by Sarah Price
Without any more urging, the three children sat at the table, Kate helping her brother Ben get situated, and quietly began pouring through the coloring book to select a picture to tear out and color. Elizabeth watched them for a moment, trying to remember a time when her children or even her grandsons had ever behaved in such a manner: quiet, orderly, soft voices.
Elizabeth continued helping Mary but her attention kept returning to the three children, sitting at the table and coloring their pages. In a way, she envied Mary for the life that she lived, not in a jealous sort of way but in a way that made her long for the same: A simple, yet hard life, but definitely one of obedience to God. Their dedication to being stewards of His earth just made everything seem so focused on what was truly important: family, community, life.
Perhaps if she’d chosen that type of life, she would not feel so alienated from her children and, even more importantly, her grandsons. Her son Ryan’s wife lived closer to her parents than to Elizabeth. Therefore, when she had free time, she tended to take her two sons over there. Elizabeth rarely saw the boys, especially since Annie kept them in daycare during the hours she worked. On the weekends, Annie focused her attention on her chores as well as her children. There wasn’t time, or inclination, in her schedule to visit her mother-in-law.
A twinge of hurt touched Elizabeth’s heart as she gathered those thoughts. Was she truly the main focus in anyone’s heart? Had she ever been? Shaking off those thoughts, she forced herself to return her attention to helping Mary.
It was close to five o’clock and Elizabeth realized that she needed to return to the cottage to prepare herself for the evening. She wanted to shower before she dressed for her dinner out with Carl.
The corners of Mary’s mouth lifted when Elizabeth said that she had to leave.“You have yourself a right nice time tonight, Lizzy,”Mary said.“You deserve it.”
Embarrassed, Elizabeth ducked her head and hurried out the door, walking as quickly as she could up the path that led around the barn and to the cottage.
You can do this, she told herself. It’s only dinner with Carl. Yet, deep down, she knew that it was something else. It was just one more turning point in her healing. She must remind her self to breathe in and exhale out. It’s all going to be just fine.
He arrived just a few minutes after six o’clock. Although she had been ready and in anticipation in his arrival, she jumped when she heard him knock at her door. With one last look in the mirror, she took a deep breath and walked into the main room of the cottage.
He greeted her with a bouquet of flowers in one hand.“My lady,”he said, bowing slightly as he held them out for her to take.
“Oh my!”When was the last time anyone had bought her flowers? Blushing, she took them from him and hurried to the sink to fill up a glass mason jar with water.“Thank you,”she managed to say.
He stepped into the cottage and glanced around. It gave her a moment to compose herself. While she always thought he was attractive, she hadn’t realized just how good looking he truly was. Tonight, he looked especially handsome in his nice brown slacks with a tan jacket over his white button-down shirt. Her heart pounded and she felt as if her palms were sweating. She couldn’t remember when she had last felt so nervous.
“Your chariot awaits you,”he said as she grabbed her coat and purse from the table.
“I hope you didn’t come in a horse and buggy,”she heard herself tease him.
He held the door open for her and then, with his hand on her elbow, guided her toward his truck.“You know, I actually thought about that. But, I figured you wouldn’t want people suspecting you were courting an Amish bloke.”
“No, certainly not”she laughed as he opened the truck door for her, secretly delighted with his chivalrous attention to her. William never opened her car doors or any doors for that matter. He thought clicking the remote to unlock the doors was his gentlemanly duty. Her mind wandered to her son. Had she raised him to respect women and to treat them as ladies? How she hoped that she did, but, from the way that he treated her, Elizabeth imagined that Annie had her hands full in dealing with Ryan on daily basis.
Waiting until she was seated and buckled her seat belt before he closed the door, he jogged around the front of the truck to get in the driver side. He smiled at her and she suddenly realized that, despite his gentlemanly overtures, he felt as nervous as she was. That thought comforted her and she found herself relaxing.
“So, are you ready to hit all the bars?”Carl asked, a teasing look in his eyes as he looked at her.
“Bar hopping?”she replied, pretending to take offense.“What type of gal do you take me for?”
“No bar hopping then?”
She shook her head.
He sighed and shifted the truck into reverse, backing out of the driveway so that he could turn around.“Well then, I guess we just have to settle for a nice quiet meal, I guess.”He drove down the driveway and turned on his blinker before he stopped at the five mailboxes.“Thought we’d go to one of the nice buffets in town.”
“Buffet sounds just fine,”she said, knowing that there weren’t too many other options in the area. Tourists came to Berlin and the surrounding towns looking for bargains. Buffets were popular because they offered a good deal for the money.
“Not exactly a nice quiet candlelight dinner,”he said as he turned onto the road.“But, you’ll enjoy it, I’m sure. It’s one of the more popular ones. Besides,”he said, glancing at her.“I’m saving the candlelight dinner for another time. Don’t want to overwhelm you will all my charm and personality at the beginning.”
Despite his wink to indicate that he was teasing, she found herself catching her breath. Candlelight dinner? Charm and personality? After thirty-five years of marriage, those were things that were foreign to her. How could she have been married for so long without experiencing these things? Not as an adult, anyway. It took her a minute to clear her head as she realized that, despite thirty-five years of marriage, the one thing that had been lacking was romance.
During the drive, Elizabeth stared out the window, enjoying the beautiful scenery of the farms that dotted the beautiful hills of Ohio. The leaves had mostly fallen from the trees, but there was something eerily beautiful about the bare trees against the sky, the sun already dipping below the horizon. What a true example of God’s magic touch, she thought.
As they were driving down the main street in the small town of Walnut Creek, Carl maneuvered the car past two horses pulling buggies and turned onto a less crowded street and toward a brick building with a long porch around it. He stopped his car and put on his blinker, waiting for two cars to pass before he turned into the parking lot of Der Dutchman.
The parking lot was crowded and there was a line waiting to get in. She also noticed a few buggies parked toward the back of the lot. Long ago, she had learned that if the Amish frequented a restaurant, the food was mostly likely quite good.
“This seems like a popular place,”she observed.“Will it take long to get a table, you think?”
“Well, normally I’d say yes,”he answered as he parked the car in a spot by the back of the building.“But I called in a favor.”He turned off the car and grinned at her.“It’s the secret code among restaurateurs,”he whispered in a secretive voice.“Don’t tell anyone.”
As they walked toward the restaurant, she noticed that he lead her to a side entrance instead of the main, front door. Opening the door for her, he took a step backward and guided her inside. To her surprise, they stepped into what appeared to be a banquet hall.
“Right this way”he said, taking her hand in his as he led her across the floor and toward another door.
In the waiting area, there was a large crowd of people waiting to be seated. Carl led Elizabeth to the front of the line and greeted the hostess with a friendly hug and chaste kiss to the cheek.
“Carl,”the woman said.“Good to see you!”
He grinned and glanced at the people seated in the waiting room.
“I trust you got my message from your mother, yes?”
“I did and I have everything waiting for you,”she said, smiling at Elizabeth.“Just follow me, please.”
She led them to a small table in a corner by a window. Elizabeth sat down in the chair that Carl pulled out for her, thanking him as she looked around. The window overlooked beautiful Ohio farm land which, in the dusk, appeared brushed by strokes of red mixed with shadows.
“What a nice view,”Elizabeth said.
“I thought you’d like it. I specifically requested it.”
Elizabeth returned her attention back to him.“Your secret restaurateur code seems to have lots of perks.”
“I’ll let you in on another secret,”he said, gesturing for her to lean closer so that he could whisper in her ear.“That woman is my cousin.”
The heat that rose to her face told her that a blush covered her cheeks. He laughed, obviously enjoying her discomfort. Had he truly just caught her with a touch of jealousy over the chaste kiss on the hostess’s cheek? Ashamed, she looked away.
“Come on,”he said, reaching across the table to take her hand. He led her toward the buffet, walking her around it to point out the varieties of salads, meats, and vegetables. She noticed several Amish couples, mostly young adults, wandering around the serving stations with plates in their hands as they selected their meal.
She didn’t need to be told by anyone that the couples were courting. The clean-shaven faces of the men were the first give-a-way. The second was the fact that, on a Friday night, they were out to enjoy a meal. That was clearly an indication that they were dating because married couples would be busy at home or visiting family members.
Once they were seated back at their table, Elizabeth found herself relaxing. Carl took control of the burden of conversation. He told her stories, first about growing up in Tennessee. She hadn’t realized that he wasn’t born in Holmes County. When he skipped a few years and began telling her about bringing his children to Der Dutchman, she couldn’t help but wonder what had brought him from Tennessee to Ohio. She knew better than to pry so she kept the question to herself.
“Your eyes glisten when you speak of your children Carl,”she said lightly.“Such a blessing it must be to have such wonderful memories.”
He laughed, pushing back his plate to indicate that he was finished.“I’m sure you have plenty of those as well, Elizabeth.”
“Honestly?”She wiped at her mouth and set down her napkin.“I don’t.”
He raised an eyebrow inquisitively but didn’t ask any questions, giving her the room to either continue talking or to change the subject.
For some reason, she found herself opening up to him.“Don’t get me wrong, Carl. I love my children but my relationship is not as deep as I would like it to be.”She paused, trying to collect her thoughts.
As a little girl, she had always dreamed of her future. It entailed a husband, a house, two children, and perfect happiness. Funny, she thought. It never really happens that way…
“My children aren’t like Ethan and Kelly,”she said, knowing that saying the words meant that she was finally admitting it.“I don’t know where I went wrong, but something happened. Maybe it was when I was sick…”
“Sick?”He leaned forward, concern on his face.“I’m sorry Elizabeth, I didn’t realize…”
“I had uterine cancer. Nothing too serious. I mean, I didn’t need chemotherapy or radiation. But the diagnostic tests, surgery, and hospital stay…well, it was more than you’d think and we had to re-mortgage the house and use up a lot of the savings.”She looked up.“It put William under a lot of stress. He was going to retire early but…”She let her voice trail off, knowing that she didn’t need to complete the sentence.
“I understand.”
She took a deep breath and tried to smile.“I guess that cemented the rift in my relationship with my daughter.”
He tilted his head, his silence encouraging her to continue.
“Sophia was always close to her father,”Elizabeth said.“Ryan, however, is just like William. I was always the odd man out.”She played with the cocktail napkin under her water glass. Emotion began to well in her throat and she warned herself to tread carefully.
“What happened?”
When Carl asked the question, she looked up and meths concerned gaze. It felt good to talk about this, she realized. She was sharing pieces of her life that she hadn’t even confided in Reverend White.“I think they both blamed me for making him work harder when he should have been winding down his career. He could have retired at fifty…he’d been at the mines for over thirty years, by then. But we needed the money…”
“Ah!”Carl nodded his head, understanding where she was headed with the story.
“Anyway,”Elizabeth said.“I didn’t mean to sound so negative. Let’s talk about something else. Tell me more about your children, Carl.”
He shook his head“How about something different?”He gestured toward their waitress.“Like dessert? I think that’s a safe subject for both of us.”
Relieved, she laughed.“You remind me of the Amish! They seem to finish every meal with dessert!”
He glanced at her, a quizzical look on his face that turned into an amused smile as he adopted an accent that reminded her of Elijah when he quipped,“Do I now? Imagine that!”
By the time that the walked her up to the door of the cottage, she knew that it was almost nine o’clock. They had lingered at the restaurant, sharing a piece of apple pie and a carafe of coffee. When he paid the bill, she was surprised to look around and noticed that the dining area had cleared. They were one of the last to leave, another first for her.
“I had a great time this evening,”Carl said as they stood outside the cottage.
She felt like a schoolgirl.“I…I was nervous.”
“Really? I never would have known.”
It took her a second to realize that he was teasing her. Had she truly been that transparent? She was glad that it was dark so that he couldn’t see her cheeks turn pink.
He reached out and took her hand in his. His thumb caressed the top of her hand and she felt a shiver run down her spine.“Truth is, Just Elizabeth,”he said softly.“I was nervous, too.”
His admission made her smile.
He paused, still holding her hand. Then, he started to lean forward and, for just the briefest of moments, she thought he was going to kiss her. Instead, he abruptly released her hand and pulled back.“I best say good-night then,”he whispered.“We both have busy days tomorrow.”
She felt a fluttering in the pit in her stomach as he walked away. Was she relieved or disappointed that he hadn’t kissed her? When she realized that she felt disappointed, her heart began to pound. An image of William flashed before her eyes and she silently chastised herself. What would William have thought, she asked herself, if I had actually kissed another man? Still, even though a momentary wave of guilt washed over her, she knew that the fact remained: she had wanted Carl to kiss her. Nothing could change that.
CHAPTER 11
She stood next to Mary and Katie, greeting the women as they arrived. Both Mary and Katie wore freshly washed and ironed black dresses with their white prayer kapps on their heads. With their hair pulled back, not one strand out of place, and their faces shining in the light from the overhead propane lantern, they were the image of quintessential Amish women.
To Elizabeth’s surprise, as each new woman arrived, she approached Mary and Katie, shaking their hand in a single, firm handshake before leaning over and kissing the women on the lips. When they greeted Elizabeth, they merely shook her hand and moved on to the next person in the line.
Luckily, Mary had warned her about that greeting kiss. At first, Elizabeth thought she was joking, knowing how Mary sometimes liked to tease in a dry, humorless sort of way. But when the first woman arrived, a large red-faced woman that lived on a neighboring farm, she shook Mary’s hand and leaned over, just as Mary predicted.
As
each woman arrived and greeted the others, she would then assume her position at the end of the line. Elizabeth noticed that the older women arrived first before the younger ones, married with children in tow, began to appear.
Once the little children began to appear, Elizabeth was won over. Several of the mothers dressed their children in the same color so each family seemed proudly color coordinated, despite the fact that pride was frowned upon. To Elizabeth, they looked like little dolls with porcelain cheeks and soft, big eyes that stared at her with great curiosity. One small girl, a blond with big blue eyes, clung to her mother’s dress, her thumb stuck in her mouth as she peeked at Elizabeth.
The main room in the house was set up for the service with rows of benches that faced each other. At the center of the room was a line of chairs. Mary whispered that those were for the church leaders and hosting family. Elijah would sit there with Katie and the kinner seated behind him.
What Elizabeth found was extra interesting was the walls to the rooms. They were removable. She had learned from Katie that most older homes in the Amish community had the similar walls. Throughout the year, the partitions remained in place, separating the first floor into smaller rooms. But, when worship service was to be held at the house, all of the furniture was removed and the partitions taken down so that the entire first floor was one big, open room.
“Of course, newer houses don’t have that,”Katie had explained while they were wiping down the walls.“But they’ll have a big room over the horse stables that can be used instead.”
Elizabeth found the idea of house worship comforting. Each family participated, shouldering an equal amount of work to contribute to the church district. Additionally, it also meant that the members didn’t have to get bogged down in paying for and maintaining a separate property. They also didn’t get caught up in all of the trappings of decorating a church building.
As she watched the women standing in line, all of them dressed in black except for the children and the younger unmarried women who wore blue dresses with white capes and aprons, Elizabeth recognized a degree of comfort that she hadn’t expected to feel.