by Anna Cove
I had wanted the Calver. Its cash prize promised a life for Dad and me that wasn't so bleak. Plus, to receive that type of recognition in my field would be amazing. I would finally feel qualified even though I didn't have the degree. I had let myself imagine what it would be like for a moment, for a few moments, and now it had come crashing down. The committee would never grant me the award after this.
A series of whispers pulled me out of my head. Jada sat on the bottom bunk across the small cell.
From what I knew of Jada's life, which wasn't much, she had farther to fall than I did. What was another speed bump in my road would be a wall in hers. There had to be a reason she wouldn't give the cops her name. I was being selfish, sitting here, stuck in my own head when this woman I adored was obviously suffering.
I glanced through the bars to the small desk where Officer Nick had been sitting. He wasn't there. Apparently, we weren't a huge concern, though he had told us to keep quiet and keep to ourselves when he had locked us in. How much more trouble could I get in anyway? I went to Jada.
My movement didn't pull her from whatever personal hell she was in. Only when I sat by her side and took her hand did she break out of it. The skin on her jaw was patchy, her eyes bloodshot.
"Do you think you can try to get some sleep?" I asked.
Eyes wide, she shook her head, not saying a word.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I fucked up," she said.
"It's not that bad... I mean... it's a stupid thing when you think about it. All we did was break into a pool. They can't really charge us with anything for that."
"Except public indecency and vandalism. It's enough."
"Naw." I pushed her hair aside, tucking it behind her ear, not caring whether it was too much too soon or whatever. She needed the comfort. "It's nothing."
"How can you say that when you know it puts your contention for the Calver at risk?"
I shrugged, though my smile trembled a little. "Look at how much I gained from it. Even if I don't win—it brought me you. Plus, I know how to live without that kind of money. I've done it my whole life."
Jada's eyes filled with tears. "You're too good."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, my God, you'd think I was a saint by the way you talk about me. I'm not as good as you think, and I'm tired of people calling me good and sweet. It's just another impossible thing to live up to."
"At least you're not pure evil."
"No one is."
"You don't know—"
I placed my fingers to her lips. In the waiting room, the officers talked and laughed aloud. "I know you're blaming yourself for this, but I don't regret it. I've had the time of my life with you, and I wouldn't take back an instant of it. Do you hear me?"
"I—"
"Nod if you understand." I needed her to understand. "The award... it doesn't matter that much."
"But it would change your life."
This new side of Jada, this uncertain and vulnerable side, threw me for a loop. It scared me. But we couldn't both crumble at once, so I steeled my core. "Sure, but don't you understand? You've already changed it in all the ways that matter. Even if I don't win, I know I'm capable of it. I know I deserve it now." I rolled my eyes up to the popcorn ceiling. "I didn't understand that before I met you."
The words seemed to flow from me like they were coming from someone else's brain. I hadn't known they were there. But now, as I said them, they made sense.
Jada stared dejectedly at the bunk across the way, lost in her own thoughts. Maybe she didn't believe me. Maybe my words weren't enough. Well, perhaps if I showed her... I stood from her side and stooped until our eyes were level.
Jada's gaze locked on mine.
"You're good enough. You're better than good enough."
"My father doesn't think so," she said, trembling.
"That's who you were speaking with on the phone."
Jada nodded, nibbling her lip.
"Don't listen to him. You're an adult. And the best part about that is you can decide what kind of life you want to live. So, what kind of life do you want to live?"
"Mine," she whispered. "I just—"
I lifted my face to hers and caught her lips before she could say any more hurtful things about herself. She hesitated, pulling back. When she did, she caught my eye, and I saw something beneath the self-doubt. A fire. My Jada was still there.
I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her mouth, and she relented. She leaned back on the bunk and I crawled on top of her. Her face pulled away, then buried in my neck, and then I felt a burst of heat as she kissed the spot right under my ear as if she already knew all my triggers.
A little groan escaped. I fumbled with the buttons on her blouse—why did she always wear a blouse—and her mouth came back to mine and her hands were on my back and the buttons—shit—the buttons. They were tiny, and my fingers couldn't work fast enough. I pulled back from her arms to give myself more space and her hands flew to help me, working from the bottom up.
We unfastened the buttons together and her shirt flung open and I had to tear myself away just to look at her. Even in the dim fluorescent light, she stunned.
"You're like... like... a Victoria's Secret model. I didn't think that existed in nature, but..." I trailed my finger down the edge of the lacy bra she wore, over the curve of her exquisite breast.
"I want to see you." Her fingers and her voice trembled in unison as she lifted the edge of my T-shirt and pulled it over my head. The air was chilly on my skin and goose flesh rose on my torso as she pulled me close.
In relationships, I'd always been the one to be held. I'd expected my relationship with Jada to be the same, but I'd seen her vulnerability. She was the one who needed to feel safe now.
I kissed her lips, then made my way down to her breasts, feeling the soft flesh on my cheeks, kissing all along the line of her bra. Her bra loosened and slipped from her shoulders. I glanced up to see her eyes, dark and serious.
I pulled the lace down and my fingers danced in concentric circles around her nipple. I watched in fascination as it rose.
Jada swallowed, stretching her neck to the side. "Take me. Please take me."
I closed my mouth over her nipple and watched the pleasure wash over her face. She closed her eyes, drifting away, the hallway light streaking her face with shadows from the bars. My mind flashed back to the times with Meredith, to us together like this, how she would squeeze her eyes shut and drift away like she was imagining someone else.
Jada moaned.
"Come back to me. Be here with me," I said. I wanted her. But I couldn't be used. Not again. If we were going to do this, it would be on my terms.
...
JADA
The most intense pleasure I'd ever felt coursed through me. Erika was hungry for me, relishing in my body—in me—in a way I hadn't thought possible. I squeezed my eyes shut. This—this could make me forget. I was lost in the pure pleasure of it, like it was a drug. How had I ever thought I liked men?
Then she stopped. "Come back to me. Be here with me," she said.
The moment I did, all I saw was the freckles over her nose. Her sweet, sweet face. What I'd done to her came crashing back. "I can't," I said. "I can't be here right now."
"Not here." She gestured to the cell, then brought her hand back to the place just over my heart. "But here. Be with me."
"How?"
She shimmied off me, exposing the button of my jeans, and popped it open. She held my gaze as her hand slipped into my panties.
"Keep your eyes open," she whispered.
Just then, another barrage of male laughter sounded from the next room.
"Ignore them. Watch me. Watch us. Together."
Tentatively, I watched as she moved her fingers in long motions between my legs. Instinctively, I lifted my hips and pushed my pants down. My heart beat so hard she could probably see it, but I didn't even care. I watched her. Warm and cool waves washed over me in quick successio
n. She hadn't even touched my clitoris yet. One hand tantalized a breast, and one danced closer and closer to my pulsing center.
I wasn't self-conscious, I'd just never been interested enough in sex to watch it, but the combination of watching and feeling what Erika did was like a live wire. My body trembled with energy. She moved confidently, with ease. With grace.
I sat up.
"Don't move."
"I want to see you," I said again, this time with no room for argument. I rose to my knees. She used the movement to strip me of my pants. Her bra eluded me. Though I'd put on and taken off many before, I'd never done it for someone else. Erika reached back and unclasped it and the straps fell down her shoulders.
She held herself like a queen, her shoulders back, her breasts small and perky, a little smile on her face, no doubt reacting to the shock on mine. I reached out like she was a museum exhibit I wanted to touch but couldn't. She leaned forward and pressed her breast into my hand. Our mouths crashed together. She climbed on top of me, straddling my waist, keeping a hold on my lips.
Her lips parted, and I explored her mouth, tentatively at first, my hands on both her breasts. She pulled away and tipped her head back and I brought my hands to her chin. "No. Come back to me. Us."
"You..." she said, laughing.
"Hey, you were the one who set the rules. I'm just following them," I said, feeling like myself for the first time in as long as I could remember.
I wrapped an arm around her and dragged us both to the corner where I would have some support for my back. Then, my hands were on her again and my mouth on her mouth, and I couldn't hold back any longer. She was so beautiful. Not just cute, but beautiful.
My fingers worked on the button of her jeans. "Take them off," I said on a gasp of air.
She left me for a terrifying instant and then she was back, wearing only a pair of cotton bikini underwear, and that cotton underwear was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. I claimed her mouth, aware of every inch of her on every inch of me. Her warm hands roamed down my sides, sending shivers.
Her actions told me she wanted me. But did she really? Could she?
My fingers dug into the space between us. I let out a moan as I felt her wetness through the cotton undies. I pushed them aside and let my fingers drag along her sex.
Erika gasped, falling into my shoulder. "If you touch me, I swear I will... I can't... you're so... incredible."
I moved my fingers up and down, spreading the moisture over her, mimicking the long strokes she had given me. Then I moved up and over the small bump and she gasped.
Her hand plunged into my undies, running circles around me, doing things to me I never knew one could do. She took me so high. I watched her the whole time, the strain of pleasure mounting in her face. And as I watched and felt my own pleasure, I knew exactly what to do.
When we came, it was a spring bursting forth from the earth. She held me, and I came around her and she came around me and I had never felt more connected to a person in my whole life.
"What's going on in here? Everything okay?" said a voice from the door.
I gathered Erika close, dragging her into the shadows, pulling at the rough blanket beneath us to cover her at the very least. "All good here," I called.
How I found my voice in that moment, I would never know. All I knew was I had to, for Erika. We both held our breath, waiting for the inevitable. But it didn't happen. Someone called for the officer and he went back to his laughing buddies.
"Oh, my God," I said, hand over my face. I peeked through my fingers to see Erika smiling up at me, like I was the only thing that mattered.
If I had any doubts before this moment, they were gone now. Erika deserved so much more than the world had given her. And though I had spent the first couple weeks of our relationship trying to destroy her, I would spend the rest of my life building her up. I couldn't redo the past, so I was going to make the future the best it could be.
Because this... this was all that really mattered.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ERIKA
A clanging woke me. "All right, ladies. Up, up, up. Time to go."
I scrambled off my bunk.
We'd had the presence of mind to separate and dress ourselves somewhere in the night. This was a good thing as an officer I didn't recognize entered our cell. "Let's go. We need the space."
Jada rubbed her eyes, her hair mussed. "You're letting us go?"
"The hotel dropped the charges," the officer said.
"Really?" I said, excitement running through me.
"Yes, really. Now go."
The universe had granted me another chance. This wasn't the end of the line. I practically ran out of the cell, through the police station and out to the parking lot. Jada walked behind me.
Once we were free, Jada gripped my hand like I belonged to her. I loved her strength, and it was so nice to see it return. And to think—I was the one who put the spark back in her eye. It made me feel like a hero.
It was chilly outside. When I shivered, Jada wrapped her arm around me. "Let's get you home and warm you up with a cup of tea." She glanced up and down the empty street. "How are we going to get back to the hotel?"
"We can take the 950 bus to the hotel," I said, still thrumming with excitement.
Jada looked at me, her eyes full of pride and fully awake. "You, Little Minx, are full of surprises. Do you have the whole bus schedule in there?"
I liked Little Minx better than Flower Power. It made me feel sexy. It made me feel like a grown woman. "I like how you make me feel."
"I can do it again if we find somewhere to stop."
"No, I mean, with you, I feel a little badass. Like..." I slowed my steps, trying to find the right words. "Like there's always a little piece of me that wondered what it was like to be free. To let go."
"Want to hear something funny?"
"Yes. Always."
"Part of the reason I'm falling for you is that I see your freedom. You don't care what other people think. You're not bound by their expectations. You take life and you do what you need to with it."
"I might not be bound by others, but I'm bound by myself. I set the bar so high—and it's stupid because I know I can't clear it."
Jada stopped, taking my shoulders in her hands. "You will clear it someday. I know you will. There will be no limits for you."
My cheeks heated under her gaze. "I've got a sunset tour at three today and this is the last one before I know whether or not they'll offer me the full-time position."
"Then we definitely should get you home so you can rest." Jada dropped her hands and gave me a peck on the cheek. She slipped her arm through mine. The bus appeared down the way. Jada started dragging me toward the stop.
"Wait." I touched her shoulder. The fact that I could touch her shoulder now without considering whether it was right or not, made me stop in my tracks. "I want to thank you for the week you've given me."
"Please don't."
"No, I meant what I said last night. I don't care if I win that award as long as I have you."
"Sap ball."
"Jada! Seriously."
"Come on," she said. "We're going to miss the bus."
I ran after her—or let myself be dragged by her—as she waved wildly to the bus driver. She paid our fare with some crumpled bills from her pocket and took me to a seat. We sat in silence as we drove toward the hotel. Then we sat in silence as she drove me home.
At first, it was companionable, but soon I felt a shift as Jada drifted into the world where I didn't exist. Her hand held mine, but she was gone from me. And though I tried to draw her out, nothing seemed to work.
By the time she stopped in front of my house I wasn't sure she would even notice if I got out of the car. So I slid from the front seat and shut the car door without saying goodbye. As I approached the house, a new dread settled on me.
"Wait," Jada said. "Wait. I'm sorry."
I was about to turn around to tell her it was fine,
that we both needed rest, when I caught a shape on the floor through the window. I stared.
Dad. Pale as a sheet.
"What's wrong?" Jada asked.
"It's Dad. Call 911."
...
JADA
Erika paced the waiting room floor. "What's taking them so long?"
He wasn't breathing when the paramedics arrived, I wanted to tell her. It's probably not looking good. Instead, I stood and silently wrapped in her a hug, rubbing my hand over her back. I wasn't sure what to say, but at least I could offer more comfort than the linoleum floor.
Erika pushed away, her face breaking before she had a chance to rearrange it. "It's Monday. You should go back to—crap! I've got that tour today."
"What's the number? I'll call and cancel."
"I can't cancel. I'm on a trial period. Oh, God." Her breath hitched. It was the first time I'd seen her physically distressed, and I didn't like it at all. She was supposed to be the grounded one.
As she grew more agitated, it produced a calm in me. I could take care of things. I could do this... girlfriend thing. I just had to treat it like I would a business—with a plan. I held out my hand. "Give me your phone."
She produced a flip phone from last century. I opened it and fumbled through her contacts, wondering how we'd done it back in the day. It was so much harder than my phone. For the life of me, I couldn't seem to get to the contacts section.
Then I remembered I had made an appointment with her work when I first heard about Erika. A glimpse of that past Jada hit me like a pound to the gut. I wish I could shed that part of me like a skin, but I had a feeling the old me was more like an appendix or an organ. It would take a little more than just shedding to get rid of her.
Still, I could try. I could be better. Starting with being there for Erika. I found the number for the Mountain House and gave it a call and explained to them what had happened. Irritatingly, the man on the end of the line sounded curt when I told him. He asked if she would be there tomorrow.
I stopped myself from hissing her father might be dead, you asshole, and smiled instead as Erika gave me a tentative glance. "I don't think so," I said. Perfectly calm. Perfectly reasonable.