The Temptation of Adam

Home > Other > The Temptation of Adam > Page 26
The Temptation of Adam Page 26

by Dave Connis


  I made it ours.

  Dez is right. Looking for Eden is perfect. His story. Our story. It all converges in that one name.

  I grab her hand and walk toward the door. “That is the most perfect album title I’ve ever heard.”

  —

  Addy calls in our milkshake order, and I’m nominated to go in and pick them up as she swings into the Pritchett’s parking lot. Before I can get out of the car, Dez pulls me back to her and says, “I’ll see you in a minute, forever?”

  I nod. “Hell yeah.”

  She smiles. “Good. Don’t mess up the order.”

  I run inside and stand at the hostess podium, waiting for someone to help me. A few seconds pass and no hostess shows, so I look around the diner, hoping to catch someone’s eye, when I see them.

  Daliah Howard, Bryonie Welch, and a few other girls. The Anti-Adam Order. I’d avoided them since I got back to school. Luckily, I didn’t have classes with them and we sat no where near each other in the cafeteria. I wasn’t proud of it, but I just couldn’t look at them without feeling like utter dirt. Without feeling like I deserved to be alone. Like it was unfair to them that I was changing and getting better because I’d done them so wrong.

  But I’ve been to Deception Pass, now. I turned around. I’m here. With my friends and sister waiting for me in the car. People who love me enough to tell me wise things that someday I’ll understand. People who know the darkest me and haven’t left.

  I watch the Anti-Adam Order talk, laugh. I remember asking each one to have sex with me. I remember how right I felt in doing so.

  “Sir?”

  I look back to the podium, and there’s a waitress standing in front of me.

  “Uh.” I wipe at my eyes.

  “Can I help you?”

  I look at their table again, and I know there’s something I have to do, but to face them again … My feet feel like they weigh a million pounds. My mouth goes dry.

  “What’s taking so long, Frenchie?”

  I turn around and see Dez standing in the door. She sees my face. My tears.

  “Adam, what’s wrong?”

  “They’re here,” I say, looking back at the table of the Anti-Adam Order. “They’re here and I can’t just keep avoiding them.”

  Dez looks over my shoulder and points at Bryonie. “Is that them?”

  I nod.

  Dez grabs my hand and pulls me toward them. My heart lurches. I feel hot. I pull back, but she pulls me harder and says, “You can do this. You’re my wife.”

  We walk up to the table, and, at first, the girls don’t see me. They just see Dez, but when they do see me, their faces turn from confusion to anger and that’s all it takes for me to start crying again.

  “Sorry to interrupt, girls,” Dez says, “but my boyfriend, Adam, has something to say to all of you.”

  She lets go of my hand and steps behind me. “Adam, take it away. I’m right here.”

  I can’t look up. I’m so afraid to look up, and my tears keep spilling down my cheeks. They drop onto the floor with earsplitting cracks. Then I feel Dez touch my back. A reminder that she’s here. That Addy, my dad, Elliot, and Trey are all still here.

  I look up at them. They’re all looking at me, and I swear the entire diner is watching me, listening to me.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally say. “I’m so damn sorry. I—”

  Silence.

  “I hope—I’m sorry.”

  They don’t say anything, and after a few seconds of silence, I feel Dez’s hand slip back into mine. “Come on,” she says. “That’s good enough.”

  Dez brings me over to the bar area and sits me on a stool. She kisses me on the cheek and says, “I’m so proud of you. Now don’t freak out. I’m gonna go get our milkshakes.”

  She walks back toward the podium, and while she talks to the waitress, I look back at the table of the Anti-Adam Order.

  Bryonie Welch is staring at me. The other girls are laughing. I wipe my stupid leaking eyes for the millionth time I pull my hand down and lock eyes with Bryonie, she nods. She doesn’t mouth anything after that. Just turns back to the girls.

  And I’m filled with the beautiful kind of pain.

  —

  Dez stands at a microphone belting, “Come on reach the city. Come on reach the city lights.”

  Trey and Addy sit on the floor listening to her sing. Addy leans her head on Trey’s shoulder and closes her eyes. Elliot practices his part downstairs in the kitchen. I put on the headphones and I hear the mix of everything we’ve recorded. As I listen to Dez, I think about Bryonie’s nod and, for the first time since the divorce, realize I’m finally feel free. I think through the days I’ve spent searching for wholeness. I think about the nights ahead where I’ll struggle with porn, but also think about the nights I won’t. I think about my mom moving back to Bothell. I think about the days where I won’t feel free, but I also think about the days made up of hallelujah moments like this.

  Life is made up of two kinds of pain, the hurtful kind and the beautiful kind, and that’s okay. Why? Because though I’m broken, I’m not an addict. Just because I have a hard night or week or month, it doesn’t mean I haven’t changed.

  I might never be fixed, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be whole.

  We’re all variables of broken and holy light, and that’s the only thing about the world that doesn’t change. Addictions can never define Dez and me because they’ll never have the chance.

  We’re never just one thing, but we can always choose to love.

  And that’s how we blaze.

  CAST AND CREW

  I’ve recently come to the conclusion that the people who’ve helped this book happen had a level of involvement more provided by a cast and crew than a village. This cast and crew have fought, read, and bent over backwards to help this book as well as books prior to this one, be holdable. Without further blah blah blah, here, readers, is the cast and crew responsible for TOA.

  Original readers who read the first book I ever wrote (I’m so sorry)

  Eric Graham, Brigitta Nortker (look at where we started, big shot editor), Charlie Rash, Clara Connis.

  My very own Knights of Vice Versa

  Pandrew, JM, Richards, Micah, DK, Andrew. You are all hallelujahs to me.

  The Knights of Beta-Reading

  AA Crystal Holland-dog, Cara Reed, Becky Valkenburg, Emily Mollenkof, Nic Stone, Jenna Kilpinen, Jay Coles, Joel Harris, Diane Connis, Clara Connis, Liz Feldman, Nic Stone, Zoraida Cordova, Jay Coles. Thank you for the wisdom of who you are & telling me things that are wise.

  The Davids of YA Contemporary™

  David Arnold & David Levithan, you’ve shown me what it looks like to author with kindness. Thank you.

  Beta-Readers of Other Books I’ve Written but Still Hide in Dark Corners of Shame

  Benjamin Brooks…Brooks Benjamin?, Daniel Kelly, Sangu Mandanna, Lizzie Cook, Mike Chen, Clara Connis (again), Gwen Cole, Wendy Macknight, Avalon Rowe (OMG, YOU’RE IN A BOOK! :D), Chyela Rowe.

  The Whatever We Were 17s

  We probably weren’t swanky, but we survived. We learned. We made it regardless. I am thankful for all that you gave to me. Sara Biren, you’re a warrior princess.

  Mrs. Miyagi/My Mr. Cratcher:

  Sara Zarr. Thank you for your friendship, persistence, and wisdom.

  The Person Who Shall Not Be Named

  Matt Landis

  Bookish Peeps Who’ve Made Me Feel at Home in a Mind Made of Earthquakes

  Sabaa Tahir, Becky Albertalli, Jenna Kilpinen, Hikari Loftus, Adam Silvera, Natalie Lloyd.

  The Rock Crik Fellership Youth Group

  Thank you for reminding me why I write, and letting me eat Doritos even when I’m doing a Paleo diet.

  Guy Hoping to Sell the Binders Filled With First Book Drafts on Ebay

  Charlie Rash. It’s been an honor to be broken with you.

  Biggest Fans/People Who’ve Always Seemed to Really Like My Music (still puzzling t
o me)

  David and Chyela Rowe. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  People Who’ve Loved/Supported Me & Prayed for Me Since Birth

  Mom and Dad. Your love is incredible. Sorry I killed that laptop with chocolate milk.

  Agent/Slayer/Awesome Sauce

  Eric Smith. You said “I love this” when I was about to say “I’m done.” Thanks for helping me learn how to celebrate the now. (Nena, I see you. Thanks for telling Eric to follow his dreams and supporting me while you’re at it.)

  TeamRocks

  May we slay together in all our waterfall glory.

  That Indie Book Seller

  Star Lowe, may Starline Books take over the world.

  Editor with the Patience of a Saint

  Nicole Frail, thanks for deciding TOA was worth it & for not killing me for the 80,000 emails I sent.

  Sky Pony Team

  Emily Shields, Katrina Enright, Ming Liu.

  The Fam and Friends

  There have been so many of you who’ve encouraged me and helped me along the way. Mom & Dad Demaster clan (babysitting $$$!), Mom and dad, thank you for all you’ve done.

  The Looking for Eden Band

  David Henry, Sammie Brown, Joel Harris, Noah Barnett, Hannah Lutz, John-Michael Forman, Spencer McGuire. The least I could give you was your own section.

  One who Deserves Everything

  Clara Connis. I can’t even begin to write how much I owe you for all you’ve done to support and love me. Where others folded, you held strong. When I was obsessed, you were understanding. Never say I got the raw end of the deal, because this book, who I am, how I love, and my drive to be a better human is because of you. Here’s to our years of blazing. Here’s to our fighting. Here’s to the times we have to apologize. Here’s to the times when we don’t. I love you.

  The Real MVP

  When I think I’m about to run out of words, I remember that you’ve got giant storehouses full. Thanks for dying for me. You didn’t have to do it. When I’m prone to wander, you’re prone to look for me. Thanks for being my inspiration/PR and marketing team/cheerleader/comforter/beta-reader. For teaching me to escape Deception Pass.

  The Majestic Flailfuss

  Asa, this book is dedicated to you. Do you really need to be here, too? Just kidding. Why I write makes so much more sense since you came along and I hope this book makes you proud.

  Bucket

  We love you. Have fun with your friends and see you soon.

  Read the novel …

  … hear the album:

  Looking for Eden

  Find the album on Spotify, iTunes, and Google Play.

 

 

 


‹ Prev