“It was anything but a blah day, I’m pleased to say,” she said, smiling.
He did a double take. “Really? What kind of day was it then?”
“It was my best day since the accident. I had an exceptional visit with my grandmother, Bubbe Rivka. I wish you could meet her. She’s so brave. She’s a survivor of the Holocaust. Did I ever tell you about her?”
“No. No, I’m afraid we didn’t share much personal information when we were together. Probably too busy having sex.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he could call them back. Sarah blushed, as did he.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” he said.
“No, no,” Sarah protested. “You’re right. I think all we did was have sex. Good sex, too, if I remember correctly, though it’s hard for me to imagine, given the state I’m in.”
Rick was encouraged. “Your recollection is correct. Very good sex. As for your state, that will pass and you’ll be good to go again in no time.”
“Good to go again?” Sarah asked, feigning shock. “What am I, a car under repair?”
“Exactly,” Rick said. “And you’ll be good for the autobahn before you know it.”
“What a relief. That makes me feel so much better,” Sarah said, keeping up with the double entendre.
“Me, too.”
“Well, I guess we’ll have to see how things go from now until then,” Sarah said, adding a note of caution.
“I just want you to know I am in no rush. No rush at all. I had, at one time, considered the priesthood, so celibacy is nothing for me.”
“I didn’t know that. You’re full of surprises, Rick.”
“Hah! Gotcha!” he said as he took her hand in his. “Somehow the priesthood never made it to my top-ten list of smart career moves. First, I was raised Unitarian. Second, and more importantly, my libido would have disqualified me even if I’d been a Catholic.”
“You should have mercy on an invalid.”
“I promise to be nice to you.” He bent forward and kissed her lightly. Just then an unfamiliar aide came in, pushing a blood pressure machine.
“Sorry to interrupt,” she said, though it was clear she was not the least bit sorry.
“Well,” Rick warned, “you’d better wait a few minutes or you’ll get an elevated heart rate and BP — which will confound this patient’s physician.”
“I’m not going to fall for that twaddle, Doctor. Move out of the way and let me take care of my patient.”
“I’m not kidding. If you take this woman’s vitals now you’re going to get false readings. I think you should come back later.”
“Move it,” the aide said as she sandwiched her blood pressure machine between the patient and her visitor.
“Well, I guess you got an A in assertiveness training,” Rick said.
“Never needed training. I was born pushy. At least that’s what my mother tells me,” the aide said, wrapping the cuff around Sarah’s upper arm.
“Apparently so. Well, I have to commend you for your efficiency,” Rick said.
“Got no time to be any other way. One of the other girls is running late because of car trouble and I’ve got her load as well as my own,” she said as she marked down Sarah’s temperature, blood oxygen level, blood pressure and heart rate. “There, that wasn’t so bad. You two can go back to doing what comes naturally.” She left the room, pushing the machine in front of her, a woman in a hurry.
“Did you hear that, Sarah? Even that battleaxe can tell we were doing what comes naturally,” Rick said.
“Well, we never had a problem of desire,” Sarah said as she thought back to their time together.
“No problem at all.” He kissed her gently again. “But this time, Sarah, I’m here for the long haul. It’s not just sex that I’m after, though I admit that is a draw,” he said, smiling boyishly. “A big draw,” he said as he kissed her again. “I want to be your go-to guy for the whole nine yards.”
Sarah put her finger on his lips and studied his face. “I can’t get over you. You’re so different now.”
“Different better or different worse?”
“Different better.”
“That’s a relief. The way I see it, we’ve got a chance to do things right this time, Sarah. I want us to be friends as well as lovers. Now that Anna’s on the scene, I want us to be good parents to that perfect little baby. To that end, I was thinking that I should start contributing for Anna’s care.”
“Oh, I didn’t even think of that,” she said, remembering her father’s comment about saving for Anna’s college education.
“Well, I did. I mean to do the right thing. So maybe you can give some thought to, you know, where I’d deposit the money, how much.”
“Oh, I’m not sure. Let me think about it,” Sarah said.
“Whatever you think is fair. I’m an attending now, so I’m no longer broke. I can help with the bills, no problem.”
“Thank you, Rick. I never in my wildest dreams thought you would be so open to sharing responsibility for Anna.”
“Well, see, that’s what love will do. It’s a great motivator for all sorts of irrational behavior,” he said, only half in jest.
They both were quiet for a moment. She marveled at Rick’s willingness to put his feelings out on the table. It was probably time for some sort of a response. “I’m so flattered, Rick — more than flattered — by your affection for me. We never said anything about love when we were together.”
“No, I think we actively avoided the word. I know I did. But I’ve tried to outrun it for the last seven months and I couldn’t. I’m yours whether you want me or not,” he said. “But I have to say I am hoping you do — or at least you’ll consider it.”
“The truth is, I don’t know what I feel. I’d like to see how things develop between us. I’m learning that you’re more thoughtful and kinder than I knew. I want to get to know you better. Would that be okay?”
“Explore all you want,” he said, grinning.
“There’s one thing that came up today that I want to share with you.”
“Shoot away.”
“I told my parents about you. I’d kept your anonymity because I thought you were out of my life. They were very happy when I told them that you wanted to be a father to Anna.”
“Oh.”
“Just ‘oh’?”
“Well, I imagine your parents might not be thinking too kindly about the guy who got their daughter pregnant and then took off.”
“I explained we had a deal and that I had willingly assumed all responsibility for the baby,” Sarah said, purposely leaving out Joseph’s rage upon learning the father was out of the picture.
“Still, there might be some lingering animus, as the shrinks say.”
“They seem anxious to meet you. I mean, they said as much. I know a lot has happened in the last few days. Maybe you’d prefer we wait a while.”
“Yeah, I could wait to meet them, but they have Anna, don’t they?”
“What does that have to do with meeting them?” Sarah asked.
“Well, if I’m going to see my daughter — which I’d very much like to do — I guess I’m going to meet your parents.”
That brought Sarah to the brink of tears. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Forgive me. What a numbskull I am.”
“If you’re a numbskull, I don’t know what that says about the rest of us. All I’m saying is that I’d like to see Anna.”
“I’m so happy you want to get to know her.”
“Well, if I’ll be paying good money for the little thing, at least I can get to spend a little time with her.”
“I guess we have a deal then,” Sarah said, revealing her dimples. “Why don’t we start with my mother. She and Anna are in the hospital all day, every day. If you want to see your daughter, you can meet her grandmother, too.”
“Like a two-for-one sale.”
“Exactly,” Sarah laughed.
“Okay. I’m in.”
“I’ll tell my mother to be on her best behavior.”
“Hey, don’t give it another thought. Mothers love me — or at least they used to when I was in high school. I’ve studiously avoided meeting them since then.”
“Well, I guess your dry spell is about to end.”
* * *
Before leaving, Rick helped Sarah back into bed. She fell asleep almost instantly and was soon lost in a dream so intense she felt as though she were still awake. She was standing on the corner looking up at the crane. An elderly man took her by the arm, saying, “Dis vay, dis vay.”
Sarah turned to see her Zadda Sam in the wool herringbone topcoat and gray felt fedora he had worn every winter of her childhood. “Why, Zadda?” she asked. “I want to stay and see this crane. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“No, mein kint. Come vit me. Come dis vay. Only if you come dis vay vill you have a chance.”
“A chance for what, Zadda?” she asked her grandfather.
“A chance to live, mein shana maidel, a chance to live. For you and for your liddle vun, come vit me.” Suddenly the ground opened up, revealing an earthen tunnel. “Come, come vit me,” he said as he led her by the arm into the darkened passageway. “Here you vill be safe.”
Sarah followed her elderly grandfather, marveling at his agility in crouching down and crawling on his hands and knees through the narrow tunnel. Then, as soon as her thick, pregnant body was deep inside the passageway, Zadda Sam vanished, leaving her within the earth’s protection.
When she awoke she felt the sweetness of being with her zadda again. He’d saved her life and Anna’s life, just as he had saved Bubbe Rivka during the war. She wouldn’t squander the chance she’d been given. It was on that thought that she fell back into a sound, dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
“Eva, Eva,” the attractive blond called as she stepped out of the elevator.
Even before she turned around, Eva knew it was Devorah.
“Darling girl. Thanks so much for coming. It means so much to all of us. I know Sarah can’t wait to see you,” she said as she hugged her daughter’s friend. “I was just stretching my legs a little by taking a walk around the floor. Sitting in a hospital room all day can make a person antsy.”
“I can only imagine,” Devorah said, following Eva’s lead down the corridor. “How is she?”
“I won’t lie to you, Devorah. She’s had a pretty rough ride. But thank God, she’s showing signs of coming around. I know your visit will do her good.”
“I hope so,” Devorah said as Eva opened the door to Sarah’s room. As soon as she saw Sarah with Anna in her arms, she dropped her bag and ran to them both. She hadn’t known what to expect. Now she could see how much the accident had altered her friend. She knelt down beside Sarah’s chair.
“Girlfriend, you are a sight for sore eyes,” she said, patting Sarah’s arm. And the baby…I can’t believe she’s really here.”
“Take a whiff and all doubt will be erased. This angelic little baby has welcomed you with a substantially dirty diaper. Fine way for her to say hello to her mother’s best friend, don’t you think?” Sarah said, smiling radiantly.
“Oh, give her to me. Baby poop can’t scare me off. Let me hold her. Please,” Devorah begged.
“Don’t say I didn’t give you fair warning.”
Eva took in the scene of normal banter between the two friends — another sign that Sarah was slowly coming back to herself.
“I can take care of that diaper before you hold Anna if you’d like,” Eva offered.
“No way! It’s not every day I get to clean the tushie of my best friend’s baby. I consider it a privilege, and as an expert in public health, sanitation is one of my specialties. Just show me where the diapers and wipes are and let me go to work.”
Devorah was impressed by the volume of poop so tiny a baby could produce. Her Ph.D. notwithstanding, it took her ten minutes to clean, diaper and re-dress Anna. Then she swaddled the baby in a blanket just as Joseph arrived from work. After a round of welcome hugs, Devorah made a suggestion.
“Joseph, I think Eva has earned a dinner date with her husband. Why don’t you two take the night off? I can help Sarah with Anna.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Sarah said. “You deserve a night out. Please go and enjoy. We’ll be fine,” Sarah assured.
“The girls are right, Eva,” Joseph said. “Let me take you out tonight.”
Eva could see the friends wanted some time alone. And truth be told, a break from the hospital and takeout dinners held great appeal.
“It would be a pleasure, Joe. Just let me get my coat.”
* * *
The moment Sarah’s parents left, Devorah embraced her friend.
“I am so glad to see you. I was so scared after reading about the accident. I called your cell I don’t know how many times. I called your parents’ house. I was sick with worry.”
“I’m lucky to be seeing anyone — but especially you. It’s probably good you didn’t come until now. I was quite a mess. But I’m doing a little better.”
“You look good, Sarah,” Devorah said, stretching the truth.
“Well, I’m getting there. For a while I was headed off in a downward spiral. But a couple of things have helped me. One was my grandmother.”
“Bubbe Rivka? I love your grandma.”
“I know. She’s an amazing woman, and it’s as though she gave me an infusion of courage. After listening to her talk about what she and my zadda had to do to survive the war, I figure I can do what has to be done to get through my tsoures, as she calls it.”
“She had never talked about it to you before?”
“No. None of my grandparents would talk about the war, at least not with me. But she said now it might do some good. And she was right.”
“You’re going to get through this, Sarah. I know you. I know how strong you are, what you’re capable of. Just look at how you picked yourself up after the Alex debacle. A lot of women would have curled up into the fetal position and given up after what he did to you. But you didn’t. You picked yourself up and carried on with your life.”
Sarah started to well up. “Well, I’m not quite the same person I was before all this. But I am going to fight to get well. And don’t mind my tears. I think I’ve cried more in the last days than I have in my whole life.”
“It’s cathartic. Cry all you want. Blame it on your hormones.”
“That’s a good excuse. I’ll try to remember to use it.”
“Hey, you said there were a couple of things that helped you. What else besides your grandma?”
“You’re not going to believe what else.”
“Try me.”
“Rick’s come back.”
“No way! Impossible!”
“Well, I was pretty stunned myself when he reappeared at my bedside. I had no idea what to make of it. But he’s been visiting me every night. We’re sort of getting to know one another in a different way than before. There’s a side of him that I never knew, like a kinder, gentler version of Rick. I hope you get the chance to meet him.”
“I’d better meet the guy who made this beautiful infant possible,” Devorah said, gazing at the baby in her arms. “You know, Sarah, she’s a double miracle — a miracle of conception and survival.”
“I’m so lucky to have her. Rick says he wants to be a father to her.”
“Whoa. We’ll have to change that boy’s rating on the male-o-meter.”
That made Sarah smile. “I guess we will. He says he’s changed a lot since we split. He’s even willing to meet my parents.”
“The male-o-meter continues its upward rise,” Devorah said, her eyes flashing.
“Well, in terms of the male-o-meter’s accuracy, I guess only time will tell.”
* * *
When visiting hours were over and Sarah was alone, she looked forward to the capstone of
her day — a visit from Rick. But by ten o’clock, she succumbed to her exhaustion.
Rick had been held up by his newest patient, a nine-year-old girl who had gone into kidney failure. Her grotesquely swollen face and body were misdiagnosed by her local doctor as an allergy and treated with an antihistamine. By the time she arrived by ambulance in the ER that afternoon, her condition was critical. It wasn’t until eleven that he was willing to leave, having finally gotten her stabilized.
When he arrived at Sarah’s room, he was disappointed to find her sound asleep. He couldn’t blame her. It was late, and she was no doubt beat. He wrote her a note and then sat down and watched her sleep. He couldn’t believe how bad he had it for this woman. He would come back tomorrow and meet her mother and hold his daughter. He knew it had to be love that was propelling him forward, directing him to do things he had never imagined. He was willing to go wherever it led.
* * *
To Sarah, rehab made training for a marathon seem like a walk in the park. If the therapists on the ortho floor were toughies, those in rehab were drill sergeants. They pushed their freshly traumatized patients to their limits and then they pushed some more. The breaks were infrequent and short. Pity, either for oneself or another patient, was snuffed out as soon as it reared its useless head. Everyone had to get moving, working toward the goal of becoming as independent as possible: learning to bathe, dress and feed themselves despite the impairment that had landed them in the unit. The stakes were high. Those who couldn’t cut it would be transferred to a long-term care facility rather than being sent home. Sarah had to tell herself repeatedly that she came from a family of survivors and, if need be, she’d claw her way back to mobility and autonomy.
The rehab regime left little time for Eva, Devorah and the baby to visit during the day. Sarah had an hour break for lunch from eleven to twelve and an hour off from two to three. Of course, by the time the breaks were granted, Sarah and her rehab cohort had all they could do to stay awake long enough to eat a meal or chat with their visitors. Sarah got a roommate, a young woman who had fallen down a flight of stairs. During late-afternoon visiting hours, a bevy of well-wishers surrounded her bed.
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