by Sarah Price
She smiled, remembering the first time that she had met him when Vivian had brought the tour into his diner for coffee and coffee cake.
“Well, have yourself a nice evening,”he finally said.
“Nice meeting you,”Marianne added from over his shoulder, her big brown eyes staring at Elizabeth with great curiosity.
As they walked away, Elizabeth kept smiling and waved with her hand, hoping she appeared more pleasant than she felt. She noticed Carl’s hand guiding the woman out of the restaurant, his hand in the same place where, just the evening before, he had touched Elizabeth’s back.
Stunned, she stared after the couple. How could she have been so mistaken, she wondered, about Carl? Just one day after she informed him of her decision to return to West Virginia and he was dating another woman? Already?
Oh, Elizabeth admitted that her inner monologue , the discourse that she had with herself and others, were aimed at convincing everyone that leaving was the right thing to do. Herself, included. If she had any doubts in her mind, she felt that she knew better now.
Now, with a clear mind, she knew the truth. It was not just returning to Nottingham because she had a‘life’and‘responsibilities’there. As always, she was returning because she embraced the safety of the known verses the peril of the unknown.
A dangerous way to live, she realized.
Setting aside the menu, she sat back in the booth, staring ahead at nothing on the other side. An empty space. No one to have dinner with. The future that lay ahead of her. It was bleak and undesirable. And, while her marriage to William had been a solid one, she knew that it, too, had experienced its ups and downs. The difficulties of adapting to life on a miner’s salary in a small town in West Virginia hadn’t done much to ease their struggles over the years.
Suddenly, despite all of her hard work that day, she found that she wasn’t that hungry after all.
CHAPTER 15
She awoke early on Monday morning. She had already packed the car the evening before with her main suitcase. She only needed to finish packing her remaining toiletries and towels as well as the box of food from her refrigerator. But she wanted to take one last walk, to stretch her legs and breathe in the cold air of an Ohio morning in November.
She’d miss getting up in the morning and walking out the front door for her walks. While she could certainly take walks at home in Nottingham, she knew that it wouldn’t be the same. She lived in a neighborhood, not on the edge of a forest. She’d be greeted by children waiting for the school bus instead of cows grazing in the fields. No, it wouldn’t be the same at all.
“What time will you arrive, you think”Ryan had asked when she called him the previous afternoon.
His question delighted her and she imagined a warm homecoming. Would they surprise her at her house or invite her over to theirs? She couldn’t wait to see the boys. Had they grown in the past month, she wondered, and would they remember her?
“Early afternoon,”she responded.“Why?”
“Curious.”
She waited, hoping for that invitation to dinner. It didn’t come.
“Well, I’ll try to stop by over the weekend, I guess,”he said.“I have work to do around the house on Saturday, though. Winterizing. Supposed to be a bad one this year.”
She frowned.“It would be nice to see you and the children,”she said, choosing her words carefully.“It has been a month, Ryan.”
“We’ll see you at church on Sunday, if I can’t get down there on Saturday.”He sounded exasperated.“Annie is taking the kids to her mom’s next weekend anyway. Her sister’s shower is Saturday afternoon and they want to see the boys.”
“I want to see the boys,”Elizabeth stated in a firmer tone than she intended.
He sighed. She could imagine him standing in his kitchen by the counter, the phone in his hand as he twirled the wire around his finger. She wondered if Annie was standing nearby, listening to the conversation. If she was, Elizabeth felt certain that Ryan was rolling his eyes. He hated when his mother was difficult.
“I know, Mom,”he said, his words clipped and even as if he were speaking to one of his sons.“But we already had plans.”
When she hung up the phone, she had felt more frustrated than she had in a while. Gone were the feelings of peace and tranquility that she had found over the past four weeks living at the Troyers’farm.
Her phone call to Sophia hadn’t been much better. After being on hold for five minutes, Sophia had barely had time to acknowledge her mother’s announcement that she was returning to West Virginia.
“I’ll call you later this week,”Sophia said.“I’m stepping into a meeting.”
“Perhaps I should make an appointment to see you?”
“Sarcasm is not appreciated, Mother,”Sophia snapped.“You just called at a bad time. Stand down, OK?”
Disgusted, Elizabeth put away her cell phone and set it down on the counter by her purse. She tried to remember why she had called them anyway. Had she really thought that they might have missed her? That they might have simply pretended to be excited for her return?
For the rest of the evening, she had stewed over their complete indifference toward her. By the time she fell asleep, she wasn’t certain which annoyed her more: that Carl had been out with another woman on Saturday or that her children didn’t seem to notice that she had been away for almost a month. Was she that invisible?
Now, as she zipped up her coat and breathed in the air, she felt a little stronger. After what she had been through, after what she had learned, she knew that she could do anything. She was stronger than she had known. She just needed to keep reminding herself of that.
She walked along the path, wishing that the sun was shining. It was overcast that morning with rain predicted for later in the evening. She hoped that it held off until she was on the road and headed toward home.
Home.
She tried to imagine waking up in that house, alone, each morning laid out with nothing to do but find things to keep herself busy. She’d have to get more involved in the church, perhaps go back to teaching Sunday school. That would keep her connected to the other members and, if she planned it right, she might even get her own grandsons in her class.
Of course, there was also the Wednesday’s Women Group. Bible study in the morning followed by lunch in the community room. She hadn’t attended since William’s death, although, to be fair, it didn’t meet during the summer months. Still, she found herself looking forward to returning.
As she rounded the bend, she stopped in her tracks. Leaning against a tree near the bridge, Carl stood waiting for her. His arms were crossed over his chest and he had a serious expression on his face.
“Carl!”she said as she approached him.“You scared me.”
“Didn’t mean to,”he said softly, pushing back from the tree and taking a few steps toward her.“Mind if I join you?”
They walked in silence, Elizabeth wondering what he was doing there. Clearly, something was on his mind for him to arise so early and be out here, in the forest, waiting for her. She didn’t ask any questions, knowing that he would talk when he was ready.
Five minutes into their walk, he cleared his throat.
“You don’t have to go back, Elizabeth.”
Surprised, she looked up at him.“I don’t?”
“No.”
She took a deep breath and stared ahead, her eyes on the path instead of him.“I think I do, Carl. Just as you have a life here, I have one at Nottingham.”
“So you said the other night”was his simple reply. They took a few more steps, the conversation temporarily halted. She sensed that he was regrouping, trying to find the way to say what he was really thinking.
The trees bent in a short blast of wind that blew through the forest. She shivered and put her hands into the front pockets of her coat. Winter is here, she thought, a sense of dread suddenly filling her. What was once her favorite season was no longer something she looked forward to. That re
alization startled her almost as much as finding Carl in the woods that morning.
“The other night,”he started to say.“You caught me off guard.”
I bet, she thought, envisioning him with the brunette woman named Marianne on his arm. They looked like a lovely couple, matched perfectly in height and appearance. Elizabeth wondered, bitterly, if Marianne had known that Carl took her for dinner the previous week.
“I knew you planned on returning to West Virginia, but a part of me secretly hoped that you might stay.”
Elizabeth lifted an eyebrow at his words, surprised that he was referencing her announcement about leaving.
“You see,”he continued.“I was planning on asking if you’d think about staying a little longer, maybe until Christmas. I know that the holidays will be tough this year. It’s the first year since your husband died. You’ll want to be with your family.”He paused before he added.“I get that.”
She didn’t interrupt him, wondering where he was headed with this conversation.
“I had given this a lot of thought and wanted to ask you if you’d consider coming back in the spring, maybe help out at the diner during the tourist season,”he said.“But then you told me you were leaving before I had a chance to ask you.”
“Why are you asking me now?”she heard herself say. The thought was on her mind. If he knew she was leaving, why would he appeal to her to return?
“I was disappointed at your news, Elizabeth,”he said, stopping and turning to face her.“I was talking to my sister on Saturday night and…”
“Your sister?”She looked up at him, stunned.“Marianne?”
He looked taken aback.“Of course.”
Colored flood her cheeks and she lowered her gaze, ashamed of her thoughts.
When she heard him chuckle, a soft noise that was almost inaudible, she knew that her cheeks flushed even more red. He must have realized what she had presumed, that Marianne was his date, not a sibling. He saw through her reaction, recognizing the face of jealousy and, despite his amusement, he didn’t tease her further. For that, she was thankful.
“Elizabeth,”he said, reaching out to place his finger under her chin and tilt it so that she had no choice but to look up at him.“I can’t make any promises to you. I wouldn’t do that to you nor to me.”He smiled, a tender expression on his face as his eyes studied hers.“But you have to admit that we have something here. We need to give it a chance, don’t you think?”
She glanced down at the ground, her heart pounding. She felt as if she floated above her body, watching Carl looking at her, his gaze full of adoration and respect. The intensity of his look unsettled her, especially when she realized that she welcomed his apparent feelings.
“You say you have a life at home, responsibilities and family,”he whispered.“But I think you could have the same things here…in Mount Hope.”
“Carl…”
He shook his head,“Let me finish, Elizabeth,”he interrupted her, his voice soft and gentle.“Since you first arrived, I have seen a remarkable change in you. You arrived lost and broken. You are leaving found and put back together. My fear is that you might return to a visionof what Nottingham is supposed to be.”
She bit her lower lip, not wanting to hear what he was going to say next.
“But, while you have grown and changed, they have not.”He took a breath and exhaled.“I’m afraid you are creating the perfect set up to be hurt, Elizabeth. And I’d hate to see that happen.”
She shut her eyes.
“Just as I’d hate to see you lose that sparkle in your eyes,”he added, dropping his hand from her chin to arm, gently rubbing it.“I worked awfully hard at finding it.”
At first, she didn’t trust her voice. How could she respond to his words? She couldn’t deny what he said was anything but the truth. As much as she recognized the change within herself, she had also noticed that her family had remained in the same stagnant rut. She had grown; they had not. Plain and simple.
“You don’t have to answer me now, Elizabeth,”he said.“Just think about it. When you get home and you feel disappointment, I want you to remember that the offer stands…the offer to come back to Mount Hope and live a life that is full of laughter and love, friends and family, sunrises and sunsets.”He paused, pulling her into his arms.“Memories, Elizabeth. New ones. Ones that will show you what it is like to regain a hold of your life.”
She let him embrace her, her forehead pressed against his chest. She felt warm and safe in his arms, a feeling that she never thought she’d know again.
He leaned down and, gently, pressed his lips against the top of her head. It was an innocent gesture that did not hint at expectations of anything more.“Will you think about it, Elizabeth? Can you do me that one little favor?”
She nodded her head.
He gave her a gentle squeeze before he released her.“That’s all that I wanted to say.”He reached out and brushed back a strand of her hair.“That’s why I waited for you.”
“I’m glad you waited for me,”she whispered.
He pressed his palm against her cheek and stared into her face for a long moment. Then, abruptly, he gave a soft smile.“No promises,”he murmured, leading down to gently brush his lips against hers, a tender kiss, before he pulled back.“Safe travels, Just Elizabeth.”
With that, he turned and walked away, his hands in his pockets and his head held high. She stared after him, amazing at the amount of courage it had taken for him to wait for her and say those words. Her lips tingled from his kiss and she lifted her fingers to touch them.
No promises. His words lingered in her ears.
She had lived her entire life on promises: a promise of a home and husband; a promise of children and grandchildren; a promise of early retirement and European vacations. What promises did the future hold now? If the ones from her past hadn’t panned out, what made her think that she could live with more unfulfilled promises?
The sound of a bird chirping interrupted her thought process. Carl had disappeared around the bend. He wasn’t coming back.
Turning, she continued walking her regular path toward the back paddock where the mules grazed. She climbed over the fence and headed toward the front of the property where the Troyers’house was.
The laundry was already hanging on the line to dry. Mary had told her that Mondays were always laundry days. Even if there was no worship service, the family wore their Sunday clothing to visit with friends and family. She said that most women washed those clothes on Monday morning so that any potential stains wouldn’t set in the fabric.
The black dress already hanging on the line next to the black trousers and white shirts made Elizabeth smile. Mary must have been up early that morning. She approached the porch, her heart pounding. She didn’t know what to say or how to say good-bye to Mary. Pausing at the door, she hesitated before knocking on it…once, twice.
The door opened and Mary peered out, obviously noticing Elizabeth standing there. The Amish woman pushed open the door and started to step outside but, once she felt the cold air, she retreated back inside, still holding the door ajar with her arm.
“Are you here to say goodbye, then?”Mary asked, a sorrowful expression on her face.
“No Mary,”Elizabeth responded, her eyes wide and her voice breathless.“I’m here to ask if, come March, you might have a cottage available for rent?”
EPILOGUE
Tourist season was in full-swing, the streets crowded with cars of gawking Englischers, hoping to spot a horse and buggy passing by so that they could snap a quick photograph with their cellphones. At this time of the day, however, the Amish had, for the most part, already returned home from their errands, work, or visiting friends that lived further away.
The trees had already turned green, their leaves contrasting against the bright blue sky over Ohio. Along the back roads, the farmers spent their days working in the fields, fixing broken posts along their fence line, or cutting the first hay of the season.
The bell jingled as the door to the diner opened. An older couple walked in, the man raising his hand to greet Carl as he guided his wife to an empty booth near a window in the back.
“Lizzy!”Carl called out.
She emerged from the kitchen, carrying two fresh pies that she placed on the counter.
He glanced over his shoulder at the couple that had just entered.“Joe and Gladys are here,”he said.“Thought you might want to say hello.”
She smiled and nodded her head before she grabbed two coffee mugs in one hand and a coffee pot in the other. Friends from church, the older couple visited the diner at least once a week, usually on Thursday evenings.
Elizabeth greeted them and set down the mugs.“What a lovely surprise!”she said as she poured the coffee for them.
The woman laughed.“You always say that!”
“And yet, we’re here every week!”the man added.
Elizabeth set down the coffee pot on the table as she pulled a pad of paper from her apron pocket.“And I’m thrilled each and every time!”
The couple flushed, delighted with her compliment.
Elizabeth took down their order and hurried back to hand it over to Carl. He took the piece of paper, his hand lingering for just a moment before he slid it from her fingers.
She looked up at him when he kept standing there, staring at her with a thoughtful expression on his face. She blushed.“What is it?”
He sighed, smiling just slightly.“Have I told you today how wonderful you are?”
Looking toward the ceiling, she pretended to think about his question. After a brief pause, she responded with a playful,“Twice, I believe.”
His mouth dropped.“Only twice? My goodness! I need to step that up then, don’t I?”
He glanced over her shoulder at the couple. The other booths were empty, the early evening rush over. They would close the diner at seven o’clock, the majority of their business taking place at breakfast and lunch time. On Fridays and Saturdays, he stayed open later, but Ethan helped out after working at the Troyers.