by DJ Michaels
“No.” He breathed in the scent of soft woman and committed it to memory, just in case.
“Do you think I’m so much less than him that I can’t love you for who you are?”
Every word was like a knife. Every argument so true and right it scraped him down to his bones. He felt small and ashamed and it hurt him so much his muscles ached. Slowly, painfully, he lifted his arms and circled them around Sorcha. Lowering his cheek to rest on the crown of her head, he turned slightly to look at Kae.
His lover stood absolutely still, his bright golden eyes full of love, compassion and hope. Sorcha was right. They did need to start as they meant to go on and regardless of how badly he wanted to hide, Jax couldn’t give her anything less than he gave Kae. It wouldn’t be fair to any of them.
Standing straight, he put his fingers under her chin and lifted her head to meet his eyes. “I’ll be quick, I’ll be back and I’ll be naked.”
She smiled, hooking him around the neck to pull him in for a kiss. “Thank you, Jax.”
She wouldn’t be smiling once she saw the mess of his body but he didn’t have it in him to warn her again. Releasing her from his arms, he strode into the bathroom, closed the door, then stripped.
Five minutes. How hard could it be? He stepped under the scalding spray and decided that question was best left unanswered. In this case five minutes was long enough for his entire world to turn to rubble.
Jax washed himself with quick, efficient swipes of the cloth before turning off the water and drying with just as little care. Taking several deep breaths, he pulled the door open, braced himself on the frame and couldn’t quite bring himself to take another step.
He was too exposed. Naked in a way that had nothing to do with his state of undress. His vulnerability pulled him back to the Allsgate holding cell and a time he tried every day to forget.
The inquisitor’s voice rumbled in his head, asking the same questions over and over. He wanted to know about smuggling routes, black market contacts, den fortification and security routines. The inquisitor was determined to exploit and destroy everything about Jax’s world. And while he asked those questions, a parade of ruthless blue-soldiers subjected him to the kind of brutality no one should have to endure.
Then the inquisitor started asking about black diamonds and the medicine that only a select number of Enforcers knew how to find. The medicine that prevented Brightstar’s miners from getting sick and allowed their workforce to thrive.
Trapped underground and shielded from Tengale, Jax could do nothing but hold on and hope that someone would come to get him. Before he lost the will to fight. Before he cracked wide open and told Brightstar everything they wanted to know.
The voice got louder in his head. Jax shook as though blows still struck his chained and helpless body. His nerves twitched as the memory of electrodes arced through him in an agony of white light. Every burn scar on his skin seared anew and the stink of freshly branded flesh churned his stomach.
His heart beat harder and faster, crashing against his ribs and sending his blood pounding through his body. The redness of it roared in his ears, filling his vision and clogging his lungs. Too much pain. Too much blood. He couldn’t escape and he staggered forward, drowning in it.
His knees hit the floor and his hands followed. There was nothing he could do to stop the torture. To stop them. The scream built inside him but he forced it back, not wanting to give his tormentors the satisfaction. But he would eventually. They always made him scream.
“Oh Jax.”
He heard the voice, feminine and far off. He ignored it because a woman had no place in his hell.
Then it came again. Closer. “It’s all right, Jax. Nothing bad can happen here.” That was a lie. Nothing but bad happened here.
“You’re in a memory, Jax. You need to let it go and come back to us. Kaelum and I are here and we’ll take care of you. Nobody will hurt you while you’re with us.”
Kaelum. Kae was safe? The Brightstar soldiers said they had Kae too but if he was safe…
“Jax, it’s Sorcha. Listen to my voice.” Sorcha. The name felt familiar.
“I belong to your present not your past. Follow my voice and let me bring you back.”
She kept talking, her soothing words soft and measured. He wasn’t sure where he was but he knew he wanted what that voice was offering, so he blocked out everything but her. Keeping a hold on her words meant his heart didn’t race as hard. His breathing became more regular and slowly his vision cleared. He was on his hands and knees on the floor, looking at the colorful rug in his bedroom. Then a pair of dainty, feminine feet with bright pink nails entered his peripheral vision.
“Sorcha.” He whispered her name like a prayer.
Kneeling down, she lowered her head until she could peer up at him. “Hi. Welcome back.”
He didn’t move. “Did I hurt anyone?”
“No.”
“Are you all right?”
She screwed up her nose. “I’m not sure I like myself knowing I pushed you hard enough to trigger a panic attack. But I’m not freaked out, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Slowly, so he didn’t startle her, Jax eased back so he knelt on the floor. Back straight and ass on his heels, he looked around for Kae. “All right, my brother?”
“Yes, no damage to yourself or anyone else.”
Jax grunted. That was something at least. There was a time when the nightmare had him in a grip so tight he’d smashed anything within reach, furniture or flesh.
He shifted his eyes to Sorcha. She was watching him with wariness but not disgust. He supposed that was something too.
Holding out his arms, he displayed his scarred and battered body. “Your five minutes starts now, little cat.”
She smiled. “Good. Get on the bed, face down.”
He opened his mouth to argue but she held up an imperious hand. “No negotiating. If I only get five minutes then I get to call the shots.”
“Ball-breaker,” he grumbled, but he got to his feet and did as she asked. He didn’t like the vulnerability of his nakedness or the fact that she wanted him helpless on the bed. And he hated, hated the fact that she’d seen him in the grip of a flashback. He was amazed she was still here and he wasn’t sure if he was pleased or appalled.
Climbing up onto the bed, he ignored the anxiety that rippled down his spine and refused to think about the grotesque scars on his skin. He didn’t want to contemplate what must be going through Sorcha’s mind right now as he laid himself out for her.
He closed his eyes and waited for the sword to drop.
“Kae, get up there with him and hold his hand.”
His lover’s touch was his anchor in the here and now. Sure, familiar, beloved. Jax laced their fingers together and opened his eyes, relieved to see Kae so close. “What the fuck am I doing?” he whispered.
Kae grinned. “Whatever she wants, apparently. It brings new meaning to the phrase ‘begin as you mean to go on’.”
“Asshole.” But there was no getting around it. Jax had a feeling the small woman bustling around behind his back was going to lead him around by the nose. Or more accurately, by the cock.
The bed sank a little as she climbed up and the organ in question jerked to life when Sorcha straddled his ass. Her small soft hands stroked over the circular tattoo that covered most of his back.
“I haven’t had a chance to look at this properly yet,” she said. “It’s gorgeous.” All Enforcers wore the dragon tattoo. Two dragons circling head to tail, the dominant position taken by the Enforcer’s scaled partner.
Sorcha’s hand traced an arc over the upper half of his back. “Tengale.” Then the lower half. “Jaysada. The artist is incredibly talented. He’s managed to capture their personalities as well as their physical attributes.” She lowered herself to place a kiss on each image, her full breasts pressing into his back. “It’s so detailed it’s almost like a 3D picture.” Her weight shifted as she sat back. “I think I
should get one.”
“No.” He and Kae spoke at the same time.
“Not one this big,” she said. “Something small and tasteful.”
“No.”
He could hear the pout in her voice. “Why not? You’ve both got one. Tengale says I’m his pet. Why shouldn’t I have his picture on me somewhere?”
Jax moved his free hand until he gripped her knee. “Sorcha, outside this room you are your own person. In this room—”
“Inside the den,” Kae interrupted.
Yes, that was more realistic. “Inside our den you belong to Kae and me. Your body is ours and your skin is ours. I love your pale, flawless skin just the way it is.” And he sure as shit didn’t want Tengale staring at him every time he fucked his mate. He chose to ignore the fact that Kae’s tattoo didn’t bother him when he was balls deep in his lover.
“Mmm,” Sorcha murmured. “We’ll see.”
Yes, they would. And he’d make damn sure no artisan in the den would even contemplate putting ink on his woman’s body.
Sorcha was quiet for a moment and Jax heard the clink of glass on glass. He lifted a querying brow at Kae but his den-mate just smiled so Jax relaxed. Kae knew him better that anyone, knew his limits and his triggers. His lover wouldn’t take another risk after Jax’s meltdown in the bathroom.
Then Sorcha pressed her hands to his skin and his entire focus narrowed to the places their bodies touched. Her hands were oiled, slippery and she worked the muscles at the base of his spine in firm, circular motions. She moved out, then in, then up, out, in, up, creeping up his spine in languorous, intoxicating increments. Every now and then she’d work a particularly stubborn muscle but she kept in motion, only stopping long enough to pool more oil onto his body. She kneaded her way down his arms to the tattoos banding his wrists.
“These aren’t Enforcer tatts.”
“No.” Jax was going to leave it at that but Kae squeezed his hand and raised a don’t-be-a-coward eyebrow, the fucker. Jax heaved a sigh. “I can cover most of my scars but the ones on my wrists were particularly ugly. Every time I moved my arm I could see them hanging out the bottom of my sleeve.”
She spread herself over his back, stretching out her arms to grasp his wrists. “What caused the scars, Jax?”
“Chains.” His voice came out tight and thready. “They used chains to string me up.”
Turning her head to place a kiss at the back of his neck, she began working her way back up his arms. “Did you kill many of them when you escaped?”
“As many as I could find.”
“Good.”
And strangely enough that one word made him smile.
When she finished his upper body she left him long enough to move down the bed and start at his feet. By the time she got back to his ass, Jax was nothing more than a puddle of drool on the bedding. Utterly boneless and drifting in a haze of Sorcha-induced bliss.
She planted a kiss at the base of his spine, so close to the crack in his ass his whole body jumped from inertia to full alert in a split second.
“You are beautiful to me, Jax.” Another kiss, this one a little higher. “I knew you were strong but I didn’t realize how strong until now. Body, mind and heart.”
This time when she kissed him she sucked his skin. “It takes a certain kind of courage to come back from where you’ve been. The same kind of courage it takes to love Kae when your society tells you not to. The kind of courage that’s required when your wife demands you lay yourself bare.” More sucking kisses, harder and longer this time. “I admire that kind of courage. It makes me proud to know you and even prouder to call you mine.” She started using her teeth and his cock got so hard he had to reach down and adjust himself.
“Every day when you bathe you see those scars and every day you walk out that door and live a life of service and leadership. People like and admire you, they trust you. You didn’t just survive, you excelled and every day in this den is another defeat for them.” By now she’d reached his neck and she lowered her body to his, lying on him like a blanket, her plump breasts pressed to his back and her hips cradling his ass.
“They had you for months. They hurt you and no one can ever change that. But how many years has it been since then? How many days have you vanquished them over and over? They can’t touch you anymore, Jax, you are beyond them. You are Den Commander, the highest rank an Enforcer can achieve, and you have not one but two people who love you above all else. Any way you look at it, that’s a professional and personal triumph.”
She slid off his body, wriggling her way in between him and Kae. His heart too full for words, Jax rolled to the side and gathered them both close.
“They might have scuffed you up some, Jax, but they didn’t break you. And when you came to Allsgate for me, you beat whatever demons you had left. Tonight you stripped yourself bare in every way that counts.” Her beautiful face blurred behind his tears, but he felt the soft touch of her hand on his cheek. “Jaxmyre Randovar, you are the most courageous person I have ever met.”
Jax’s throat had already squeezed shut and he feared his new hero status with Sorcha was about to take a dive. Helpless against the burn in his eyes, he held tight to his family and let the tears fall.
Chapter Nineteen
Sorcha pulled Jax’s head down and cradled him to her breast, stroking his white, silky hair as he cried silent tears. Her men had their arms wrapped around her and each other. Jax held on so tight she could barely breathe.
He’d scared the hell out of her when he’d burst out of the bathroom, eyes wild and unfocused, his trembling body sheened in an unhealthy sweat. In that moment Sorcha realized she’d made a terrible mistake and there was nothing she could do to call it back. The fact the evening hadn’t turned into a complete disaster and that Jax had trusted her enough to continue was all down to him. Left to her devices, they would have been in a complete shambles.
But her men were made of stronger stuff. Jax lay in their arms now and it wasn’t long before his tears dried and his hands began to stroke for arousal rather than comfort. Kae rocked his cock into the seam of her butt and slid his hand down her leg, lifting it so it rested on top of his, spreading her open. Cool air brushed against her pussy for a moment and then Jax shifted, capturing her nipple with his mouth while one sure strong finger drove inside her. The simultaneous touch shot through her body in a jolt of electrified pleasure, waking every nerve ending and speeding her pulse.
Kae rolled her slightly, cupping her mound with one hand and her unattended breast with the other. With one slow, gentle finger he circled her clit and Sorcha’s hips rocked, absorbing the barely-there touch. Jax’s mouth was hot and wet, his tongue pressing and licking her nipple while that single finger slid in and out of her in a lazy glide.
Kae nipped at her neck. His hot, hard body pressed tight against her while his hands played light and loose. They set on her on fire, every cell in her body exploding to life as she yearned for more. Her abdomen felt swollen and heavy and her pussy ached despite Jax’s finger—or probably because of it. They stoked her desire, making her hungry but refusing to give her what she needed.
“Please, I need more.”
Kae bit her shoulder. “And you’ll get it, I promise. Jax and I have plans for you and your delectable body.”
“Thank god.” As long as they fucked her she didn’t really care what their plans were.
Then she felt Jax move his finger to circle the pucker of her ass and she decided that maybe she did care after all.
“Have you ever been taken here?” Jax asked, lifting his dark-green eyes to meet hers.
“No.” Her voice came out as little more than a squeak. “And I don’t think—”
“Shh.” He pressed, not hard enough to breach the tight ring of muscle but with enough pressure to leave absolutely no doubt what he wanted.
“Don’t be frightened, kitten.” Kae pinched her clit between his fingers and tugged, milking her tiny bud and sending shockwaves
of pleasure through her body. “We’ll take care of you.” He nuzzled her ear and his words ghosted over her skin with every hot breath. “Jax and I have been fucking each other for years and we’re very good at it. We’ll make you love ass-play as much as we do.”
She somehow doubted that but she couldn’t quite get her brain to force the words from her mouth. They were tangling her up inside, overwhelming her with sensation so she wouldn’t be clear-headed enough to negotiate. And while part of her wanted to put Jax off, she knew that both of them taking her at the same time was always in the cards. She just didn’t expect that card to be played so soon.
Jax tugged at her, pulling her away from Kae’s hypnotic touch. “Why don’t we give you something else to think about?”
Sliding his hand behind her head, he pulled her up, sealing their mouths together in an urgent, carnal kiss. He thrust his tongue past her lips and swept inside her with ruthless devastation. She hung there, in complete limbo except for the two points where Jax touched her, suspended by nothing more than his hand and the stroke of his demanding tongue.
He pulled away and she struggled to focus. “I want you on your hands and knees. Get between Kae’s legs and wrap those soft, pouty lips around his cock.”
She was moving before her brain caught up. Crawling down to kneel between Kae’s legs, she let her eyes feast on the immense sprawl of masculine indulgence laid out before her.
Her eyes felt greedy as she scanned his body. “Sweet Mary, you’re gorgeous.”
His shiny brown hair fanned out on the pillow and his golden eyes sparkled with happiness. Stacking his hands behind his head, he flexed his hips so his cock danced for her. “I’m all yours, lover. Have at it.”
Rather than fisting his cock she touched him lightly, trailing a single fingertip down the length of his shaft. He jerked under her touch so she reversed her trajectory and did it again.
“You feel so good,” she said. Stroking him with the fingertips of both hands, she moved lower to circle his balls. “You don’t have any body hair. Do you shave it off?”