Jaxx looks like he is about to pummel Gavin for that remark, but I hold up my hand when he starts to move in my brother’s direction. I take a couple of deep breaths and calm myself. Yeah. I’m strong. Stronger than the temper fluctuations, but I am newer to this world than Gavin is. He just basically called me a spoiled brat.
Fuck that.
He might know anger, but he doesn’t know me. Not yet.
I stand slowly and turn toward Gavin. I fling out my hands and push all of my anger over Jessa and all of my hurt and betrayal of what he just said to me and send it traveling toward him. Green lightening shoots from my palms. He is thrown through the window at the back end of the hallway. The only reason he doesn’t tumble toward the earth is because Jaxx grabs him before he clears the window itself.
“Fuck you, Gavin,” I tell him, staring at his slumped, still form.
“Twin my ass. You have no idea who I am. What I’m feeling or thinking. You are a stranger to me, blood or no. I found out I was a True two fucking days ago! So shove your sanctimonious bullshit up your twat and wallow in it!”
I storm to the staircase that leads up to the third floor, determined to find Sebastian on my own and give him a piece of my immaturity also. As I round the corner, I shoot another bolt of energy at Gavin as he is pulling himself to his feet. His shirt is a smoking, charred mess. I aim this bolt for a body part farther south. He dodges it in the nick of time. More’s the pity. Prick.
I sprint up the stairs and find the entire floor empty. I scream and drop to my knees in pain, ripping at my hair. Jessa.
My sister.
I let this happen. The fucker that was supposed to care and love her is nowhere to be found. Everything that has happened to her is on me. When I raise my eyes from the floor, Jaxx is standing at the top of the staircase as if he is scared of me. Or doesn’t know what to make of me.
“I just talked to Sebastian on his cell. He is with Jessa. He found her wandering around the wooded section of the hospital grounds. He is explaining everything to her,” Jaxx tells me quietly.
I look up at him with so much hurt in my eyes, he flinches.
“He was supposed to be there, Jaxx. He promised me. He said it was his duty and honor. That she was his now. Like I’m yours. Like you are mine. I would have never let you wake up like that. Confused and…and…”
He cuts me off, jerking me to him.
“No. You wouldn’t have. And neither would he have if he wasn’t searching in vain for Sabrina. She has gone off the grid. She is still out there and a very big problem,” his voice says into my neck as he pulls me closer still.
I feel some of my anger leak out of me.
“What are we going to do about her parents and Devon?”
“I don’t know, little raven. That will be up to her to decide. In the meantime you need to call her parents and tell them that she texted you and told you that she needed time to think or some shit. Make up something they will believe. You know them,” his voice is calming again. I am beginning to think that my trigger temper scares him a bit.
“Not very well,” I grumble, sulking now.
I just blasted my brother, lost one of my best friends for God knows how long, and now I have to lie to the police and said best friend’s parents.
This morning rocks. Ugh.
I call Jessa’s parents house using Jaxx’s phone and thankfully get her mom. I tell her that I got a text from Jessa telling me that she is going off to figure her shit out. That she will be in contact when she is able to. I tell her mom that I think she is scared of whoever fucked with her car. Which is a bold-ass lie, but she buys it. Next I call Devon.
“Baby boy?”
“Ells, have you heard from her?”
“She texted me, said she was going to go figure shit out. She wouldn’t listen to reason, Dev. I think she’s scared about Sabrina. The accident got to her,” I lie my ass off.
“Bullshit, Ells! She wouldn’t do that! Why are you lying?”
“Devon-” I start.
“Shut up! I can’t believe you’re lying to me!” He hangs up the phone.
Another best friend down. None to go. Go me!
Jaxx can tell that I am miserable and tries to cheer me up in various ways, but nothing works.
“I just want to go to my uncle’s house and get some of my shit. I want to get out of here for a while. I want you to start training me” I tell him in a sullen voice.
“What are you going to do about Gavin?”
“Not a damn thing. He can sulk in his room until we are packed but he is coming with me. He is the only family I have and I am keeping him, whether I like him right now or not.”
Jaxx chuckles at that.
“Is there a place we can go where you can train me? I want to get in control of myself. Gavin is right about that. Every time I get pissy I can’t cause an earthquake.”
“I know of a secluded cabin. Let me make some calls,” his voice is off. But I ignore it.
“Okay,” I sigh. “Thank you so much!!” I jump him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his hips.
He growls. “Welcome,” he says and I smirk at him as he lets me down.
I decide I had better hash it out with Gavin. He is my brother and he’s had a hard life, probably much worse than I’ve had. He has most of the same gifts as I do. I want him to help Jaxx train me since Sebastian is on my shit list and better be occupied, but that isn’t the only reason why I want him with me. I love him. He is my other half.
I knock on his door, but there isn’t any kind of answer so I just walk in.
“Gah,” he yells at me as he wraps a towel back around his hips. He must have just gotten out of the shower.
“I knocked,” I shrug at him, walking over to his bed and sitting down.
“Knock harder.” He starts to dig through his duffle, still holding his towel tightly closed.
“I want you to come with me and Jaxx to a cabin he knows about. I need you to help me train. You were right about my control,” I tell him grudgingly.
He looks at me slack-jawed.
“Hey! I can admit when I am wrong about some things.” I shrug once more and start to pick at my nail beds. A nervous habit.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I seem to set you off.”
I look at him fully. Eyes to eyes. Soul to Soul.
“Gavin, I was wrong to try and hurt you. You were just trying to help. I love you. I know that I don’t show it well. Maybe I don’t say it enough either, but the truth is, you are the second most important person in the world to me, Jaxx being the first, of course.”
When he doesn’t answer me, just stands there staring at me, trying to read my intent, I frown.
“Come here, I want to try something,” he beckons. I walk over to him and he takes my hands.
“Here, press your palms to mine.” I press my palms to his.
“Now close your eyes and think of nothing. Just clear your head of thoughts.” I close my eyes and blank out everything around me. “Now I want you to think about me. Nothing, but me.”
I do as he asked and think of Gavin. How I felt when I first saw him, the mirror of myself. How I felt when I saw the sadness and loneliness in his eyes that mirrored mine. I think about how happy I am to have someone that is mine. And mine alone. That will never leave me. That no one can take away from me. He is my soul twin. My blood. My brother. My only family. I think about how he annoys me and makes me smile with his snarky remarks. I also think about the deep welling of love I have for him that will never run dry. I open my eyes and see that he has tears running silently down his cheeks.
“I see you Gavin. I see all of you. And I want you in my life. I will love you eternally no matter what,” my voice cracks.
“Even if I kill someone,” he chuckles like he is joking, but I think maybe he isn’t.
“I’ll bring the shovel.” I smile, throw myself into him and hug him to me tightly.
“Okay okay,” he laughs, shoving
me off.
“Get out before you see more than I want you to,” he laughs, trying to get his emotions back under lock and key.
“So you will come with us?” Hope has to be shining like beacons from my eyes.
“You aren’t getting rid of me that easily.”
I turn and leave him to get dressed, feeling lighter than I have all morning. I find Jaxx in the kitchen finishing his call.
“Did you get everything worked out,” I ask him as I walk into his arms.
He kisses me on the forehead.
“Yes, I’m going to rent a secluded cabin from a member of my clan.”
I pull back and look into his eyes. They are troubled.
“What’s wrong? And when do I get to meet your clan? You’ve met my family. Well, what I call my family.”
“That’s the problem. They want to meet you. Badly. They are anxious.”
“That’s a problem why?” I try to pull back. To pull away from him…
Is he ashamed of me?
“I know what you are thinking, and it isn’t that. They are a ruthless, but honorable, clan. They will test you when they meet you. And you are not ready. I need more time to train you.”
“Then I guess it is a good thing I want to get the fuck out of here for a bit.”
“Yes, pretty eyes. It is.” He pulls me tighter against him once more.
He still looks troubled. I try not to worry about it. I am strong, stronger than most Trues, according to Seb. Gavin comes down the stairs with his duffle over his shoulder, ready to hit the road.
“Are we all riding together or can I take my bike,” Gavin asks Jaxx.
“I wish I could take my bike,” I grumble.
“Your bike will be ready in about a week, pretty eyes. And I figured we could all take the Lexus. Safety in numbers.”
Gavin catches my look. He glances at Jaxx and notices that he is worried about something as well.
“Well, get your ass packed so I can go to my uncle’s and get the shit I need.” I slap Jaxx on his ass on his way out of the room.
“What has him up in arms,” Gavin asks me.
“He said he was wigging because his clan wants to meet me. That they are ruthless and will want to test me or some shit. Maybe they want to make sure I’m good enough for him.”
“You are too good for anyone, Ella.”
“Awww! I knew you were sweet.” I snuggle into his side.
“Shut it. Don’t tell anyone,” he mock growls at me while ruffling my hair.
I laugh. Jaxx is back down quickly, carrying a duffle much like Gavin’s with him. “Road trip,” I shout, then start laughing, pumping my arm in the air.
“Dork,” Gavin pokes me in the side, making me jump.
Chapter 12.
We stop at my uncle’s house for me to pack up what stuff I have before we hit the road. I’ll be calling my uncle Dan later on to tell him that I am heading up north to take a look the boarding school I will be attending.
Another lie.
Jaxx has been silent since we left his house. My teasing him with sexy panties while I was packing didn’t even get a rise out of him.
“Jaxx, seriously, I’m tired of the damn silent treatment. Either spit out whatever is bothering you or turn around and take us all home,” I snap at him, finally at the end of my rope.
He huffs a breath and turns toward me as he drives.
“There’s nothing wrong, Ella. You are imagining things,” his voice is laced with exasperation.
“Oh fuck! You did not just go there,” Gavin yells from the backseat, chuckling.
“I have tried to coax it out of you by being sweet. Now I’m fixing to pull a bitch,” I tell him in a testy tone.
Jaxx slams on his breaks and swerves the Lexus to the side of the road, then jams it into park. I am holding onto the dashboard for dear life, shaking and breathing hard.
“What the fuck, dude? Her best friend was almost killed in a car accident last night! And you pull that shit,” Gavin shouts from the backseat.
Jaxx jumps out of the car and starts to stomp down the side of the road, heading nowhere. I look back at Gavin and shake my head. I don’t know what is up his ass, but I am fixing to find out.
“Stay. I’ll go,” I tell him as I slam my door and run to catch up with Jaxx.
“Are you going to tell me what I did wrong now? Or are you going to sulk for the rest of the trip,” I inquire when I finally catch up to him. He keeps walking so I snatch his arm and swing him around toward me.
“Jaxx!”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Okay? It’s me! I didn’t tell you something about my clan, about me and I’m afraid that I might lose you when you find out,” he screams out into the night. His voice is full of anger, anguish, and what must be a major load of frustration.
“What could be so bad that you would think that I could walk away from you over it?” I am completely dumbfounded.
“I don’t want to tell you. Please, Ella, just let it go. Please don’t make me get into this on the side of a fucking road.”
I am pretty much seething now. You don’t drop a bomb like that, allude that he knows or did something that could end us, or could make me put an end to us and then just walk on like nothing happened. Like nothing had been said.
“Fuck, no! You tell me right now or I make my own way back home with my brother and he can train my ass alone. I don’t need this shit. I have had enough stress the last few days to last me a lifetime,” I argue. Hmmm this is what fighting with a boyfriend is like.
“I lied to you, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I lied to you about being celibate! Our first time won’t have been mine,” Jaxx tells me, his voice filled with anguish.
I stand there, completely still. Mute. I don’t know what to say to that. I mean, with someone his age you would think that he’s had lovers before, many of them, but to lie about it? The fact that he’d lied about it is what hurt the most. Why lie at all? I wouldn’t have held it against him. I was new to the True Witch race. I don’t know all the rules. The rule that said you were celibate until you met your destined. He didn’t have to completely crush me by dropping that bomb on me.
“Who is she? Or was she? Are you still in contact with her,” I ask in a quiet voice after a moment.
“SEE,” he shouts the word at me.” This is why I didn’t want to talk about it. The questions! Fuck this!”
“No,” I say in a dead voice. I can barely see his face in the moonlight, but I can see how twisted it is. Whatever else he is keeping from me is even worse than being with some random girl once just to scratch an itch.
“Tell me,” I demand, but I don’t scream at him. I don’t shout. I just keep my voice in a monotone state. Not showing any emotion at all.
Jaxx drops down to sit in the grass that lines the interstate. He slams his elbows onto his knees and his head to his hands.
“Her name is Valkyrie,” he tells me softly.
“She is a prominent member of my clan. We’ve known each other since we were barely able to walk and we were always together growing up,” Jaxx says and then he pauses.
“Don’t stop there, finish it,” I force out, feeling my heart contort inside my chest.
He nods.
“Everything started innocently enough, a brush of a hand, a peck on the cheek. I always knew she wanted more from me, but I never gave her any signs that I was receptive, I swear,” Jaxx says, looking into my eyes and then he looks away as he continues.
“Then I got drunk one night, about a hundred years ago. I was depressed that I hadn’t found my destined mate yet. I was deep in my cups and she seduced me. I woke up the next morning in a strange bed with her naked, and draped across me. I told her that it would never happen again. I meant it. I knew that once I found you that you would walk among the people of my clan. I didn’t want you to feel like you came second to me in any way or form,” he pleads with me to understand.
I hold up my hand and stop him the
re. There is something that I have to know. I can tell how important it is now, that you are supposed to save yourself for your destined. He had explained that very well.
“How many times,” I ask. I feel like my throat is closing up.
“Just the once and I don’t even remember it,” he whispers barely loud enough for me to hear.
“You lied to me! WHY? You could have told me the truth. I would have understood. I was raised by Norms. Most people my age have had multiple partners. You didn’t have to pretend that I was going to be your first,” I shout even louder. I laugh suddenly. “You are still in contact with her. You look so ashamed. So why are you still talking to her?” I am too blind by shock and hurt to understand what he is saying to me.
“When was the last time you fucked her,” I scream, my throat hoarse.
He looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
“Just that once,” he roars at me.
“But once was enough to ruin me, to ruin what we could have built together.” He sighs, blowing out a long breath.
I slump forward and start to retch. Nothing comes up since I have eaten very little lately. “In our-” I stop. “I mean, your bed? Did she have you in your bed? Did she take you where you sleep entwined with me every night?? Your destined?”
“NO,” he explodes, jumping to his feet, trying to touch me.
I pull away quickly as if his touch would burn me.
“I would never do that! I never took her in our bed! That is sacred!”
“And staying celibate isn’t? Lying to me isn’t?” I stop mid rant. He has been in a funk since he got off the phone with someone about the cabin we are traveling too.
“Who owns the cabin that you are taking us to?” His face twists and I know my answer. “Is that where you would meet? To fuck her,” I snarl at him.
“Yeah. Your silence tells me enough.” I am not crying now. I feel too frozen inside. Like someone took a dull spoon and gutted me, hollowed me out.
“I don’t talk to her. I don’t even think about her,” he pleads with me.
“I haven’t seen her in more than a century. Her father owns the cabin. It has nothing to do with her,” he implores me to understand.
The Awakening: A Witch-Vampire Romance: Feel the Heat. Page 13