by Annie Green
As I was refilling the pastry case, Damien strode up behind me. He was so close that if I took one step back, I’d be flush against his chest. God, that chest. It was any girl’s dream.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Damien said softly, careful not to disturb the two customers in the store.
“I haven’t,” I lied.
“Just a few hours ago you were standing naked in front of me, talking about fucking,” he said into my ear.
I felt my whole body warm. What was I supposed to say to that? Words had no place between us at this moment. They were a waste of time. The only thing I wanted to do was unzip his pants and have him take me on the counter.
His hand brushed up against my hip and my eyes fluttered closed. “Are you mad at me?”
I turned around so I was facing him. He was so confusing sometimes. First it seemed like he didn’t want to be near me and then for no reason whatsoever he was concerned about the two of us not getting along.
“Why would I be mad at you?”
His hand ran across the back of his neck. I knew what that gesture meant. He was nervous.
“Because I…I left you the other night and didn’t stay.”
My eyebrows met in confusion. “I’m not mad about that, Damien.” I wasn’t mad. Hurt? Yes, but I wasn’t going to let on, so I waved my hand dismissively. “We said we’d keep it casual, and speaking of that…we need to talk.”
His eyes met mine and I made myself stare into their dark depths. “What? What do you need to talk to me about?” The sexual tension dissipated quickly, leaving apprehension in its wake.
I opened my mouth to tell him that we needed to keep it casual, to keep this just sex, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I didn’t want it to be just sex. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to see what he had to offer. I wanted to be his friend. I doubted he’d want the same thing. I was so confounded that I ended up freezing, unable to verbalize my confusion.
When I didn’t answer him right away, he leaned forward, anxiety spreading across his face. “What’s going on?”
His voice was low, nearly a whisper and the nervousness I heard within made my heart thump painfully in my chest. What was I going to say? Would I set expectations and limitations and make sure it stayed casual or would I break it off to save myself the pain of a broken heart?
Before I could answer, a customer approached the counter.
“Worst fucking timing,” he muttered so quietly I almost didn’t catch it.
“How can I help you?” I asked the older woman at the counter as I stepped away from Damien. I could seem him purposefully turn so he was no longer facing me. His hand reached up and I was almost positive he was pinching the bridge of his nose. Oh no. Those tension headaches again. The last time he’d had one of those my fingers ended up in his mouth.
I took the woman’s order and made her drink, letting Damien escape to the backroom. He stayed back there for a while, only returning when the store grew busy and I had to call him to come help me.
When he reappeared, he looked tense and my heart thumped painfully in my chest, and I knew. I couldn’t break it off just yet. Not yet. Just a little more time and then we would discuss where this was going. Perhaps by then things would be clearer and I would know exactly what I wanted. Right now, things were just too muddled. And I really didn’t want to stop what we were doing. I liked it too much. Way too much.
The pain in my chest subsided and I felt relieved that I had finally come to a decision. Even if it was only temporary. I wanted to talk to him right away, to clarify things, but we stayed busy until closing. It was unfortunate really because by the time he cleared out the shop and locked the doors, he was in a foul mood. And I was walking on eggshells, making sure not to disturb the beast lurking inside. He did a poor job containing it, snapping at me for everything I did or brooding in silence. The tension rolling off him was so thick it was almost visible and I was pretty sure the customers felt it as well. I didn’t really understand why he was acting this way. I wracked my mind with what I could have done to make him so angry, but came up short. I had no idea what was going on.
By the time we had turned the light off and made our way to the door, I was ready to scream out of frustration. Instead, I grabbed his arm and stopped him from leaving the shop.
“We need to talk,” I said grumpily.
His jaw flexed and he glanced down at my hand. “What about?”
“You’ve been a dick all day. What gives?”
He pulled his arm away from mine and rubbed it. “Nothing. Just a headache.”
“You’re a terrible liar. You’ve been giving me looks all night.”
“No, I haven’t.”
I huffed and nearly stomped my foot. He was infuriating. “Yes, you have. So tell me. What. Is. Wrong?”
“Nothing, Temperance,” he barked. “So leave it alone. I’m fucking tired and I want to go home. So if you’re done talking, I’d like to leave.”
My teeth clenched together and I held onto my purse strap so tightly it twisted painfully around my fingers.
“Fine. Let’s go.” I was so mad. Mad he was acting like a dick, that he wouldn’t admit to how he was feeling. Everything was so secretive with him. It would probably never change either. I would always be left guessing.
I pushed past him and strode outside, walking quickly to my car. I dug around in my purse for my keys but before I could wrap my fingers around them, Damien was at my side. He leaned into me, his right hand pressed up against my car, blocking me from stepping away.
“What were you going to tell me back there? Before that customer came up and interrupted.”
I placed my hands on my hips, not wanting to tell him, to provoke him like he had provoked me all evening.
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I said sassily, causing him to frown.
“Don’t mess with me, Temperance. I’m not fucking around. What were you going to say?”
I merely arched an eyebrow at him and tilted my head. So that was why he had been a douche all evening.
“Were you going to end...” he waved his finger between us. “…this?”
“I don’t even know what this is,” I replied.
“Tell me, Temperance,” he demanded.
“Maybe,” I replied, wanting to torture him a little longer since he’d been such a prick earlier.
“Tell me the truth,” he growled, leaning in closer to me. The proximity of his face to mine just made me want to kiss him. I scooted back until my body was pressed up against my car. I needed space to think clearly.
“Fine!” I threw my hands in the air and met his angry gaze. “I don’t know why you’re so bent out of shape about this. I mean, it’s not like we even had an arrangement. We just slept together a few times, but no, I wasn’t going to end it. I was thinking about it...”
“You were thinking about it?” He seemed more upset than before which made no sense. I had just said I was thinking about it, not that I was going to do it.
“Yeah, Damien. I was thinking about it,” I repeated.
He clenched his hands by his sides and took a step back. “Why?”
“Why does it matter? Just drop it, Damien. It’s not a big deal.”
He ran his hands through his hair and took a few deep breaths to control himself. He seemed like he was about to lose it.
“Fine. Fine,” he muttered under his breath, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking back at his truck. His anger seemed to have been snuffed out and replaced by sadness. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and pull him into me, but I didn’t. Instead I watched as he strode to his truck and wrenched the driver’s side door open, jumping inside. A moment later, he was pulling out of the parking lot, leaving me confused and full of apprehension.
Crap. I had to sort this out and soon or else everything was going to go to hell.
Chapter Eleven
Damien
I seriously needed to get a grip, but it was
damn hard when Temperance pushed my every button. She was thinking about ending this? Thinking? Just hearing her utter those words had pushed me past the breaking point. I felt like I was spiraling out of control and it was all because we might not be having sex anymore.
If I weren’t so pissed, I’d laugh. Who would have thought I’d be so addicted after such a short time? My plan to just get her out of my system hadn’t worked. It seemed I wanted her more than before. The thought of losing her literally blurred my vision.
I pulled off the road under a large overhanging tree and rested my head against the steering wheel. The steady rumble of truck engine vibrated through me, soothing my trembling nerves. We really needed to talk, but before I could do that, I needed to collect myself. I obviously couldn’t keep it together when I’d tried to talk about it a few moments ago. I had acted like a pig, a total creep.
I needed a moment to breathe and let my brain kick in. If I didn’t, I’d end up either saying things I didn’t mean, or I’d end up taking her wherever we happened to be. The latter seemed more inviting, but I doubted she’d even want to be with me after what an ass I’d been at work. Not to mention last night.
But she had scared me and I had reacted negatively. Sometimes bundling everything up wasn’t the best option. I admired people who could vocalize how they were feeling and not worry about how’d they be perceived. That was probably why I had initially liked Sophia so much. She had been an open book and she didn’t care if everyone knew how she’d been feeling. I never had to guess what was going on with her because her emotions had never stayed pent up within her and she could always read me. I loved that I never had to explain how I was feeling, but looking back I remember there were times I wished I had the option of keeping my thoughts to myself. That’s what I liked about Temperance. I had some semblance of privacy. Jesus, I was so tangled up, so confused I couldn’t even think straight.
A knock on my window had me peeling my forehead off the steering wheel and glancing outside. The moon had been snuffed out by dark grey clouds, leaving the world dark and dreary.
I could make out Temperance though. I think I could have recognized her anywhere she was. She was like a light in the shadows. And then she was no longer outside. She was reaching for the door handle and pulling it open. I should have held it closed, keeping her safely on the other side of the dented metal door, but instead I helped her open it, scooting over until she was sitting in the driver’s seat.
“Are you okay? I saw you pulled over here and I had to check. I know you had a headache earlier,” she said as she closed the driver’s side door.
“I’m fine,” I said, wanting to reach out and pull her toward me. Instead I shoved my hands in my sweatshirt pockets and glanced out the front window.
Temperance peered at me through narrowed eyes. “You don’t look fine. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Look I just needed space. I feel fine now,” I lied. I’d only feel good once I was buried inside of her or once she told me this little arrangement between us wasn’t ever going to end.
She tilted her head and watched me. “I think you’re not telling me everything.” She scooted closer and my heart thudded in my chest. Where Sophia could have just glanced at me and known exactly what was going on, Temperance waited for me to explain. I didn’t know which I liked more.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back window. I needed to tell her something because keeping it inside wasn’t going to work. It just made me an ass. “You just…you just caught me off guard with wanting to end this…”
“I never said I wanted to end it.”
“Why were you thinking about it then?” I sounded like a crazy person. One minute I was telling her “just this once” and the next I was getting all butt hurt because she may not want to keep this up. I was turning into a chick.
“Because this can’t end well, Damien.”
I peeked over at her. “You started it.” Great. Now I sounded like a third grader.
“I did and I don’t regret it. I wanted you…”
“Do you still want me?” I managed to ask.
She paused a moment and my heart dropped. “Yes,” she finally said and my heart sputtered back to life. I exhaled deeply and closed my eyes in relief.
“So what’s the problem?”
She plucked nervously at the end of her shirt. “Like I said, this can’t end well. I think…well, I think you’re going to end up breaking my heart.”
Her admission had me sitting up straighter. How did she think she’d be the only one? Not that I’d ever admit that. Not that I ever could.
“Why do you say that? Am I that much of a dick? Do you think I’d do anything to purposefully hurt you?”
“No, Damien. I’m just that much of a sucker.”
“So this…whatever this is…do you want it to be over?”
“Do you want it to be? And tell me what you’re really feeling, Damien. I can’t read you half the time.”
What was I supposed to say? Hell no, I don’t want it to be over? That I’d rather cut off my balls because she’d ruined me for other girls? I couldn’t be that dramatic without giving the impression I liked her. So I opted for something simple. “No. I don’t,” I nearly whispered.
She seemed relieved, which confused me. First she was afraid that this would end badly (which it probably would because I couldn’t give her what she’d most likely want in the end) and then she seemed happy it would continue (despite her knowing it couldn’t end well). Jesus Christ. Temperance was as hard to read as I was.
“Then we need to discuss this,” she finally said.
“Discuss what?” It was simple to me. We would keep having sex. Period.
“We need to set boundaries, expectations…”
“Fine,” I replied hastily. “Name them.”
She bit down on her bottom lip and glanced over at me. “Well, I don’t really know. It was Maggie’s suggestion.”
I should have known. Maggie was the person who had initially put the thought that fucking Temperance would be a good idea in my head. Now she was messing everything up with Temperance and me. Figures.
“Maggie should stay out of our business,” I said harshly.
“Hey, she’s my friend, Damien. Just like I’m sure you talk to Jonathan about things, I talk to Maggie. And it wasn’t a bad suggestion. I just don’t really know what to do because our lives are so intertwined. We live together, work together and I may play in your band. How do we keep this casual when our lives intersect in so many areas?” She paused to take a break before continuing. “I was stupid to think we could keep it casual and now I’ve fucked everything up…”
“No, you didn’t.” I was desperate to make this work, even if it was for just a little bit longer. “How about we just keep doing what we were doing, friends with benefits, that sort of thing. We keep it monogamous. No sex with other people while we’re together.” Like she even had to worry about that. She had totally raised my standards when it came to sex. I probably would never be able to get it up with another girl. I, on the other hand may have to keep my eye out for those losers in her life like Nik who wanted to swoop in and take her away from me.
“What if we meet other people?” she asked out of the blue.
The thought had me clenching my fists in irritation. “Then we go our separate ways.”
“Just like that?”
I nodded, knowing it wasn’t nearly that simple. “Just like that.”
She swallowed and nodded. “Okay, so no sex with other people, but we can date, right?”
I clenched my teeth. The thought hadn’t occurred to me. Jesus, I was such a dumbass. “Date?”
“Yeah. You don’t want to be…you know…in a relationship, right?”
I couldn’t be in a relationship, even though the thought of being in one with Temperance wasn’t at all disturbing. “No.”
She nodded, not as upset by the fact as I thought she’d be. “That’s what I thought
. So this is just a temporary thing, a casual fling and in the mean time we can date other people…”
She seemed way too fucking happy about dating other people. It pissed me off, but I was going to have to take my chances. If I kept her happy enough, I could drag this on indefinitely. I wasn’t ready to give this up just yet. It was the best thing that had happened to me since Sophia died.
Temperance leaned back against her seat and sighed in relief. “I’m really glad we talked about this. I was really beating myself up over this, but now that I know we’re on the same page…well, I just feel a lot better.”
“Good,” I said, even though I was still irked that she seemed to excited to date other guys and pissed that I couldn’t give her what she wanted.
We sat and stared at each other and all I wanted to do was pull her onto my lap and hold her, but her phone buzzed and she swiped to answer it.
“Jed?”
I watched her listen to what her brother was saying on the other end of the line and watched as her brows furrowed in concern.
“Yeah,” she began. “I’ll take care of it. No problem. Please don’t kick his ass. He’s just really sad. He just broke up with his girlfriend…Yes…I know where that is…I’ll be right there.”
She hung up and glanced over at me in apology. “I have to go. I guess Nik’s super drunk and I need to pick him up from a bar…”
Hell no was I going to let her be alone with that creep, especially after we had just discussed dating other people. And he apparently was on the rebound. That little fucker would probably swoop in the moment he had her alone.
“Why can’t Jed pick him up?” I asked.
“He’s in Modesto on a job.”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose, my headache intensifying. “Fine. I’ll drive you,” I offered.
She shook her head. “You don’t have to do that. He’s my friend.”
“I don’t want you alone in a car with a drunk guy. I’ll drive you.” For shits sake. I sounded more like her boyfriend than her friend or the guy she had casual sex with.