She began to walk back up to the house and her mind raced. She had done the thing no unmarried lady was supposed to do. She’d made love. And not just to any man, to a man she had wanted for so many long years.
Now, some might say he had taken advantage. After all, the claiming of her innocence would be considered a terrible thing since he obviously had no intentions of marrying her. And yet she felt like the one who had taken advantage of him. He had confessed his long held feelings, his desperate desires, and she had exploited his wavering control in order to get what she wanted. And when he offered her a way out, a dozen ways out?
She hadn’t taken them.
And she wasn’t sorry, at least not about what they’d done. She was surprised, however, by how changed she felt by the experience. In reality, she had done nothing more than break a thin membrane in her body. But she felt utterly new, totally changed.
She slipped in the back entrance and through a dark little servant hall. There were two sets of stairs, one the bright, light ones that had been installed two hundred years ago, after a poor serving girl had fallen on the older, darker, more dangerous set.
The ones that Audrey chose to take now. As she entered the dim, dusty stairwell, she sighed. This was almost a perfect metaphor for what she was doing with her life. A light and bright path had been created for her.
And she chose the darkness. The place where she could trip and fall so very easily. And yet she didn’t regret it. Not as she moved up the stairs, and not when she considered the pleasures she’d found in Jude’s bed.
She was smiling at herself when she opened the old stairway door and looked out into the hallway. It was empty, and she slipped down toward her chamber and into the room where she hadn’t slept last night. She frowned and moved to the bed to mess up the covers. Then she rang for her maid and tried to come up with a good story.
Ursula arrived a few moments later and when she stepped into the chamber and saw Audrey in her full dress, she came to a stop.
Audrey tried to act normally as she said, “Oh, I know, I’m a fright. I fell asleep reading last night, still in my gown. Can you believe what a goose I am?”
Ursula shook her head and for a moment Audrey held her breath, hoping her lies weren’t about to be exposed. But the maid just laughed. “Oh, my lady! I wondered why you never called for me, but I thought perhaps your mother helped you.”
“No,” Audrey lied, surprised by how easy it was. “Just me being silly. I’m so sorry that the dress is so wrinkled. Will it be extra work for you in the laundry?”
Ursula shrugged. “Not much. But here, let me get you out of it and I’ll get you a bath drawn.”
Audrey nodded, and hoped her smile didn’t reveal that she had a secret. And as she turned to let her maid undo the work Jude had so recently done, she found that her secret was one she liked having. At least for now.
It was eleven o’clock when Jude entered the main house. He nodded to the servants who bustled around, tidying up and beginning the first preparations for luncheon in an hour. No one paused in their work and their acknowledgments proved his place as not a visitor, but a fellow worker. Not that he had ever doubted it.
But those things weren’t important to him now. He was more focused on why he was here. He had been going over some figures in the cottage not half an hour ago when a message had arrived from the house from Lady Woodley asking that he meet her here.
And his heart still throbbed at the thought of why. Had Audrey been caught on her way back to the house? Had someone found out what they had done in his bed the night before? The Woodley servants were all good sorts. It was part of Jude’s job to make sure that was true. But that didn’t mean they wouldn’t tell secrets out of spite or even concern.
He cleared his throat as he approached the closed door to the parlor where he and Audrey had been painting yesterday. Inside, Lady Woodley waited and he tried to maintain at least a façade of calm as he lightly knocked and then entered the chamber.
The dowager marchioness was standing in the middle of the empty room, gazing up at the walls with a smile on her face. As he entered, she turned and extended the smile to him. He tried to read her expression, tried to see if there was any repressed anger or concern toward him, but there was nothing except the lingering effects of exhaustion in the faint circles beneath her eyes.
“Good morning, Samson,” she said. “I’m so happy to see you.”
“How are you feeling, my lady?”
She shrugged. “Still not exactly right, I fear. My head aches and it is very foggy, indeed. Of course I would be overcome by a cold when Audrey and I had so many plans during this trip. But then, you seem to be keeping her busy.”
Jude tensed. Once again, his errant mind went to images of Audrey naked in his cottage, sprawled out on his bed, arching beneath his mouth, his hands, his cock.
“I—what do you mean?” he asked, hearing the strain in his voice.
She turned toward him with an odd look. “The renovation, of course,” she said, motioning around them. “Or is it she who is keeping you busy?”
He forced a chuckle. “Ah, well, I am here to serve, after all.”
To his surprise, Lady Woodley stepped toward him, her gently lined face filled with not anger, not judgment, but warmth and kindness.
“And you know we appreciate all you do, don’t you? My goodness, with everything that has happened to this family these past few years, you have been the one constant. I have watched you stand by my son at his lowest point and search for Claire as tirelessly as her brothers when she was lost. That you are as much a friend to Audrey as to the rest does mean a great deal to me. As I know it does to her. Thank you.”
Jude shifted. He had become accustomed to the guilt he felt whenever one of the Woodley clan addressed the topic of Claire, but now a new guilt joined the old. Here was Lady Woodley thanking him for his care for Audrey when not twelve hours ago he had been ruining her.
“You certainly do not have to thank me,” he said, turning away from her accepting smile. “I have not done enough to repay your family for its kindnesses toward me and my mother.” He flinched. “Not nearly enough.”
“Samson,” she began, but before she could say anything further, there were the sound of quick steps in the hall and they both turned to watch Audrey all but careen into the room.
She flushed as she saw them standing together, but managed to smooth her hands over the pretty orange dress that brought out the chestnut highlights of her hair and the dark mystery of her eyes and smile.
“Goodness, I had no idea you were meeting with Samson, Mama. I wish you had notified me sooner.” She moved into the room more fully and nodded toward him. “Good morning.”
He almost laughed at her attempt to pretend this was their first meeting of the day. “Good morning, my lady. You look well.”
She frowned at him. “Thank you.”
“I sent you word not twenty minutes ago that Samson would be coming to examine the room with me,” her mother interrupted with a shake of her head. “How much more advanced notice did you need?”
Audrey swallowed. “None, of course. I didn’t mean…oh, I only thought that he was not joining us until luncheon and then we would examine the room afterward. And I wasn’t certain you would join us at all, considering your condition.”
Her mother leaned back a fraction. “Why are you so breathless, Audrey? And what do you mean my ‘condition’? You make it sound like I’m at death’s door. Heavens, you are being silly.”
“What do you think of the paint, Lady Woodley?” Jude asked as a way to break the attention from Audrey.
Lady Woodley broke her stare from her daughter. “What? Oh yes, it’s lovely! Exactly the shade I had hoped for. It’s going to be such a happy room, I think. And the furniture is being returned this afternoon?”
Audrey seemed to have caught her breath, for when she stepped forward her anxiousness had faded. “Yes, Mama. They will be returning it to the room dur
ing our lunch and afterward we can rearrange it as we see fit.”
“And you’ll be helping?” Lady Woodley asked him.
Jude nodded. “I will, though I do not think I have much of an eye for such things. But I’ll stand by and look as though I’m doing very important things for you.”
Lady Woodley laughed. “Oh, that would be perfect, thank you.”
She might have said more, but suddenly the marchioness began to sneeze. Not once, not twice, but three great sneezes that nearly buckled her slender frame.
Audrey rushed to her side, taking her elbow. “Oh, Mama! You are still not well.”
Lady Woodley sighed. “I felt better just an hour ago, but being on my feet seems to have made it worse again.”
“Perhaps you should lie down. I’ll have your meal sent up and then you can decide if you want to join us for the furniture return,” Audrey suggested, and Jude thought she tossed him a quick, furtive glance.
“Yes, that is likely a good idea.” Lady Woodley frowned. “It is really very disappointing.”
“Are you certain I cannot call for a doctor?” Jude offered, stepping forward.
“No,” Lady Woodley reassured him with a quick smile. “It is not so dire as all that, I assure you.”
“I’ll take you up, Mama,” Audrey said.
“And then you’ll come back down and you and Samson will still share your lunch,” Lady Woodley said as she allowed Audrey to take her arm and begin to lead her from the room. “I insist.”
Jude nodded, but as soon as the two women were gone, he sagged. He had such a long list of betrayals when it came to the Woodleys, what had he been thinking adding another? No matter how convincing Audrey had been.
Behind him, the door closed and he turned to find Audrey leaning against it. She tracked his every movement with dark eyes and he felt his cock begin to swell at her focused interest.
“That was quick,” he said. “Did you throw her into the room and lock the door?”
She shook her head. “Of course not. We met with her maid in the hallway and Fran took her the rest of the way. All the while, she was insisting I return to your company.” She let out a shuddering sigh. “Do you think she knows?”
“About last night?” Jude asked, allowing himself one step toward her. He saw her pupils dilate with the action. When she nodded, he laughed. “I hardly think she would be encouraging us to spend time together if she thought I’d ruined you.”
“So you didn’t tell her anything that would make her suspect?” she pressed, panic in her eyes.
Jude stopped moving in her direction. Yesterday she had talked of purging feelings through this odd arrangement. And it seemed she might be capable of doing just that. All she ever talked about was desire, or her fears regarding passion. But she didn’t care for him, not beyond their friendship. And that stung far more than it should have.
It also made his tone sharp when he retorted, “I wouldn’t be so stupid, Audrey.”
She flushed. “I’m sorry. I just…I wouldn’t want her to know what I did. To not be an innocent and continue to pursue an upstanding marriage. I doubt she would be proud.”
“And yet you did it,” he said softly, still feeling the sting.
She nodded. “I did. Because I can’t resist you.”
He tensed, his desire easing back into his blood to replace his disappointment. “Couldn’t or can’t?” he asked.
She swallowed hard. “Can’t. God, all I thought about all morning was you. Your hands on me, your mouth on me, your body inside of mine. I was certain that every person I saw, my mother included, could see how you branded me with your touch. How you changed me irrevocably.” Her breath hitched. “And I thought about how I couldn’t wait to do it again.”
He clenched his jaw. “I know the feeling.”
She smiled, just a whisper of the expression, but there was such temptation in that smile. “Then why aren’t you kissing me right now?”
CHAPTER NINE
Audrey felt like she’d stopped breathing entirely, and that wasn’t helped when Jude crossed the distance between them like a bull. Suddenly she was pinned to the door behind her and his hot mouth blazed down on her. She opened to him instantly, all the pent up desire and emotion from the past few hours bubbling up inside of her and ripping her inhibitions to shreds.
His seemed equally destroyed, for he cupped her backside and lifted her against the door, pressing his hard length against her through their equally frustrating layers of clothing. She moaned at the feel, grinding back against him, trying to find relief for the mounting need that gathered between her legs. After spending all day thinking about this exact moment, she was shocked how quickly she was already on edge.
He said nothing as he shoved her skirts up, nothing as he pressed his fingers into her drawers and found her sex. When his fingers touched her slick heat, he let out a low groan.
“Thank God,” he muttered, then went to work unbuttoning the flap on his trousers. It fell forward and he popped free. She gasped at the heat of him against her stomach, but then he lifted her and his cock slid against and finally deep into her ready sex.
They both let out a whispered moan in the same breath and he began to thrust instantly, spearing her to the door, holding her hands above her head with one of his own and balancing her in place by her backside with the other.
The little shallow thrusts set her on fire with unbelievable speed, and she rocked against them, reaching, reaching, until the sudden explosive pleasure she had come to crave in the past twenty-four hours burst free. She pressed her mouth against the arm he held next to her head and let her cries of pleasure be muffled by his jacket.
When she began to come, he thrust even harder, deeper, dragging her through the pleasure, but also reaching for his. Finally, he let out his own garbled sound of release and withdrew, pumping into his hand, which he swiftly wiped clean with his handkerchief after he set her down on the floor.
They remained close, all but pressed together as one for a moment. His breathing matched her own, his stare burned into hers and she was…captivated. Enslaved. By both his presence and her own reactions to it.
She smoothed her dress down around herself and managed to squeeze out of the tight space between them to pace across the empty room.
“I thought this would make me less afraid of passion, but—” She shook her head. “But now I see its true power. It’s true danger.”
“And what is that?” he asked, fixing himself as swiftly as she had done, though he remained frozen in place, simply watching her.
“That I lose all reason and control the moment you touch me,” she whispered. “I spent the morning afraid of consequences for what we’d done and the second you touched me I threw that all away.”
He pursed his lips. “I can’t deny the same thing happens to me.”
She didn’t know if that should make her feel better or worse, for it only proved her point. “Can we stop it?”
He tensed and she watched all the emotion bleed away from his rapidly hardening expression. “We could try. We could stay away from each other and pretend yesterday, today, never happened.”
She bit her lip. Walk away? That sounded so very painful, so very impossible. They would be here together for over two more weeks. They would be in close quarters, far more alone than they were in London, where they didn’t live in the same space, see each other daily. Every time she saw him here, she knew her body would react. Her soul would react even if she didn’t want it to.
“Impossible,” she whispered. “Jude, I-I don’t think I can stay away. I think I would find myself down at your cottage every night, knocking on your door and telling myself it would be the last time.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, his breath leaving his mouth as a ragged sigh. “Audrey,” he whispered.
She shrugged. “I have to be honest with you, don’t I? If we’re in this madness together, I can’t do anything but tell you the truth.”
He nodded s
lowly. “I just wish you understood what those words did to me.” He seemed to consider them for a moment. “If we can’t stay away, then all we can do is play out our agreement. To explore what you want, what I want, what we need, with every fiber. Hold nothing back. Until it ends.”
“And when does it end?” she asked, already feeling an odd sting just from talking about it.
“London,” he offered softly. “We both know this cannot continue in London. So it is only here, it is only now.”
She took a long breath. Suddenly the time she had left here seemed fleeting, indeed. But she pushed that melancholy feeling away and stepped toward him. She cupped his cheeks and drew him down to her lips, savoring the warmth of his breath before she kissed him gently, deeply. When she pulled away, she whispered, “Only here. Only now. I can agree to that.”
He sighed, but it didn’t seem to be in relief. And just at that moment, there was a knock on the parlor door. They jolted away from each other as a footman stepped inside.
“My lady, Mr. Samson, your luncheon is ready on the west terrace.”
She nodded to the servant, and when he had departed, she forced a smile to Jude. “Come, shall we pretend everything is normal once more? Shall we break bread and be friends for a short time.”
He flinched ever so slightly at her question and offered her his arm. “Audrey,” he said. “I will always be your friend.”
Jude smiled as Audrey’s laughter filled the air. For the past half hour, they had sat together like nothing had changed between them. They had talked about happy days from long ago, reminiscing about the estate they resided on and all the wonderful moments he had shared there with her family.
He appreciated the lack of tension between them in some ways, for he had always liked Audrey and the idea that the erotic bond they had suddenly formed would destroy their friendship stung.
But what stung more was how easy it was for her to separate the passion they shared from the public relationship the world saw. It was like the desire she felt for him was something she could turn on and off, while it ran constantly for him, always in the background, always humming in his ear.
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