by Selena Kitt
"Are you going to try and contact Ellie? I bet she heard the interview."
"Honestly? I don't know. I was thinking of sending her a letter and explaining myself in more detail. She deserves that. But just showing up at her front door like I did last time would be too much. She probably doesn't ever want to see me again."
"Oh, I don't know about that, Cade."
It was my turn to give Jess a look.
"Oh, come on. This girl loved you at some point, right? I wouldn't be totally surprised if she showed up on your doorstep someday, that's all I'm saying."
Two days later and to my great shock, Ellie Hesketh did show up on my doorstep. Well, almost. I was in the kitchen making scrambled eggs when the buzzer to the front gate, the one at the bottom of my driveway, went off. Not expecting anyone and assuming it was a reporter or someone else I didn't want to talk to, I ignored it. Thirty seconds later it rang again. Annoyed, I turned the stove off and went into the living room to check the security panel that had a video feed to various points around my house. The figure at the gate was blurry but I knew right away it was her. I stared at the screen for a few seconds as my heart started to pound. Then I ran - or hobbled - as fast as I could down the stairs, out the front door and down the steep driveway.
"Oh my God...Ellie."
She was standing on the other side of the wrought-iron gate, peering through the bars at me.
"Hi Cade."
I pressed the button to open the gate and stepped back as it whirred to life. Ellie was as beautiful as ever. Slightly more rounded in a way that had my cock tingling guiltily within seconds, and with longer hair than she'd had the last time I saw her but no less lovely than she had ever been. When the gate was open we just stood there for a few seconds, looking at each other. I wanted to hug her but I stayed where I was, worried about being presumptuous.
"I heard your interview."
That voice. That soft, quiet voice.
"Oh."
I had absolutely no idea what to say or how to handle myself. I opened my mouth to say something else but at first, nothing came out. Why not tell her the truth, too? The whole truth? I stood there in front of her for what felt like a very long time, opening and closing my mouth like a fish before finally managing to croak out a few more words.
"You heard the interview?"
"Yeah, Jacob found it online. And everyone in North Falls knew about it within twenty-four hours."
"I bet."
We both started talking at the same time.
"Ellie, I-"
"Cade-"
"No, Ellie, wait. I have to say this right now. I meant what I said in the interview. I want you to know that. I don't expect you to do anything about it but I want you to know..."
I trailed off, swallowing hard and willing myself to keep going.
"I - Ellie, I want you to know that I love you. I love you. I loved you when we were eighteen. I loved you when I came back to North Falls and acted like a total asshole. And I still love you now. You don't have to do anything about it. I'm not asking for anything."
For a second, I thought she was going to run into my arms. She took a step towards me but then seemed to stop herself.
"Do you want to come inside? How did you find me?"
"Google," she said a little sheepishly, scuffing one of her sandal-clad feet across the ground.
We walked back into the house side by side. We weren't even touching but it was like my body could just feel her there, beside me. I took her outside onto the balcony.
"Do you want something to drink? Soda? A beer?"
She looked up at me, holding her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun. She was so adorable I had to force myself not to stare.
"A beer, if that's OK."
Before I got Ellie her beer, I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I couldn't believe she was actually there. My face in the mirror was flushed with happiness and nerves.
"Don't screw this up," I said to my reflection, before leaning down over the sink and splashing cold water onto my cheeks to try and calm the redness. Twenty-eight years old and still blushing like a teenager over Ellie Hesketh's mere presence. I got us each a bottle of chilled beer and headed back out to the balcony with a smile so wide it was starting to make my face sore.
"Does it hurt?" She asked, eying my cast when I sat down in a lounge chair next to her.
"Actually, no. It aches a little sometimes, at night, but nothing major. I'm already doing physical therapy, the doctors think I can be back on the ice in less than six months."
"Six months. That sounds like a long time."
The wind coming down from the hills was blowing Ellie's hair around her face, making it maddeningly impossible to get a good look at her. Her skin was very pale and Midwestern, still as smooth and creamy as marble. My hand itched to reach out and touch her cheek.
"Uh, yeah. But I'm already back in the gym. Coach says if I keep it up and don't go back to my old habits, I can probably be back in the first line as soon as next season starts."
Ellie looked at me questioningly, having noticed the slightly defensive tone in my voice.
"I know, Cade. I wasn't doubting you."
"Oh, I know. I'm just - I have a lot to prove. To a lot of different people."
We talked about North Falls for a little while, reminiscing about high school and our walks back from school. She told me Katy Grebling had married an Ice Kings player right after graduation and had three kids by the time she was twenty-three, followed by a divorce, remarriage to a local police officer and another divorce.
"I see her around sometimes. Once, I saw her at the grocery store when I was working, with her kids. They were all really badly behaved. When she saw me she left right away, without buying anything."
"She was embarrassed. Katy Grebling is one of those people who peaked in high school. Fuck her, anyway, for what she did to you."
Ellie sat up and pulled the hair back off her face, turning slightly to the side.
"Look at my nose, it still has a bump on it."
I leaned in, glad to be given the excuse to get closer to her, and examined the line of her nose. There was a slight bump there, but I never would have noticed it if she hadn't brought it up. She still had those dark pink cupid's bow lips. I willed her to turn her head towards me and open those soft lips like she used to, but she turned back to the view.
"I can't even notice it, Ellie."
She smiled. "This is an incredible house, Cade. I can't believe you live here. I bet the city looks beautiful at night - just like it does in the movies."
"Stay here, Ellie. I have a spare room. I have four spare rooms. You can sit out here and watch the lights come out when the sun goes down. I meant what I said, I won't ask you for anything."
She turned to me, then, and locked her dark, fathomless eyes on mine.
"Why?"
"Why? Why what?"
"Why won't you ask me for anything?"
I wasn't sure how to respond. "I, uh, Ellie, I know I hurt you last time we saw each other. I don't want it to be like that this time. I don't want to hurt you ever again."
"You asking me for things isn't what hurt me, Cade."
"I know," I said, bowing my head slightly as I thought about the last time I'd seen her.
A few moments of silence passed. The only sound was the wind and the hem of Ellie's dress flapping against the lounge chair.
"Aren't you going to ask me why I flew out here, Cade? You know I can't afford to take vacations."
I know she didn't intend it, but Ellie's words stung. If only things had been different for us. If only one of her parents had stepped up to care for her brothers. A sharp wave of regret washed over me. I should have done more. I should have tried harder.
"Why did you fly out here?"
"It's a long story. I thought we could spend some together. I wanted to talk to you. I was worried about you."
"You were worried?" I asked, surprised.
&
nbsp; "Of course I was worried. Do you think it's possible for me to ever not worry about you?"
I couldn't help but smile. "I'm - Ellie, this is going to sound weird, but I'm glad you were worried about me. I thought you hated me."
"No, Cade. I wanted to hate you. I tried. And I'm not saying you didn't make me really angry. But I could never hate you. I'll never not wonder about your life, about how you're doing."
She wasn't looking at me while she spoke. She was looking out over the city and beyond, to the Pacific.
"Is that the ocean?"
"Yes."
"I've never seen the ocean before."
I don't know what the hell had gotten into me but all I knew was that my eyes suddenly welled up with tears at Ellie's comment and I started furiously trying to blink them away. She turned back towards me and caught me.
"What's wrong?" She sat up. "Cade, what the hell? What's wrong?"
I tried to talk but my voice broke and I buried my face in my hands, overwhelmed and embarrassed by the unexpected emotion.
"It's OK. Cade, it's OK."
She reached out and put her little hand on my knee. I looked down at it through my fingers and took a deep breath as I tried to calm down. When I spoke, my voice was shaky.
"Ellie. Things should have been different for us.
"I know," she replied, quietly. "But they weren't. It's not your fault."
I took a chance and put my hand over hers, curling it around her fingers when she didn't push me away.
"I don't know. I should have done more. I should have paid a lawyer to try and get you custody of the boys, or-"
"Cade, don't. It's the past. I couldn't leave them. And you had to be here. It's as simple as that."
"How are they? Your brothers?"
She smiled brightly at the mention of her three siblings.
"Oh my God, you should see Jacob. He's almost six feet tall now. They're all getting straight A's in school, too. I'm so proud of them, and they've all really stepped up to the plate-'
She stopped there, abruptly, and I waited for her to go on but she didn't. I decided to let it go, still conscious about not pushing her in any way.
"Hey, are you doing anything for dinner tonight?"
Ellie laughed out loud and I grinned and tried to wipe my eyes on my sleeves without her seeing me. I could listen to that laugh for days.
"Actually, yes. I'm having dinner with Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt. How about tomorrow? Cade, of course I'm not doing anything. I'll probably just watch TV in my hotel room."
"We should go out. There's this awesome sushi restaurant I go to all the time."
"I don't know. Is it fancy?"
"It's a nice place, yeah. But it's my treat, Ellie."
She looked uncomfortable.
"Cade, I don't have anything to wear to somewhere fancy. And I didn't come here to let you buy me things."
"Ellie, don't be silly. Do you know how much money I make slapping a puck around the ice? It's enough to pay for dinner, believe me."
Finally, she agreed. Something was going on with Ellie. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. She seemed jumpy and nervous, like she was waiting for some kind of bomb to drop. When I asked her about it she just shrugged and said she was tired from the flight, but I knew better. Even after ten years, I could still read Ellie Hesketh like a book. And something was definitely up.
Was it a man? Was she married? I assumed she was. I'd reacted so terribly last time that I couldn't blame her for being secretive with me now. I drove into the city and got a haircut before our dinner at Urusawa and the feeling of uncertainty, of something huge looming on the horizon, didn't go away.
Ellie
I wore the same dress I'd had on during the day to dinner with Cade, because it was the only halfway suitable thing I had. But I took a little time with my hair, pinning it back off my face with a small floral hairpin David had found for me at Goodwill, and did my make-up. My stomach was in knots as the hour for dinner approached. I was nervous about going to a nice restaurant, because I'd never been to one. Movies and books seemed to be filled with comic scenes of poor people doing embarrassing things in fancy restaurants and I desperately wanted to avoid doing something like that in front of Cade. He fit so well into his opulent home in his flashy, brightly-lit city. I felt myself sticking out like a sore thumb in the glitzy Los Angeles sunshine.
And more than any of those minor things, I still had to tell him. I didn't know how I was going to. Everything seemed to be going so well between us, I'd barely managed to restrain myself when he stood in front of me at his gate and straight-up told me he loved me. Was it going to be me who ruined it this time? With a story about a five year old boy with his father's bright blue eyes and wide, dimpled smile?
The sound of a horn honking shook me out of my thoughts, followed by heavy but nimble footsteps outside the hotel room door. I would know those footsteps anywhere, cast or not.
"Ellie?"
"Just a sec!"
I grabbed my suitcase and opened the door to Cade, freshly shorn and looking as sexy as I've ever seen him in a suit that hugged every masculine angle of his body. We both stood there for a few seconds, each of us staring at the other.
"Damn, Ellie. You look gorgeous."
I actually blushed a little at the compliment, like a teenager. I still loved Cade's gaze on me, warming my body. And I still recognized that hungry, intent look.
"Oh. Thanks. This is all I have to wear. I like your suit."
It took Cade a moment to snap out of it but I brushed past him before I did anything dumb, well aware that falling into bed with him at that point wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had, even if it was kind of the only thing I wanted to do. He took my suitcase and led the way down to his black Mercedes SUV and I didn't take my eyes off the broad, muscular expanse of his shoulders once. The cast on his leg made it impossible for Cade to drive so the team had hired someone to chauffeur him around until he was healed.
As soon as we walked into the gently air-conditioned, rarified air of the restaurant my self-consciousness, a trait that was so ingrained it was simply part of me by then, started to get the better of me. Cade saw the look on my face.
"What's up?"
"Uh, nothing," I lied.
He nodded at a staff member who gave him a reciprocal nod of recognition and wrapped his arm around me.
"Ellie, you're fine. This isn't black tie. You have just as much right to be here as anyone else."
I wanted to believe him. I tried to. But I had barely been out of North Falls before, let alone to a high-end restaurant. When it came time to eat, I was baffled.
"You can have whatever you want, Ellie. You don't have to let me order for you."
"It's not that, Cade. It's just...I've never had sushi before. I don't know what any of these things are."
He slapped his forehead. "Of course. What was I thinking. I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't - I didn't realize, I didn't think. We can go somewhere else if you want?"
"No! I want to try it! I just don't know the names of any of it."
So we sat at a bar made of smooth, blonde wood and ate course after delicate, impeccably prepared course of seafood and sushi and sashimi and all kinds of things I'd never seen before. Cade was solicitous, always making sure I was comfortable, asking me if I liked the little gems of fish we were being served. Without him, I probably would have been a lot more conservative in my choices but that streak of courage inside me, the one I remembered from high school, the one that always seemed to show itself when I was with Cade, shone through under his gentle encouragement. Just the feeling of his sturdy shoulder next to me was comforting. It was perfect - he was perfect. When the meal was finished and I was tentatively sipping the Japanese sake that I couldn't figure out if I liked the taste of or not, Cade turned and smiled at me.
"Well? What did you think?"
What did I think? I thought I was going to melt right then and there. It would have been so easy to go ho
me with him then, back to his house so he could take me to bed and I could show him just how happy I was to be with him. But I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I had to maintain a certain level of reserve until I'd told him what I'd flown out to Los Angeles to tell him.
"It was, oh Cade, it was amazing. I've never eaten anything so delicious in my life. Thank you for bringing me here."
We walked out to his SUV hand in hand, and when he went to open the door for me, I couldn't help tilting my head up and kissing him.