by Selena Kitt
She wasn't angry. She didn't even appear to be upset. The expression on her face was one of resignation more than anything else. Of course, even the barest hint that this wasn't a new situation had my eighteen year old mind selfishly piqued.
"What isn't new? Meeting a guy's parents?"
"No, Cade," she sighed, looking out over the rink where a zamboni was lazily making its way over the ice surface. "I mean it's not new for me to meet people who judge me - not anyone's parents, just...anyone. Anyone in general."
It was the closest Ellie had ever come to acknowledging the elephant in the room. I was surprised and didn't handle it very well.
"Well who cares what my parents think, Ellie? It doesn't matter."
She looked up at me for a few seconds, searching my face for something I wasn't giving her and couldn't identify.
"OK, Cade."
Was that it? 'OK'? I waited for her to say something else but was interrupted by a booming voice behind me. Coach Hansen.
"Parker! Cade Parker!"
I turned back to Ellie. "I've got to go. I'm number eighty-eight."
She laughed and it sounded like music. I was so stupidly happy just to hear her laughing.
"Don't worry, Cade, I'll know who you are."
I made my way down to the dressing room to warm up and get my equipment on. Coach Hansen gave a bombastic pre-game speech that had me glancing around a few times at my teammates, looking for anyone else who found his dramatic words a little amusing, but every one of them was staring up at him, rapt.
"Remember, boys. No distractions. Eyes on the prize. You'll never reach your goals if you allow anything to get into your way - anything at all."
He turned to me suddenly, fixing me with a stern glare.
"That goes for you, too, Cade Parker."
My head snapped up.
"Do you want to play in the NHL?"
I nodded, confused as to why I was being specifically called out. Coach Hansen hadn't shown any signs of being one of those guys who rode the stars extra hard - in fact if anything it had been the exact opposite so far.
"Then you need to stay focused. No partying. No video games. And no girls."
Really? I was getting called out for talking to Ellie Hesketh? It seemed a little unfair. I glanced around at my teammates again, looking for any sign that they agreed Coach was being unreasonable, but their expressions all matched his. What a joke. More than half of the guys on the team were out every single weekend, drinking and fucking their way through the hordes of eager North Falls girls (and a surprising number of their moms) desperate to flirt themselves into a hockey player's bed.
"Well," Coach Hansen leaned back, raising an amused eyebrow at his players, "no serious girls, anyway."
Smug chuckles arose from around the room and I pushed it all to the back of my mind as the music in the arena got louder. It was almost game time and I have never needed pep-talks about focus when it comes to playing hockey. The spike of adrenaline in my blood was even higher that night as the rock music filled the air and the announcer shouted our names to the rapturous crowd as we skated out onto the cold, pristine ice.
Within my first three shifts I'd checked a couple of opposing players into the boards hard enough to raise gleeful screams of approval from the crowd. My parents were watching. A couple of men in shiny suits were also watching, scouts from one of the big NHL teams. Also, Ellie was watching.
Sometimes, I'm off. But most of the time I'm on. That night, I was on. Everything was fluid. Every hit, every goal (I scored three that night) and every show-offy little trick felt inevitable before it even happened. I love playing hockey. I love the cold air of the arena and the noise of the crowd rising and falling like a wave. I love the sound of the goal buzzer and the red goal light flashing in the corner of my eye. After my third goal, as the ice was littered with baseball caps to mark the hat-trick, I skated over to where Ellie was sitting in the front row and slammed my whole body into the glass directly in front of her, pounding my fists against it in triumph. And she was right there with me, momentarily forgetting herself in the heat of the moment, jumping up and down and screaming with joy as she held her little fists aloft.
I remember that game better than most. In particular I remember that moment, the one after my third goal when I locked eyes with Ellie Hesketh and just knew that nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Ellie
I met Cade after the game was over, the Ice Kings' victory was secure and the arena had mostly emptied of its happy crowds. His hair was soaking wet from the shower and neither of us could keep the huge smiles off our faces. He practically ran up to me and I couldn't help but react to the juxtaposition of his youthful, boyish enthusiasm with his tall, solid grown-man's body. The electricity inside me as I stood in front of him made my knees weak - something I up until that point didn't think actually happened.
"Well?" He asked, grinning. "What did you think?"
I feigned nonchalance. "Oh, I thought you did OK."
"OK, huh? Just 'OK'?"
He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground, nuzzling his head into my neck and laughing. And when he put me down, something in the air had changed, suddenly and without warning. Neither of us was smiling anymore. When Cade reached out and put one of his big hands on my hip the feeling of that hand - firm and strong and inevitable - sent a bolt of heat jolting through my body.
"Cade."
My voice sounded soft and breathless. I hadn't meant to speak, but I didn't know what else to do. When he bent down and opened my lips with his mouth the sweet, hot turmoil inside me was almost overwhelming. It was my first real kiss and all of the insecurities and worries I'd always harbored about not knowing how to do it or making a fool of myself were nothing in the face of Cade Parker, post-game and brimming with testosterone.
When we came up for air we just stood there for a few seconds, looking at each other. Cade smiled and ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head.
"What?"
"I don't know, Ellie. I just don't know about you."
I was aching to be touched again, kissed again, but I wasn't sure what he meant.
"You don't know about me? How do you mean?"
He shrugged, still grinning.
"I just, Ellie, it's hard to say. You make me feel so fucking happy whenever I'm around you."
He looked down at the ground after he said that, fidgeting with the bottom of his t-shirt. I watched his hands.
"Is that lame as hell?"
I shook my head. "No, it isn't lame. I feel the same way."
It was true. The day I met Cade Parker I'd been almost frozen with insecurity and nerves but since then, as we'd spent time together in class or walking home after school, he had slowly become the one person I felt like myself around. It was always a relief to be with him. I didn't know how to say it, though, so instead of saying anything I took a step towards him and put my face against his warm chest - the very thing I'd wanted to do since he'd walked into history class that day. It felt like a long time ago.
"Ellie," he whispered, "you're killing me."
"Am I? How?"
I put my hands on his chest without thinking. He made it possible for me to do things like that, even small things, without torturing myself over all the possible outcomes. And he felt so damn good, so completely male.
He chuckled at my question and caught my eye.
"How? Do you really want to know?"
I nodded and Cade took one of my hands in his and lowered it slowly downwards, hesitating for just a second before pressing it gently against him.
"Oh my...God. Cade."
He was solid in my hand, and thick. Much, much bigger than I'd expected. And the sound he made when I touched him - a deep, low exhalation of breath - it hit me in my core.
"Ellie."
Cade's voice was thick and slow. I loved how he sounded. I was a virgin - completely inexperienced - but I knew on some subconscious, animal level of
my brain, why he sounded like that. His need was intoxicating. It wiped every single thought from my mind except one: pleasing him. When I moved my body against his I could feel the slickness between my legs, soaking my panties.
"I...Cade, I don't..."
I was going to say 'I don't know what to do' but he pushed his hips forward against my hand, breathing heavily. When I opened my mouth to be kissed again he slid his tongue between my lips and pushed me back against the door of his father's car, pressing his body against mine until I was gasping and sighing.
"We can't do this here."
The sound of my own voice, high-pitched and needy, surprised me.
"I know."
The parking lot was mostly empty but there were still people leaving the arena, milling around with friends etc. and we were in North Falls. Absolutely everyone knew who Cade Parker was.
"Get in the car."
He opened my door for me and I got in, sitting in the passenger seat almost shaky with lust as he got into the driver's side. We sat there quietly for a few seconds.
"We should go to-"
Cade didn't get to finish. I kicked my boots off and crawled onto his lap, sucking my breath in hard as I sank down onto his lap and felt him between my legs.
"Ellie..."
I settled my hips down against him, hard, as he pushed my skirt up over my thighs and sank his fingers into my buttocks, pulling me down even harder. Nothing in my life had ever felt that good. Cade pushed his tongue into my mouth again and we moved out bodies together until we were both panting and he suddenly pushed me away, which I resisted.
"No, Ellie...wait. Wait!"
I didn't want to wait. I slid myself down the length of him again, frustrated at the layers of fabric between us but unable to stop.
"Oh, fuck. Ellie. Ellie. Oh God, baby."
Suddenly, Cade's body went completely rigid and his head fell back against the headrest. He groaned and dug his fingers into my flesh so hard it hurt, holding me against him as his hips bucked up off the seat and his loud groans filled the car. When he relaxed again he refused to catch my eye.
"Ellie, oh fuck. I - I told you to wait."
I didn't know what was going on.
"What do you mean?"
I watched it dawn in Cade's eyes that I didn't understand what had happened.
"Are you a virgin, Ellie?"
It was my turn to look away. Cade leaned in close to me and kissed my neck slowly.
"It's OK, Ellie. You are, aren't you?"
I nodded quickly, embarrassed. I didn't have any friends at school but from the conversations I'd overheard it seemed like everyone was having sex except me. The fact that I hadn't even been kissed - not up until that night, anyway - was a source of acute shame for me.
"Are you?" I asked, looking into Cade's eyes. He shook his head.
"No."
Of course he wasn't a virgin. Even the benched Ice Kings had girls throwing themselves at them every single day.
"Is that a problem?"
"No, it isn't a problem. I just, I feel embarrassed."
"Ellie, don't be. Everybody talks a big game. I bet more than half of your friends haven't had sex yet."
I almost laughed out loud at the implication that I had friends, but I didn't say anything. Mostly because my body was still on fire for Cade and I wasn't sure why he was suddenly so chatty and calm. I pushed my hips down against him again and he looked pained.
"What?"
"Ellie, I came."
"Oh! You did?"
Cade rubbed his forehead with one hand and grimaced.
"Yeah, I did. I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't - I didn't realize it until it was too late."
"Did I make you come?"
He laughed at that and kissed my neck again.
"Yes you made me come. Who else do you think did it?"
I pondered his question.
"I don't know. I guess I just hoped it was me."
"Why?" Cade asked, watching me intently and stroking his hands up and down my bare thighs.
"Because," I stopped for a second, self-conscious, "because I - I guess I wanted it to be me."
"Did you? Did you like it?"
I nodded and looked down, worried I sounded incredibly stupid.
"How much did you like it?"
Something crossed my mind then. Something bold, something I never would have believed I had it in me to do.
"Do you want to know how much I liked it?"
I took one of Cade's hands and pushed it up between my legs, all the way to the top of my thigh, shuddering slightly as he brushed his fingers over the outside edge of my panties.
"Oh my God, Ellie."
My breath caught in my throat when he pushed one finger into my panties and slid it up between my slippery, swollen lips. When I looked up at him his eyes had the same look they'd had a few minutes before.
"Ellie, look what you're doing to me."
I watched in the dim, orange-tinged light as Cade unbuttoned and then unzipped his jeans, pulling down his boxer briefs and revealing his stiff, wet cock.
"Look what a mess you made."
I was transfixed by the sight of him. By the size of him. By the way he wrapped his hand around his manhood and pulled it completely free of his pants.
"Cade..."
"What, Ellie?" He asked, pulling my head down to his and kissing my mouth slowly.
"I want you inside me."
I still can't believe I actually said those words. They just came out, I didn't think about them at all. It wasn't that I wasn't nervous or scared of the pain I anticipated. It was, again, Cade himself. It didn't matter if it hurt. Nothing mattered except feeling him inside me.
"Ellie." His voice was thick again.
I looked down, watching, perched over him and half-crazed with lust as he reached between my legs and pulled my thin cotton panties to the side. When he guided the tip of his cock between my lips, running it back and forth slowly in my wetness, we both moaned at the feeling.
"Are you sure, Ellie? Are you sure?"
I knew it was the last time he was going to be able to ask and that made me even hotter.
"Yes, Cade." I whispered, my body tense with anticipation. "Yes. Please."
"Oh fuck, Ellie. Did you just say 'please'?"
"Yes?" I replied, wondering if something was wrong.
"If you say that again, I'm going to come. Again."
So I didn't say it again, not just then. Cade was holding his cock against me, right at the point where my body opened, and I could feel the tension in his muscles as he held back.
"Are you ready?"
Our eyes met. "Is it going to hurt?"
"I don't know, Ellie. Are you OK? Tell me if you want me to stop."
"No. No, Cade. I don't want you to stop."
He leaned back a little in the seat, looking at me.
"Ellie, just push yourself down on it. I'll try to stay still. Just go as slowly as you need to."
I did what Cade said and gently pushed my hips down. Nothing happened. I tried again, just slightly harder. Still nothing.
"Cade. I think I'm doing it wrong..."
"No, Ellie," he said, his eyes completely glazed now and his shoulders hunched up with the effort of holding himself back. "You're just not pushing hard enough."
The next time I pushed I relaxed my body slightly, letting my own weight lower me. A sudden sharp, bright pain exploded between my legs and I would have pulled away if Cade hadn't groaned and caught my eye and I hadn't seen the look on his face as he felt my wet sex opening up for him.
"Cade!"
My voice sounded strangled, desperate.
"It's OK, Ellie. Baby, it's OK. Just-"
"Is it inside me yet?"
"It's - it's almost inside you."
It was almost inside me? I felt like I was being torn in two. How could he barely be inside me?
"Ellie, I need you. I need this."
That was all it took. He needed it. All I
wanted was to give Cade what he needed. I took a deep breath, held it, and let my body sink the rest of the way down, not managing to stifle a small, thin scream as I felt him opening me up. My body arched back involuntarily and Cade buried his face in my neck, breathing hard. The feeling was of being impaled. I'd seen porn before, I'd seen women riding men with giggling, wild abandon and no part of me felt like moving was a possibility.