by Selena Kitt
“Long story,” Lina said. “I’m sick of talking about me and my boy troubles. I’ve been a shitty friend lately with all my wedding and breakup drama. Having a good dance and laugh with you showed me that. You’ve been the best helping me deal with my crap. But I’m telling you, it’s over.” Lina tapped Krystal’s knee. “What’s new with you?”
Krystal regaled her with tales from the hospital where she worked. She was a natural storyteller and found humor in even the bleakest of situations. Lina howled with laughter, covering her mouth at some of them she knew weren’t something to laugh at, but the way Krystal presented it kept her in stitches.
All the while the encounter with Antonio bubbled through her, the pain resurfacing with as much intensity as when he’d broken it off years ago. She wouldn’t set herself to be hurt by him again. Nor any man. “This is how it should be,” Lina declared. “Me and you in this apartment. Dating whomever we want and not getting serious with anyone until we’re much, much older. We’re only in our early twenties, barely old enough to even buy alcohol. I was insane to think of getting married so young.”
“I’d toast to that, but it’s still a little early to drink—even for me.” Then she said, “Oh, who am I kidding? My schedule is so screwed up from my hospital schedule—days are nights, nights are days. I’m opening a bottle of wine.” Krystal then opened her mouth in a wide O. “Wait, I’ve got to make a call. A woman is supposed to come look at the apartment this afternoon. I assume I can cancel?”
“Yes.” Lina smiled. “Tell her the room is no longer vacant.”
Chapter 11
You rock.
Antonio paced the waterfront of Boston Harbor, stopping to watch the seals in front of the New England Aquarium. Two swam side by side in perfect accord, gliding gracefully through the water. Not bungling the attempt of courtship the way he’d botched up his chance at starting again with Lina.
Why did he do that? Right when he had with the opportunity to be with Lina again, he sabotaged it. Talk about throwing a live grenade…
If his mother knew he botched up this attempt, she’d smack him upside the head. Whatsamattawithyou?
No, he couldn’t go home now, couldn’t deal with his parents’ questions about where he’d been. Because if he admitted how badly he’d screwed things up in the last twenty-four hours, he’d want to smash something. Or someone. Brett came to mind. He could punch him repeatedly in the face after what he’d done to Lina.
Antonio’s eyes burned with regret as he walked the shore and watched the waves lash their fury against the pillars. He couldn’t lose it like that in front of his parents, not after them being so good to him since he’d been home.
He breathed in and out staring at the waves. He counted well into the double-digits before the urge to break something—or someone--passed. Then he walked along the harbor, wanting to be alone with his thoughts and his regrets.
Lina was right, he didn’t trust her. And that made him an idiot.
Memories of his deployments returned, clashing with the present.
Remember how you had to learn to trust the guys you served with. Their lives were in your hands and your life was in theirs. They were strangers at first, but you learned to do it. Why wouldn’t you with Lina? You’ve known her for years, loved her with your heart and soul. Why won’t you give her the trust she deserves?
His stupid subconscious was right. Antonio wasn’t going to let Lina go as easy this time. She might not want anything to do with him right now, but maybe with time she’d listen to how he’d changed—not that he’d shown any of it early with his tirade. Clearly, he had some issues to work on before he returned to her, but he would do so for her. He’d prove to himself and to her that he was a better man than the jealous type at her apartment earlier. He’d take the plunge and trust her with all his soul and fight for her. He wouldn’t give up until she gave him another chance. She was worth it.
When he called her, she didn’t answer so he left a voicemail:
You were right. What I did wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry. I’m going to strive to be a better man.
Then he called his brother. “You free?”
“Yeah, what’s up?” Marco said.
“I fucked up big time with Lina. And I need to do something to release this energy before I explode.”
That was one step in the right direction. Instead of allowing negative thoughts to dominate his mind and lead to poor decision making, he could channel his frustrations in a more positive direction. It was what he’d been taught by coaches when he was younger, which he in turned had used when he’d volunteered at the inner city youth clubs.
“Of course, man.” Marco said. “I get it. Hoops? A run? Choose your poison.”
“I don’t care,” Antonio replied. “As long as it gets me out of my own head for a few minutes.”
* * *
Summer left, replaced by the fiery trees lighting the New England landscape in fall. Lina threw herself into grad school courses and found a part-time job working in an afterschool program. She hadn’t heard from Brett in weeks aside for a few bills related to the cancelled wedding he forwarded to her. Jerk. Paying some bills was far less painful than ending up married to him and finding out his true nature years down the road. Maybe they would have had a couple of kids by then. She pushed it out of her mind.
Antonio hadn’t contacted her since his message. Rather than relief, his absence left a hollow ache deep inside. Had he given up so easily?
What did she expect? She’d kissed him while engaged to another man. She’d never told him she was engaged. Of course he shouldn’t trust her.
A dozen times she picked up the phone to call him and hear his voice. Each time she hung up the phone. His final message hadn’t mentioned anything about resurrecting their short-lived reconciliation. She had to accept it as a goodbye gesture; he was moving on and she should, too. She forced herself to do so, no matter how difficult it was at times. How could she have a taste of being with Antonio again for one night and then have to forget it?
On a Saturday morning when she was reading a textbook chapter, the doorbell rang. She was surprised to find a delivery guy with roses. A dozen red and a dozen white. They had to be for Krystal since she wasn’t dating anyone, but he said they were for Lina Capwell.
A small twinge of hope flared inside. Could they be from Antonio?
No, he’d never gotten her flowers. Then again, they were teens when they’d dated and what little money they had, they’d spent on shows. Brett had given her flowers on Valentine’s Day this year. She closed the door and grimaced, dreading reading whatever drivel he’d written.
I’m not a poet, but will try my best to show you how I feel.
The white is for my sincere apology. You’d always been true, and I was a fool to doubt you.
The red is for my enduring love. One night away from you is too long, one thousand was pure agony.
Will you meet me tonight to try with a fresh start?
Antonio
Behind the card was a ticket. A band she hadn’t heard of before playing at a jazz and blues club along the Boston waterfront.
Lina stared at the card for several minutes. Her heart lifted on reading Antonio’s name and his words, but her brain warned her against putting herself out there again for him to trample all over her heart. She had a decision to make. She chewed her bottom lip not having the slightest clue of what to do next.
* * *
Lina arrived at the club wearing a silky black dress with spaghetti straps, covered with a wrap to shield against the sea breeze. She handed over her ticket and walked down a corridor to the back entrance. An outdoor pavilion offered patrons a chance to get fresh air, and she opened the door to see the striking play of blazing colors setting over the Boston Harbor. She scanned the crowd milling out there, a number of couples decked out in suits and gowns, a chance to dress up and go out on the town to hear live music.
When she saw Antonio wearing a black s
uit, leaning over a guardrail looking out to the harbor, heated sensations fluttered through her, like fireflies lighting her up as they flew through her body.
He turned to face her before she even signaled her arrival. The happiness that spread over his face sent a new wave of emotions coursing through her.
“I’m so glad you came,” he said, taking her hand and kissing her on the cheek.
She closed her eyes when his lips touched her skin but struggled not to let her feelings run amuck. “I wasn’t sure I should,” she answered.
A dark shadow passed across his face before he glanced at her with an earnest expression. “I don’t blame you. You were right and I acted no better than Brett. I let my jealousy get the best of me when you’ve given me no reason to mistrust you.”
He still held her hand so she squeezed it. “I did give you reason,” she admitted. “I mean, I wasn’t straight with you about being engaged, and I did lead you on while I was. I’m sorry, too.”
“So we both did some things.” He scanned her head to toe, feasting on her vision like a man consumed with hunger.
Her pulse raced. Being near him made her senses tingle with awareness. Anticipation.
“How have you been?” he asked.
“Good,” she answered quickly. “Busy. I’m in grad school and working in an afterschool program. You?”
“I moved in with my brother and started classes at Northeastern.” He paused before continuing. “And I’ve gone to some counseling sessions. I know it’s not something a big, tough Marine admits, but after blowing my chance with you again, I knew it was time to deal with my issues.”
“Oh,” she replied with surprise. That wasn’t simply a big step for him, but a colossal one. The old Antonio she knew never would have considered the matter. Maybe he was growing, changing. Maybe she was, too.
“It was long overdue.” He glanced out to the ocean. “Marco has some connections and found me someone not too fruity, knowing that kind of pairing would implode. This guy’s worked with many vets. He’s helped me deal with my demons, old and new.”
The idea of Antonio in distress pained her, but hearing he’d found a way to deal with his problems was a good sign. “I’m glad to hear it.”
He glanced at her. “I’ve also started volunteering a couple of times a week at a youth center. Coaching basketball and things like that. You were the one who got me thinking of doing that again.”
Her small role in positively affecting him filled her with warmth. “That’s great. The kids loved you. They looked up to you. Now probably more than ever.”
“Yeah, you know. It helps keep them—and me—out of trouble.”
The one-sided grin he gave her tugged at her heart.
“I asked you here tonight, Lina, to see if you’ll give me one more chance. I know I might not deserve it, but I’m hoping you’ll let me show you I’m a changed man. A better man. The way I’ve wanted to be for you.”
Lina’s heart pounded. Her emotions had danced wildly all afternoon playing scenarios as to why he’d invite her here. She’d thought about him every day, even more so at night as she lay awake in bed, missing his touch. She couldn’t help but think Fate had been so cruel to let her have one night with him before their chance at a start imploded the very next day. Hearing him say how he’d wanted to better himself for her—there were no words. Her pulse soared. She squeezed her eyes shut to center herself.
“It’s been a crazy few years with ups and downs,” he added. “But as long as it brought me here to you, it was worth every second.”
She thought about her own journey back here. If she hadn’t received tickets to see the Naked Jacks, if Krystal hadn’t interfered during her bachelorette party, or if any part of this whole debacle hadn’t happened, she’d be married to Brett by now. Flashes of that life appeared before her where their connection withered away as he became more consumed with sports. Maybe he’d get violent with her again. Maybe worse the next time…
She opened her eyes and pulled her hand away, before facing the ocean. “I don’t know, Antonio. As much as I want to, I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Look at the mistake I made with Brett.” She faced him again. “I misjudged him.”
“I’m not Brett.” His expression hardened.
“I know. That’s not what I mean.” She searched for what she was trying to say. “We’ve hurt each other in the past; I’d hate to hurt you again. And if you broke it off—” She swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. “I fear I wouldn’t recover this time.”
“Never,” Antonio said, taking a step closer. “I was young and foolish back then. I’m grown up, learned so much. I’d never hurt you again.”
“Opening up my heart to trust someone again—it will take time. I’m terrified of getting hurt again.”
“I’m scared shitless myself. But love involves risk. And trust. Do you trust me?”
Her mind flitted through her thoughts as quickly as her racing heartbeat. “Yes.” She tilted her head and peered at him. “What about you? Can you trust me?” She took his hand again.
“With all my heart.” He rubbed a circle in her palm. “We can take it as slow as you’d like.”
She smiled with relief, feeling lighter and more carefree than she had in years. Taking a chance with him meant being vulnerable again, opening up her heart to let him in. As terrifying as that risk was, deep in her heart she knew it was worth it. She loved him with all her being. All those things that had happened between them had brought her back to Antonio. Maybe Fate wasn’t such a cruel bitch after all. “I have one condition.”
“Anything.”
“That we’ll be honest with each other from now on. Including our feelings.”
Antonio grinned. “Absolutely. I’ve been working on my jealousy. And my control issues, thinking I know what’s best for everyone.”
“Good. Because I know you’re the best thing for me.” Lina squeezed his hand and then leaned up to kiss him. Heat coursed through her when his lips brushed hers.
The smile he gave her was luminous. “Shall we go inside? The show’s about to start.”
She leaned on his shoulder as they walked into the club, knowing in her very soul she’d made the right decision.
The club was different from the rock venues they’d frequented. It had a smooth ambiance, rich décor full of dark red furniture and low round tables with tiny electric tea lights. Instead of the odors of spilled beer and overheated bodies, she inhaled a variety of more pleasant scents as they moved their way to seats at the back of the room. Whiskeys and cocktails, perfumes and cologne. They sat and ordered drinks as they waited for the show to begin.
The music was different, too. Instead of the wails and pounding of instruments at the rock shows, a six-piece jazz band wearing suits played a number with a seductive undertone. She sat back in her chair and closed her eyes, letting the sounds move through her. The experience itself was more sophisticated. Maybe they, too, were growing up.
Being here with Antonio, having a new chance at a relationship with him, was more than she’d dreamed. They were no longer teenagers making impulsive decisions, but adults trying to make their way in the world. And with each other. Trying for an adult relationship with Antonio at this new stage in her life gave her more hope and joy than she’d thought possible.
She sensed him moving closer to her, felt the heat rise between them, and smelled his aftershave and masculine aroma. When he placed his hand on her knee, she took in a sharp breath and opened her eyes. His lightest touch sent shivers of pleasure rippling through her.
She blinked, adjusting to the darkness of their surroundings. Light and shadows danced on his face from the small table light below. Her skin tingled beneath his fingers; she pictured his hand moving higher. It remained where it was, fixed on her knee. She adjusted in her seat and his hand moved just above her knee.
“The thing is, Lina,” her murmured into her ear, “the way I feel about you
scares me.”
Not being around him for weeks and now, having him so close, touching her, drove her beyond mad. What did he feel that would scare him? “How so?”
“Revealing how I feel to you, exposing my desires, it makes me feel raw. Vulnerable.”
She tilted her head, taking it in, and repeated, “Vulnerable?”
“Like going into battle without ammunition.”
He drew a pattern along her inner thigh and her heart drummed with anticipation. His fingers inched higher to her hemline with each circular motion. “Utterly exposed.”
Glancing around to see if anyone could see them, she felt confident the darkness and the table shielded his hands as his fingers crept along her skin and under her dress. “I feel quite exposed right now.”