Panic caught her breath. Could this really be a huge coincidence? How could she trust him? He was an internet expert—he could have set the whole thing up, right? What if he told the guys at the office? She would be a laughingstock. It was all too much to process. She needed to get out, to get away, but she didn’t want to wake him. She couldn’t handle that yet. She couldn’t face him and see him gloat.
Quietly, little by little, she slid from the bed, hoping like anything that he didn’t wake up until she could get dressed. She needed to be alone. She had made a very bad decision last night, and she was going to have to think about how to handle the consequences.
* * *
JACK WOKE TO HEAR the shower running, and was momentarily disoriented. Picking up the scent of perfume and sex from the sheets, he smiled, stretching like a big cat. Raine. Last night had been a shock, but not a disappointment. Well, to be completely honest, it had been a disappointment at first, but now it ranked as one of the best nights of his life.
He pushed up on the pillows, rubbed his face, and glanced at the clock. It was almost nine, but it was Sunday, so he was not in a rush to go anywhere. He wondered what Raine would want to do with the day. His smile was wicked as he considered what he would like to do with it, with her.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed, found his jeans and yanked them on. Nothing was as he thought it would be.
The house was small, a classic New England cottage. Raine had nice taste, he thought as he ran his hand over the solid wooden frame of the mission-style bed, the earthy tones of the unfinished wood blending beautifully with the rose-tinted walls, but the place was not exactly what he would have expected of the very wealthy. She had nice but not extravagant things. The rooms were comfortable, but hardly grand. Not at all what he would have imagined.
Flowers were peeking at him from wall vases she had installed in every room. Snow blew against the white three-over-three frames, making the place feel like a cocoon. Her bedroom dresser looked old, an antique no doubt, and the bedding was soft, good-quality cotton. He smiled, running a finger along the edge of a daisy on the pattern. It was all female, all soft and inviting. Like Raine.
So she was Nilla. His Nilla. Never in a million years would he have thought Raine Covington was even capable of the kind of charm that he found so attractive in Nilla, let alone the passion she had shared with him last night. It looked as if he was wrong.
Nothing he would have imagined about Raine Covington seemed right. She had been standoffish in high school, and she sure as hell was not all that likable at work. How could he have been so wrong about her? Thinking of her in his arms, and how he had been able to help her experience passion she didn’t even think she was capable of achieving, made his toes curl. He glanced toward the bathroom where the shower had just turned off, and thought about joining her.
* * *
RAINE STOOD IN the shower, stalling, still not knowing how to handle the situation. How could she face Jack? She had clearly messed up. It just didn’t pay to be impulsive; it never worked out for her. They had to work in the same office, and she would be lucky if he was just willing to forget about last night and keep his mouth shut.
She rubbed a towel almost violently over her hair and had a brutal moment of honesty as she looked at her scrubbed face in the mirror. What really bothered her, down deep, was that he didn’t even like her—he wasn’t even really with her last night—while they had been making love, he had thought of her as Nilla, called her Nilla, not Raine. He was just living out a fantasy.
She had been able to live one out as well, she admitted. It was fantastic with him. When he had seduced her that second, wonderful time, when he had shown her what real, satisfying sex could be like with a man, it had moved her deeply. But now, in the cold morning light, the experience felt hollow and wrong. She had opened herself to him completely, and he had only seen her as a fantasy, not as Raine Covington, but as some figment of his imagination come to life.
She put a hand to her face, sinking against the edge of the vanity as she realized how she had let him take her over, she had been so eager for what he could give her. He was likely motivated by a mix of male ego and pity, and while neither was a particularly great option, she would prefer the first to the second, thanks very much!
Her hands worked themselves furiously through her hair, and she stopped, sighing in defeat, feeling tears sting behind her eyelids. It was just her lousy luck that the lover of her dreams was not the man of her dreams, nor she the woman of his. She spoke determinedly to her image, convincing herself of what she had to do.
“Remember, he wasn’t making love to you. An idea of you, a version of you—yes—but not you. Keep that straight, and try to have a little dignity, in spite of the fact that you just made a tremendous fool of yourself. Try to keep it together, get him out the door quickly, and get through this. See it through.”
Setting her shoulders back, she slipped on a mask of calm that hid the hurt. It was something she was practiced at—a skill she had honed to perfection in the lonely, painful years of her youth.
She pulled on a robe and walked out into the bedroom. The little bit of cool she had maintained nearly slipped away completely as she saw him standing by her bedroom window holding a cup of coffee and looking magnificent dressed only in his jeans. She licked her lips and blinked hard, reining herself in.
“Um. Good morning.” She sounded like a frog.
He turned and smiled. “It is. I made coffee. Hope you don’t mind.”
She took another step awkwardly into the room. “No, no, that’s good, fine. Thank you.”
He set the coffee down on the table, and crossed the room, the sleepy, sexy smell of his body slamming into her and blowing away her rehearsed calm as his arms came around her and he pushed his face into her neck, inhaling, and making her head spin.
“I missed you there when I woke up. When I heard the water running, I was going to come join you, but then you finished. Too bad…”
There was a warm suggestion in his voice that made Raine’s knees weak, and she fought for control, keeping her body rigid, and put her hands lightly on his shoulders. Piling one mistake on top of another wasn’t going to help, as much as her body was screaming for his. Using every ounce of strength she had, she applied gentle pressure, pushing him away.
Frowning, Jack loosened his arms, stepping back slightly, and looked into her face. She held herself stiffly near him, and didn’t want to meet his eyes.
He thought, perhaps, that she was embarrassed. He had already figured that much of what he had assumed about her seemed not to be true, at least in what he’d experienced with her last night, and from what he could gather from her home. She probably wasn’t used to taking a man home and, well, doing what they’d done.
He didn’t know her, but he was willing to give it a try. Tilting her head up with his fingers, he made her face him and found her eyes dull and remote, the mouth that had been so hot under his was stretched tight. She wrenched her face away again and stepped back.
“Jack, this was obviously a mistake—we are just acting on ideas we got about each other on the Net. We don’t even know each other.”
His eyes narrowed, and he became cautious, hating the way the atmosphere in the small room had changed, had chilled. Confusion, hurt and anger rolled over him. He stepped forward and pressed her up against the wall with his body, holding her shoulders tightly, his gaze fierce, demanding something from her.
“I thought we had something starting here, Raine. What’s going on?”
She shifted against him uncomfortably, a flush moving up her throat. She wasn’t immune to him, that was for sure. She brought her chin up in that way that always set his teeth on edge, that imperious, arrogant tilt that drove him crazy, and she shook her head.
“Nothing is going on here, Jack. Nothing went on. This was just two strangers acting out a fantasy. It was a bad idea, especially since we have to work together. I would appreciate it if you wo
uld be, um, discreet.”
Discreet? What the hell? She was lax under his hands, not resisting, not responding at all. She just looked him dead in the eye and told him to be discreet. It was somehow much more painful than if she had just told him to get the hell out.
“Well, what do you think, Raine? That I’m going to go post it on the internet? Go tell all the guys at the office I had a hell of a night with Raine Covington and they should give you a call?”
She slapped him then, and though he knew he had it coming, it didn’t matter. Her eyes were fiery and hurt, but he suspected it was a hurt that was reflected in his own.
“I don’t know, Jack. I suppose that is possible. That’s the problem. I don’t know. I don’t know you well enough to trust you, and that’s why last night was a mistake.”
All of the warmth he had felt toward her slid away on a greasy slick of anger and regret. He looked hard into her eyes, finding it difficult to believe what she’d just said. But it was real, and he had to leave before he said something he would really regret. He didn’t look at her as he found the rest of his clothes, his tone reflecting the iciness he felt.
“Well, then, just let me get dressed now that you have made up your mind about me, and I’ll be out of your way.”
“Your car…”
“Don’t worry about it.... I’ll walk back.”
His tone cut off any comment she would have made, and she turned and left the room, not breathing until she reached the kitchen, feeling unsure as she sat at the small white table. She heard the door click quietly shut out in the living room, the soft sound more wrenching than a slam, and fought back tears.
She told herself it was better this way.
6
THE DAY WAS SUNNY, and Gwen was just as bright, bouncing into Raine’s office Monday morning. She poised herself on the edge of the desk, leaned over, and in a conspiratorial whisper asked, “So, how’d it go? I want to know everything!”
Raine didn’t even look up, and tried to sound as if she had no idea what Gwen was talking about. “Busy, Gwen, not now.” Her curt tone would have made most people cringe, but Gwen, as Raine had learned, was generally unrebuffable.
“That bad, huh? Was he a complete toad?”
Raine sat back and put her hands on her temples, sighing. Gwen would not let this rest, she knew. As her closest—and her only—real friend, she didn’t want to hurt Gwen’s feelings, but it was an annoying part of the girlfriend relationship that you were expected to tell all each Monday. She never could quite get used to it, and since typically she didn’t have much to tell, she just listened to Gwen’s tales.
But Gwen was relentless, and she felt herself cave. Maybe it would be good to vent. She opened her eyes, only to find Gwen regarding her patiently.
“I want to hear all about Rider, and your weekend, and then I’ll tell you about mine, too. I met a new guy. He’s dreamy.”
“Don’t you ever work?”
“Tons, but I manage my time so I can hear all about your weekend on Monday mornings. I find this little storytelling session is good for motivating me to get out of bed on Mondays, it primes me for the day. So go ahead, prime me.”
Raine had to smile. “I don’t think you need any more priming, but okay. I’m not quite sure how to start. Let’s just say this weekend was…unusual.”
Gwen slid off the desk and into a chair in one lithe movement. “Ohhh…unusual is good! But details, I want details.”
Raine sighed. “Okay. Well, good thing you are sitting down. Turns out Rider is someone I know. Someone we both know.”
Gwen’s eyes widened and she ticked off a few possible names. Raine shook her head. “No. Not even close. Rider is Jack Harris.”
“Who?”
Raine rolled her eyes and leaned forward. “Jack Harris—the IT guy you thought looked like Superman the other day.”
“Noooooo!” Gwen whooshed out the word on a breath of disbelief, and sat back in her chair, flabbergasted. “You’ve got to be kidding! What are the freakin’ odds on that? Oh, my God! Raine, I can’t believe it. What happened? God, he’s gorgeous.”
Raine smiled faintly, absentmindedly arranging papers on her desk as she spoke. “Well, we were both pretty disappointed, to put it mildly. We argued a bit, then he…well, he—”
“Yeah? C’mon! What?”
“Well, he kissed me. Major-league kiss.”
“Hold the phone. For whatever reason, you weren’t happy to see each other, you argued, and he kissed you?”
“Yeah. I know. It doesn’t seem to make sense, but it does, when you think about it. I guess we were both so worked up from the anticipation, the time online, we just had to find out. You know, what it would be like.” She took a deep breath, blushing furiously. “It ended up being a little more than a kiss. We, um, ended up going back to my place.”
Since Gwen looked as if she might fall out of the chair and let out a hoot, Raine jumped up to close the door.
“You slept with him?”
Raine nodded silently and Gwen grinned. “How was it?”
Too many reactions hit Raine at once. She started to speak, but stumbled, and felt her eyes burning. “It was great, but it was awful, you know? I mean, finally I meet someone who can…who could…” Just when she thought her cheeks wouldn’t burn any hotter, they did.
Gwen smacked the table. “All right! It’s about time, I was keeping my fingers crossed for you. But may I say that you don’t look all that thrilled about it.”
“Gwen, the guy I slept with Saturday night is not who I thought he would be—it was a fantasy. In real life he is a complete jerk with a horrible attitude who for some unknown reason can’t stand me! And I can’t stand him either. He’s so…rude. And arrogant. And I went to bed with him! How could I have done that?”
She dropped her head to the desk for a moment, and then raised it to look at Gwen with miserable eyes. “When we were in bed, at a, um, critical moment, he called me Nilla instead of Raine, and I don’t know—it was like he couldn’t think about being with me. The real me. He just wanted the fantasy. He wanted Nilla. It was humiliating.”
“Oh, Raine, honey, c’mon, people fantasize all the time in bed, and he knows you better as Nilla than Raine. I would think that was completely natural. It’s only a name, for goodness’ sake. I’m sure he knew exactly whom he was with. And you are Nilla, after all. It’s not like he was thinking about a different woman.”
Raine sucked in a breath and her voice became stiff and prim.
“Maybe so, but Nilla is a creation, she is many things that I am not at all. So, it just underlines the fact that he didn’t want to think about who he was really with.”
“Well, all right. What happened then?”
“He spent the night, and it was…nice. But then in the morning, I knew that it was all wrong, that we’d made a huge mistake. I feel like such a fool. I hate that I had such a lapse in judgment. I have never gotten so caught up in someone before, so swept away…”
Gwen offered only a satisfied smirk. “It’s about time, if you ask me. That’s what it’s supposed to be like, Raine. You are supposed to get so caught up you don’t care about anything or anyone else. We all wait to be swept away like that. Thank your lucky stars!”
“My lucky stars? Are you crazy? Not only did I sleep with a man who dislikes me, now I also have to think about dealing with him at work. Does it occur to you that this is a little weird?” She got up and paced the office.
“I have to see him here in the office and pretend nothing happened. I had phone sex with him, for God’s sake, and was, well, pretty open with him online. It’s so embarrassing! I’ll thank my lucky stars if he isn’t having a good laugh about it downstairs with the staff.”
Crossing over to hug Raine, Gwen stroked her hair and cooed reassuringly. “Raine, this is not a bad thing. Maybe not ideal, but not bad. You guys just have to work it out.”
“There is nothing to work out. He was very angry when he left.... I
guess I was a little, um, harsh. And that’s just as well. Now we just have to get past a few awkward moments here, and as long as he doesn’t go telling anyone else, it’ll be fine.”
Gwen sighed. Raine knew she thought she was too stubborn, and too afraid. But her voice was supportive.
“Hey, you took a chance, and you had a great night, right? So you had a tiff—those things can be smoothed out. Don’t make up your mind so fast, just see what happens.”
Raine nodded, though she did so only to placate Gwen. She had no doubts that she and Jack were definitely not a possibility. Gwen went on.
“I don’t think he is the kiss-and-tell type, anyway. I wouldn’t worry too much about that. He just didn’t seem to be that way. More like tall, quiet and intense.” She shifted gears quickly, sitting up and wiggling in the chair. “So, anyway, let me tell you about the new guy I met. I went down there, and…”
“Down where?”
“Downstairs. Remember we were joking about if there were more cute guys hiding downstairs where Jack works? Well, I decided to find out, and figured even if there weren’t, maybe I would run into Jack—not that I would even have so much as a fantasy about him now that I know you two are having a thing—” Raine tried to interject that they were definitely not having a thing, but Gwen just rolled on with her story.
“Anyway, you should see it down there. I never knew. It’s like something out of a movie. All these small offices circle around the edges of this one big room, and there are thousands of computers there. Well, maybe not thousands, but a lot. It’s all kinda dimly lit, and romantic in a techno comic-book kind of way.”
Raine raised her eyebrows, wondering at Gwen’s description of the building basement, but listened as she continued.
“Anyway, I figured I would go down, and just see what or who was there. So, I was poking around looking for Jack’s office, and bumped into this guy.” Her eyes took on that faraway look that Raine knew well.
Yours for the Night Page 25