspicions earlier were proven right when he never did leave to go use the bathroom. I didn’t know how long we sat there - long enough that I knew I s
hould have left and joined Allie back in the kitchen by now - but I was once again interrupted by a sharp kick to my side. “Ah!”
“What’s wrong?” Matt’s attention was immediately on me as Cailean merely looked my way.
Screw him.
“She’s kicking,” I explained and without asking, he put his hand over mine just as another kick came.
I knew I should have asked him to remove his hand, but a part of me wanted to share the joy with someone. And soon we were joined by Allie as well all the while Cailean just sat there, mute, staring at all the commotion.
“I’m out of here,” he announced, interrupting the fussing.
My heart dropped down into my stomach as the front door slammed and all sets of eyes landed on me as if I knew what was going through Cailean’s mind.
I did, but I didn’t.
↞ ♥ ↠
Allie took me home a short while after Cailean had left. Matt had offered to take me since Cailean’s place was on his way home, but I figured it would only make things worse. While I wanted to hurt Cailean back, as if we were back in high school again, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Call me if you need anything,” Allie pleaded as she dropped me off. “And I mean it. If you need a break and a place to stay while you sort things out, I’ll be here.”
“Thanks, Allie,” I answered even though we both knew I wouldn’t take her up on it. If there was one thing that was different between me now and how I had been back then, it was that I wasn’t backing down. If Cailean wanted to be a jerk, then so be it. I wasn’t going to take it.
“What, home so soon?” he asked mockingly, raking his eyes over me as I walked into the apartment. “Matt couldn’t satisfy your needs?”
His words, added to the hurt I was already feeling, made white hot fury surge through my veins. I knew, deep in my bones, that this was a fight I should be backing down from, but I was done letting him walk over me as if I was some sort of doormat. High school Gertie was gone, and it was about time he realized that once and for all.