With the cargo bay full of hot cross Russian cats, Lady Fluffkins sat below the observation deck, wafting her singed fur with a fan as she tried to cool down. The empress glared at Baldy, who was reclining in the pilot seat. He was wearing sunglasses and enjoying the rare sensation of warmth on his thin, hairless body.
‘What a shame you don’t have fur to protect your lily-white skin from the harmful effects of the sun,’ chuckled Lady Fluffkins, delighting in his future discomfort. ‘You’re going to look like a bright red lobster!’
‘Don’t worry, my Lady. I already thought of that,’ smiled Baldy, glancing back to reassure his mistress. ‘I’m wearing lots of sun-protection cream so I won’t burn at all.’
‘Must everyone spoil my fun?’ hissed the empress, gazing through the window at the blue planet as it grew smaller and smaller, and further from her grasp. Then she leaned forward, lifted her fan and whacked Baldy’s tail as hard as she could.
‘EEEEEK!’ yelped the servant.
‘He, he he,’ chuckled the empress, grinning through her fangs. If the hairless minion wasn’t going to be sun-burned red like a lobster, then she would have to entertain herself by making him squeal like one instead.
Not Just a Pretty Pooch
Back in the Pooch Pound dogs’ home, Monty was still very excited about his intergalactic adventure and learning how to put his special skills to use. He didn’t even seem to notice that he was covered in sticky cat hairballs and looked like a ratty, tatty mongrel.
The Spacemutts enjoyed seeing him so happy, but worried that he still didn’t know how bad he looked. Which meant someone would have to tell the prize-winning poodle that after rescuing them from the hairball horror, he was now having a pretty bad hair-day of his own.
‘I never knew digging could be so much fun!’ gasped Monty, circling his cage and panting. ‘All that time spent staying indoors and keeping clean, and I could have been digging in the garden!’
‘Have you looked in a mirror yet?’ Poppy asked carefully.
‘No, not since we left last night,’ laughed the poodle, glancing around for his water bowl. ‘I know my paws are a bit mucky, but it’s a small price to pay for helping to save planet Earth.’
The Spacemutts exchanged worried glances.
‘It’s a little bit more than just mucky paws,’ said Rocket.
‘Not droopy pompoms, too?’ Monty asked nervously.
‘It depends on what you mean by droopy . . .’ said Butch.
Monty saw the concerned faces of his friends and stopped pacing. He immediately reached for his water bowl, dragged it in front of him and peered at his reflection. As the ripples faded and his reflection cleared, the poodle shook his head to make sure it was really him.
‘I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards,’ he gasped, knocking off the loose hairballs dangling from his ears and trying to puff up the floppy pompom on his head. ‘And my new family are coming to collect me soon!’
said Rocket.
asked Monty.
said Butch.
‘And if they don’t want you any more just because you got a bit messy, then maybe they shouldn’t even have a dog,’ Poppy said, firmly. ‘Because no one should have to stay clean all the time.’
Monty frowned at his reflection and thought about how much he’d missed out on just because he was expected to look perfect all of the time. Now he only wanted a family who would let him be a real dog!
‘You’re right!’ he said, pushing the water bowl away and standing up straight. ‘If they don’t like me as I am now, then I don’t want to go home with them.’
‘Good for you!’ cheered the Spacemutts.
‘And good for you, too!’ said Monty, recalling the sight of the hairball hurtling towards the sun. ‘Now Lady Fluffkins is out of the way, you can all behave yourselves and finally find new homes.’
‘We already got a message from WOOF,’ said Rocket, shaking his head sadly. ‘The Mouseship has been spotted by a spy-ball satellite. It was leaving our solar system and heading for the Catnip Nebula.’
‘Then I’ll stay too,’ said Monty.
‘Thank you, but we have a much more important mission for you,’ said Poppy, glancing back at the other Spacemutts. ‘Something you’ve never been able to do before, so you might need a little practice.’
‘But I think you’ll pick it up very quickly,’ Butch grinned. ‘Because it’s even more fun than digging!’
‘Really?’ panted Monty. ‘What could be more fun than digging?’
‘Chasing cats!’ smiled Rocket.
‘Oh, I can do that!’ laughed Monty. ‘I even won a ribbon for running!’
‘But what if they hide in a hedge? ’ asked Butch.
‘And what if it’s muddy in the garden?’ asked Poppy.
‘I’ll do whatever it takes,’ promised Monty.
‘I believe you will,’ said Rocket, recalling how the previously prim poodle had defeated Lady Fluffkins, armed only with a nail file. The captain heard footsteps approaching the door and quickly nodded to Butch and Poppy.
As the familiar family made their way to the far kennel to collect their new dog, Rocket barked as loud as he could, Butch howled and growled, while Poppy bounded in circles, snapping at her tail. But these noises were all drowned out when the family saw the state of Monty and squealed with delight, laughing at how different he looked from the last time and liking him even more.
As Lord Montague Pompidou the Third was led away, he secretly hoped a nice bath would be waiting for him. The prim poodle had discovered the joys of getting dirty, but he didn’t want to stay that way forever!
And Monty didn’t want his friends to have to stay in the Pooch Pound forever either. He hoped it wouldn’t be too long before they could capture Lady Fluffkins once and for all and find loving new homes of their own.
Maybe next time . . .
Michael Broad lives in Surrey on Planet Earth, where he writes and illustrates books for children of all ages, including the Jake Cake series, which was shortlisted for the Waterstone’s Prize. Michael loves dogs, daydreaming and anything to do with astronomy.
www.michaelbroad.co.uk
Other books by Michael Broad
Spacemutts: Fluffy Assassins from Mars!
Spacemutts: Attack of the Ninja Kittens!
Spacemutts: The Sausage Dog of Doom!
First published 2012 by Macmillan Children’s Book
This electronic edition published 2012 by Macmillan Children’s Book
a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
ISBN 978-1-447-21610-0 EPUB
Copyright © Michael Broad 2012
The right of Michael Broad to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Visit www.panmacmillan.com to read more about all our books and to buy them. You will also find features, author interviews and news of any author events, and you can sign up for e-newsletters so that you’re always first to hear about our new releases.
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The Hairball of Horror! Page 3