A Step Too Far

by Meg Hutchinson

  ‘Does tha’ go to say one has been a waggin’?’

  ‘I do!’ Polly’s reply was emphatic. ‘And what’s more it be one as can’t ’ave no arguin’ with.’

  Katrin’s throat closed, sickeningly cutting off air from her lungs.

  ‘. . . The men who found Slater on their way to work at ’alf past five that mornin’ uses the Rising Sun in Meeting Street, they shares a pint with my old man – whenever there be a pint to be had, that is – anyway they told him that Slater were stone cold dead when they come across of him so he couldn’t ’ave told the police who hit him.’

  Jim Slater had been dead! Katrin’s brain sang the words. The police had no information and she would need no alibi.

  ‘Seems they’ll ’ave to go on lookin’ for that villain.’

  Let them look, they wouldn’t see what was beneath their noses. Who could possibly suspect the young, well educated daughter of the respectable Jacob Hawley to be a killer?

  She could write off the episode of Mr James Slater!

  30

  Slater was dead! Elation in every step, Katrin left the grocery shop and crossed the busy Market Place, weaving between stalls so surrounded by eager customers it was virtually impossible to see the goods on offer. But it was not only greengrocery to be had from the market, some stalls offered a bare selection of household goods, candles and matches all quickly snatched up to be kept for use in air raid shelters, while others carried a variety of second-hand clothing and part-worn shoes, all no doubt obtained from pawnshops ridding themselves of unredeemed pledges. Some women, judging it more practical, bought second-hand to wear in factories, thereby allowing the saving of treasured clothing coupons for new clothes bought for a special occasion.

  A special occasion such as the wedding Becky Turner had seen vanish before her eyes.

  Alice Butler’s agitated whisper floated in her mind.

  ‘. . . is there any way we can help, ’cos if we don’t then Becky will surely kill herself.’

  Not yet! Her brain whispered. Becky Turner must not kill herself just yet!

  What was it her mother used to say? ‘When one door closes another opens.’ That was exactly what had happened. The door had closed on her attempt to have Isaac Eldon gaoled but another had opened and the wedge she intended to use would ensure it did not close until she had seen that man crushed, his family along with him.

  The method – neat, efficient and practical – had sprung perfectly formed into her mind, but she had said no word of it to Alice. Katrin Hawley must not be seen as a collaborator.

  Having reached the house and stored the groceries in their various cupboards, Katrin read again her father’s note. He would be the rest of the day and evening at Titan. It could possibly be very late before he returned.

  Another door opens! Katrin walked upstairs to her room. Crossing to the dressing table she opened a drawer and withdrew the delicate lavender silk.

  As with the gift of dresses to Alice and Becky, she had once again chosen to talk with them in her own home rather than the factory canteen; it was the only way she could be certain no other ears heard her proposal. When a timid tap at the door announced their arrival, Katrin ushered them through the hall and into the living room, Becky bursting into tears the moment her bottom touched the chair.

  ‘Oh God,’ she sobbed, ‘what am I goin’ to do?’

  ‘First thing you be goin’ to do is stop snivellin’!’ Alice thrust a handkerchief into shaking hands. ‘Cryin’ don’t wipe up spilt milk but it does make the eyes all red and puffy so unless you wants your mother to be asking questions you’ll stop right now!’

  ‘Alice is right, Becky, it is the sensible thing to do.’

  Tension so long coiled in Becky released itself in the rush of words. ‘Sensible!’ she said, blue eyes flashing brilliantly through tears. ‘Sensible! Since when was sensible the answer to pregnancy? To a child I d’ain’t ask for and I certainly don’t want?’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean . . .’

  ‘I know Kate, you only meant to help.’ Becky pressed the handkerchief to her eyes. ‘But there’s nothing you can do, nothing anybody can do except for Earl.’

  ‘An’ he ain’t comin’ back!’ Alice snapped. ‘He be gone for good and the sooner you gets used to the fact the better. He weren’t in the running for a wife, but simply out for all he could get.’

  Which he had certainly got. Concealing the thought behind a falsely sympathetic smile, Katrin poured a conciliatory cup of tea.

  ‘Your mother does not know yet?’

  ‘Oh Lord, Kate, no! I dread her finding out, her’ll have me put away that’s if her don’t kill me herself, either be preferable to her than have it broadcast all over Wednesbury her daughter be carryin’ a bastard.’

  ‘You could go away, some place in the country where you are not known.’

  ‘My askin’ to leave home would have the same result Alice got when her asked to join the Women’s Forces, it wouldn’t even be thought on.’

  ‘Well, anythin’ be a deal more useful than sittin’ cryin’ your eyes out!’

  ‘Then what do you suggest?’ Agitation had Becky’s question flare into a demand. ‘We all knows what be of no use so now you tell what do be of use! Well, what be of use, Alice?’

  Alice could find no answer.

  Katrin collected teacups onto a tray and carried them to the kitchen.

  They could see no way. But Katrin Hawley had a way! She looked down at the prettily decorated china her mother had taken so much pride in. A few more minutes’ distress, a little longer worrying would serve to reinforce the suggestion she would offer. The hurdle was getting Becky Turner to agree. But set that hurdle beside the insurmountable barrier that was Mary Turner and any objection would most certainly disappear.

  ‘I hope your mother will not be annoyed with your coming here tonight, I know she relies on your help with your brothers and sisters.’

  ‘Annoyed,’ Becky sniffed miserably, ‘that ain’t what her will be feelin’ once her gets to know I’m carryin’. The worst temper I’ve ever seen her have will seem like nothing more than a babby’s tantrum in comparison to the explosion that’ll bring.’

  ‘I still don’t understand how you could let things go so far, how you could be so daft!’ Alice’s patience snapped now. ‘It ain’t like you d’ain’t know how kids be got. Christ, Becky, we’ve both knowed that long afore leavin’ school. You knowed the risk so why take it!’

  ‘Earl said . . .’

  ‘Earl!’ Alice spewed the name like acid from her tongue. ‘Seems he said a lot of things you was fool enough to believe!’

  Becky went on quietly, without tears, a young woman seeking refuge in confession. ‘Earl said it were not wrong if we truly loved each other, the only wrong thing would be to marry without being absolutely certain we both wanted all that marriage entailed. He said it was sinful for a man and woman to pledge the rest of their lives together while not knowing whether that deepest most explicit act were a celebration of love, something both revered . . . I . . .’ Becky faltered, ‘I was afraid but Earl said there could be no fear where love was true; that if I loved him as much as he loved me there would be nothing immoral in my showing it, and so I let him make love to me. I believed him.’ Becky looked with wide eyes at Katrin, ‘I believed it when he said we would marry. Alice is right in saying I was stupid. Oh Kate, it’s all so hopeless, it would be better all round if I were dead!’

  Seeming to veer the discussion to a new path Kate asked: ‘Earl, is he the only boyfriend you’ve had?’

  ‘He’s the only one whose . . .’

  ‘No!’ Katrin interjected swiftly, ‘I don’t mean is he the only man you have made love with, I meant is he the only man to have been attracted to you?’

  ‘That be a definite no.’ Alice compounded Becky’s shake of the head. ‘Don’t be a chap in Wednesbury ain’t had a fancy for Becky, her could have married any one of ’em. Not least Rob Eldon, he’s sti
ll crazy about her, asked her to marry him afore he went into the Navy and no doubt he’d ask again were it not for . . .’

  ‘For me bein’ caught with another man’s child.’ Becky’s laugh was pure despair. ‘Well, askin’ ain’t likely now, is it?’

  This was the moment. All she hoped for rested on the next step . . . it must be taken carefully. Katrin waited long seconds before saying, ‘It could be.’

  ‘Could be what?’ It was Alice’s question.

  Prevaricating, using the ploy of uncertainty, Katrin said. ‘I was thinking should Robert Eldon ask Becky to marry him, it would put an end to her problems.’

  ‘Well, seein’ as he ain’t here, nor not likely to be so long as this perishin’ war goes on, then I don’t see the use in talkin’.’ Alice dismissed more discussion.

  ‘But he is here, or will be by tomorrow.’

  ‘Rob Eldon be comin’ home?’

  Katrin nodded. ‘That is what I heard just before you came into the office. Mr Whitman called to Isaac Eldon saying to give his regards and that Isaac should take a few hours away from work, spend some time with his son while he was on leave.’

  ‘That be nice for Isaac Eldon, but I don’t see how Rob havin’ leave can help Becky.’

  ‘It can if she wants it to. When Alice came to ask could I help then honestly I could think of no way. It was later I thought . . .’

  ‘What . . . you thought what?’

  ‘Nothing.’ Katrin shook her head. ‘It was nothing.’

  Her glance hardening, Alice said, ‘That be a lie, Kate Hawley! I brought Becky here ’cos I thought you’d help but if you can’t then say so but don’t go givin’ we lies!’

  ‘Really Alice, it’s crazy.’ Katrin shook her head. ‘I don’t know how I could have dreamed such an idea.’

  ‘Crazy or not can’t be judged ’til it be told and any idea be better than none.’

  Keeping to the illusion she would much prefer to say no more Katrin took her time.

  ‘It was probably on hearing Robert Eldon’s name mentioned had me remember, as Alice had, the crush he had on you and it flashed into my mind that should he still feel the same way it would be a simple matter to get him to ask again would you marry him.’

  ‘Marry Rob! I couldn’t do that!’

  ‘Of course not. I told you it was a crazy notion, it’s better you make a clean breast of things to your mother.’

  Sharper than any nail, the point had been driven home. Becky Turner knew the outcome of confession.

  ‘It will be hard for you, Becky, but you can’t keep your mother from finding out.’ Katrin added hammer to nail head, driving it deeper.

  ‘Nor can you hide it from them at work, especially Nosy Nora – that one be suspicious already.’

  ‘Oh God!’ Becky dropped her head into her hands. ‘What can I do?’

  ‘You could marry Rob Eldon.’

  Quiet as Alice’s reply had been, it acted like a gunshot on Becky. Her head snapped up and she cried sharply, ‘How can I marry Rob or any other man? I be pregnant, Alice, how do I tell him that?’

  ‘You don’t!’ The bombshell was Katrin’s.

  ‘I be well over now.’ Becky’s face crumpled, ‘How far along will I be by the time . . .’

  By the time she was married to Robert Eldon? Katrin set the reply to words. ‘There is government legislation which allows men about to leave on active service to apply for a special licence which enables them to marry three days later in a Register Office.’

  ‘Not in church? Mother would never go for that.’

  ‘A civil ceremony can be blessed in church.’

  Alice agreed. ‘The priest wouldn’t refuse, seeing Robert will very soon be returning to action and if he agreed then surely no one would object.’

  Katrin caught the look that crossed Becky’s face, a look which said ‘Could I?’ Satisfaction smiled warm in Katrin. This was what she had aimed for. It would need only a touch more cement and the foundation stone on which her plan was to develop would be well and truly laid.

  ‘Supposin’ . . . supposin’ I did marry Rob . . . and we, we . . .’ Becky blushed scarlet, ‘you know what I be sayin’, it wouldn’t hide the fact I were already pregnant when a child comes weeks sooner than it should.’

  ‘Wouldn’t be the first kid born premature.’

  Well done, Alice, right on cue. Katrin’s silence hid a growing sense of achievement.

  ‘But should Rob find out . . .’

  ‘Who’s to tell him?’ Katrin cut in, ‘I won’t and Alice won’t, that leaves only yourself, and daft as Alice says you sometimes are, surely you wouldn’t be daft enough to go telling him he is not the father.’

  ‘It’s a rotten trick to play on Rob.’

  ‘Life be full of rotten tricks, and it keeps throwin’ ’em. The one Earl Feldman has played on you be a clear example; thing is you ’ave to learn to throw ’em back.’ Alice was brusque. ‘Look at it this way, you needs a husband, the babby you be carryin’ needs a father, marryin’ Rob Eldon would take care of both and Rob would be gettin’ the girl he’s always wanted; what’s more it would mean your mother be off your back and once this war be over and Rob back home you would be gettin’ a place of your own so you’d be free of her altogether.’

  Without realising it, Alice had delivered the ultimate reason. Becky Turner would accept any alternative if it meant not having to face her mother’s wrath.

  31

  ‘There’s no one else with the technical skills as yet, there hasn’t been time enough to train them.’

  Alone in the living room, Katrin stared into the fire her mind repeating what her father had told her before he returned for yet another long evening of extra hours at Titan. Signs of fatigue had shown clearly on his face, responsibility for designing a completely new method of shell production etching deep lines. She had tried to get him to stay home to rest at least for one evening; that was when he had said the Ministry of Supply, concerned at the high risk of Prodor and its sister factory New Crown Forgings being bombed, had decided to transport the necessary machinery to Australia and that he was to go there to supervise installation.

  ‘But why you?’ she had asked. ‘Isaac Eldon has the knowledge, why can’t it be him sent to Australia?’

  Her father had said consolingly, ‘It will only be for a couple of months.’

  ‘Couple of months, couple of days, I still don’t see why you should be the one sent off to the other side of the world!’

  She had stared at the man who had cared for her as he would for a child of his own body, he explained patiently.

  ‘I am not being despatched without consultation. I was asked would I go and I consented.’ He had smiled at her bewilderment. ‘Katrin, there comes a time when we all do what perhaps we might not do in the normal run of things.’

  Like stabbing a man in the throat with a broken bottle! The thought had reflected in her eyes.

  Judging the swift gleam to be that of fear, he had come to sit beside her. ‘Katrin, try to understand, this method of shell forging is the lifeblood of this country and possibly the whole of Europe. Without the means of continued production we cannot stand against the enemy, without comparable supply of armaments we risk our freedom; so you see, my dear, how very important it is we safeguard this by installing machinery abroad.’

  ‘I do understand.’ She had countered. ‘I also understood it to be a joint undertaking, you and Isaac Eldon together both equally necessary. What I don’t understand is why now it seems to need only one to set it up, and why suddenly that one is you.’

  A gentle squeeze of the hand had accompanied his answer. ‘Isaac offered to go, but it is vital one of us remain behind.’

  He had not needed to say the rest: that should both be lost, then, with the process not fully grasped by anyone else, hope of winning the war was placed on an even more precarious footing.

  ‘And that one is Isaac Eldon!’ She had said it scathingly, antipathy cold and hard as
ice.

  ‘It could be no other way.’ He had shaken his head. ‘I design the machinery but it is Isaac has the knowledge of metals, his knowledge is not so easily transferable. That is why Whitman agreed it had to be he and myself take the machinery to Australia.’

  Arthur Whitman was going also! There had been no hint of this from him.

  Her father continued in that gentle tone she had known from babyhood. ‘I know this is going to be difficult for you, especially so with your mother . . .’ he had paused then moved to stare into the fire. ‘I wanted to tell you but Violet said you were too young to understand. Then as you got older she begged we leave it just a while longer, always a while longer, I gave in to argument, anything for a quiet life. But I was wrong!’ He had thumped a clenched fist against the fireplace. ‘I should have insisted you be allowed to know . . .’

  ‘To know what was hidden in a box mother kept in a drawer of her dressing table? What she maybe never intended I should? ’

  He had turned to face her, regret dark in his eyes.

  ‘Yes,’ she had answered the emotion. ‘I know. I have known for a long time. I found the birth certificate which showed Violet was not my birth mother and you are not my father.’

  ‘. . . your folks d’aint want you . . .’

  Words from an angry tongue echoing back from her childhood, Katrin opened the box in her hands. They had known: Becky Turner, Alice Butler and Freda Evans. They and how many more had been privy to that which Violet Hawley had kept hidden from her?

  ‘But it was not hidden so well as you would have had it, mother.’ She touched the document with the tip of a finger. ‘You should have known secrets have a way of biting their keeper, as yours would have had not a bomb deprived you of the experience.’